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Day 164: My Fitbit is Sabotaging me

Friday, November 30, 2012

Good Morning, everyone!

Today I'm going to start off by reviewing my commitments from yesterday. I need to come up with a catchy name for this task since I'm going to be be doing it every day now!

Yesterday I planned to 1) stick to my 1200 calorie goal and 2) get to the gym for an unspecified amount of time.

Well, in terms of calories I did pretty good. I wound up just shy of 1300 and managed to say NO to the Snicker Bar while my brother and I were picking up snacks for while we played Borderlands. I'm really proud because even when I was walking yesterday afternoon I was trying to talk myself into one. So, YAY!

Not so yay was the fact that I didn't make it to the gym yesterday. I packed my bag, I walked all the way there and realized I didn't have my lock or my headphones. Excuses, I know. So, instead, I went for about a half an hour walk. I would have walked longer but I ran into an old friend from High school. Yeah, he's still hot.

So, yesterday I'll say I did mediocre in keeping up with my commitments. Today, however, I'm off on a bad note. I wanted to go running with a new group through my YMCA called YES - it's the Y's Endurance Sports group. It's for people to pretty much get ready for the triathalon.

I chickened out.

I'm so scared of running with a group.

I'm worried I won't be able to keep up.

I'm worried I'll just be too fat.

I'm super, duper worried that I'll have to walk and embarrass myself.

UGH, this is worse anxiety than running in public used to be!

We'll see how today's calorie goals work out for me. I'm starting on a high note with a packed lunch.

I also have plans to walk with my mom over lunch. Since she has breathing problems we'll probably only go for about half an hour, but it's more for her than for me.

So, tomorrow's commitments. 1200 calories, a run with the Steel City Road Runners, and a promise not to let my anxiety get the best of me!

To get to the point of today's blog title I strongly believe my FitBit is actually hampering my progress. I think it's interesting that it counts my steps and my 'minutes active'; but, I don't think it's accurate in terms of my activity. I also don't like that it pumps up my Sparkpeople fitness minutes. I've never counted my time walking to the bus or from work - but Fitbit does. I've also not really ever considered my laps around the office to get stuff from the copier or from the kitchen as 'exercise' - however, Fitbit does.

I've been the same level of active now that I have been all my life, at the base level. If I went by what Fitbit tells me I'd be creating a 800 - 1000 calorie deficit every day. We all know that isn't true.

So, for the moment, my enjoyment of the Fitbit is conditional. I like that it gives me pretty charts and links up with SP; but, I don't like that what it's telling me feels artificial. I don't like that it wants me to believe I've done 1000 (well, 967) fitness minutes this month when I know I haven't.

What do you guys think, should people be counting their usual every day steps as exercise?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEOMALLEY 12/4/2012 4:09PM

    FitBit is a tool and I love mine - but I use it for what I want out of it and ignore the rest. I stick it in my pocket first thing in the morning and it tracks steps, miles, calories - all of which I forget by the time I get home from work. It helps me determine what I need to do in the evening or on weekends to make up for deficits, if such exist. I define for myself what I consider active or very active. It works very well for me, but that's me.

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SLAPTHEFATCAT 12/1/2012 11:55PM

    I think your every day steps should not count, mainly because it's what you do every day anyhow. Like, I work at a restaurant. There is a LOT of walking around for that, but I don't ever count it into my exercise for the day/week/whatever.

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BMCOLLEY 12/1/2012 7:05AM

    Remember, when you log in your steps you do not get calories burned even though you are burning calories when you walk. I think it is very interesting to see how many steps you actually take in a day just to go through life. Also they say 10,000 steps per day will add to your weight loss. emoticon emoticon


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FATHINSN 12/1/2012 3:25AM

    I like to keep track on my steps with my pedometer to push me to walk more/get out from sitting too long more! So, to answer your question, yes, count the usual day steps as exercise as that will keep us to move more :D

Gadgets can be helpful in many ways but no need to rely on them too much as they are still some mechanic devices created by humans who also do errors here and there, hehe.

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REFFIE1 11/30/2012 4:33PM

I don't count my usual steps as exercise. It depends how fast you walk and how far from point A to B. You might have a lot of steps but not get a lot of cardio in. Just my opinion of course. emoticon

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SKEETOR 11/30/2012 10:38AM

    I don't count my normal activities (gardening, mowing, etc) because that's stuff I've been doing all along (and still got chubby!) So....I only count "exercise" and not "activity". But I can see where fitbit could help you to increase your normal activity levels. For example, wear it a week and do your activities as you usually do, then set a goal to increase it by a giving % or amount.
As for the one in the group started out running like they do now. No one's going to think less of you if you can't keep up at first. What's important is to continue to strive to complete a run with them. I think you should go for it.

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ADARKARA 11/30/2012 9:22AM

    Hmm... I can see why you would be concerned about that. I didn't know it did that, so now I'm not really sure I want one anymore. I don't count my every day activity in my fitness minutes. I just consider them a natural part of my life.

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Day 163: Keeping Commitments

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Like a lot of people (and I mean A LOT) I'm a huge fan of Mr. On2Victory. That guy? Man, if I could just take two ounces of his strength and perseverence I think I'd be able to accomplish so much!

In any event not too long ago he posted a blog (here:
) about traveling and getting workouts in and all that stuff. However, there was an absolutely inspirational bit I found in it:

"One thing I have learned on this journey is that every time you make and keep a commitment that you make to yourself, you get stronger. If you put it off, excuse yourself from that commitment, you lose something. Do it often enough and you will no longer take yourself seriously and you lose your own self respect."

I've been meaning to blog on this quote for AGES. AGES.

Doesn't it just sum things up? I want you to think of your own journey, about those times you found yourself on a roll. When you felt like you could take down the world and reach all your goals because you just felt so consistent and so strong. Now, think of your low point, think of when you maybe only half-did your work out, or maybe indulged a bit too much. Goodness.

When I think of that quote I think of last week's 5 mile race. I think about that last 3/4 mile when we were all alone with the 5K runners having already finished and the vast majority of those ahead being 'real runners' and already completed the last switchback on the way to our finish line. I'm doing my thing, moving at an 11 minute mile pace, and I come upon some fellow runners. Then those runners start to walk. I start to try and pump myself up, but I can't find anything. I start to bargain. I eventually give in. I eventually walk, too. I wasn't tired. I wasn't beat. I wasn't even sore or hurting. I had just stopped.

The little bit of pride and respect I had could have just leaked from my bones.

The moral of this story is easy to understand: If you say 'okay' too many times to the easy road - well, it becomes so much easier to say 'no' to the hard road. It makes it simple to fall back into old habits.

I'm thinking now of how hard it was to get my momentum back, to continue running after I had walked once. I need to keep that feeling fresh because I don't want to feel that ever again.

So, I want to add something to my blog. I want to start thinking of the commitments I make to myself and I want to start considering why I keep what I do and why I break what I do. So, today, I'm going to focus on yesterday.

Yesterday's commitment was to eat between 1200 and 1300 calories, go to the gym, and to be attentive of my activity as tracked by my Fitbit (speaking of which, I'm totally going to do a blog on why I think my Fitbit is secretly sabotaging me..)

Calories: I did amazingly well in this area. I packed my lunch, ate the dinner I had prepared earlier in the week and stuck to sensible snacks. Yesterday was the posterchild for sticking to the program.

Gym: I allowed myself to skip. I convinced myself it was too late because it was dark. I allowed thoughts of taking a 'day off' to fester.

So, today I can take pride in keeping one commitment: my calories. Now I just need to think of ways to overcome the desire to slack at the gym! I think it's really time to plan out genuine rewards to get me through until 13.1 training starts. Do you guys have any suggestions?

Commitments I make today: Calories between 1200-1300; Gym-bound at 5PM.

Let's do this!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSMOSTIMPROVED 11/29/2012 8:57PM

    Just get out my brain already! Not keeping commitments to yourself only leads to becoming a total slacker. I want to take you up on the mileage challenge but, I I am using this Hal Higginbothom (sp) training program with specific miles to track 3 times a week. Let's do a quick check in on Sunday to make sure we're getting in the planned miles. You have come so far and your ability to hone in what you need to focus on in order to get better is uncanny.

I don't ever "reward" myself because I don't know what would feel genuinely exciting that isn't food or cost a lot of money. Maybe I can trat myself to a pair of those fancy winter running socks I keep eyeing. I keep doing a gut check and I'm just not sure socks are going to do it for me when it's cold, or dark, or whatever else I come up with.

Keep me posted of what you come up with. We're in this together young grasshopper!

Wait- I got it!!!! What if you can give me a new running alter ego if I get my miles in? You're creative and I would love to tell my husband to stop calling me "Slow Motion" because an ultra elite runnung machine my new name is "insert something cool here"! Wadda ya think about that?

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GRACEOMALLEY 11/29/2012 1:54PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Thanks for the nudge and the reminder. Sometimes we forget that when we cheat, we are cheating ourselves most of all.

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Comment edited on: 11/29/2012 1:54:37 PM

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OLIVIANIGHT 11/29/2012 1:41PM

    I set myself silly little rewards to get myself going. Just five more push ups and you can have a cup of tea. Just 5 minutes (which usually leads to longer) and you can read a chapter of your book. Works almost all the time!

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REFFIE1 11/29/2012 11:15AM

    You are a very committed person and I congratulate you for that. It is the trying that counts! emoticon

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Day 162: What to do before training starts?

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Hello everyone!

So, it's a really tumultuous time right now for me. Precarious, if you will. You see, it's the time of change and rest and reallignment.

You see, we just hit the six month mark of our time on the IDEA study. Last night it was time to evaluate our progress to date and to really think about how far we've come and how to get where we ultimately want to go to.

You see, I've spent six months modifying my behaviors and changing the way I view food, exercise and ultimately what I'm capable of.

I can't believe it.

There were three questions we were posed last night and we ranked ourselves from 1 to 10. 1 being poor, 10 being amazing.

1. How well would you say you've been in terms of attending the weekly meetings? 8. I missed one meeting because I just couldn't do it. I did make up meetings for the other two I missed. So, at 24 weeks and three missed meetings.. well, I feel pretty darn amazing.

2. How well have you adhered to your calorie intake goals? 5. I've been the lamest calorie intaker ever. I think I've said it a million times - I've never exactly been one for the 1200 calorie goal. It just FEELS so restrictive. So, I aim for between 1300 and 1500. Sometimes I'm below it, sometimes I'm not. I do know one thing: I lose more weight when I'm closer to 1200, that's for sure.

3. How well would you gauge your exercise minutes? 8.5. I've done pretty well in this department. It's become more difficult for me as time has gone on to meet all of my fitness goals. (300 is A LOT of minutes); but, I have consistently made efforts to get all of my minutes in - even if it's just with a walk. The number of minutes is important because (as they keep reminding us) people who consistently do 250 or more minutes of intentional fitness a week (not just counting their steps, but adding additional intentional steps) tend to avoid the rebounding of their weight.

These questions are important because we now meet once a month from here on out. That's right, the training wheels come off. We don't even have to turn in paper diaries of our food intake anymore. We don't have to do much of anything at all, really.

The six month mark is also the point of maximum adherence to the weight loss program according to research. Whatever our weight loss slope looks like at the moment... well, it's going to continue to look like that. For the last six weeks I've averaged about a half a pound of loss per week according to the study's scales. This week I lost 2 pounds. Two whole fantastic pounds. During a holiday week.

Let that sink in.

I'm feeling revitalized.

I'm feeling hopeful. Suddenly, at 192.4, I feel like I can make it down into the mid-180's for the end of the year. 180's. Insane.

Still, I do have a lot of work to do. The goal weight is on or about 160ish. I'd like to be size 12. Right now I'm a size 14/16 walking around in size 18 pants. Yes, I'm too cheap to go buy new ones.

The big thing I have to work toward is the Pittsburgh Half Marathon. It's in May. My training program doesn't start until January 1. The first training run is January 5th. I have essentially a month on my own to do anything but run. Why would I say that? Because I think I'm more than a little burned out on the running thing. So, I'm going to do more gym stuff. I want to do more circuit training. More time with building muscle and strength. The other day I decided I would try and do some of the exercises from our circuits and I was so dismayed to find that pushups eluded me and I didn't have the core strength that I used to.

So, at least I have a new focus!

I just feel like I REALLY have to pay attention for the next four weeks or so until the new training program starts. I also need to get my mojo back - and the best way to do that is to enter a training framework excited and prepared.

All I want for christmas is a personal trainer.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSMOSTIMPROVED 11/28/2012 6:12PM

    Your blogs always make me happy! Congratulations on 2lb loss over the holiday-- INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE!!!

As for the training program-- I am so there with you. I could only take a week off from running because I started to miss it. Weird. I also read that you can start to lose your stamina after 3-4 days and I feared having to start all over. You may want to look that up.

1200 cals are for the birds (well at least those birds that aren't runners)! Your plan to stay in a sensible range that is comfortable for you makes sense to me. There is no way to starve yourself or feel deprived if this is going to work long-term. I think it just means it will take a tad longer.

I am so very proud of you, your consistency and commitment to your program. It really is an inspiration to see you plugging away -- good, bad, and all!

You my dear are truly FRACKING AWESOME!!

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REVIVED 11/28/2012 3:00PM

    Ooh personal trainer... Me too!

2lbs over thanksgiving is ridiculously awesome. Cyber high five!

I wish I knew how many calories I need to lose weight. I cant stay consistent long enough to figure out what works. I feel like I lose more when I eat a bit higher but maybe I just tell myself that? Doesn't seem right when you say 1200 for you and you're taller than me. 1200 is difficult for me to stick to. I can do ok for a couple days but then I start losing control. But then again... I kinda do that anyway so who knows.

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CATMAGNET 11/28/2012 12:35PM

    My sister-in-law and I are both starting our training programs for our half-marathons in January (mine is in mid-March, she's doing the Pittsburgh one in May), so I understand. What I'm doing is just keeping up with my mileage running, since it's the primary fitness activity that I REALLY enjoy doing, as well as swimming, boot camp, some strength training, indoor cycling, yoga and Zumba. I just keep it varied so I don't get bored.

Hang in there! It sounds like you have a good plan. :)

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REFFIE1 11/28/2012 11:00AM

    Reflection is good and you have so much to be proud of! emoticon

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SKEETOR 11/28/2012 10:54AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Day 161: Still here! Still rambly!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Well, I suppose I should take a couple minutes to update everyone on what's going on out here in cheap, cheap bastard land.

On Thanksgiving I ran my first ever five mile race. I actually walked a little toward the end and that was probably because 1) all of the 5K people turned off and finished (BOO!) and the last 3/4ths of a mile I was surrounded by other people who were clearly struggling. I watched one woman's YouTube video once and her third or fourth piece of race-day advice was to power past people who have slowed down to walk or struggling - she likened them to energy suckers.

I hate to say that I now know I agree.

Mostly it's because seeing other people walk makes me feel like it's not so bad if I walk too. It makes it easier to bargain with myself. It makes it so, so simple to just say "I'll walk to that cone and then run again."


I finished in 1 hour flat - which equates to 12 minute miles. Much slower than I usually go. The trot was busy with lots of other runners and people with strollers and people with dogs. It was congested and at several points it simply bottlenecked. The worst part was that when I finished the recovery bits (i.e. water station, bagels, bananas etc) were all gone! Well, not gone, but put away! WTF. I know that people wanted to be able to get home to their own Thanksgiving, but I wound up with a serious case of sand-brain (or that dry feeling like all of your brain juice has dried up and the prelude to something very much what I imagine a migrane feels like) because I couldn't get anything to drink after the race. I don't think disappointing was the word. So, I'm planning on writing a note to the race organizers, suggesting they plan to have people there until the clocks are actually taken down from the race. If the clock's still running there should be someone there to support the finishing runners, just my opinion.

In other news I met the people from my new running club! I also bought some inspirational gear from them! Runner of steel arm warmers! Going to come in handy during these winter month runs, that's for sure! They're very friendly, in my age group, and EXTREMELY welcoming.

So glad to have found them.

Speaking of the running group they've managed to get Jeff Galloway (You know, that guy who's a famous running coach and founder of the Galloway Method of training.) Lots of people use his stuff for their first 5K and his run-walk method is very well regarded. So, I'm excited to go and see him speak and get to do a training run with him! Unfortunately, it's the same day as the Jingle Bell run, which I had hoped to do. However, the Jingle Bell run was a 5K and I think I'll gain more by doing the 5 miler with Galloway.

Let's see... Calorie watch has been going well. Down to 193 this morning and rapidly closing in on my 180's goal for the end of the year. Very, VERY, excited to see that event. I can't wait to see the number 189 on my scale.

So, I haven't been around much because I feel like a lot of my blogs are repeatitive. "Oh, I'm plateauing!" "Oh, the plateau is over!" "Oh, wait, nevermind!" Lather. Rinse. Repeat. So, I'm struggling to find new and interesting things to write about.

Today's new and interesting thing is that I'm really glad a few of you have learned to love Mod Cloth as much as I do! Just pay attention to the reviews! Seriously, they're usually pretty good.

(Also glad that you guys love the Coach Tour dress as much as I do (Especially you, PomatoJuice.)

So, at 295 minutes this week I'm really proud of myself. I'm going to get a walk in this afternoon just so I can push that number over the edge :)

Alright, time to work! Welcome back from holiday, everyone! Here's the countdown starting until christmas!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REVIVED 11/26/2012 2:35PM

    12 min is my best time so far. Actually I think I got under 12 once. So when you were struggling at the end, what was the biggest issue for you? Legs burning? I ask because im still not sure what's normal to expect. The neighborhood where I run is pretty hilly and my legs are always burning and I get so frustrated about it. Is that normal or am I doing something wrong? Is it my shoes? I have newish Nike running shoes but like I didn't go to an expert and get fit for them or anything. I just need to know is this the mental aspect that I just have to learn to get past or is it not supposed to be like that and there's some variable that I need to change? Cuz I feel like the legs burning thing is what holds me back the most.

Anyway, keep posting. You have the plateau thing, I have the psycho rants cuz I can't learn to say no and then I hate myself. Whatever! Sometimes I think I have to stop posting before people really think I'm nuts but then I think... I am kind of nuts so that's probably unavoidable. At least I'll have a record to refer to. And maybe some other nuts will look at me and think if I can keep at it so can they.

Hope you crack the 180s soon! I know you will.

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SKEETOR 11/26/2012 12:56PM

    How very rude of the race organizers to pack up and leave!! Losers!!
I had to google ModCloth...nice.
I wanted to do a Jingle Bell run but my hubbie doesn't want to run in the cold (wimp!) emoticon I'd go without him, but if I go, he'll go and then I'll feel guilty, especially should he get sick or something....
Have a great day!

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POMATOJUICE 11/26/2012 11:46AM

    The running group sounds like just what you needed! I've always been happy with a 12 min mile. It was like.. the fail marker in middle school. You had to do at least that for a 1 mile run. So hell, doing 5 of those back to back and keeping that pace? Awesomesauce! I'm glad to hear that you've been keeping up with the exercise and your food hasn't gotten away from you!

Also.. I can't believe they just packed up and left like that at your race! That just seems wrong! :/

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REFFIE1 11/26/2012 11:02AM

    I think you are being so very hard on yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back for getting out there and doing a 5 mile run. Boy, I would be walking the entire thing. I know exactly what it is like during walk/runs when the strollers, slow walkers bottleneck. In fact, my pet peeve is when someone cuts in front of me, slows to a crawl and practically trips me up. Congratulations. It is hard to do a personal best under pressure. But you faced the pressure, completed the run and sounds like you lost some pounds as well. Right On! Here's to your next run! emoticon emoticon

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DLDROST 11/26/2012 9:03AM


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Day 153: Finally feeling real

Monday, November 19, 2012

Good morning everyone!

Just a relatively quick blog today because I'm still SWAMPED at work.

Had the strangest feeling last night. I turned over, went to scratch my back and came to a realization - there wasn't a roll where there was supposed to be one. This was the most surreal experience I've had in ages. The sort of feeling like "Huh."

It actually gave me pause.

There are bits of my body that I kind of 'check' if you know what I mean. I pinch the fat at my back just below my ribs. I feel the 'dent' in my thigh and the crease at my hips. I run my fingers along beneath my chin.

I'm measuring.

It sounds kind of creepy to admit to, though.

I mean, those are the places that I notice. The bits of myself where I wish I had less bits.

And I am.

I never thought I'd have less fat anywhere. I mean, it's one thing for my clothes not to fit (something I so desperately want to blame on their wearing out); but, it's another to not be able to physically grab places like I used to.

So, I guess I'm saying that it's finally starting to feel like I'm making progress. Physical progress. Visible progress. Like it or not, though, I still feel like I weigh 230 pounds. I still feel like I'm the size of someone who ought to be wearing a size 20 but squeezes into a size 18. I still feel obese. I still feel too 'big.'

I wonder when that feeling will go away.

So, on today's episode of 'Airing our Insecurities...'

I hope all of you have a fantastic day. If you're having unseasonably warm weather (like I am!) I hope you get to go out and enjoy it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSMOSTIMPROVED 11/20/2012 2:46PM

    1. I don't care what size you claim to be-- you are toning up and swimming in old shirts, remember ?!
2. Self-exploration can be good. It's like a more challenging NSV. Not feeling a roll,HECK YEAH!!!!!!
3. You are a wonderfully inspirational RUNNER whose dedicated to self-improvement and apparently self-groping! LOL!!!!

Enjoy your run!

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POMATOJUICE 11/19/2012 10:55PM

    Hey, I grope myself all over, too! Totally sounds indecent. I have my hot spots that I keep checking as well. I think that handful of calf or thigh is one of the reasons I still feel like I used to, even though I know I've changed a ton. I'm totally there with you! I feel the same way sometimes. You are awesome and look great!

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ADARKARA 11/19/2012 1:57PM

    I have a hard time with it too, but it's mostly me thinking what I think OTHER people think. I still assume everyone sees me as huge,

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OLIVIANIGHT 11/19/2012 1:42PM

    I struggle to get my head round it too. A couple of times I've looked at pretty tops and thought 'that will NEVER fit me', then I tried them on and they were fine.
I'm hoping it'll just take a while for the brain to catch up with the body, wouldn't it be weird to always think you were bigger than you actually are.

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REFFIE1 11/19/2012 11:30AM

    Hey even with a lot of weight off I can still grab onto some fat rolls. I just wish I could pull them right off. No matter that my arms and legs are thinner and thinner those little spare tires in the middle hang on for dear life. So, you are just part of big club of people that like to pinch and inch or two. It is nice to see less of ourselves or feel less of ourselves however it happens. Congratulations. emoticon

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RISINGBLUESTAR 11/19/2012 10:26AM

    Although not everyone will admit it, I think everyone pinches their fat in certain places. It's great that you feel like you making progress but remember, there is a lot of ways to measure progress. Changes in habits and thinking is progress even if you don't see it on the scale right away. Also, preventing health conditions like heart disease, diabetes, etc is also great progress. Even when we can't see things on the outside, that doesn't mean you hard work isn't paying off inside.

Still, I can relate to wanted to lose weight for the vanity reasons as well. emoticon emoticon

Congrats on seeing progress. :)

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SKEETOR 11/19/2012 10:09AM

    I have noticed some toning, things feeling firmer than they did before. I love it!
Have a great day!

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REVIVED 11/19/2012 7:56AM

    I do it too. When I'm laying on my side, I always put my hand on my hip and stretch it across my stomach to feel how much jiggle is still there. It doesn't seem real to me mst of the time either. Yay us.

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