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Days 82 - 83: Once Upon a Time.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Once upon a time there was a girl. And that girl would say, "Run? I don't run. I can't run!" She'd say it with all of her will and all of her might and it was so very clear that from the very deep down bottom of her soul she felt it!

"Running is for getting away from things chasing you!"
"Running is for people who don't know how to plan!"
"Running is for skinny people!"

She'd use her excuses and she'd mean them, too.

She'd hide behind jokes, "If I'm being chased by a zombie, I don't have to run that fast!" and deflections "It's really great that you can do that!" and of course the truth, "I run funny. I don't like people seeing me run."

They were all excuses though, and even deeper than her conviction that she didn't run, that she couldn't run; she knew that the only thing stopping her was her.

Something happened. The scale went too high. People started getting sick. Everyone else seemed to be having so much fun with their runs and the girl was left on her own! "What about me?" She asked herself, why can't I?

The door opened, just a crack. The question was asked, why couldn't she?

The girl pondered a moment and thought of failures past. She'd tried for a while in high school (nearly 15 years ago!); she'd tried again in college and liked napping more; she'd tried when she'd declared herself a grown-up, but only wound up sore!

"This time will be different," the girl declared, "This time I'll have patience and I'll be better prepared!" She gathered her friends and anyone with ears, "I'm going to train! I'm going to run -ahem- jog, for the first time in years!" Some looked at her skeptically, some asked her why, others still cheered on and helped her hold her head high! "You can do this with time," her sage Aunt advised, "Just stretch, and hydrate, and follow my guide!"

The first week was hard and the girl knew she looked silly. "Just a minute for now and then walk for two? What good is this doing, just making me pant - I wanted to run, not just to sweat!" Still she persevered and at times she lagged. A times she felt like a failure, her shoulders sagged.

The girl heard voices in the back of her head, saying that this was all pointless, she'd known how it would go - she'd always look stupid, frumpy, and slow. "Fat girls don't run!" One said, "I think they just laughed!" Still another whispered deviously, "You can't go much further, you might as well crash!"

The voices kept coming, but the girl drowned them out - up went the music, out went her shouts! "I won't slow down this time, I won't let you win! I can do this! I will do this! Who cares if I'm not thin?!"

The girl ran on, seconds turned to minutes, and steps to miles. The girl knows now what she tried to disguise. She wanted to try before, but she was scared. She wanted to keep up, wanted to win; but there was no mistaking the lack of confidence within.

So now she runs for herself, voices in tow. Sometimes those same old ones give it a go, "You're feeling so tired and you look so silly!" or "It's too far to go, you're going so slow!"

That, dear friends, is when the music gets louder and the girl just goes.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKEETOR 9/10/2012 8:56PM

    emoticon emoticon

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REFFIE1 9/10/2012 5:19PM

    I had the same fight with those negative voices when I first joined the gym I belong to. I would compare my fleshy self with all those sylphs that exercise. I am now at the point where I don't even notice the uber exercisers and just try to do the best I can for me. It is so freeing. I also found a group of ladies, just regular looking ones to exercise with in a training group. It makes it fun.Good for you for getting fleet feet and running just for you. You rock! emoticon

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ELLISH 9/10/2012 4:57PM

    LOL COOLNESS FRACK!! COOLNESS! Love it! YOu can now put GUY in that too! I hear the voices! No Your not crazy!! ;)

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OLIVIANIGHT 9/10/2012 11:11AM

    Have you been poking round in my head?? I used to use all those excuses and then some, but really I think I was saying "if I don't try, I can't fail".
Good job we decided to ignore those voices isn't it : )

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Day 81: Conquering Fears of Failure

Saturday, September 08, 2012

Evening, everyone!

Today was one hell of a bumpy ride. I started off the day pretty late (10AM) which made for a very compressed day.

Great news is I'm officially a size 16. I haven't been a 16 for many years, so it felt wonderful to be able to fit into that size comfortably. I was also daring enough to try on size 14, but those are still too snug for my liking.

Like many women, I hate shopping for jeans. Given the nature of their construction, many women who have wider hips and smaller waists where you get this ridiculous gap in the back.

Add this fact of life to the odd reason that my favorite store (because they're the least likely to gap) had ridiculous issues with gapping AND decided to lengthen all of their pants and I am one sad panda. 20+ pairs of jeans tried on and I came home with one (and then only because I decided the back gap was tolerable for $20.)

In other much more exciting news I completed my first attempt at a 5K distance today. 40 minutes and some odd seconds. I'm really proud, I feel all the more confident that I can complete the Great Race now. All there is to do is work on my time. I think with this jolt of confidence I'll be able to get closer to 38 or 39 minutes. The whole time I really wasn't sure how far I had to go, so, I really paced myself and held back. Now that I know how far it is from A to B, I think I'll be much more daring.

Before I started running today, though, I totally had to come to grips with a very intimate fear of failure that hit me. I was worried I wasn't ready. I couldn't help but think how I struggled on my last 24 minute mile. What I've learned is that running for a clock doesn't work for me. I just need to go and focus on keeping my movement going. What I also learned is that once I did start moving and realized I'd trained hard to be able to attempt the run that the fears began to slide away. No longer did I worry about not being able to finish, it just turned into focusing on my pace and breathing.

I hope everyone else has found something this weekend to make themselves proud.

AAHHH it's almost Monday again!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECCABOO127 9/9/2012 9:59PM

    Very nice blog post. You are one inspiring women with a great positive attitude to keep things going. I love reading your posts!

Keep on keeping on. You know what works for you!



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POMATOJUICE 9/9/2012 9:06AM

    I feel like I should congratulate you on the run and all, but I'd rather rage with you on pants. GRRRRR JEANS SRSLY OMG

I feel like I could totally wear a size down in waist if only my thighs& ass would fit! So, I fit the thighs& ass and wear a belt.

Actually, there's one brand I've been wearing a lot lately. Lee has a line out called Slender Secret. They make all sorts of dumb claims about slimming and all that crap, but when you get down to it, they're stretchy, you can buy down a size, and they stretch to accomodate the hips, make your butt look great, and don't give you that awesome tent in the back. I'm in 14s in that brand! omg! I mean, since they are stretchy, you pretty much have to buy a size down, or they stretch to be too big at the end of the day :X But still! That's where I've had the most success with jeans. I am 5 ft 4, and the petite length they have is just about right for me.

My freind really likes the pants from Torrid. I don't have a Torrid here and I REALLY like to try my pants on first, but she gave me a pair of her old pans, and it's like they hug your lower back like no jeans have before! It's amazing! I can order online, though, so I may in the future. It's a plus sized store, so the smallest size is 12, but I figure that will last me at least the next 6 months :P

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DIZZYCOCOA 9/8/2012 11:48PM

    great job on the 5k! Amazing lady emoticon
I've heard Liz Claiborne jeans are built for smaller waists. I don't have that problem though (yet!)

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SUNSET09 9/8/2012 11:38PM

  Good for you for completing the emoticon ! Success is in the journey, not the destination nor how long it takes. We don't give up, we finish! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/8/2012 11:39:12 PM

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ZANDORR 9/8/2012 10:24PM

  Congratulations on your running and pants finding/fitting. emoticon

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JAMBABY0 9/8/2012 10:19PM

    congrats and keep up the good work.

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Day 80: Tomorrow - My first Attempt at a 5K

Friday, September 07, 2012

Well, first and foremost I've decided to drop all of the IDEA references from my blog titles. To remind everyone, I'm doing this whole weight loss study thing. Right now the rules are still 1200 calories, 40 grams of fat, and 250 minutes of exercise. The rules, frankly, are pretty easy for me. Well, especially since I've decided my calorie range is from 1200 to 1400 and I don't stress when my fat hits 50. The minutes are pretty simple, too, because I'm a planner and a goal setter and stubborn as hell.

So, what I'm trying to say is, this isn't about the study anymore. This is about finding my lifestyle and getting things comfortable and -liveable.- I'm doing great at the study, and I'm planning to continue doing great; but, I want to do great at my life and life isn't always going to support an irrational 1200 calorie goal.

Last night I went out and did a nice long bike ride. My tracker said it was just 5 miles; but, my GPS didn't kick in until 1/4 of the way through, so I know it was longer. All told I rode for 45 minutes, and I would have kept going had I wanted to torture my dog. What can I say, I love Jack and want him to be able to pee when he needs to :-P

I felt good on last night's ride. I felt strong. Sure, I had to really push to get up some of the hills; but, I did some great self talk. I started at 230 and counted down. Each pedal press was a pound lost. By the time I hit 200 I was up the hill, and at 190 I felt like I could take on the world. There wasn't a voice in my head that said I couldn't do it; and I wouldn't have cared if there was. I Fracked a bunch of hills and reveled in the sweat. It's good to feel like you're strong.

With 21 days until the 5K I find myself desperately needing to attempt the distance. I've been running for time up until this point, working up my minutes as opposed to working for distance. Well, tomorrow I'm going for 3 miles. I know, it's not quite 5K, but I need to know that I can do that far. I know can, I can feel it in my bones. I did a mile and a half on my sucky day on Wednesday, with the weather projected to be in the low 70's I feel like I'm setting myself up for success. I got this. I can do this. I will do this.

Alright, guys and girls, lets all keep our eyes on the prize!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECCABOO127 9/8/2012 4:52PM

    Yes, you can do this!



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WALKZWDOGZ 9/8/2012 3:10AM

    emoticon Good luck with that 5K!

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FITWITHIN 9/7/2012 8:10PM

    You will your emoticon in the bag when that time rolls around. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AGK3112 9/7/2012 12:35PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GINGERLY4 9/7/2012 10:31AM

    You totally got this!

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PJBONARRIGO 9/7/2012 10:08AM

    It sounds like you are doing a great job creating a healthy lifestyle. It's very exciting to go the distance. I'm sure you can do it! Woohoo! Your first 5K!! emoticon

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NJJ-EXERCISE30 9/7/2012 10:04AM

    good Luck!! emoticon

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ELLISH 9/7/2012 10:01AM

    WOOOOOOOOOOOHHHOOOOOOOOOO!! YOU CAN DO IT!!! YOU GOT THIS!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JUDYHELP 9/7/2012 9:53AM

  emoticon I like the statement "I'm finding my life style and getting things comfortable, and liveable". That was well put. emoticon on going the distance. You will be able to do the 5K. emoticon emoticon Good luck on your life style. Judy PS good luck to Jack too!!! haha

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IDEA - Days 78 - 79: Too many topics in my head

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Well, we're rapidly coming upon the end of the work week!

Last night I posted a trio of photos from the con, I'm just waiting for more to turn up from the photographers and also to get the motivation to dig up my own camera to upload. The euphoria of Con is slowly fading, only to be replaced by the need to gear up for next year. Right now memberships are on sale for $65 - and will be up around $120 right before the Con. Also, one of the host hotels has already sold out.. which is sort of a bummer. In other words, I have to decide very, very quickly if I want to invest in going back next year.

Last night I went to do my first run since last Sunday. I was slated for a 25 minute non-stop run. I failed. Terribly. For starters, and I know this sounds like an excuse, I had on a backpack with my work clothes in it since I wouldn't be able to get back in the building. Second it was humid and gross. Third, I knew from the second I stepped out of the building my brain wasn't in it. It's okay. I made it about 15 minutes before I stopped and walked. Today I brought my bike and intend to do a nice, long bout before going home tonight. I'll get my head back in the game, just you wait and see.

I had a plethora of blog topics in my head including C25K fail from yesterday, the fact that I feel like my lady-times are getting me more moody now than they ever had, and that this is the first time in years I've felt so comfortable in my own skin.

All of those topics are going to have to wait for another time :-P

I hope you all are keeping your heads up and your hearts full - we've all come so far and will go so much further with patience and determination!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POMATOJUICE 9/7/2012 9:02AM

    I'm really not sure about next year, too! Part of me thinks it'd be better if I was staying in one of the host hotels, and didn't have a 15 min walk to the con... but I don't think that's it.. Having to wakl to get back, especially late at night, really sucked, but it was SOOO nice not having to wait on elevators. I hate con elevator drama. The Omni felt like it was empty in comparison, even though it was packed with football fans and a baptist convention! lol

I'm just not sure about the crowds! It doesn't seem worth it to me to wait in line HOURS for a panel or event or whatever, and I can totally dork out in costume at smaller conventions if I'm just going to wander around the public areas for 4 days straight. (Heck, for the smaller ones, I sometimes dont' even buy a badge.. lol)

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BECCABOO127 9/6/2012 5:16PM

    I wouldn't say that you failed! You got out there & did what you could, and that is fantastic!


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OLIVIANIGHT 9/6/2012 11:54AM

    *copy and paste what you said on my blog* : p

At least you tried, and 15 mins is more than 7 times longer than I managed, so yaaaaay for you! And the backpack is totally not an excuse, those things are EVIL.

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ELLISH 9/6/2012 10:45AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GINGERLY4 9/6/2012 9:53AM

    We all have days where our heads/hearts just aren't into our workouts, but you still got out there and did something...good for you!

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IDEA - Days 70 - 77: Weight Loss is Easy

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Hello all!

I'm back from Con and feeling moderately focused.

We left for the convention on Thursday. Really, with a lot of planning and a hard head I managed to stick mostly within my own expectations for calories and fat. We drove for 12 hours and then stopped somewhere in South Carolina before continuing to the convention the next day.

In terms of what I ate while at Con, well, when I added it up it wasn't -that- terrible. I tried to have at least two pieces of fruit a day and limited the amounts that I did eat. (For example I had one hot dog where I normally would have had two.) I also drank LOTS of water and ONLY water during daylight hours. In the evening I did enjoy a few beers and would have a Powerade Zero. I think what really helped was avoiding the sodas.

Conventions are tricky things, and I have to say this year felt a bit.. off. There are a million things to do at DragonCon - and you can never dream of doing all of them. First and foremost, most people like to go to panels. At a panel you get to listen to a celebrity speak about the work they've done or hear people opine about different aspects of a show, craft, or art. I don't go to panels. Ever. The celebrity panels tend to be too overcrowded for my taste and the 'fan' panels tend to be too... preachy and ego filled.

So, what do I do at conventions? I costume. I love costuming. I love the attention that comes with it. Really, anyone who costumes is probably doing it for the attention. Well, that and the comraderie. This year I had planned to do six costumes. When everything wrapped I wound up bringing four and only actually wearing three of them. I brought down Lady Deadpool, Battlestar Galactica double-tanks, Gambit, and my Star Trek maroon uniform. The Star Trek uniform stayed in the closet while I wore my BSG bits the most since they're so uber comfortable!

There were a ton of highlights this year including Stan Lee crashing our Marvel photoshoot and James Callis turning up for the Battlestar photoshoot. Also, Jamie Bamber is now my new favorite celebrity, bar none. Just a class act, and kind.

So, it's time to get to the topic of my blog - Weight Loss Is Easy.

My God is it easy!

It's a formula, burn more calories than you eat. Simple, right? Everyone has their own personal struggles when it comes to attaining that forumula. Some people have a difficult time managing their portions while others find their lives don't accommodate enough activity.

I think, for me, the struggle is patience. It's understanding that it didn't take two months to put on the weight and it won't take two weeks to take it off. More than that, appreciating a loss of even a tenth of a pound is just as important as a whole pound.

Last night, at Fat Kids Club, the lesson was in problem solving. Well, my problem is being patient. I'll just have to take the time to train myself in that fine, skilled art.

I hope everyone is keeping their eyes on the prize!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POMATOJUICE 9/7/2012 9:04AM

    Aww.. I totally saw a couple of lady deadpools! I should have just started poking them all and asking if it was you! lol

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    Sounds like Con was a huge success and all those nights of sewing paid off. Weight loss is easy. It's the focus on getting that formula right with each choice during the day AND night. When you figure out the art of patience-- DO SHARE!
Best wishes this week dear Pepper! With this short week, the weekend is going to be upon us sooner.


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REFFIE1 9/5/2012 10:49AM

    It is wonderful when you realize that you have control over what you eat, no matter the circumstance. Also, you had a fantastic time without filling up on junky food! You are right you can do this thing and are! Congratulations and keep on sparkin' my peppy friend. emoticon

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GINGERLY4 9/5/2012 10:33AM

    Glad you had fun and woohoo on your food victory at the convention!

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