Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Good morning, all!
I know, I know, I haven't written anything for a while.
I know, I know, for me blogging is a great way to keep accountable as well as keep my mind focused on the task at hand (namely, continuing a healthy lifestyle, posiitve attitude, and the side effect of those two things which is weight loss.)
I know, I know, I'm a delinquent.
I spent all of the last two weeks since the Independence Day holiday pretty much focused on work. I did pretty well keeping myself motivated to go for my lunchtime walks and I think I've kept my food in check (except for the one day where I had two dinners of Taco Bell AND McDonalds...) and I think my attitude has been pretty good, too.
Still, that doesn't replace the comraderie and support that I've missed from sharing my blogs!
I think I just haven't blogged because I don't have very much in the way of success to share - and not much new to complain about in terms of challenges.
I'm still in the land of doing nothing thanks to the air bubble in my eye. I'm a terrible person because I have pretty much asked all of the regular concerned people (family, close friends) to stop asking how my eye is doing until August. I did it because, well, talking about it makes me feel like I'm whining and I don't have any good news to report there, either. My eye is still in my head. It's still substantively full of air. I still can't see normally out of half of it and it's horrible in bright light. See, look, I just went on a rant right there thanking about it. It's exhausting to think about and I feel like I don't put on my most positive, graciuos self when I talk about it.
Last night was the first meeting of the Weight loss study I've made it to in two months. (Since May, I think.. I think I went in May?!) and the good news is I've essentially maintained. 2lbs up. That's not terrible given the circumstances and the steroids.
Confession time: I didn't do the 4th of July race. I just couldn't. I'm not glad I didn't do it; but, I'm not going to focus on my reasons. I just feel very insecure at the moment. I just want my life back to normal.
Scary confession time: I will walk around DragonCon half blind before I walk around it in my glasses. Truth.
Alright, it's almost walk time. I hope you guys have been more successful than I have been lately; but, as the saying goes - maintaining is better than gaining!
Tuesday, July 02, 2013
So, in an effort to accentuate the positive I decided to really try and focus on being in a positive headspace during my walk today. Rather than focusing on how much I'd rather be running my course (I'm not going ot lie, I still thought about it as some amazing runners passed me) I let my mind drift to things I don't usually have time to think about.
You see, when I'm running I have a million things running through my brain (and it's clear, all at the same time, it's weird.) I'm thinking about my pace, I'm thinking about how far I've gone and how far I want to go. I'm thinking about my stride and about how I'm feeling. I'm thinking about hydration and fueling. I'm thinking about my training plan and about how well I'm doing at it. Sometimes I'm even thinking about how free I feel.
Today, during my walk, I thought about how beautiful my city is. I thought about the architecture and about the little nooks and crannies I doin't usually have time to spy. I enjoyed the music from my headphones instead of pacing myself off it. I considered the way my feet felt on the ground and how flat shoes make me feel like I'm barefoot.
In short, I think I was just more present. It was kind of nice.
Yesterday I had my monthly study phone call. I complained about how I feel like I don't have control over so many things and the one thing I do have control over (what I eat) I'm sucking at. So, it was nice of them to let me vent. The great news is I'm still getting in 300 minutes a week of exercise (even if it's less intense) and I'm not intentionally ignoring my food intake. I've just been depressed, bored, and lazy. Well, I'm trying to get back on the wagon with this one, trust me.
I didn't step on the scale this morning, so I don't know how well all my attention is working out just yet; though, it is TMO so the scale is to be taken with a grain of salt. I'm also still on steroids for my eye.
I've decided I'm probably going to walk the 5K on the 4th - it's better than doing nothing. Also, it's going to be more of 10K worth of walk for me since I'm going to walk to the start line. :)
Happy Tuesday, everyone. I hope you have a moment to smell the roses today, too!
Monday, July 01, 2013
Conundrum: A confusing and difficult problem or question.
I have one.
You see, I have these races I've signed up for - a couple of which I out and out cannot compete in either because of pace limits (Like the Scranton Marathon), or a literal inability to participate (Like the Triathlon which is at the end of July.)
However, I have a couple of grey-area races now, too.
First, I have the Firecracker 5K coming up this Thursday. In theory, I can walk it. It's the same thing with the Air Force Half - I can run-walk it.
I just.. I just feel so -humiliated= at the idea of walking.
Really, that's the only word I can think of to describe how I'm feeling. Please note - I have NO problem with people who walk races. None. Just, when I think of myself doing it.. it's like.. going back to fifth grade.. or taking a demotion at work. Or.. I dunno, it just feels 'lower' for me. Like I'm letting myself down. I know it's a ridiculous feeling; but, it's how I feel.
So, my conundrum is whether to walk the reaces I'm permitted to walk.
I'm still thinking about it.
The only positives of this experience is that I don't have to split my time between race training and sewing. I can sew ALL THE THINGS. Well, most of the things. I bailed on my Black Lantern Wonderwoman costume and Thor for this year. I really want to concentrate on doing Agent Hill justice.
So, that's about it from here. I'm down to 184.4 from the HORRIBLE 188. So, I'm feeling quite a bit better about my situation. Plans for a brief walk over lunch today as it's raining.
Happy Monday, Folks!
Friday, June 28, 2013
Today's Happy-Place Photo:
Good Morning, Sparklers.
This morning I awoke to a scale that said 187.8.
I did not curl up into a ball, no matter how much I really, REALLY wanted to.
Yesterday I did pretty badly on the food front. I started off really well while I was at work and then I went to a games night hosted by my brother and proceeded to eat way too many Kit-Kats and Peppermint Paddies.
So I get home last night and put my drops in my eye. I lay down. Two hours later the worst thing about the drops happens - I can TASTE THEM. I want you to imagine tasting something that is the most bitterly sour chemical taste ever. And it invades your nose and mouth. And it won't go away and spitting it out makes it worse. The remedy, I have found, is eating something thick and sweet - it takes the taste out. Water makes it worse. It does not go away on it's own. So, I went back to sleep after eating three stupid devil's food cookies.
I've never been a nighttime snacker.. I hope to never be again.
I'm trying to focus on what this experience is teaching me. I'm learning that while I had a really great activity level, I apparently did not learn how to effectively manage what I eat. Well, I better learn it now.
The plans for this weekend include lots of housework (there are tumbleweeds of dog hair all over my house...) and getting the craft room organized. After all, it's almost time for the happiest time of the year! That's right, we are at the 60 day count until DragonCon! So excited. My confirmed costume I'm making for this year is the Agent Hill Formal Wear Dress from the Femme*Avengers doodles.
I had also wanted to put together a Black Lantern Wonder Woman costume and a Femme*Thor; but, I don't think I'll have enough time at this point. Next year I'm definitely doing those. This year I think I'll just be bringing Agent Hill, Gambit, my BSG double tanks, Lady Deadpool, and Legends of the Hidden Temple. For those keeping score, Agent Hill is the only new one.
60 days and counting! WOO!
Thursday, June 27, 2013
This morning absolutely sucked.
I got on the scale. 186.8. That is 5.8lbs up in a week and a half. Some of it has to be due to the antibiotics and steroids as well as water retention at this time of the month. Still, I'm certain more than a little of it has to do with eating poorly, emotionally, and conveniently.
Today I'm going to go and make friends with the exercise bike in the basement gym at work. It's going to be long, boring and stupid. To try and combat the boring and stupid I'm going to download the Run, Zombies! App. I liked it and it was a good distraction when I started running. I just need to get some music onto my phone.
Alright, enough of the negativity. Time to knuckle down and take control.
Hellllo Exercise bike.
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