Monday, February 25, 2013
Happy lunch to you guys, Sparklers!
As you guys may have seen from my previous blog - last night I had an epiphany and I had to declare it to the entire world. I'm a runner. Not a 'great' runner, or a 'talented' runner - but just a plain old runner. I run for fun and fitness. I like it.
Today as I walked in all I wanted to do was tell the world, "Guess what? I run!" Because, well, up until now I've felt like I had no right to say such a thing. I don't know what switch flipped inside my head - if it was the distance or the time; but, I feel like I'm 'real' now.
Saturday I did something completely unplanned - I ran the 10 mile Spring Thaw race. I hadn't planned to run it - and when the RRC's asked me about it in January I said "No, I don't think I'll be ready by then." Still, as time wore on and I've increased my distance I found myself flirting with the idea of running it. Then I saw the weather report. Then I got some fantastic feedback from other members of the club.
Then I ran it.
I didn't run quickly (probably a 12 minute mile pace); but, I ran it. I did the entire distance. I just zoned out and I did the best I could. I finished. I'm a runner. It's magic.
Though, I have to admit, I'm stuggling a touch. As proud as I am of being a runner - of the sheer accomplishment of running ten miles; I'm having a difficult time with body image. Lately people have been saying how good I look and daring to use the word 'skinny'; but, at 185 I feel so far away from skinny. I feel like I may as well still be 230lbs. and a size 20. Gosh, honestly, it's enough to make me paranoid.
I'll admit it, just like everybody else I want to be skinny. I want to be thin and graceful and all those feminine archetypes. I can't help it.
It makes me wonder, what if I can't get any lighter? What if I don't get any smaller? What if this is as good as it gets? Or, what if I -do- manage to get all the way down to 160 or 145 and I still feel this way?
Today is another off day following the unplanned 10-miler while I wait for my legs to rest up. I'm back on the run again tomorrow for about 3 miles or so. It's a light run week - which is a good thing :)
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Quick blog before I go to bed.
Simple statement: I am a real runner.
I may be a slow runner.
I may be uncoordinated.
I certainly don't look like one and often don't feel like one.
But I am one.
I'm a woman who can run 10 miles.
I'm a woman who finds joy in even breath and measured strides.
I can run.
I do run.
I'm a runner.
Not a fake runner. Not a jogger. Not someone who just pretends to run anymore.
That is all.
Onward to the Half Marathon.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
I've blogged about a lot of things on here. Depression. Insecurity. Muscle Pain. Humility. (Well, and lots of positive things, too - like victory, pride, accomplishment.)
There is one thing I won't blog about in any level of detail: the Gastro-Intestinal issues I've had for the last two-three days. Use your imagination. It's worse.
Suffice it to say I'm still dealing with it and I am an unhappy camper. Hoping to have everything taken care of this evening so I can get back to not feeling disgusting.
In other news, the scale is up around 186 right now; but, I'm pretty sure that has a lot to do with what's going on with my insides. Yesterday I ran an easy 3 miles and then worked late. I also picked up my new MacBook Air - which I'm totally excited for. Mostly, I'm looking forward to capturing my vlogs on it and being able to edit them. I don't have any utility like that on my PC, so this is going to be a new, spectacular adventure!
Plan for tonight is a few miles of hill repeats. Amazing fact: the hill outside of my house is of suitable grade for hill repeats, yay!
Alright, back to work. I'm already 18 hours into this work week. Yahoo.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Heppy belated Valentines day, everyone!
This year was the first year that I refused to think of February 14th as Singles Awareness day. I'll be honest, it took some effort to avoid the inheirent bitterness that comes with being single on the most popular day about romantic love in our country.
I took a different perspective yesterday. Yesterday was all about loving me. I wore my favorite shirt, put on some jewelery (which I rarely wear) and just took care of myself. I tried to remember to smile all day. I tried to think consciously about my own happiness. I started my day as my own valentine.
The work day was long, not gonna lie. Though, it was productive. It was good.
By 5:15 I had to leave and go to meet up with the runners. After 30 minutes to go less than six miles I finally got there. I wore pink. I wore a smile. I decided to challenge myself. There were two options for this 'romantic' valentines day run - 4 miles or 6. For a moment, a brief moment, I considered doing 4. After all, it was 3 mile Thursday, I should stick to my plan?
I have never, never been so glad not to stick to plan.
I knocked out the 6 miles with the help of a very patient Full-Marathon trainee in just over an hour. 1 hour 04 minutes. Seriously!
I'm so proud.
After that run when I sat in my car and looked at my watch and saw how far I'd gone, thought about how I felt, and realized that I'm SURE I could have kept going - let me tell you, Running became my valentine.
Running gives me the most amazing gifts, too! It makes me strong. It makes me confident. It introduces me to the most amazing people. Running inspires me. Running gives me more reasons to love myself than any other person could. Best Valentine ever.
Someday, when I'm a confident runner - when I'm sure I won't struggle to complete a distance, I'll be there, in the back, with people like me now. I'll be there hanging with them so they won't be alone - just like that trainee did with me last night.
I'm feeling inspired.
This morning the scale graced me with 185.7.
Today I've also been graced with sunshine.
Today is a good day.
I hope you all are having as beautiful day as I am.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Well, guys, last night's weigh-in was as crappy as I expected.
After one month away from the Club I've maintained. Yep. No loss. No gain. Just sat flat.
I'm going to take one second to complain. I don't understand how I can not lose any weight when I literally track everything that goes into my mouth 12 out of 14 days a week. I read labels. I consider what I have budgeted. I keep within my ranges. More than that, if the BodyMedia armband is to be believed I burn, on average, 2500 calories a day. Even if I eat 2000 calories a day that's STILL a deficit (and I'm not eating 2000)...
I did get a fantastic piece of thought last night.
I already know what I need to do in order to be successful.
In fact, I already have mealplans.
I think it also comes down to getting more -daily- activity minutes. Maybe 90 minutes in one day isn't enough to make up for fifteen on another? So, the plan is two-fold.
First, I'm going to look at my three most successful weeks during the first six months and I'm going to 1) make a shopping guide out of them and 2) see what my minutes were. I was doing less in terms of distance then; but, I was also doing more in terms of days. So, this will give me a target. It may turn out that I just have to do short runs every single day of the week with a long day on the weekends to keep my mileage up.
I'll let you guys know what my plans are :)
Alright, time to get some real work done.
Hope you guys have had a better month than I have!
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