Friday, March 05, 2010
I haven't been doing well lately, at all. I've been kinda depressed and not feeling too well so I've been doing horribly. I'm not feeling so depressed now but still not too well. I have been super tired for almost 2 weeks now, and geting a headache almost every day. Also some nausea and dizziness and just a whole bunch of stuff. This morning, when I was washing my hair, I noticed a lump on the back of my head as well. Right where a lot of my headaches are. I went to the doctor and he said it could be my lymph node though it doesn't really feel like it, or it could be a cyst or something. Basically, I he said I don't need to worry about it unless it gets bigger as it is pretty small, and if it does get bigger then I will need to go for an ultrasound. He does want me to do some blood tests though, so I gotta go for that tomorrow.
On a brighter note, Marko started teaching me the samba yesterday ^_^ It's a little tricky to get the rhythm and the bounce right. All we did yesterday was the basic and the box step. I'm having another lesson tomorrow and we're going to focus on the samba, because it's new, and the tango, because I'm not very good at it. I'm kinda debating on whether or not to do the tango for my next routine, because that would be a very good motivator to get better at it lol. I also think it would be cool, when I do the tango now or later, if I do it to the song tango de roxanne, ir whatever it's called. The one in moulin rouge because it's a pretty good tango song and of course it has my name in it. Not many people can say they have a tango song lol. I also like santa maria, and 2 songs from take the lead, asi se baila el tango and the la cumparsita remix. otherwise I could do the rumba or the chacha as I feel like I'm fairly good at those already. I think not the swing, not so good lol, but fun, I guess I could do the foxtrot too, I'm not bad at that.
anyway, it's late like 12:15 in the morning lol, so I should get to bed as I'll need all my energy tomorrow for the tango, the samba, and of course work. night guys!
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I haven't been having a good week. Horrible in fact. I've been feeling totally depressed for almost 2 weeks now and so I've been eating pretty much nothing but junk food, which just makes me feel worse. I'm not even having much fun dancing anymore. I never have ebergy for it anyway. I had a lesson todaym and my energy was gone after half an hour. the last half I was totally tired and you could definitely tell, I wasn't really trying anymore, well I was but not very well. I did learn a new step for the waltz, my fav, during the first half. He said it was an advanced step, but that still didn't make me feel good. He even said I was doing well in the foxtrot and the waltz. but then we moved on to the tango and the chacha and by that time I was done.
I have a migraine now, though it's getting better. I use a cold pack on my head and it usually helps. It was killer before though.
I'm going to start seeing a therapist I think. not only because I get depressed once in a while, last time was in the summer, but also because of several other things. I found a place in toronto, which is about 45 mins to an hours drive, that is covered by my provincial health plan. I do need a referral from my doctor though and I really don't want to talk to him about it. I'm going to try though. Maybe he knows a place closer but every place I've found isn't covered by OHIP. I've actually got a lot of stuff I think should be adressed. The depression of course, which I would consider mild compared to some people, self esteem and self image issues, the fact that I don't like touching at all yet I so want a relationship with someone one day in wich I can be physically affectionate, my social anxiety, which is definitely getting better with the dancing. I don't really remember doing my waltz though, its kinda fuzzy, like a dream that fades as you wake up, but I have the video for proof lol. Anyway there's other stuff too but I don't want to be writing too much about it lol. I'll let you all know what happens, like if I do decide to see a therapist and how it goes and stuff. I don't even know if I'll be able to talk to them, I'm really not good at the whole talking about my feelings and what goes on in mind thing. Half the time I don't even know lol.
Ok, that's enough from me lol, have a nice week everyone.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I've been having a very stressful day. I had a midterm today and I have another one tomorrow. I've been stressing about them, and I messed up my diet today. I skipped breakfast, which I never do, then I ate all my calories at lunch, and now I'm not even hungry for dinner. I know I went way over for sodium but I haven't tracked today. I'm trying to chug down as much water as I can to try and get some of that stuff out of system, I'm actually pretty thirsty today anyway.
I'm also just feeling kinda down today, no reason other than stressing about the tests. I mean I had a good weekend and all, and I don't normally stress so much about tests and school work. I had cancelled yesterday's dance lesson for more study time and I'm going to try and get an appointment for one tomorrow after my test, they're really good for stress relief. I always leave a lesson feeling great. I just love dancing.
On a more positive note, there's a new guy in my hapkido class now, he just started today, and he may be bringing his girlfriend in to try it. So I might not be the only girl anymore ^_^ It's only a maybe but it would be nice.
I really need to get the scale moving too, normally I'm pretty patient and ok with it going slowly, but it just feels like it's barely moving now. I feel like I'm not making enough progress, like I'm failing yet again. I feel pretty lonely too, my only friends are the ones I dance with, and they're great, but It would be nice to have one really close friend that I can call when I'm feeling down or have a stressful day. A boyfriend would be great for that too but unfortunately, I've never felt like anyone could actually be attracted to me or want to go out with me.
See, all negative thoughts today! It's horrible and I don't know how to make myself be positive again. Being negative just makes it worse.
Ok, I'm going to go take a break from studying and maybe watch some tv to try and stop myself from thinking too much right now.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Well today was kinda stressful, too much studying and homework, which I get to do all day tomorrow too after my first midterm. I have another one on thursday, and then again next week. I think I'm good for tomorrows.
I don't remember if I blogged about this before, but when I was at the health and wellness expo at my school last week, I signed up for this fitness challenge. The mohawk students association is running it, and its just basically 12 weeks of free, fun fitness classes. They started in january so I missed a few, but today was fun, and just what I needed after a stressful day. It was a salsa lesson, like club salsa. It was very similar to the little bit of salsa I've done in my lessons but a bit more relaxed. Ballroom salsa is a bit more formal and stuff but still lots of fun. Next week is hula hoop aerobics lol. After we learned the moves, we partnered up, and of course there are more girls than guys doing the fitness classes, so I was paired with a girl and I did the guy part as I've done the salsa a bit before. Though being the guy was new ^_^ It was a lot of fun.
I did end up cancelling my dance lesson today though, with Marko at Fred Astaire. Just so I could have more time for studying, but I needed the break so I went to the salsa thing. I think I'm going to try and reschedule my lesson for thursday or friday, after my midterms for the week are over.
On sunday, Valentine's Day, I worked in the morning for 8 hours, which was really long as I was at my cashier job, then I came home and finished some homework, then I went dancing. There were so many of us in our group we took up 2-1/2 tables lol. We normally need 2 but neither are quite full. Anyway, I had a great time, but for a bit there I did feel a bit lonely given that it was valentine's day and I didn't have a date. that was my first time ever going out on valentines, it was nice. I really hope when I do meet someone they can share my interest in ballroom dancing, it would be great to have something we could share. Unfortunately all the guys I meet are too old lol, they're nice but kinda old ^_^ My parents keep making jokes about me marrying some old guy and being rich when he dies lol.
Anyway, I'm taking some time now to have dinner and watch some tv and relax, then it's back to studying.
Have a great week everyone!
Friday, February 12, 2010
This my waltz routine. It was my first routine at the parties. Sorry about the noise, everyone likes to cheer and holler and whistle all the time! I got a lot of compliments from the people at the dance, I hope you all like it too ^_^
It actually wasn't as scary as I thought. Once I got up there, it was very short, only about a minute, and I didn't notice the people too much. They're asking me what my next routine will be lol.
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