Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I'll try and figure out why my vlog isn't working. I'll play around with it and try again.
Happy New Year's Everyone!
Monday, December 28, 2009
I had a good christmas, I hope everyone else did too. I had a lot of fun with my family and got some cool presents. I actually got to play euchre with my family, usually I'm extra because they like 4 handed euchre and they don't want to play 5 handed but this time we played 6 handed, which was interesting and a lot of fun. I want to buy a camcorder with my xmas money but I don't want one that's too expensive because I'll mostly be using it for video blogs, but I don't want a webcam because I want to be able to take it places too, so I might be looking for awhile to find one for a good price.
I had a dance lesson today, and I'm kind of embarrased about something that happened. My instructor, it was one of the female instructors today because all the guys were on holidays still, she gave me a compliment. I'm often not so good with compliments. She said I have a beautiful, tall body, and my eyes started to water because I sort of disagree, and she said don't you dare cry. It was very nice of her and I have no reason to suspect she lying, I mean maybe she was just being nice but she seemed sincere. She said it because I tend to try and dance small and I know I shouldn't but I can't seem to stop myself. Then, while I was driving home, I actually did cry. I know I shouldn't, I should be happy, someone said I was beautiful, which doesn't happen often, but I disagree and I ususally think they're lying to be nice. I really need to get some self esteem
Anyway, I hope everyone has a good New Year's!!!
Monday, December 21, 2009
I'm so tired today. I didn't sleep well the last couple nights. Partly because I was nervous about an apointment I had this morning. I went to Ryerson University for an interview to see if I would be appropriate for a study comparing treatments for social anxiety disorder. It's not easy for me to talk about that kind of stuff, especially to someone I don't know. I'm sure they expected it, given the topic of the study. That's most likely why all I want to do right now is go home and go to bed. I'm not exactly down and depressed, but I'm not happy and excited either. I'm just exhausted and feel drained, both mentally and physically. The only other way I can think of to describe how I'm feeling right now is contemplative, I'm not depressed, I'm just ... thinking. I dunno if that makes any sense lol. Anyway, they told me I fit the criteria for the study, so I agreed. Now I just have to wait and see what happens, it doesn't start til march they said. And if I get put in the control group, I'll receive treatment after the study rather than during, so hopefully this will help me.
I wish everyone a wonderful holiday.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Today I'm feeling kinda down. I don't have much willpower or motivation today. I think it's because I haven't made as much progress as I'd hoped. I'm still happy about getting over my fears yesterday, but it's about my weight and my eating and stuff today. I just keep making the wrong choices and eating the wrong things. I'm still pretty active though so it's not all bad this week.
I am excited about the xmas dance tonight, I'm worried though because since it's for xmas they're gonna have food there this time. Normally they just have drinks cus the focus is dancing not eating. I need help to keep myself on track today. It's gonna be difficult because I'm short on time for dinner too. After work, I'm heading straight home to get ready and then hopefully I will have enough time to eat something that's not too bad. I'm also worried I might be tempted to get fast food with my shortage on time and lack of motivation. Hopefully things will go well.
Have a nice weekend everyone
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I'm very proud of myself today. I finally did something I have been terrified to do. I let someone throw me in hapkido. I even have a bit of a sore back and I still let them throw me on my back. I had finally gotten up the courage to ask to do throwing, so I was afraid if I didn't do it today, I would chicken out next time. It didn't hurt my back though with the foot thick mats so it was ok. I feel really good about myself right now ^_^ I finally overcame my fear. It still makes me a bit nervous but I can do it now. Now maybe I'll actually get my orange belt when I test, I was worried I wouldn't pass because of the throwing.
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!
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