Monday, December 21, 2009
I'm so tired today. I didn't sleep well the last couple nights. Partly because I was nervous about an apointment I had this morning. I went to Ryerson University for an interview to see if I would be appropriate for a study comparing treatments for social anxiety disorder. It's not easy for me to talk about that kind of stuff, especially to someone I don't know. I'm sure they expected it, given the topic of the study. That's most likely why all I want to do right now is go home and go to bed. I'm not exactly down and depressed, but I'm not happy and excited either. I'm just exhausted and feel drained, both mentally and physically. The only other way I can think of to describe how I'm feeling right now is contemplative, I'm not depressed, I'm just ... thinking. I dunno if that makes any sense lol. Anyway, they told me I fit the criteria for the study, so I agreed. Now I just have to wait and see what happens, it doesn't start til march they said. And if I get put in the control group, I'll receive treatment after the study rather than during, so hopefully this will help me.
I wish everyone a wonderful holiday.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Today I'm feeling kinda down. I don't have much willpower or motivation today. I think it's because I haven't made as much progress as I'd hoped. I'm still happy about getting over my fears yesterday, but it's about my weight and my eating and stuff today. I just keep making the wrong choices and eating the wrong things. I'm still pretty active though so it's not all bad this week.
I am excited about the xmas dance tonight, I'm worried though because since it's for xmas they're gonna have food there this time. Normally they just have drinks cus the focus is dancing not eating. I need help to keep myself on track today. It's gonna be difficult because I'm short on time for dinner too. After work, I'm heading straight home to get ready and then hopefully I will have enough time to eat something that's not too bad. I'm also worried I might be tempted to get fast food with my shortage on time and lack of motivation. Hopefully things will go well.
Have a nice weekend everyone
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
I'm very proud of myself today. I finally did something I have been terrified to do. I let someone throw me in hapkido. I even have a bit of a sore back and I still let them throw me on my back. I had finally gotten up the courage to ask to do throwing, so I was afraid if I didn't do it today, I would chicken out next time. It didn't hurt my back though with the foot thick mats so it was ok. I feel really good about myself right now ^_^ I finally overcame my fear. It still makes me a bit nervous but I can do it now. Now maybe I'll actually get my orange belt when I test, I was worried I wouldn't pass because of the throwing.
Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!!!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Ok, today has been interesting so far. Mainly for one reason. I know someone mentioned that I might have an anxiety disorder or something when I blogged about being too nervous to go into a dance alone. Well, last week I found a study online for social anxiety disorder and I sent them an email. I haven't been put in the study yet, but they did call me and they want me to go in and meet them and have an assessment. I'm totally nervous, and I'm sure they're expecting that. I knew about my SAD but I haven't been doing anything about it except the martial arts and dance lessons, which I still don't know how I got myself to actually go in, but there are still so many things I can't do, especially in my classes.
She asked me a number of questions over the phone about it and because of the types of questions she was asking I'm now in worry mode. It just got me thinking about the things I get anxious about and now I can't distract myself. Like tonight I'm gonna try and get over my fear in hapkido and let someone throw me, though that's not exactly a social situation, it is something that makes me nervous. Also, the dance tomorrow, and I'm seeing an osteopath for the first time on friday so I'm nervous about that. I don't know him or what he's going to do. What I do know is he might be able to help with my migraines. Hopefully martial arts tonight can distract me enough that I'll only be nervous about one thing, the throwing.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
I'm never very good with titles for my blogs, so instead I'm just gonna use the day's date. Boring I know, but it doesn't matter ^_^
Anyway, today was quite a day. I hurt my back last week, doing too much at hapkido, but today it was a little better. I've also been using one of those menthol gels cus advil did nothing yesterday. It does seem to help, I also made an appointment for a massage tomorrow, I'd be more excitd if it wasn't because of pain, hopefully it'll help.
I had a dance lesson today and my teacher said I did very well with the waltz, again. Last time too, it's because it's my favorite dance now, since learning some new moves. It just feels better now when I dance it.
Unfortunately, after my lesson, I went out to my car to go home and I had to scrape the ice off my windshield cus it had snowed during my lesson. So I started my car to warm it up and got out to scrape my window. Well, the idiot that I obviously am, I locked my keys in my car. While it was running. I had to go back in and call for a tow truck then wait for an hour, with my car running, for them to come and unlock it. I hate leaving my car running for any amount of time, never mind an hour.
I'm finally home now, with my back all cold from the menthol gel, tired as hell from my dance lesson, good tired though, and I'm about to eat dinner and go to bed. So my day had some good things and some not so good things. But at least I have the xmas dance party to look forward to on thursday. I'm really excited about it ^_^
Hope you all have a nice week!!!
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