Tuesday, November 18, 2014
I am done! I have finally come to the realization that diets DON'T work long term. I have been at the same weight for over a year! I have worked out hard, I have been strict with my eating and then get "off track". I can throw my weight back and forth by 10 pounds. I am tired of feeling disappointed that the scale didn't show me that I have been working hard and then in turn thinking I am a failure somehow! I can be really, really good and get my weight down then go back to eating "normal" and my weight shoots right back up! I am always trying to figure out if I am eating enough, eating too much, eating the correct amounts of everything or if I am doing the right exercises! I AM DONE!!!
I also was thinking about how my boys view me, on a diet all the time. Is that really the memory I want to leave them! NO!!! I want them to remember the fun times we have had, not that mom couldn't eat that, we couldn't go there because mom couldn't be strong enough to stay away from the forbidden foods! Life is about so much more than food and what I should or shouldn't be eating!
So I got online and did some research on how to stop this craziness. I found some information about intuitive eating and that lead me to a really good book called Thin Side Out by Josie Spinardi. Her book described what I have been doing for while now completely. I learned so much about why I do the things I do regarding eating and being on this dieting hamster wheel. Everything she wrote made sense to me in a way that opened my eyes completely. Eating when you are hungry, stopping when you are full, learning to listen to what your body is asking for, not having limitations, and letting go of perfection!
Now that isnt saying that I am not still on the quest to be healthy because I DO want to be healthy so that I can live and long and happy life with my family! I just am getting off the diet merry go round. I want to get back to listening to MY bodies cues of hunger and fullness! I have done it before when I was pregnant (because it was acceptable to not be in a diet) and I liked how it made me feel to eat what MY body was asking for, not what someone was telling me what I should be eating! I am learning to trust my body to ask for what it is needing to work correctly!
I feel so much freedom with this decision! I can eat WHATEVER I want! NOTHING is off limits! I feel like a whole new world has opened up to me! So yes, I have been eating some of those foods that I have denied myself for so long. One thing was a croissant , but in learning to listen to my body, I found that it gives me heartburn as I am eating it so that will not be something I feel that I will eat again soon, unless of course my body asks for it, which I am doubtful will happen. Another thing I learned was to pay attention to when the flavors of the food are strong and delicious and when they start losing their strong flavor. I learned that is the bodies way of saying its had enough so the flavor is no longer enticing. I was so surprised to experience this when I stopped and did this and sure enough found that I was full. I am keeping a food journal still, but I am also journaling how I am feeling when I am making the choice to eat.
I am enjoying learning all these new things, that to kids and skinny people, come naturally! I feel that this will eventually be a normal part of my life! I know its going to take a bit to get the diet mentality out of my head and replace them with natural healthy thoughts about food and myself, but I believe that I will get there! I am on this journey for WHOLE health and healing and I believe this new tool is going to be life changing!
Monday, February 25, 2013
I can hardly believe that its almost March!
I have been working dilegently towards my goals, unfortunatly my weight hasn't seemed to want to move much lately. I know that I am doing things correctly and I take solace in the fact that I know my body is changing and I am getting stronger. And I see growth in me because the old me would have given up by now and said it wasn't worth the hard work. The new me is saying, just stick with it you will see the results you are looking for soon.
The hardest part sometimes, is being in a weight loss group like TOPS, the scale is how things are measured whether you are doing good or not. I am learning to not let the scale define how well I am doing. I am now looking at my healthy eating, my exercise and my water consumption as whether or not I am doing good.
Right now I have been doing Jillian Michael's 30 day shred dvd. Its a hard workout, but I am loving how it is making me feel. Just in 3 days, I feel like I can feel my body changing and gaining muscle. And the first day I thought I was going to die, but each day it has been getting a little easier.
Other news of my life.......
My son is looking to sign up with the Airforce this week. He goes to do his testing this week and then decides if he will sign up. He won't leave for bootcamp until after he graduates high school and actually we are hoping he doesn't leave until September so we can have the summer with him.
And today we have a French exchange student coming to stay with us for 3 weeks. We have hosted MANY Japanese students, but this will be our first French student. He will be shadowing my son at school during the day.
All in all, been a good year so far. I am looking forward to what the rest of the year has to offer.
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