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I'm Dreaming of a Green Christmas!!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012





This'll play havoc with the Christmas Carol!! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERIRIDDELL 12/12/2012 1:43AM

    It is impossible to see anything white up here in the frozen North LOL!

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CATIATM 12/11/2012 9:37PM

    emoticon

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KAYDE53 12/11/2012 8:36PM

    emoticon

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WINE4GIRL 12/11/2012 8:21PM

    emoticon sparked quite the discussion on FB did't it?

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PAMBWS 12/11/2012 7:12PM

    emoticon

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LJOYCE55 12/11/2012 7:01PM

  emoticon

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TIME4COFFEE 12/11/2012 12:05PM

    emoticon Santa knows what he likes.

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GOOZLEBEAR 12/11/2012 9:42AM

    emoticon

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SHARJOPAUL 12/11/2012 9:42AM

    Cute

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KATHRYNLP 12/11/2012 9:34AM

    Good idea, though. emoticon

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OPALMOON 12/11/2012 8:19AM

    emoticon

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LASKIE2 12/11/2012 6:33AM

    How cute! emoticon

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NCSUE0514 12/11/2012 5:00AM

    Oh dear!
A coworker's wife is a grade school teacher. Her class made reindeers to send in to our cancer clinic as decorations. One of them said "Rudolph has been replaced by a GPS this year".

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THINRONNA 12/11/2012 4:23AM

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TCANNO 12/11/2012 3:35AM

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Wrapping Presents 101 for Cat Owners

Monday, December 10, 2012

1. Clear large space on table for wrapping present.

2. Go to wardrobe and collect bag in which present is contained, and close door.

3. Open door and remove cat from wardrobe.

4. Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.

5. Go back and remove cat from cupboard.

6. Go to drawer and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc.

7. Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be formed.

8. Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit, and collect string.

9. Remove present from bag.

10. Remove cat from bag.

11. Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present.

12. Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.

13. Cut the paper to size, trying to keep the cutting line straight.

14. Throw away first sheet because cat tried to chase the scissors and tore the paper.

15. Cut second sheet of paper to size by putting cat in the bag the present came out of.

16. Place present on cut-to-size paper.

17. Lift up edges of paper to seal in present, wonder why edges now don't reach, and find cat between present and paper. Remove cat and retry.

18. Place object on paper, to hold in place, while cutting transparent sticky tape.

19. Spend next 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with pair of nail scissors.

20. Seal paper down with transparent sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible.

21. Look for roll of ribbon; chase cat down hall and retrieve ribbon.

22. Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn.

23. Re-roll up ribbon and remove paper that is now torn, due to cat's enthusiasm in chasing ribbon end.

24. Repeat steps 12-22 until down to last sheet of paper.

25. Decide to skip steps 12-16 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that you know is right size for sheet of paper.

26. Put present in box, and tie down with string.

27. Remove string, open box and remove cat.

28. Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for lockable room.

29. Once inside room, lock door and start to re-lay out packing materials.

30. Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close door and re-lock.

31. Lay out last sheet of paper. (Admittedly this is difficult in the small area of the toilet, but try your best!)

32. Seal box, wrap with paper and start repairs by very carefully sealing down tears with transparent sticky tape. Now tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst affected areas.

33. Label, then sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on making good of a bad job.

34. Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat.

35. Spend next 15 minutes looking for cat, before coming to obvious conclusion.

36. Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.

37. Retrieve all discarded sheets of wrapping paper, feed cat and retire to lockable room for last attempt, making certain you are alone and the door is locked.

38. At time of handing over present, smile sweetly at receiver's face, as they try and hide their contempt at being handed such a badly wrapped present.

39. Swear to yourself that next year, you will get the store to wrap the darn thing for you.



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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGARBABY60 12/11/2012 2:04AM

    You are always SPOT ON Jules. I love your humorit always has a touch of real life In It! emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/11/2012 2:05:12 AM

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KAYDE53 12/10/2012 11:43PM

    emoticon

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DESERTJULZ 12/10/2012 8:49PM

    Love the photo even more than the instructions!

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CODEMAULER 12/10/2012 7:50PM

    Followed FANGFACEKITTY over here, so worth the laugh; thank you!!

(And then there are the presents that the cat unwraps herself. My mother sent drug-grade catnip toys to the kitties, and they ripped open a corrugated cardboard box to get to 'em!)

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LJOYCE55 12/10/2012 5:59PM

  LOVE LOVE LOVE the picture. Thank you so much for sharing. emoticon

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TIME4COFFEE 12/10/2012 4:16PM

    Such a helpful little kitty!
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THINRONNA 12/10/2012 2:35PM

    Thank you for the wonderful blog and a good giggle!

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KATHRYNLP 12/10/2012 9:48AM

    That's why I always rescue adult cats... emoticon

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PAMBWS 12/10/2012 9:05AM

    Way too funny...I will stick to having a dog!

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GOOZLEBEAR 12/10/2012 8:56AM

    I love this Jules, even though I don't have a cat now, I've had them in the past!!! Cute!

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GARDENCHRIS 12/10/2012 7:30AM

    Too funny!

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PCOH051610 12/10/2012 7:30AM

    While I don't actually have a cat, my best friend has six rescues so I now know what she must go through to wrap presents. Up until I read this I had no idea why she locked herself away in a small room to do all of her wrapping emoticon

We used to have a dog who would love to "help" when it came to wrapping presents...unfortunately her kind of help was much the same as the above scenario. As bad as she was at that it was nothing compared to her "unwrapping" skills which she loved! She would tear open every present she could find and many of our presents to others were delivered with little teeth marks on the corners!

You've really brightened my day with this blog!

Thanks!

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RIDLEYRIDER 12/10/2012 7:27AM

  Love it!!!!!

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FANGFACEKITTY 12/10/2012 6:50AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RHONDA-MULKEY 12/10/2012 6:49AM

    Cute!
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MRE1956 12/10/2012 6:34AM

    Tru dat!

Just one question - would the drink referenced in item #34 be, perhaps, of the "adult" variety?

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Thank you for sharing - I really needed the laugh today!



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Holiday Advice

Sunday, December 09, 2012



I'm passing this on because it worked for me today..

To reach inner peace we should always finish things we start, and
we all could use more calm in our lives during the hectic Holiday season.

I looked around my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss.

An telum u luvum.

Huppi Hullidaz!!
cheeerz,,,,


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMBWS 12/10/2012 9:10AM

    Hmmmmmmm....good idea, I have a bunch of things that I could finish off....

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PCOH051610 12/10/2012 7:30AM

    Hilarious!!!!

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SUGARBABY60 12/10/2012 3:50AM

    Yikes! You have shamed me into finishing things off at my house too....guess the bar is the best place to start if I am going to follow your excellent example! emoticon CHEERS!

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KAYDE53 12/10/2012 2:06AM

    emoticon

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MAXFOCUS 12/9/2012 8:43PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OPALMOON 12/9/2012 7:13PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DOLLFACEDX 12/9/2012 5:37PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 12/9/2012 2:23PM

    You are so funny Jules!!!! emoticon emoticon

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TIME4COFFEE 12/9/2012 9:40AM

    That's a whole lot of fablus and inner piss...
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KATHRYNLP 12/9/2012 8:59AM

    Ya Nutter... too funny! emoticon emoticon

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DHARMAPHILE 12/9/2012 8:38AM

    Hilarious!

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WINE4GIRL 12/9/2012 6:38AM

    emoticon
Heck yeah!

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NCSUE0514 12/9/2012 6:13AM

    Love it!
Thanks for sharing, and enjoy the hangover, too!

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CHLOE453 12/9/2012 5:27AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Wonder How Many Thanksgiving Dinners Ended Up Like This??

Friday, November 23, 2012



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PCOH051610 12/10/2012 7:32AM

    I can only imagine how my turkey would turn out if I even sniffed a wine cork! emoticon

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CATIATM 12/2/2012 10:14AM

    Oh my! emoticon

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KAYDE53 11/24/2012 10:57PM

    emoticon

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SUGARBABY60 11/24/2012 7:56PM

    Hey jewels, if thats the way you cook turkeys then I' m in....I'll be at your house shortly! I'm bringing the wine! emoticon

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FANGFACEKITTY 11/24/2012 1:37PM

    emoticon
We just had our Thanksgiving dinner tonight since Thursday & Friday were regular work days for me here in France. I had 1 glass of red wine. Although I admit it was a very large 8 oz glass emoticon

The rest of our dinner was very nice and not one of those typical 4000 calorie gorge fests; I even bought some cheeses to try (I'm trying to blend in with the locals lol) emoticon emoticon

And this was after logging almost 7 miles of walking & running, plus another mile or two going through the Christmas & Farmers' Markets and grocery shopping, and cleaning up the house.

So I think I might indulge in a 2nd glass and take a nice hot bath and call it an early night.

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THINRONNA 11/24/2012 10:00AM

    Soooo very funny!!! Thank you!

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LJOYCE55 11/23/2012 9:39PM

  Thank you for sharing. Loved it.

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FUTUREHOPE49 11/23/2012 7:03PM

    emoticon emoticon Cheers

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LODESTONE 11/23/2012 6:10PM

    Our wine was shared three ways. emoticon

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JACKIE542 11/23/2012 12:57PM

    emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 11/23/2012 12:36PM

    I should have expected this LOL!

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MAXFOCUS 11/23/2012 12:34PM

    Hilarious. emoticon

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NEWVINE 11/23/2012 11:42AM

   
Thank you that was funny

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LJCANNON 11/23/2012 10:31AM

    emoticon Great One!!

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EUEK098 11/23/2012 9:07AM

    Oh my, that's sounds like a great way to cook, NOT!!! emoticon

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TIME4COFFEE 11/23/2012 8:49AM

    Shoot, I didn't get even one glass of wine...look at the fun I missed.

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PURPLELVR7 11/23/2012 8:40AM

    emoticon

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GOPINTOS 11/23/2012 8:38AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 11/23/2012 8:32AM

    Good one Jules, thanks for the chuckle!!!! emoticon

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PAMBWS 11/23/2012 8:03AM

    That sounds about right for cooking the turkey.

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LYNNA1968 11/23/2012 6:47AM

    I think I've attended a dinner like that before

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FITANDFIFTY2 11/23/2012 3:36AM

    lol...so funny!! Loved it! emoticon

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL 11/23/2012 2:07AM

   

I think they were channeling Yoda at Step 8 emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BRENDA_G50 11/23/2012 1:47AM

    That was funny!!!! I Loved it!!! emoticon

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Where in the heck did this come from?????

Monday, February 28, 2011

Talk about the seven plagues, I think I’m in the middle of the medical version of the biblical event.

Don’t ask me where I picked it up but I’ve managed to get the “Gastroenteritis from Hell”.

Tuesday and Wednesday headaches that would cripple a horse. emoticon

Thursday and Friday well let’s just say I could have given Linda Blair from The Exorcist a run for her money. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Saturday and Sunday you’ve heard of “loose lips”? well without going into any gory detail I had the loose and not from the lips. emoticon emoticon emoticon

Monday and by the looks of Tuesday, gripe, gripe, gripe, the pains are marching!!!! emoticon

I have lost all interest in food, a monumental first for me and I have come to know the bathroom as my second home. emoticon emoticon emoticon

I’m trying to soldier on and Spark away but sitting at the computer I’m reminded of a frog on a hotplate, jiggling all over the place. emoticon emoticon

I’m trying hard to keep a sense of humour about the whole thing but it “aint easy, so to all my friends here who have sent me goodies and heartfelt good wishes, I have not forgotten any of you. As soon as my tuckus can sit for more than 10 minutes at a time, I’ll be sending goodies galore. emoticon emoticon emoticon

I say goodbye as I run (with alacrity) to the said bathroom and in MacArthur’s words “I WILL RETURN!!”
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HICKOK-HALEY 7/30/2012 3:11AM

    Oh no...That is the pits. I hope you are back to normal soon. If not, a visit to the Doc would be wise! emoticon

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SASSISPRING 7/25/2012 4:46PM

    LMHO!! I live with ulcerative colitis, so I can so relate and this is the funniest description of stomach issues that I ever read! Thanks for the laughs. Oh dear that doesn’t sound good. I mean, I laughed with you and not at you and I hope you are feeling so much better now. But still………LMAO!!!

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POETICJUSTUS 7/21/2012 5:27AM

    Hi dear, I'm doing my Texas -Two Step for the prevention of G.I. Distress for you. If this doesn't cure what ails ya, we'll @ least get our fitness minutes . Me, from shaking my 250+ lb. groove thang. I'll dress in my cowboy boots, cowboy hat,yoga pants & exercise bra screaming to be set free! You, laughing your butt off @ the thought. Well that's what spark friends are for. Blessings emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/21/2012 5:28:33 AM

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KATHRYNLP 7/9/2012 8:59AM

    Hey Jules... has this “Gastroenteritis from Hell” gotten any better?
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KATHRYNLP 4/12/2012 8:16AM

    Oh Dear... my hubby suffered from this for years... Hope yours is not so serious, Jules! emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 3/22/2012 8:44AM

    I don't know how I missed this blog way back in February, I am really slipping!!!! I do remember you going through all this from our threads and glad you are back to your chipper self!!!!!!

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GGCHET 3/22/2012 8:06AM

    Sense of humor? when I had that I couldn't muster a smile....hard with one end planted on the commode & the other reaching for the tub.....
I know it was a while ago but.......hope you are fully recovered!!!! emoticon emoticon

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CHLOE453 1/28/2012 6:23AM

    Oh I sure hope this passes soon for you, it sounds like you have been through mill and back. Sending lots of healthy vibes your way to chase that darn “Gastroenteritis from Hell” away from you. Sure hope you feel better soon....take care my friend! emoticon emoticon

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GARDENCHRIS 12/21/2011 7:02AM

    Hope you are feeling better soon! emoticon

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LIBBYG7 11/26/2011 2:51PM

    Oh please, get well soon!!!

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Gentle hugs, Libby
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POETICJUSTUS 11/15/2011 3:39PM

    So sorry about your illness,butt (Hee-Hee forgive me), you have me sitting on the edge of my seat with the story your journey and laughing my rear off. No worries, there's plenty to spare. Feel better soon. You really are a Jewel. Blessings !
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IFATFIRST77 10/2/2011 9:50AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
~ Get Well Soon ~

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PATTIE441 5/28/2011 10:36PM

    Goodness! Sorry about all that you have gone through. Hope things are better now! But your humor is so refreshing and comical. Have you thought about doing stand up comedy? You would be great! Really enjoy when I can get on the computer in the morning and have fun with the musical thread. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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EARTHMOTHR 5/5/2011 7:37AM

    I am just reading this. I am SO sorry. What a horrific time. I would bring soup if I could. emoticon emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 4/30/2011 10:28AM

    I am reading this after the fact but I am sorry to hear you were so ill I hope that is your last bout with that dreadful lurgy!

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NANHBH 3/27/2011 10:34AM

    I'm reading this a month after the fact, but I sure hope you lost some weight for all your sickness! Appropriate that I should read this today, since I'll be preparing for a colonoscopy later this week! It'll be self-induced and hopefully over in a day for me, though. Hope you are feeling top notch now! Love that toilet icon. Where did you get it?

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PRINCHESSA 3/25/2011 5:38PM

    I've so missed you! I sure hope you're feeling better now ;)

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OLDERDANDRT 3/25/2011 2:54PM

    Had the barfs throughout one night, but thank God nothing like you are (or have) gone through. So, I've been sick in any different ways over the last month and a half and since there has been no further blogs from you than this so far, you must be ranging the gammit, too. Hope you feel better soon. Maybe we can get on with the business of life! Seriouly, I really hope you are better!!

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CATIATM 3/8/2011 4:38AM

    Good heavens! You poor thing! That sounds dreadful!! emoticon Please take care of yourself!

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GOOZLEBEAR 3/5/2011 9:28PM

    Jules, I don't know how I missed this blog, I knew you weren't feeling very well but didn't know it was this bad. I feel so bad for you but on the good side, did you lose any weight????? Sure hope you are better by now.
Sending lots of hugs and toilet tissue! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PCOH051610 3/5/2011 6:40PM

    I'm sorry to hear that you've been unwell...ghastly so it appears! Thank goodness, your illness didn't affect your wonderful sense of humour...I just love it!

Is your weather cooling down any? Our days are still quite chilly here (it was -10 all day) but at least the sun is out. Can our Spring be that far ahead?

Just thought of this...you should have been wearing a pedometer for all those trips back and forth to the bathroom....oh course, you might have flushed it....

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LESLIES537 3/5/2011 9:20AM

    You crack me up! Just think of all the exercising you're getting running to and from the BR! emoticon

I hope you are feeling better soon! emoticon

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LINDATWIN2 3/3/2011 5:52AM

    So sorry to hear about this, my Dear ! I'm hoping you get better soon !
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HUGS
Linda

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ONECOOKIETWO 3/2/2011 2:34PM

    May this run through quickly and be done.
No MORE!!!!

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HANNAHV 3/2/2011 2:03AM

    Gosh Juleen you are really suffering, sending a bunch of get better hugs your way. TAke care and REST girl!



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GEMINIAN1 2/28/2011 4:58PM

    I feel for you. Get well soon.
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KAYDE53 2/28/2011 4:49PM

    You poor thing!! Sounds like the long version of the flu!! I've only had the abbreviated version twice, that was bad enough!! Yes, please don't let yourself get dehydrated!!! On the bright side, you may lose quite a few pounds, but what a horrible way to do it!! Hope you get better soon!!! Take care!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANNCHER 2/28/2011 1:03PM

    Hope you feel better real soon! Hang in there!
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MAXFOCUS 2/28/2011 12:06PM

    Oh no. I hope you recover quickly.
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PAMBWS 2/28/2011 11:15AM

    Hope your back on your feet - or is that tuckus - soon...& feeling better. I know how you feel - been there, done that & wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy!

Take it easy & look after yourself.

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TIME4COFFEE 2/28/2011 10:05AM

    I hope the worst of it has run it's course and you're on the mend. All things considered? I would say you're doing a remarkable job at keeping your humor.

To better days my friend!
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KATHRYNLP 2/28/2011 9:45AM

    Sounds like the Flu. If you feel like your dying, then that's it. Sorry; hope you don't have it for two weeks, like I did. emoticon emoticon

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EUPHROSYNEA 2/28/2011 8:20AM

    Aw, poor you, Jules! Take good care of yourself and hopefully you'll feel better soon! I know the feeling, I had the exact same problem last week. It's no fun at all!

Lots of hugs!
Annelies

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KATHYSCOLLIES 2/28/2011 3:32AM

    Oh dear, Jules, I feel your pain - I really do!!! It is definitely NOT a fun situation to deal with at all. And in our house it is made worse by the fact that we all share the same bathroom, so Lord help us if more than one is afflicted at the same time.....

Hope you are feeling better sooner rather than later! In the meantime, think positively and remember that this too shall pass ( no pun intended).

Hugs,
Kathy

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TWOTIMESS 2/28/2011 3:28AM

    emoticon emoticon
Hope this bug works it's way out your system! Stay hydrated!

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SUGARBABY60 2/28/2011 3:08AM

    awww poor baby Wish there was something I could do for you this has lasted quite a while .I am so sorry you are feeling bad. Hope you get to feeling better very quickly!take care.

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YMUNDERWOOD 2/28/2011 3:01AM

    I completely understand where your coming from I had the samething at the beginning of January. the lack of sleep because of constantly getting up to go to the bathroom and the lack of appetite. I actually lost 7 lbs by the time it cleared up.

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