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Day 127 - When you wait a year to fit in a dress...

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

'Morning, Sparklers!

We're on the downhill side of this week and I don't know about you, but I'm totally stoked for this weekend's 5K. I am so sure I can improve on my run time (even if it's only by 30 seconds!) and I feel so much more confident going into this race than I did going into the Great Race a month ago.

So, yesterday I had planned on going for a jog from work to Fat Kids Club - I made it a block. Seriously, a block. I was sucking wind and I just felt TERRIBLE. Want to know what the culprit was? My backpack. I vow never to attempt to run with a backpack again. I spend more energy trying to keep the thing from running back and forth with each stride and to try and keep myself balanced that it's just not worth it.

So, next week, I plan ahead. I just need to get a small holder for my bus pass and relegate myself to bringing lunch in a plastic bag instead of my little cooler bag.

In other news this morning I had it all figured out. I had a dress I bought a year ago from ModCloth (it's here:
) and I've been waiting for both my weight to fall and the season to be appropriate to wear it. Wearing a large collared dress in the summer is no fun, batman!

So, this morning, I had every intention of wearing it to work. Blue dress. Grey tights. Brown boots. I was going to look BEAUTIFUL.

The dress fit! It was no longer skin tight in the chest and the waist had room in it. I was stoked.

And then I bent over.

Too short :(

So sad.

As one of my friends on Facebook said, "There's no such thing as too short, only decent underwear." Still, I'm a bit too... humble to allow my knickers the chance of flapping in the breeze. Maybe I'll get some leggings, that will make me feel better...

I have to say should I ever a) get a date b) get wrangled into joining the icecapades or c) get a date TO the icecapades... well, I'll know what to wear.

How about you guys, ever had a piece of clothing totally disappoint? What'd you do with it?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRACEOMALLEY 10/25/2012 1:07PM

    Colored tights or dark stockings should do it to cover your undies and keep you from flashing anybody. Otherwise - looks GREAT!!!!
When I get clothes home that disappoint and I can't retutn them, for whatever reason - I donate thwem to charities. My first choice is a group here that helps abused women and children. Other than that, there are churches and groups all over collecting for people who have fallen on hard times. I figure that just because it doesn't really suit me, there is somebody out there it will fit who will be glad to have it.

Congrats on your successes and keep it up. You are an inspiration!


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CKMATHERLY 10/24/2012 1:07PM

    Very CUTE dress! Sorry, can't see much in the pic, but yeah, that's a little short for work for me too. I have the rule if I can't sit down in it and be sitting on the dress/skirt, it's not work attire. Now anywhere else, decent underwear or the "gym" shorts I got to make sure I am decent. (They called them volleyball shorts, but yeah, they aren't much longer than my underwear)

Boots? love me some boots!

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POMATOJUICE 10/24/2012 11:56AM

    That's not dissappoint! It's faboo! I love it! It's hard to see the little details in your photo, but I checked out the site, and I love that dress! Honestly? It has a fabulous silouhette, even with the length. If you're wearing those cute knee-highs with them, you can get away with a thicker legging underneath. As Tim Gunn would say, Make it work! It's too cute to give up on!

Since fall is around the corner, I recently indulged in some tights-shopping. (I say indulge, because I was never before in the correct weight bracket for my height on those tights fitting charts!) There are some really cute cable-knit patterened/textured tights out this fall in Target. While I think the black ones might be kinda dark for that dress, there are some cute grey ones there. White would be good too!

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RELIBELI 10/24/2012 11:20AM

    Clearly you were doing a lot more than just 'waiting' this past year! Congrats on meeting healthy goals! :) Have so much fun with the 5K. Good luck making a new PR! Very exciting.

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MSMOSTIMPROVED 10/24/2012 10:31AM

    Va Va Voooom-- that is one HOTTIE in that picture. I think the dress just shows off the nice legs you've worked so hard on. Tights or leggings should do the trick.

Good luck setting a new PR! You are totally going to nail it.

I am so glad I am not wearing PLUS size clothes, you could wrap me in a towel, stick a Medium tag on it and I'd strut my non-Plus size self anywhere with a smile.

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ADARKARA 10/24/2012 10:04AM

    Can you wear the dress with leggings instead of tights for more coverage? =)

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REFFIE1 10/24/2012 9:51AM

    I kind of have the opposite happening now. I am too small for some of my beloved clothes and have to give them away. I usually don't buy with the future in mind, I just shop for the size I am at the time big or small. That is too bad about the dress but how great that it fits and just think of all the choices you have in clothing now that you are thinner! Good luck with the 5K I really admire you for running like that. I seem to be built for comfort not speed LOL. emoticon

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ELLISH 10/24/2012 9:41AM

    Can't say that I ever had a dress but NICE blog! lol

Good luck on your 5K! ...and good luck with the icecapades! :)

I'm so up and down with my clothes. They swallow me right now but I want just a little more before I buy new ones. I guess that is a good thing.

P.S. Not sad, NICE. ;) Good luck!!


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Day 126 - Pirates vs. Ninjas

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Welcome to almost Halloween, everyone!

As I most often do, I come up with what I want to blog about in the shower. Initially, I was thinking about babbling on about looking at weight and time. For example, this morning I was thinking about how I am 15lbs away from what I weighed in my sophomore/junior year of college. That's ten years ago. (But, what's ten years, two ex-boyfriends, and a college degree between me and the waistline?)

It's crazy when you start associating your weight with where you were at a point in time. Because, when it comes down to it, it took me about ten years to put on thirty pounds. Think about that, we all work hard and rejoice when the scale moves a half a poud or a pound in a week - but when you do the math, it probably took us years to put on the weight in the first place. I know, for me, it makes me feel so much better to know that. I mean, my scale hasn't moved in any substantive way for about two weeks (still sitting between 195.6 and 194.2); but, that's okay.

Well, to get back onto the title of today's blog - I was thinking about Halloween costumes. Yes, I love playing dress-up and Halloween is no exception. For the costume 5K my brother and I are doing Legends of the Hidden Temple (get all excited now if you're a product of 1980's Nickelodeon TV a-la Double Dare, Guts, and anything else that required an obstacle course.) We're doing the Blue Baracudas. If you know anyone who would like to dress as the Temple Guard and chase us attempting to steal our half pendants of life, let me know, I'll happily make them a gilly suit.

For the Saturday night movie costume contest I think I'm going to do Holly Golightly (AKA Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's.) The costume has to be movie inspired; and I, unfortunately, mostly have costumes from British TV shows / comic books.

So, somehow, I'm convinced Halloween got me thinking about Pirates and Ninjas (or it could have been that Once Upon a Time episode I watched last night).. Still, I've decided (first and foremost) that I'm totally a Pirate. I like a good party, I'm not above being boisterous, and shiny things tend to make me really happy. Ninjas, on the other hand, tend to be lone guns, seeking finesse in all they do, and wear dark clothing in the hopes of being inconspicuous.

Of couse, the Pirate and Ninja metaphors carry on to other things; too. You have Pirate exercises like Zumba, and spinning vs. Ninja exercises like Yoga, Pilates, and most weight lifting. Pirates like Cardio, I think (You can do lots of Arrrrrgh!) where as Ninjas would probably be more the sort for things that require focus.

Alright, I'll admit, my train of thought is a little screwy today.

Still, I'll throw it out there - what are you guys - Pirates or Ninjas?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FATHINSN 10/24/2012 4:51AM

    Hmm, that will be interesting, Ninjas and Pirates :D Both have awesome weapons and outfits!

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MSMOSTIMPROVED 10/23/2012 4:17PM

    I'm a total PIRATE!! AARGGH (and other salty words) is apart of my daily vocabulary, I love big hats and fashionable eyewear. I think ninjas are cool but, there's nothing stealthy about me. Oh and I was naturally gifted with a big booty! LOL!!


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OLIVIANIGHT 10/23/2012 3:58PM

    I am a ninja, who sometimes has pirate-y moments : D

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MPLSLINDA 10/23/2012 11:20AM

    Definitely Ninja. I don't like parties, and I wear black a lot. But I'm more apt to yell "Arrrrrgh!" when I lift weights than when I'm running. Oh, and I'm not into Halloween. Pretty sure I qualify as the Ebenezer Scrooge of Halloween. Bah, humbug! Great blog!

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ADARKARA 10/23/2012 11:19AM

    I am such a pirate! The hubs and I are even going to be pirates next year at the Ren Faire!

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POMATOJUICE 10/23/2012 11:13AM

    Legends of the Hidden Temple?!? OMG! Can I run a 5k in a giant olmec head? I WOULD TRY!

I always think of my blogs in the shower too! Unfortunately, I always WRITE my blogs first thing in the morning, so each blog I write was usually thought up a day or two beforehand. lol

Holly Golightly sounds fabulous! I have a zomibe hepburn shirt :X

I would seriously use it as an excuse to go buy the blingy-est costume jewelry I could find, though!

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IRISHF 10/23/2012 11:02AM

    I've been in a women's self-defense class all month at a martial arts dojo and I start Aikido there next week, so maybe Ninja? But it seems like Pirates could use being able to throw people overboard like you learn to do in Aikido. :)

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CKMATHERLY 10/23/2012 10:51AM

    I'm a ninja pirate! You get away with many more shiny things when you can be inconspicuous!

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REFFIE1 10/23/2012 10:29AM

    Boy, if you blog in the shower, your video blog is going to be super interesting! LOL. I am both pirate and ninja because I like weight lifting and zumba too! Since you are a fan of Once Upon a Time you might like to know that it is shot here in Vancouver. A friend of mine who knits for a living works as a spinning consultant for the show and repairs Rumpelstilskin's wheel when it breaks down. Believe it or not, it is not a daily gig but very well paid. She said the man who plays Rumpelstiltskin is super nice. Good luck with your costume. It is always nice to look back to see how far you have come. emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/23/2012 10:30:40 AM

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Day 125 - A C25K Testimonial

Monday, October 22, 2012

I can't help but wonder if somewhere out there on the internet somebody is keeping a big, giant file of people who have graduated from the C25K program. If they aren't, they should.

Because when I started C25K I would have read those little notes from my future self and I would have probably looked at them like they were insane.

Because there is just no damned way that running for sixty-seconds at a time is going to do me any good. I mean, really, what's the point? Sixty seconds?

And then, well, you know, I tried doing a sixty second jog. Well, it wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. In fact, I'm not too proud to admit that at the end of it I was sucking wind. Once upon a time that would have been the moment I would have quit. I would have decided that this whole running thing was a bit too much work and not something I could ever really do. That's right, I would have talked myself out of it and gone back to old habits.

Well, thank God, this time I didn't.

I kept up with that program from May until September. That's right. I took a program that is supposed to be nine weeks and I made it last for 20 something. I like to think I was being economical. After all, it kept me from having to spend money on another app. Truth was, I was taking the program at my pace. I remember vividly the choice to repeat weeks 3, 5, and seven. I remember thinking that I would never be able to run for more than ten minutes straight.

Some people really hate the C25K program becaue they think it's a 1-size-fits-all program. Other's nay-say the program because anything that you have to 'stick to religiously' is bad. Well, two things - yes, it's a 1-size program. Why? Because if you're like me you can hang out in a week for as long as you like. Look at it like staying at 22 for a few years longer than the clock tells you - it's something that makes you feel more confident so I don't see any harm in it. Second, for those that say the program has to be followed 'religiously' I disagree. Outside of progressively increasing the duration of runs, there isn't anything magic about the rate it's accomplished. I don't think people should shy away from setting their own durations so long as they're aiming for a challenge and not just to stagnate.

What C25K has done for me is given me the structure I needed and the hutzpah to keep on trying. I never thought I could be a 'runner' (in fact, if you look at my second blog on this site I blatantly say 'I don't run'); but, this program has shaped me into someone who thrives from the challenge of getting my body moving, loves the adrenaline that comes with a road race, and even someone who is no longer ashamed to run in public.

Believe me, when I started I used to feel like an absolute turd every time I was prompted to walk. Why? Because I felt like everyone who saw me slow to a walk was judging me. Well, they can judge me from the backside because I'm well past caring about anyone's opinions as to why I slow down.

I hope that whoever reads this (and I hope it's someone just starting their C25K journey) is able to take away that for me the C25K program was nothing short of magic. Really, I wish I could find whoever is responsible (Galloway? Higdon?) and give them a giant flipping hug. They cnaged my life.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSMOSTIMPROVED 10/23/2012 4:13PM

    YAY FRACK!!!!! The consistency is the key to building up your running. You owned that C25K and made it work for you.

You are emoticon


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IRISHF 10/22/2012 5:16PM

    C25K was started by Josh Clark on Cool Running dot com

Galloway, my hero, promotes walk breaks. I really don't know why anyone looks down on walk breaks, I think interval training is smart.

Good luck with your running!

Cool Running C25K link

Comment edited on: 10/22/2012 5:18:00 PM

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TRICIAE2 10/22/2012 8:39AM

    ME too!!! Love it!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CNTRYGL1 10/22/2012 7:59AM

    I am absolutely right there with you! The program took me from a total and complete NON runner, to now running 3-5 miles 3-4 days a week. Ive run 3 5k races and finished with respectable times. And I, like you, took it at my own pace. But it DOES work! Congrats! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Days 12something - Best things about being a fat runner

Sunday, October 21, 2012

So I've already bragged once and I'm going to do it again - I totally rocked 6.5 miles today. It was me, a wonky Pandora station, and the trail.

It was amazing.

Well, it wasn't just me.

See, I'm thinking right now of a million blogs I've read and the accompanying million I've written about the trials and tribulations of running while fat.

First, as we all know there is the innate fear of failure that comes with just trying. When you're fat, it's magnified a million times over. Because, well, if you stop running you're not just quitting -- it feels like you're quitting because you're fat.

I realized something today.

I realized that when I'm out running and I see a fellow fat runner I feel this amazing sense of comraderie. We're both out there, ignoring everything that society says we shouldn't be doing. We're ignoring the pain, the chafing, the humility that running has thrust upon us - and we're doing it.

I passed several fat runners today, and every single time I met their eyes I felt like we understood each other. We're out there working hard - and nobody cheers for a fat runner like a fellow fat runner.

Of course, I found today I had other cheerers. One lady gave me a fist pump. Another guy told me to keep on going as he passed. Total strangers - I can't help but wonder if they knew they carried me for my run today?

I guess, sometimes, we have to look past our insecurity to know that it's not just us all alone out on the trail - we've got not just spectators, but an entire cheering section.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMMANYC 10/24/2012 12:46PM

    Great blog!

And this blog also proves that it's not just the "fat" runners who are cheering you on:


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MPLSLINDA 10/22/2012 9:42PM

    Fist pump to you from another runner who will one day be a formerly fat runner. Awesome that you're running 6.5 miles. I've got one 10k race under my belt but most days, I'm still in the 3-4 mile range. I'm going for duration over distance, at least for now.

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CINDYAST 10/22/2012 12:40PM

    emoticon (This was the closest emoticon I could find to a fist pump!) You're awesome!

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CRISSA1669 10/22/2012 12:05AM

    Loved this blog and I can TOTALLY relate. I started "running" last year December and I was 220 sweet husband ran wtih me....that was 10 months ago and now I regularly run 6, 7 and 8 miles......even ran 10!! I'm going to do a half marathon(wow seriously!!) And when I see a "fluffy" runner I get all giddy and smiley...I greet every person that I pass on my running route but the bigger ones surely get a bigger smile...yesterday I ran and I young , thin blond girl was running toward me, when we got face to face to pass each other, I was gonna give her a wave and a "good morning"...she got all giddy and ran up to me and gave me a big ole HIGH FIVE!!! She just doesn't know how that high five pushed me the last 3 miles of an 8 mile run!!! I had to have been smiling for at least a good mile and a precious!! Congrats on the's amazing and wonderful and I still can't believe I can do it!! You too?!!! Keep pushing!!

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REFFIE1 10/21/2012 11:35PM

    I think it is wonderful that you find such joy in running. It is like chasing a passion. Congratulations!

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GINGERLY4 10/21/2012 10:28PM


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MSMOSTIMPROVED 10/21/2012 9:23PM

    I think there is a wonderful camaraderie of all runners large and small. You never know if one of those little ones were once where we are. I love when people wave -- even if I don't have the breath left to raise my hand.

If you keep this 6.5 mile thing going you're going to be known as the "Formerly Fat Frackthatnoise Runner!!!"" Keep it up.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBBY4576 10/21/2012 6:31PM

    I loved your blog today. But have to say, Have you looked in the mirror lately? You may still thnk you are a fat runner, but honey you are not. Not any more. Sure you may have some pounds to lose, but you are not the fat runner any more that you think you are. Still you aren't the lean thing I suppose, and you can be encouraging to all those that pass you that aren't either. But you are not fat. Good going, and how much have you lost? Of course, you've gained lots of muscle too.

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FATHINSN 10/21/2012 6:16PM

    I wish we have that kind of environment here when running, I've never seen anyone pass me say words of encouragement, perhaps we are still uneasy to talk to strangers.
I think I have too much fat distributed at upper and lower (chest+bum) compare to other body parts that I'm still a bit embarrassed to run, even if just mere jogging at a park because I feel like everyone's looking at my body jiggling all the way LOL And especially when I see all those skinny girls in skimpy outfit running pass me as if like they have wind blowing them forward.

So, as you said it, I need to look past my insecurity and my own dislike of running since I'm just a kid! Ok, I like to run (feel like I'm making a thriller movie or video clip LOL) but not in front of other people, even if just family!

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CANES4EVER63 10/21/2012 6:15PM

    That's AWESOME and so cool that running on a trail with other people can motivate you! I always run on a treadmill (it took me a while, but I realized - heck, these people are at the gym, they're at the gym to get healthy, running makes you healthy - I'm at the gym, these people know I'm trying to get healthy, why not run at the gym IN FRONT of these other SLIM people who are also trying to get healthy?) and it's great! But I only run outside when I'm forced to (at the beach or when I do races) because I'm hesitant about what passerby's will think - whether they are other runners or people in cars driving past you. It's a goal I want to do eventually. I think it would be much prettier to run outside and have scenic changes. But for now, I'm going to stick to my treadmill.

And congrats on the 6.5 miles! I can't wait to get there!

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LIZRUNS22 10/21/2012 4:52PM

    6.5 miles is awesome.

I too am a heavy..ok...FAT runner and I know what you mean.

I know my slow shuffle is not a graceful as the long strides of a slim runner. I also know that what really matters is that I keep going. It doesn't matter if I'm not Runner's World Cover material, what materials is that I am moving, I am sticking to it - I am running!

Fist Pump!!


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Days 119 - 120 : Perspective

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Everything in my life lately has demanded a very, very healthy dose of the elusive thing called perspective. When you're in the middle of something sometimes perspective is the most difficult thing to achieve. I mean, in the middle of the forest all you can see are trees. At the top of a mountain sometimes all you see is how far up you are. When in the middle of fog it's sometimes impossible to know where you are at all.

I wanted to do a blog yesterday about the most important thing I've learned about running. I thought it was a technique thing - and you may agree. You see, like many first time runners I struggled with side cramps. I mean, those wicked, terrible stitches that run from your hip to your shoulder and make you think you're going to die. Then I learned what caused them. It wasn't that I lacked stretching or hydration or had some mythical imbalance. It was that I wasn't breathing properly. That, dear friends, has been the most valuable lesson I have picked up in running. When I'm panting and struggling and a side stitch turns up to kick my butt and tell me to stop - well, that's when I have to turn my brain on and breathe deeply and purposefully.


Inside the pain I think it's telling me to stop. Outside the pain it's really telling me to be more focused and purposefull.

Then, last night, I realize that I am again being kicked with an onslaught of dermographia (literally skin writing - the ability to write in hives anywhere on my skin, its an awesome halloween party trick...) At first I thought about how absolutely miserable it's making me. Then, I thought about what this opportunity is. It's my chance to listen to my body and stop poking it with these meds it obviously doesn't like. Further, it's not like I have cancer. It's not like I'm dying. I'm itchy. There are worse things to be in life.


Finally, this morning, I found myself at day 9 of 194.2. However, when I look at my charts I see I'm averaging about 1lb a week loss. That's better than no loss. It's better than what I was doing six months ago. It's amazing and a testament to what I can achieve. 1lb a week equates to thirty weeks until my goal weight. Wouldn't that be amazing?

Side stitches are teaching me focus.
Dermagraphia is teaching me humility.
My weight is teaching me patience.

I already know I have A LOT to learn!


Sometimes it's easy to get down on ourselves. To look at what happens to us as a hinderance - or worse as something beyond our control. Today was my day to remind myself that I can gain some perspective. As the serenity prayer says: Give me the serenity to accept those things I cannot change, the courage to change those things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I take this one step further - for those things I cannot change, allow me to see the positive changes that these things can have on me. Allow me to see where these things are guiding me on my journey.

So, it's a less peppy blog today and a more... philosophical one.

I hope all of you are able to push through your boundaries and for those you cannot push through, I hope you're able to find the way's they're challenging you to grow.


Side notes: It'll probably take about two weeks for the Dermagraphia to go away assuming my meds were responsible. There isn't much I can do about it as anti-histamines actually tend to make things worse :( Well, It's just going to be adventures in not getting scratched, bumped, or scraped.

Today I have planned a light run... Maybe about 20-30 minutes and a mile or two.

Oh, and I'm back on track for 1200-1300 calories a day. Very excited to be able to put my focus where it belongs and to take a bit more control of what goes into my mouth!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECCABOO127 10/19/2012 6:52PM

    You are doing wonderful! Keep it up, and I will try my best, too. Perspective allows everything to fall into place, and quite well, too.


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GINGERLY4 10/19/2012 1:42PM

    Great blog!

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CINDYAST 10/18/2012 6:12PM

    Great blog and an even better attitude! emoticon

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REVIVED 10/18/2012 1:13PM

    Man, I'm right there with you in so many way. -- except for the skin thing. Good luck with that.

But I've got the 1lb a week thing going on -- if I'm lucky. And frankly- I don't want to learn patience!! That's 55 weeks until my goal which is a long freaking time! But I guess there's not really a lot I can do about it - other than what I am doing so it is what it is. I find myself using that mantra often.

Also, i too suffer from the side stitch affliction. I try to be very conscientious of my breathing but even still, it's usually still there just slightly, waiting to take me down if lose focus at all.

I also am still harassed by burning legs, even though I stretch before I go out for like 10 minutes. That usually gets better after about 20 minutes but not always. What is up with that? It's so annoying. You'd think after 8 weeks or so, it would be getting better but it's not really. Do you experience that? I'm afraid it's my shoes but I've been in denial cuz I can't afford new ones.

Anyway, it's great that you are being so positive about all the little frustrations. Hopefully I can pick some of that up.

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MAHGRET 10/18/2012 12:33PM

    Great perspective, thanks for sharing.

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