FOXYROXY13   27,324
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My Weekend

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Well, I'm back from my weekend with my parents at my grandma's. We had a good weekend, I thought it would be difficult to eat healthy but it wasn't bad. We ate out one night and it wasn't that great but I could've done much worse, then for breakfast this morning I was able to avoid having the bacon. Which I'm avoiding because it's very fattening and also because I've decided to be vegetarian and I have successfully avoided meat for a whole week. This way my diet is much healthier and I can feel good about not eating animals.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DBELLE39 11/8/2009 8:17PM

    Sometimes we put too much focus on something, making it seem more difficult than it really is. Way to go for having a great weekend & still making healthy choices.

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SCAREDOFFROGS 11/8/2009 6:47PM

  I think we always tend to think something is harder than it really is once we do what we've worried about doing

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Depressed

Thursday, November 05, 2009

I was just reading a thread where everyone posted what they wouldn't miss about being fat. Unfortunately most of those of things I think I won't miss because it won't change. Not my weight though, other things, like feeling self conscious, low self esteem, etc. I don't think those things will go away for me and now I'm a bit depressed about it. Especially that I feel like no one will ever love me.

I've never had a boyfriend before, I don't feel comfortable being that close to people, I'm doing dancing and martial arts to try and change that, but it's only working so much. In dancing there's this one move where I have to put my hand on his waist, and I feel really uncomfortable doing it.

I don't know if I'll ever feel like I deserve to be loved or if I'll ever be able to get that close to someone or trust someone completely. I don't know if I'll ever like the way I look, or be confident enough in myself to not care what other people think. I don't know if I'll ever just be happy with the way I am, even once I lose all the weight, there are too many things I don't like myself.

the touching issue
my weight and apearance
my shyness
im very unfit
my health issues due to/aggravated by my weight
im selfconscious
low self esteem
im lonely but dont feel deserving of love
my clothing size
i cant cross my legs
i am embarassed by how I must look when dancing, doing martial arts, or exercising
not being able to keep up in dance and martial arts classes

and so many more but i need to stop this line of thought, I need to distract myself and keep busy to keep from feeling down.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ONLY1TAN 11/5/2009 10:48PM

    What happened to the lady in your last blog! You are my teammate and I am here to help! Many of the things I don't like about myself are on your list. I think many people have similar list also. You are deserving of love!! Trust me when I say it will come to you when it is least expected. That's how it happened to me. I never thought it would happen but surprise someone does love me and wants to be with me. You will find that! Work on that self-esteem! Leave little pep-talk notes for yourself around.

You can do this and I am right here to help!

Tracey

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Progress!!!!! ^_^

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I had my first loss today, and I stuck with my meal plan yesterday. I'm doing well so far today too. Last night I made some Vegetarian Chili from the recipe given in the meal plan. I made a couple changes, different spices and lots of garlic, but it's really good and I'll be making it again. I think I may actually be able to do this ^_^

I'm excited about Hapkido tonight as well. I just hope we don't do falling or throwing. Techniques would be good. Patterns would be boring as I already know my next pattern, tho the practice wouldn't hurt.

  


Good and Bad

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

What's good is that I did pass my Orange stripe test on Saturday ^_^ Funny how a little piece of orange tape can make me so excited. Last night in class I was learning some real cool new techniques too. I'm not looking forward to my next test tho as one of the techniques includes a hip throw, both doing it to someone and getting it done to, and as I don't like being touched very much I'm not looking forward to being thrown. I'm gonna have to work on that before the test in 3 months.

The bad is that I sort of messed up last night and had fries from mcdonald's. I only did it cus I was in a hurry but still. I could've had a couple slices of bread or something which would have been way better than fries. I started fresh this morning tho, and hopefully I can stick with it today. I'm actually gonna make the portabello burgers the meal plan gave me cus they sou nd really good and I actually have time tonight.

  


New Beginning

Monday, November 02, 2009

I started the new menu plan today. I'm liking it so far. I just need to stick with it.

I'm back to hapkido tonight, tho I'm still sore from the grading on saturday. I find out tonight if I passed. One of my goals for the next 6 months is to improve my fitness for when I do my Green belt test as I can barely do the fitness requirements for Orange. I had to do 100 jumping jacks, 100 crunches and 25 burpies. I did notice an improvement over last time tho, I lasted longer for jumping jacks and when I had to stop and take a break, it was because my legs hurt not because I couldn't breathe ^_^ Also, I'll have more patterns to do and it was difficult doing them this time.

  


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