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Day 393 - Maintaining

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Good morning, all!

I know, I know, I haven't written anything for a while.

I know, I know, for me blogging is a great way to keep accountable as well as keep my mind focused on the task at hand (namely, continuing a healthy lifestyle, posiitve attitude, and the side effect of those two things which is weight loss.)

I know, I know, I'm a delinquent.

I'm sorry.

I spent all of the last two weeks since the Independence Day holiday pretty much focused on work. I did pretty well keeping myself motivated to go for my lunchtime walks and I think I've kept my food in check (except for the one day where I had two dinners of Taco Bell AND McDonalds...) and I think my attitude has been pretty good, too.

Still, that doesn't replace the comraderie and support that I've missed from sharing my blogs!

I think I just haven't blogged because I don't have very much in the way of success to share - and not much new to complain about in terms of challenges.

I'm still in the land of doing nothing thanks to the air bubble in my eye. I'm a terrible person because I have pretty much asked all of the regular concerned people (family, close friends) to stop asking how my eye is doing until August. I did it because, well, talking about it makes me feel like I'm whining and I don't have any good news to report there, either. My eye is still in my head. It's still substantively full of air. I still can't see normally out of half of it and it's horrible in bright light. See, look, I just went on a rant right there thanking about it. It's exhausting to think about and I feel like I don't put on my most positive, graciuos self when I talk about it.

Last night was the first meeting of the Weight loss study I've made it to in two months. (Since May, I think.. I think I went in May?!) and the good news is I've essentially maintained. 2lbs up. That's not terrible given the circumstances and the steroids.

Confession time: I didn't do the 4th of July race. I just couldn't. I'm not glad I didn't do it; but, I'm not going to focus on my reasons. I just feel very insecure at the moment. I just want my life back to normal.

Scary confession time: I will walk around DragonCon half blind before I walk around it in my glasses. Truth.

Alright, it's almost walk time. I hope you guys have been more successful than I have been lately; but, as the saying goes - maintaining is better than gaining!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OLIVIANIGHT 7/18/2013 9:09AM

    Aw stupid eye. It better fix itself soon or I'll come over there! Not sure what I could do, but I'd still come.
Be proud of yourself for maintaining despite everything that's going on at the moment.

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ADARKARA 7/17/2013 3:29PM

    emoticon I don't think you're whining!

I wish I could walk around without glasses, but I'd just be squinting trying to see the whole time, and it would make my face look squishy.

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TOFUCUTIEPIE 7/17/2013 2:09PM


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JACKSGRAN 7/17/2013 11:52AM

    emoticon emoticon

Enjoy the walk. Keep blogging.

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ARRREAGLES 7/17/2013 11:49AM

    Awww--- you know we're all here for you. And we promise, we'll not say anything (unless you want to talk about it) even after august if you want us not to.

And maintaining is as good as loss most of the time. I'm in that cycle now where I'm not losing as quickly (and maybe just hovering) and you know, I'm not too terribly meh about it.

So, we're here if you need us. yes we still love it when you post, even if it's not about successes and it's mostly about not wanting to rant. It's good. You write well. We care. and that means, well, something. You've got support. And we're hoping all gets better soon.

BTW -- DragonCon doesn't mind glasses. But I getcha. I do stuff like that all the time. So, just, you know, be safe.

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Day 388: What I Learned from Walking Day 1

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

So, in an effort to accentuate the positive I decided to really try and focus on being in a positive headspace during my walk today. Rather than focusing on how much I'd rather be running my course (I'm not going ot lie, I still thought about it as some amazing runners passed me) I let my mind drift to things I don't usually have time to think about.

You see, when I'm running I have a million things running through my brain (and it's clear, all at the same time, it's weird.) I'm thinking about my pace, I'm thinking about how far I've gone and how far I want to go. I'm thinking about my stride and about how I'm feeling. I'm thinking about hydration and fueling. I'm thinking about my training plan and about how well I'm doing at it. Sometimes I'm even thinking about how free I feel.

Today, during my walk, I thought about how beautiful my city is. I thought about the architecture and about the little nooks and crannies I doin't usually have time to spy. I enjoyed the music from my headphones instead of pacing myself off it. I considered the way my feet felt on the ground and how flat shoes make me feel like I'm barefoot.

In short, I think I was just more present. It was kind of nice.

Yesterday I had my monthly study phone call. I complained about how I feel like I don't have control over so many things and the one thing I do have control over (what I eat) I'm sucking at. So, it was nice of them to let me vent. The great news is I'm still getting in 300 minutes a week of exercise (even if it's less intense) and I'm not intentionally ignoring my food intake. I've just been depressed, bored, and lazy. Well, I'm trying to get back on the wagon with this one, trust me.

I didn't step on the scale this morning, so I don't know how well all my attention is working out just yet; though, it is TMO so the scale is to be taken with a grain of salt. I'm also still on steroids for my eye.

I've decided I'm probably going to walk the 5K on the 4th - it's better than doing nothing. Also, it's going to be more of 10K worth of walk for me since I'm going to walk to the start line. :)

Happy Tuesday, everyone. I hope you have a moment to smell the roses today, too!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JACKSGRAN 7/11/2013 5:08PM

    Sometimes it's good to just slow down. If that's what your body needs you must do it. Just think how good it will be to get back to running when the time is right.

Keep smelling those roses too emoticon emoticon

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REFFIE1 7/3/2013 10:45AM

    I think that walking that 5k and enjoying the beauty that you don't get to savour when running is absolutely brilliant. After all, we run around all the time and walking is very beneficial. Congratulations on working on your thoughts, it is not easy to change habitual thinking but you are succeeding! emoticon

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FATHINSN 7/3/2013 10:32AM

    Hmm, this make me think of what I might have missed when I walk, especially at places with lots of beautiful scenery. Often, I only thought of reaching sooner than enjoying my walk and I would end up feeling so gloomy exhausted!

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BRADMILL2922 7/2/2013 11:07PM

    That is pretty cool that you got a different perspective with you walk. Have fun walking your 5k...I mean 10K! :)

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POMATOJUICE 7/2/2013 5:12PM

    Hooray! I'm glad you decided to give it a shot, and had a pretty good time doing it!

Now, this is completely off topic and kind of inappropriate, but do you get to wear an eyepatch? That would be kinda cool. I'd have all sorts of fun with eyepatches and make a couple of them to match my outfits. :X Then again.. if I had to wear an eyepatch, I'd probably be too afraid of my poor depth perception to sew.

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GRACEOMALLEY 7/2/2013 3:30PM

    YES! You are doing it, Lady. There truly is an UPside to everything. Your choice (and mine) is whether we look at the UP side or the down side. To throw out another trite little saying - "when life hands you lemons, make lemonade."
DOO-DOO Happens - to all of us. If you let it control your behavior, you've made yourself a victim. Not a good plan - so keep on keeping on!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
You definitely don't fit as a VICTIM!

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Day377: Conundrum

Monday, July 01, 2013

Conundrum: A confusing and difficult problem or question.

I have one.

You see, I have these races I've signed up for - a couple of which I out and out cannot compete in either because of pace limits (Like the Scranton Marathon), or a literal inability to participate (Like the Triathlon which is at the end of July.)

However, I have a couple of grey-area races now, too.

First, I have the Firecracker 5K coming up this Thursday. In theory, I can walk it. It's the same thing with the Air Force Half - I can run-walk it.

I just.. I just feel so -humiliated= at the idea of walking.

Really, that's the only word I can think of to describe how I'm feeling. Please note - I have NO problem with people who walk races. None. Just, when I think of myself doing it.. it's like.. going back to fifth grade.. or taking a demotion at work. Or.. I dunno, it just feels 'lower' for me. Like I'm letting myself down. I know it's a ridiculous feeling; but, it's how I feel.

So, my conundrum is whether to walk the reaces I'm permitted to walk.

I'm still thinking about it.

The only positives of this experience is that I don't have to split my time between race training and sewing. I can sew ALL THE THINGS. Well, most of the things. I bailed on my Black Lantern Wonderwoman costume and Thor for this year. I really want to concentrate on doing Agent Hill justice.

So, that's about it from here. I'm down to 184.4 from the HORRIBLE 188. So, I'm feeling quite a bit better about my situation. Plans for a brief walk over lunch today as it's raining.

Happy Monday, Folks!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I understand you completely. I'm at that stage right now too; where you feel as though you SHOULD be able to run/jog a decent pace/time, but you can't. And it feels horrible, like you're a not as good as you could be, despite all that training and hard work to get to your current point. My only advice is to keep on going.

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REFFIE1 7/1/2013 5:40PM

    I vote for walking them. Something is better than nothing. If you don't walk those races you will just sit and mope around the house and probably go for some reassuring snacks. Yep, better to walk and get out in the fresh air. Don't be so hard on yourself, be kind to you. Cut yourself a little slack. Well, that's my 2 cents worth! emoticon

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CAFALL 7/1/2013 3:17PM

    I don't know you at all, right, so this might be way off base.

For me, I've been working on humility and liking myself. So, if this were my situation, I would recognize how humbling it is to walk the race and try to walk it with grace, and pay attention to and try to deal with my feelings as I'm walking it.

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GRACEOMALLEY 7/1/2013 3:16PM

    Sometimes, my friend, you have to find the UP side and let go of the rest. Example: I am active - love to walk, work in my garden, ride my bike, etc. I also have injuries from being the passenger in the wrong car at the time a drunk decided to hit it head-on. As I age, my easily sprained or turned ankles become a bigger problem and there are now bigger limitations on what I can do or how far I can get - but I'm still working in my garden and still riding my bike and still get in at least 10,000 steps a day most days. When I feel like I'm throwing a pity party for myself, I think of that saying: "I wept because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet." I had last rites twice after I was in that accident, so I am grateful I have shoes and feet and am still breathing. I bet you are, too. All you can do (or any of the rest of us) is the best you can with what you've got. Do your best and don't do anything that is too much or won't be good for you right now. Nothing humiliating about saying, "My body can't handle this right now." We are all only human.

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JAHINTZY 7/1/2013 12:53PM

    Personally I'd say to walk them - you might have a fun day being outside with other folks and you've already signed up. But then if it's really just too much of a mental bummer to not be able to run, there's that - I don't know well enough to say :)

Unfortunately I'm benched with you now - ankle sprain. so SEW ALL THE THINGS! (I'm headed to Pennsic in a few weeks and my medieval wardrobe could use some serious replacements)

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POMATOJUICE 7/1/2013 10:28AM

    That's a tough one! My initial reaction was.. "Oh, you should totally walk them anyway for the extra exercise!!"

But... that's just the physical side of things.

I think what it will come down to is whether or not you feel that it will be worth it for your mental health, you know? Will the emotions related to walking it be too damaging to be worth the extra physical movement?

Yes, I think you should totally walk them anyway, but if it's going to make you feel really crappy, then it might be better not to.

That being said.. Are your restrictions such that you can't get your heart rate up at all due to like.. eyeball pressure reasons? I was going to suggest taking a pair of three or five pound weights and doing curls, etc while walking. The extra weight when I do anything always raises the HR fast. But.. trying to get any sort of extra extra with this seems like it may be exactly what you aren't supposed to be doing XD

The whole problem sounds really frustrating, even though I don't have experience as a runner. I hope it's something you are able to sort out in your head. You are totally right about one thing, though.. EXTRA SEWING TIME!

We both need it :/ AnimeFEST is the same weekend as Dragon*Con, but it's in Dallas. I MAY be going to that one, but I'm not sure. I have so much I need to do and only about 2 months to do it in!

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Day 372: Dirty Girl Mud Run Photo and Ramblings.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Today's Happy-Place Photo:

Good Morning, Sparklers.

This morning I awoke to a scale that said 187.8.

I did not curl up into a ball, no matter how much I really, REALLY wanted to.

Yesterday I did pretty badly on the food front. I started off really well while I was at work and then I went to a games night hosted by my brother and proceeded to eat way too many Kit-Kats and Peppermint Paddies.

So I get home last night and put my drops in my eye. I lay down. Two hours later the worst thing about the drops happens - I can TASTE THEM. I want you to imagine tasting something that is the most bitterly sour chemical taste ever. And it invades your nose and mouth. And it won't go away and spitting it out makes it worse. The remedy, I have found, is eating something thick and sweet - it takes the taste out. Water makes it worse. It does not go away on it's own. So, I went back to sleep after eating three stupid devil's food cookies.

I've never been a nighttime snacker.. I hope to never be again.

I'm trying to focus on what this experience is teaching me. I'm learning that while I had a really great activity level, I apparently did not learn how to effectively manage what I eat. Well, I better learn it now.

The plans for this weekend include lots of housework (there are tumbleweeds of dog hair all over my house...) and getting the craft room organized. After all, it's almost time for the happiest time of the year! That's right, we are at the 60 day count until DragonCon! So excited. My confirmed costume I'm making for this year is the Agent Hill Formal Wear Dress from the Femme*Avengers doodles.

I had also wanted to put together a Black Lantern Wonder Woman costume and a Femme*Thor; but, I don't think I'll have enough time at this point. Next year I'm definitely doing those. This year I think I'll just be bringing Agent Hill, Gambit, my BSG double tanks, Lady Deadpool, and Legends of the Hidden Temple. For those keeping score, Agent Hill is the only new one.

60 days and counting! WOO!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PDQ1203 6/29/2013 9:51AM


the mud pic reminds me of a race i did on the north shore mountains ... what a day that was!

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BARBANNA 6/28/2013 3:38PM

    Great picture, if you don't mind the mud! Keep up the positive thinking and stay active. emoticon emoticon

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REFFIE1 6/28/2013 2:21PM

    I don't know what the scale says, but your photo says - you look great! emoticon

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POMATOJUICE 6/28/2013 1:38PM

    Chiming in with ADARKARA- I love the sugar free Wint-o-green lifesavers! wintergreen or peppermint is up to your personal preference, but you can have like 4-5 of the damnable things for only like 35 or 40 calories. I've made friends with the sugar free sections of the candy isle and discovered that most hard candies are ok. STAY AWAY FROM EVERYTHING ELSE- IT'S SUPER GROSS

Also, if something thick and creamy and sweet like ice cream helps, the new ltd. edition Skinny Cow Pink Velvet Cake bars are good. They taste just like the cherry Dilly Bars from Dairy Queen, and they're only 100 cal each! Dreyer's makes some sugar-free smaller fruit flavored popsicles that clock in at only like 25 cal or something crazy like that. I don't know if fruity popsicles are too close to water in terms of how it would interact with your totally gross meds, though.

Chocolate stuff? If you can find Chocolite near you, you can have 2 peanut butter patties for 70 cal, or two peanut caramel turtle things for 60 cal! That caramel really sticks to your teeth, though XD

I am totally an untapped resource for diet junk food! I don't think the solution here is to stop eating the snacks if they help get rid of the ick from your meds. We just need to find acceptable substitutes that help, but don't kill your calorie counts for the day!

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LORI3679 6/28/2013 1:13PM

    Way to go on the Dirty Girl Mud Run! emoticon

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NIKKICOLE83 6/28/2013 12:57PM

    I love your Dirty Girl photo - you are wearing a smile while trudging through muck! Who would have thunk it?

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ADARKARA 6/28/2013 11:35AM

    Would sugar free pepomint lifesavers help? Or Altoids? they're both really strongly flavored and low in calories. Don't fret about your weight. You're recovering from major health-related stuff!

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FUZZIEBEAR3 6/28/2013 11:14AM

    Love the mud picture!! emoticon

Oh that dress is awesome. You are going to rock it!

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PRINCHESSA 6/28/2013 10:54AM

    Wow... sounds so familiar!!! Yesterday, I couldn't get the taste of a pill out of my mouth, esp not with JUST water... but being at work, didn't really have anything else at hand!

I also have a load of indoors cleaning to do, since I've been mowing/yard work incessantly for the last few weeks... we call 'em 'tumblefurs' and yes, they have pretty much overtaken the indoor area. I also have a craft room (formerly cat room - as that's where I kept Kiki's box/supplies LOL) that is a total WRECK!

Hopefully, we both find time! *doing a rain dance*

emoticon emoticon

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Day 371: Time for a Reckoning

Thursday, June 27, 2013

This morning absolutely sucked.

I got on the scale. 186.8. That is 5.8lbs up in a week and a half. Some of it has to be due to the antibiotics and steroids as well as water retention at this time of the month. Still, I'm certain more than a little of it has to do with eating poorly, emotionally, and conveniently.

Today I'm going to go and make friends with the exercise bike in the basement gym at work. It's going to be long, boring and stupid. To try and combat the boring and stupid I'm going to download the Run, Zombies! App. I liked it and it was a good distraction when I started running. I just need to get some music onto my phone.

Alright, enough of the negativity. Time to knuckle down and take control.

Hellllo Exercise bike.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMONEKP 6/28/2013 7:54AM

    you go show that 5.8 lbs who's boss!

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BRADMILL2922 6/28/2013 3:04AM

    Good for you! Take control!

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REFFIE1 6/27/2013 7:28PM

    I have to fight with myself to go to spin but I am always glad I did. Hang in there kid! You will get there! emoticon

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GRACEOMALLEY 6/27/2013 5:57PM

    Be nice to yourself! There is always hope. Consider getting Audio Books from the library - free to check out - and listening to books on a headset while you bike in the basement gym at work.

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POMATOJUICE 6/27/2013 12:06PM

    You can do it! I heard that zombies app is awesome. Lately, to fight the bike blahs, I also read or play games n my iPad or catch up on twitter, etc on my phone. If your bike has a book rack, there's all sorts of entertainment you can cram on there!

Today, I added 10 min to my Ike time and was only 5 min short of doing a full hour!

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