Friday, September 21, 2012
Good morning, everyone.
Things are alright over here. I can't even articulate how glad I am that it's Friday and that the weekend is nearly here. I have planned to do a nice, long bike ride tomorrow. Looking to do the 15 mile loop of riverfront trails and maybe take a break in the middle to go for a Kayak ride. There's a chance of showers; but, nothing that seems so bad that it would keep me off the trail.
Tomorrow is also my Company's picnic which I am not attending. I know I'm socially killing myself by not going (and I know I've been socially sabotaging myself a lot lately); but, the thought alone makes my insides knot up.
I work for a small company of -good- people. I mean that in the broadest, highest sense of the word. Funny people. Kind people. Hard working people. There isn't a single person here that I don't like. But well, sometimes I just feel like if I wouldn't want to hang out with me I shouldn't be inflicting myself upon other people. So, I've spent a lot of time lately with my office door closed and my head down.
For those who are wondering, yes I have a call into my Doc.
As far as how things are going with my lifestyle, things are good. I had a really good run (2 miles, 22 minutes) and a pretty nice recovery walk, too. I'm feeling pretty confident for next Sunday's 5K, I really want to do well. Or, well, I want to finish.
In terms of weight I'm gladly sitting at 198. It's just a matter of feeling like I've come really far even if the scale doesn't move.
The last time I was in the 190's I was in Grad School - 2004/05. The thought alone is that I can see downward progress - and I feel like I'm getting stronger. I put on a jacket I had bought back when I was in college and it fit nicely. It was really a good feeling to be able to do that.
Still, I do have the slight problem of being a cheap bastard and not wanting to purchase more clothes until I know I'll get more than a couple of months out of them...
So, those are my victories (scale and otherwise) for this week. I hope eveyone else has been able to find victories of their own!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Welcome to Thursday ladies and gents.
Well, I've had time to put a lot of thought together and I think the most illuminating thing I've done is reread some of my past blogs. What I was looking for was my motivation - what I found was a trend.
Boys, you can all stop reading now.
Girls, you may just relate.
So, I've never been the kind of girl who had any kind of PMS type symptoms. No cramps, no mood-swings, nothing. Really, the only reason my life changed at all was the obvious - and it was always like clockwork.
Well, it's still like clockwork and I'm still pain-free; but, I am definitely having hormonal impacts. Bad hormonal impacts. When I look back at my blogs and I see my 'brain cloud' 'depressed' 'funky' entries they all happen at the same time. I can't believe it; I don't know when this happened that my body decided that it would go all depressed on me; but, it's not normal, not for me.
So, I'm trying to decide whether I should involve my doctor. I don't like the fact that for a week before and for a lot of the time during my period that I feel generally low, worthless, and dare I say rock bottom. Rationally, I can look at things and I know what's causing it when I'm on the other side; but, in the middle of it, the feelings are very, very real and like shackles.
The problem for me is that I don't like the idea of medicating myself. It's not that I don't think the medications are beneficial; but, I simply do not like the idea of having to put a drug into my system in order to feel better. Ironically, the 'natural' suggestions provided are to 1) get more exercise and 2) eat more carbs in addition to a 'balanced' diet.
Believe me when I say that a balanced diet and exercise are not the problem here.
What's a girl to do? I mean, this depression is debilitating. It's affecting my work and my social life. It's bad enough that I emotionally shut down. But, I don't want to have to take 'uppers.'
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Welcome to the start of the week, everyone!
I'm pleased to say that although my body demands to hold onto every ounce of water I put into it I am currently holding strong at 198.8. I'd like not to see 2-oh-burbia again; but, if I do, I know I can make it back down again.
I'm still in my funk. It's not as thick a funk as before; but, a funk nonetheless.
I'm down to 10 days until my very first 5K race. Yesterday I went for my 3 mile loop over lunch and found myself slowing to a walk. I knew I wasn't tired. I knew I wasn't working hard. I just let myself walk. I want to say I don't know why - but, I feel like I do. I just wasn't feeling motivated. I wasn't feeling 'pumped.' I wasn't feeling any sense of urgency to prove that I can complete the distance or to just keep moving. So, well, I didn't.
Ugh, I wish I could bottle up some other people's motivation and spray it on in times of crisis! I know I'm completely capable of running that entire distance - so why did I stop?!
I managed to get one room in my house cleaned and organized this weekend - my kitchen. Now, I do have one thing Kitchen related to complain about: my grocery bill. I've noticed since I started eating in a more deliberate way that my grocery bill has doubled. It could be because I'm eating more unprocessed protein (chicken, beef, fish); but, I think it could also be because I'm eating more fruit and veg. My budget has exploded from $50-$60 a week all the way up to $75-$100 a week.
I'm trying to bring myself to do a more in-depth blog; but, I just can't right now. I have so much more I want to talk about; but, I'm feeling icky. Soon, folks. Soon.
Have a wonderful Tuesday, one and all!
Saturday, September 15, 2012
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