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Saturday, December 05, 2009

I blogged once before about a dance I tried to go to but was too nervous to go in. Well, I did the same dam thing tonight. I got all dressed up and did my hair and stuff, and then I went and sat in the parking lot for a half hour and left. I don't know why I can't just go in. I know I'm shy, but I want so much to go at least once and see if I like it or not. I go to the parties at Fred Astaire, but I know people there. Even the first time I went, I knew the instructors would be there. I'm disappointed I wasn't able to go in for a second time. I hope I will be able to go and enjoy myself dancing, even if I don't know anyone, soon. I just want to practice because other than my lessons and the occasional practice party at the studio, I don't dance at all.

I hope you all have a better night than I did.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AUTUMNSWEATER 12/15/2009 11:34PM

    agh. i totally understand this. i also think it'd be a good idea to con someone into goin' with you. Don't beat yourself up over it (though i know full well how awful it feels to get ready to go out and then not be able to actually go, 'cause ya change yer mind and just can't, though you want to so bad). I reckon when yer ready, you'll go in and blow 'em away with yer dance skills.

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JXNCHICORY 12/6/2009 9:35PM

    I suggest that you get someone to go with you. That way you won't hesitate about going in. Maybe someone from your class would be interested in trying someplace new with you? Just a thought.

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KATHYCOOK4 12/5/2009 11:11PM

    That's too bad. It sounds like an Anxiety Disorder. I should know. I suffered with one for years. Have you seen a doctor about medication? I'm on medication for it & haven't had an attack in a long, long time.

I think that it's good that you blogged about this.

I hope that you feel better & are able to go to a dance.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

P.S. Hang in there!

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MCCALI59 12/5/2009 9:30PM

  I have had the same experiences many times and still gat that way noe. I dont know why. Good luck to you. emoticon

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Doing Better

Friday, December 04, 2009

Ok, well things are definitely going better. I've lost five pounds in the last week so hopefully on wednesday I'll have agood weight loss for my BLC team. I just gotta not mess up this weekend when I'm baking cookies with my Mom ^_^ Also, I went to have my eyes checked yesterday because I thought that my tiredness and headaches were caused by eye strain. Well I was right, but it's not because I need new glasses, it's because I work on a computer most of the day. He said to sit farther away from the computer so hopefully I won't be so tired anymore. We'll see, it doesn't seem so bad today so maybe it is helping.

I went to a practice party last night at Fred Astaire. It was fun, but they still failed to get me up for the circle dance. It's where everyone just gets 4 different random partners and teach a new dance move, but because I'm very shy and self consious and don't like touching still, I don't like to do the things they normally teach. Two of my instructors partnered with me a couple times, and one of the things I didn't mind doing, it was the grape vine in the foxtrot, but the other was the oblique line in the rumba so I didn't want to do it. If you know what those are great, if not, I don't really know how to explain in words lol. I'm getting to know a few people there though. A couple people always say hi to me and I sit with them sometimes, not exactly friends but friendly people who may one day become friends. It's a start ^_^

I'm going to a dance lesson tonight as well, Marko says we need to work on sharpness. In the Tango I'm not very good at that, and he danced a Tango with me last night. I think I'm improving though, I find the Tango one of the harder dances to do. I think I'm picking up the ChaCha very well and it's my favourite right now, though that may change.

Anyway, I think this blog is long enough ^_^ Hope everyone has a nice weekend!!!


Not so good day

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Wow this really sucks. Yesterday I was so positive and motivated. But today hasn't been going so well. It's been stressful at work. Now I'm at home with no one to talk to. I'm generally a shy person so I have no friends, though I am getting better, I definitely don't have a boyfriend. I've never actually had a real relationship ith someone. I would love to but I'm too shy, and when I really think about it I don't see why anyone would want to date me. That's sad I know, I have terrible self esteem, I'm working on it. I just want someone to be there when I have a bad day, someone I can talk to about anything, someone who genuinely cares about me, not just because I was born into the same family. I want to feel special and loved. And I want to feel safe and protected. I'd rather be the damsel in distress who gets saved by the knight in shining armor, as opposed to the driven career woman who needs no one. I just feel like that'll never happen for me because if I don't even love myself, who out there could possibly love me.

Like I said it's been a bad day, sorry for being so negative but it helps sometimes to talk about it or write about it.

I hope everyone has a good week.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARSTASAURUS 12/3/2009 7:07AM

    Hey! Like everyone is saying it's really not good to have a relationship when you don't truly love yourself. But this journey that you're on, the one that spark people is helping you to do, is one of self discovery. And there is no doubt in my mind that in time you will come to love yourself like you should!

You should really focus on friends at the moment! Having friends is a great support structure and they also help to keep your mind off of all the bad stuff! So reach out to a couple of people in your classes or talk to more people at work or at school! Being social can really lift your mood even if you're just talking to an acquaintance or an instructor!

And don't forget that all of us fellow Sparkies are out here too! We may not be as readily available as a person right next to you but we'll help to motivate and comfort you when the need arises!



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KRDRAPES 12/2/2009 9:11PM

    please don't give up-you need to love yourself and be happy with who you are before you look for someone else to love you. try to go out of yourself to meet people -you can do it!

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    oh nooo! youre right about the loving yourself part, and thats what needs to happen first. i got out of an unhealthy relationship towards the end of the summer because the person was more in love with me than i was with myself. i thought everything i ever wanted was to be in a relationship but it turns out i had to work on myself first, and im definitely doing that now. it's good that youre taking all those dance classes and you should try to build some friendships through that! also if work is making you unhappy, you should do what you love, like you had mentioned in an earlier blog. keep your head up, and dont give up fighting for yourself!

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A New Day

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

I have been on SP for just over a month and am disappointed with my progress. I have only lost 5 lbs. I know I could have done much better. I hope to stick to the menu plan a lot more this month with xmas coming up. I plan to do more exercise, 4 or 5 days a week for 60 mins. I have already taken steps to make it easier to stick to it. I have been overly tired for a few weeks now and I think it may be eye strain from my glasses, I made an appointment to get it checked out. I also saw a massage therapist for my stiff neck and headaches, which I believe are from the glasses too. It was my first professional massage and it was awesome, though I am a little sore today. She said that my shoulder and neck muscles were very tight. I will continue going for at least the next month as I do have all of my insurance coverage that I can use before the new year. I will be doing Hapkido on Mondays and Wednesdays, Ballroom dancing on Tuesday and/or Friday, and I will be doing a Zumba class or Yoga on Thursdays and Saturdays when I don't work. Hopefully I'll stick to my plan and make more progress this month, as I know xmas is going to be hard, I will be limiting but not avoiding any of the usual xmas food and treats. I know I can do well enough the rest of the month that I won't need to avoid all the treats. Hopefully I will help my BLC7 team much more this month as well.

Hope you all have a wonderful week ^_^

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARSTASAURUS 12/2/2009 1:54PM

    Yay! It seems like everyone is laying out new plans at the moment! I think it's because December is pretty much anti-skinny month! Haha!

Your plan sounds great! Especially with all of the class activities! I've been thinking about joining classes for months but I have NO confidence! You are so awesome for doing them!

You can definitely kick this week's butt! :D!


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JRAUTIO 12/1/2009 3:09PM

    It sounds like you have a great plan in place -- lots of activities and the resolve to stay on track. You can do it!

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Career Choices

Monday, November 30, 2009

I am a little stressed about school right now. I'm having serious doubts about my program. I'm in Civil Engineering Technology and I don't know if I can do it or if I want to do it anymore. I'm finished the first 2 years and I'm currently on my first work term. I've been having doubts all term and some of last year. I've been thinking maybe I'd like to be a nutrionist. I know I'd have to lose a lot of my weight before people would take advice from me or where I would be at the point feeling comfortable giving advice. I've always been interested in nutrition. I think taking the program would reallt help me as well. I know that one day I will take the program. What I'm stressing about is whether or not to drop out of engineering now to do it, or to wait and see if I can get my diploma and work while I'm taking it. I know I've only got a year left, but the program I'm looking at is only 1 year full time or 2 part time. So, it's either upset my parents and go for it now and be done in a year, or don't upset my parents, try to finish, and maybe be done in 3 years or more.

It's a huge decision and if I decide to take the nutrition I know my parents will be angry. They're paying after all, and my dad is an engineer and he was so happy when I told him I was gonna take engineering. I don't know if I can handle the course for another year though, I don't know if I can graduate, if I can do the work. So basically, I'm stressed out because I don't know what to do, and I need to decide soon because I'm starting back in school in January.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNWALTOS 11/30/2009 1:16PM

    Well first and foremost I am certain that your parents only want whats best for you and for you to be happy. If you sat down with them and told them what you told all of us I'm sure they would tell you to go for something you really want to do. If you don't enjoy something you won't do it (part of why I never got in the habbit of making my bed emoticon) I think if you are interested in nutrition it can only help you and help others and that is something wonderful. I know you don't know me but I would say follow your heart and it sounds like your heart doesn't want engineering. If you ever need to talk I'm always here.

emoticon Jennie

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