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NUTS!!!!

Friday, December 28, 2012






























  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGARBABY60 12/28/2012 8:50PM

    A very thought provoking blog!and funny as He-- too!

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MILLISMA 12/28/2012 7:47PM

    Nuts to the nutty!!!! These are FUNNY!!! emoticon

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TERRIJ7 12/28/2012 7:40PM

    I LOVE it, Jules! I love the expression on the kitty that had the "check up."

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DUDEDRAK 12/28/2012 6:24PM

    The thing I like the most about you is....like me.... YOU'RE NUTS!! Loved it!!

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PCOH051610 12/28/2012 6:03PM

    You've got me crying here!

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GOOZLEBEAR 12/28/2012 3:50PM

    Thanks for the chuckle Jules! emoticon

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TIME4COFFEE 12/28/2012 11:36AM

    Some of us understand nuts all too well...
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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HOLLYM48 12/28/2012 9:41AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LODESTONE 12/28/2012 9:36AM

    Thanks for the chuckle to start my day! emoticon

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LJOYCE55 12/28/2012 8:56AM

  Thank you. emoticon

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LEW0213 12/28/2012 8:53AM

    The cat on the fencepost is my favorite also. Thanks for the laughs this morning, Jules.

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SHARJOPAUL 12/28/2012 8:49AM

    Love them
LOL!!!

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KATHRYNLP 12/28/2012 8:44AM

    Some of my best friends are Nuts! (not pointing fingers at you, necessarily) emoticon emoticon

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MRE1956 12/28/2012 6:40AM

    emoticon

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THINRONNA 12/28/2012 4:34AM

    I LOVE the one with the cat on the fence pole! Thanks for the laugh!

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Quotes On Sex

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Quotes On Sex

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
* Tom Clancy

“You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.”
* Steve Martin

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
* Woody Allen

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.”
* Rodney Dangerfield

“Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.”
* Matt Barry

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
* Camille Paglia

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.”
* George Burns

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”
* Sharon Stone

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex ~ no matter what she’s reading.”
* Steve Jobs

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it, so I said “Thyroid problem?’”
* Arnold Schwarzenegger

Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
* Barbara Bush

“Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
* Robin Williams

“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.”
* Roseanne

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
* Billy Crystal

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”
* Robert De Niro

“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
* Dustin Hoffman

“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”
* Rod Stewart

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
* Robin Williams


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LODESTONE 12/27/2012 7:24PM

    Made my day! Thanks, Jules!

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GOOZLEBEAR 12/27/2012 5:15PM

    emoticon

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LJOYCE55 12/27/2012 3:32PM

  emoticon

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MILLISMA 12/27/2012 2:31PM

    I'd had seem some of these and glad to see the rest. Too funny emoticon

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KAYDE53 12/27/2012 2:27PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ANNCHER 12/27/2012 11:26AM

    How funny! Thanks for sharing. Have a great day! Hugs! emoticon

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TIME4COFFEE 12/27/2012 11:05AM

    Hilarious!

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KATHRYNLP 12/27/2012 9:55AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DESERTDREAMERS 12/27/2012 9:46AM

    emoticon

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THINRONNA 12/27/2012 9:37AM

    These are great!!!!!

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CATIATM 12/27/2012 9:10AM

    Barbara Bush said that?! Oh my! emoticon

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GAYLLYNNE 12/27/2012 8:33AM

    Very funny, that's for the morning smile!!!

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FISHERESS68 12/27/2012 4:57AM

    That was funny, Thanks for the laugh. emoticon

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WEARINGTHIN 12/27/2012 3:45AM

    We all need a little lightness now and then. Glenn

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SUGARBABY60 12/27/2012 3:24AM

    Very funny indeed! emoticon emoticon

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Embarrassing Holiday Experiences - The Revenge of the Cacti

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

This is not my story, but it is funny that's for sure!!!

A few years back we went to Tenerife. You will probably be aware that they sell little Cacti everywhere, but I decided I wanted a 'Native' one. To retrieve a cactus I hung precariously over a rocky ledge, pulling a muscle and scraping my ankle.

We then took a bus journey with the retrieved cactus in the pocket of my shorts. Out of spite the cactus secretly stuck its barbs into my thighs and testicles. I was unaware of this until we reached the nearby town where we were to disembark. When I stood I screamed in agony attracting the strangest of looks from all around. Hobbling off the bus to a nearby bench I then spent a good ten minutes removing the barbs and a further five removing the remaining ones from the cactus.

Victorious we then moved on and entered a supermarket through a turnstile... The cactus in my pocket became trapped between leg and bar and BANG! explosion of red dye and cacti pulp! For seven days I had a purple leg and for the rest of that first day I walked around looking like I had been shot!



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMBWS 12/30/2012 12:37PM

    emoticon

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PCOH051610 12/28/2012 5:59PM

    Bah ha ha

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LODESTONE 12/27/2012 7:27PM

    Some people are just slow learners. Sad, but true. emoticon

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SUGARBABY60 12/27/2012 2:44AM

    Never put cactus in your testicles.....sounds like good advise to me!

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KATHRYNLP 12/26/2012 10:24AM

    OUCHIE!!!! emoticon emoticon

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MILLISMA 12/25/2012 9:56PM

    All I can say is OUCH!!!!

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DESERTJULZ 12/25/2012 9:29PM

    Living in cacti-rich Arizona, I can certainly understand! Never, never, never-ever put a cactus in your pocket!

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GOOZLEBEAR 12/25/2012 8:49PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LJOYCE55 12/25/2012 8:18PM

  Now I have a reason not to pick a cactus. emoticon

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KAYDE53 12/25/2012 4:21PM

    emoticon emoticon

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 12/25/2012 10:11AM

    Yikes! And the moral is: don't mess with a natural habitat?

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TIME4COFFEE 12/25/2012 9:46AM

    Nope, I wasn't expecting that either!

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WINE4GIRL 12/25/2012 5:47AM

    Wasn't expecting that...
emoticon

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BEAUTIFUL_REINA 12/25/2012 3:40AM

    Poor you! That's a terrible experience!

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You Might Be A Christmas Redneck If......

Monday, December 24, 2012



-Your grandma's beard is more impressive than Santa's.

-You use the cobwebs in the corners of your house as tinsel for the Christmas tree.

-You really do ask Santa for your two front teeth.

-All your plastic Pink Flamingos yard ornaments have on Santa hats.

-You decorate your tree with fishing lures.

-You leave beer and nuts for Santa, instead of milk and cookies.

-Your outdoor lights are bug zappers.

-You use your Rudolph lawn ornament for bow & arrow practice.

-You have enough cars in the front yard to dress up and name for every reindeer

-If you think The Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.

-If squirrels still live in your Christmas tree.

-If you have to put an electric fence around your Christmas tree to keep your dog from peeing on it.

-The gift exchange at school pretty much involves you and your cousins.

-You use Whiteout on the card you get from your mama to give to your girlfriend.

-You have more lights working on the outside of your trailer than you do on the inside.

-You have a tree stand in your yard and a salt lick on your roof.

-Grandma finally gave you her moon shine recipe as a gift for Christmas.

-The cops stake out in front of your house on Christmas morning so they can arrest most of your family in one

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PCOH051610 12/28/2012 6:02PM

    I laughed so hard reading these that I woke my husband up! Loved the "nutcracker" one especially!

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LJOYCE55 12/25/2012 8:19PM

  Still funny. emoticon

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IMREITE 12/25/2012 2:28PM

    my dad talked my little sister into leaving Ez-mac (single serving mac and cheese that is microwaveable) for santa otherwise we left cookies and milk. my family did not do any redneck things, just the fun and silly stuff.

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SHARJOPAUL 12/25/2012 8:40AM

    LOL
Merry Christmas

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL 12/25/2012 12:18AM

   


TXGRANDMA there's more than a hint of Jeff Foxworthy here.

I reckon rednecks are found everywhere. They might call them by different names but the end result is just the same!!

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LIBBYG7 12/24/2012 9:02PM

    Jules....
May you NEVER lose your sense of humor-----and may you continue to share it with us!!!

Merry Christmas, luv.

Libby emoticon emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 12/24/2012 9:01PM

    emoticon I think I recognize some of them!!!!!! emoticon

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MILLISMA 12/24/2012 7:35PM

    Didn't know you had Aussie Rednecks!!!!! I think I know some of these. emoticon

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LJOYCE55 12/24/2012 2:50PM

  Love it and the picture as well. Thank you.

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GARDENCHRIS 12/24/2012 11:40AM

    I thought the USA was the only place with Rednecks!?!?!?

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KAYDE53 12/24/2012 9:27AM

    emoticon emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 12/24/2012 9:25AM

    Salt Lick was a good idea.. emoticon Hope your Christmas was magical, Jules!

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WINE4GIRL 12/24/2012 9:05AM

    Some of those resemble my relatives!
emoticon

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TXGRANDMA 12/24/2012 8:16AM

    emoticon Do I get a hint of Jeff Foxworthy here? Loved it!

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LEW0213 12/24/2012 7:56AM

    Good Lord, I do have pink flamingos in my garden. I've got to go get some Santa hats now. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PYNETREE 12/24/2012 7:51AM

    Thanks for the emoticon this Day before Christmas! emoticon

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MRE1956 12/24/2012 6:54AM

    emoticon

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SUGARBABY60 12/24/2012 3:35AM

    sure sounds like many a Christmas we spent living in Tennessee .

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THINRONNA 12/24/2012 2:54AM

    You know waaaay too much about a red neck Christmas...take it from someone born in the South!

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BRENDA_G50 12/24/2012 2:37AM

    This just made my day!!! emoticon emoticon

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TIME4COFFEE 12/24/2012 2:10AM

    Glad to see you're filled with all the wonder of Christmas Jules!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PHOENIX1949 12/24/2012 2:03AM

    emoticon

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ZRIE014 12/24/2012 1:53AM

  have a great day. emoticon

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'Twas The Night Before Christmas At Rainbow Bridge

Saturday, December 22, 2012



'Twas the night before Christmas, at Rainbow Bridge too.
We Bridge kids were thinking as always of you.
We'd seen how the holidays weren't bright this year,
Heard you whisper so often, "I wish you were here!"

We know how you wish you could just stay in bed
And sleep through the holiday lying ahead,
When all celebrate with their loved ones so near...
Unless they have loved ones on this side this year.

But we're no less alive here, on the other side.
If you could just see us, you would've laughed and not cried.
The dogs all in harness, pulling the sleigh.
The cats all in Santa hats pointing the way.

The pet birds all flying back over the rainbow,
Bound homeward in spite of Earth's darkness and snow.
All the pets that you've lost, pets for whom you've cried,
Flying home on this Christmas to be by your side.

If you feel warm fur brush you when no pet's around,
Hear a soft bark or purr, just a ghost of a sound,
We're trying to tell you we're visiting this way,
And our visits, even rainbows, can be on any day.

But for Christmas we have something special to do,
A sleigh full of happy dream visits for you.
On doggy, on kitty, on winged friend and ferret!
The love that you lavished, we mean now to share it!

We're fetching that love home, the way we once played,
With the closeness we shared and the memories we made.
Our Earth lives with you were too short for us, too,
And on this Christmas Eve we have so much to do.

So all through this night as you sleep in your beds,
Sweet visions of fur babies dance in your heads.
This one special night we can bring you Home for a while,
Your true home in Heaven, where again you will smile.

Over the rainbow you'll fly, for a short while this night,
Hours that you'll be happy, hours that will feel right,
Hours to cuddle and hug us, to run and to play,
Before the return to Earth in our magic way.

And when you awaken and face Christmas Day,
We pray you'll remember your trip on our sleigh,
But in case you forget, just remember our love.
Remember us watching you, your angels above.

Sending love wrapped in rainbows, shining and bright,
Love that will guide you through the darkest night,
Love found in each memory unwrapped through the year,
Replacing dark sorrows with Christmas cheer.

Leave the toys to St. Nick, we Bridge kids bring dreams,
Sweet visits to remind you all is not as it seems
When you look all around you with tired Earthly eyes.
If you saw as we do, there'd be joy and surprise.

There are fur angels waiting by those Christmas trees,
Always there for you and hearing your pleas.
We're never more than a thought away from your home,
You're never forgotten, you're never alone.

Nor are we alone here, with our Rainbow Bridge friends.
We know only joy here, the celebrating never ends,
And after our reunions with you Christmas Eve,
We Bridge kids will party like you'd never believe.

But we'll slip away often to be by your side.
Sitting there watching you, eyes open wide,
Praying you'll be able to catch a glimpse of us, too.
But whether or not you see us - Merry Christmas to you!

Written by - Cindy Morgan (2007)


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LODESTONE 12/27/2012 7:30PM

    Such an amazing welcoming committee. If I started naming names, I''d feel like the old Romper Room show when looking into the Magic Mirror. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THINRONNA 12/26/2012 4:48AM

    Lovely. Thank you.

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TXGRANDMA 12/24/2012 8:13AM

    Oh, my gosh! This is so beautiful, and like many others it brought the tears to my eyes! I have sent horses, dogs, cats and others all over that bridge, and it makes me smile to see them all gathered in that deep green grass, playing!
Thanks so much for sharing this with us! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JAMER123 12/24/2012 12:19AM

    emoticon emoticon I can hardly see through my tears to read the beautiful poem, I am sure we are visited every night by our little Angel and she helps guide us as we travel. Missing all our little ones this Christmas season!
emoticon for sharing!!

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KAYDE53 12/23/2012 11:18PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SUGARBABY60 12/23/2012 10:36PM

    Another winner jewels, thanks! Our dog LEMON will go over the rainbow Bridge on dec 27 .


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GOOZLEBEAR 12/23/2012 7:52PM

    Awesome Jules, I'm now sitting here with tears running down my face thinking of all my precious furbabies that are now at the Rainbow Bridge. Thank you for sharing!

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MILLISMA 12/23/2012 4:43PM

    Jules, thanks so much for posting this. It made me cry but warmed my heart. Dad says he wakes up at night sometimes since it feels like his kitty jump on his bed. I plan on keeping this and printing it.

emoticon emoticon

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LJOYCE55 12/23/2012 2:34PM

  emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 12/23/2012 10:25AM

    I have many-many old friends on that Rainbow Bridge... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GAYLE-G-63 12/23/2012 9:59AM

    emoticon emoticon

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LEW0213 12/23/2012 9:44AM

    It is kind of hard to type with eyes blurred with tears. This has been an especially hard Christmas for me. I lost 2 of my very special fur friends, my Kiana and my beautiful Gypsy Rose. I still hear Gypsy Rose some mornings when I go up to the barn.

Thank you, Jules, for this very special blog. It is a keeper.
Hugs, Linda

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PAMBWS 12/23/2012 7:48AM

    A lovely poem...

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REMEMBER2BME 12/23/2012 6:33AM

    Sure, make me ball first thing in the morning. No really, sometimes a good cry is what I need. I like it, beautiful. Just miss my Aspen girl is all.

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CHERIRIDDELL 12/23/2012 4:34AM

    I loved this Juleen thank you for posting it!

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TIME4COFFEE 12/23/2012 2:23AM

    Your poem paints such a pretty picture.
emoticon

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NELLIEC 12/23/2012 12:02AM

    I know that my mom who loved pets as much as I do is there with my pets and hers making sure that they know they are loved.

My oldest son's dog will be staying with me now. Since my oldest son can't have him with him for now, I will make sure that Caspian the dog knows that he is loved. It would have been very sad for him to be staying at the home of the parents of my DIL and now her also. She is breaking all ties with our family. My youngest son got a condo to satisfy her and now he is stuck with it and can't keep his brother's dog with him. I hope that their dogs will be loved at least by the little kids.

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PDSLIM 12/22/2012 10:50PM

    Enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing.

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ARIABOO10 12/22/2012 10:39PM

    Merry Christmas to all our pets at the rainbow bridge. I am sure my dad and uncle will be giving them tons of Christmas goodies.

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