Monday, December 20, 2010
It's SO funny how we tend to take things for granted as we move along in our hectic lives. We forget to STOP take notice and APPRECIATE the mere pleasure of doing NOTHING...or at least nothing stressful.
That's what I did yesterday. Oh I piddled around the house throwing out a huge cache of magazines...you know I'm a book and magazine JUNKIE. I've had so much clutter since we've moved some of our larger storage pieces over to the new consignment gallery for sale.
I'm downsizing and RIGHT sizing by getting rid of my mountains and mountains of STUFF! I'm so ready to let go of the surplus and just keep the really special pieces of value in my life now.
That's been a long time coming, being a girl that grew up from very modest means...STUFF has always meant a lot to me. But seeing my dear friend dieing from colon cancer and wading through the mountains of stuff she has accumulated in her life set me to thinking. You can't take it with you and why make others have to deal with it? Honestly, not to be mean, but her house could have been an episode in the hoarders. It was crammed full of soooo much clutter, it was actually unhealthy. The fact that her daughter had to sit in that dank, dark place for three months taking care of her mother was a comparable to sitting in a cave. I honestly don't know how she dealt with it.
I remember my friend telling me in her last days that she wished she had used her life differently in the last 8 years or so. I know she was pretty depressed about some things that she felt weren't fair and she let that depression turn to bitterness. Of course the bitterness isolated her from many of her friends and she was a challenge to be around. I understood what she was going through and luckily I remembered her in the years prior and was able to know that this wasn't her true self.
She spent more and more time by herself, which we KNOW leads to trouble. I think she entertained herself a lot by shopping and that's how the house got so overrun.
I'm using her as a prime example to keep moving my life FORWARD no matter how many little bumps and setbacks I have along the way. I just don't want to end up unhappy and unhealthy...there's no reason for any of us to suffer in that manner or drag our loved one's down that road.
Remember we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Our prime purpose to visit this earthly level is to teach our lessons and to learn our lessons. The primary and ONLY important thing is to love each other and reach out our arms in help and support to others who can use our support along the way. Every kindness I've EVER given has returned to me 10 fold...and honestly when you think you are doing something to help someone else...the feeling of happiness and accomplishment that comes rushing back to you is SO worth that effort...truly it is!
I've never known the love and support we receive from each other here on Sparkpeople...it is truly the BEST tool for moving our cycle upward and onward.
Take it from my friend's last words to me..."Oh Bobbi, if I just had those healthy years back...I would have used them SO differently!"
Guard your health my darlings...and use your days to concentrate on becoming healthier, then put your happy face on... and GO LOVE someone...right now!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
I've been talking about my dear friend who is in 4th stage of colon cancer. She has been a friend for over 23 years. That is some record time for a Florida friendship. Most people in Florida are here one year and gone the next. DH and I have been extremely lucky with our circle of friends, most of them we have known over 20 years. They are our family.
This particular friend was a bossy little Capricorn the same obstinate sun sign that I am. When I first met her at a Newcomer's organizational meeting I was putting together to form the Newcomer's of Bonita Club....SO many years ago I thought "Gosh is she a bossy Flossie!" And I immediately thought I didn't much care for her personality. But as the meeting went on I had to concede that she brought up some VERY valid points, and that SOME of her ideas were VERY good! By the end of the meeting I thought that she had some strong possibilities of becoming someone I might like to know better...if even...at arm's length.
As time went on she bacame like a sister to me. Honestly we were so much alike in our thinking and our viewpoints on SO many things we could actually finish sentences for each other.
Then I remembered how the universe gives you a mirror to look into and that sometimes the very people that annoy you the most are reflecting back lessons that you could take a good look at in developing your own bad self to a higher more actualized person.
Donna was that mirror for me! We bumped along throughout our 22 year relationship on again off again, sometimes talking for HOURS a day (and I HATE to talk on the phone in most cases) then we wouldn't have contact for weeks at a time because our busy lives took different twists and turns. But the minute we'd get together again it was if we never skipped a beat, we were RIGHT back on track with our friendship.
I told Donna that if I EVER had to be stuck in an elevator with someone for days on end SHE would be the person I'd want to be with...because she was SO quick witted, so opinionated, and SO up on what was going on in the world that we'd NEVER run out of things to talk about...NEVER EVER!
She often used to say that we should go into business together and I'd be quick to tell her that if that day ever came about...we would kill each other...so better to just be each other's sounding board for business ideas.
My saddest and I'm sure Donna's saddest time was when she got too sick to come and see my latest business venture at the consignment gallery...she wanted to hear EVERY little detail as to what was happening and gave me wonderful feed back on the whole process.
I'll miss that MOST about her...she might have been a little bossy...NO ONE could do things better than SHE did them...well...no one other than I...of course...but she was a REAL TRUE HONEST LOYAL friend who always had my back through the thick and thins of our lives.
We told each other EVERYTHING...and how often do you ever find a friend that you can do that with?
We even made it through the election when I was a dyed in the wool Obama supporter and she was ABSOLUTELY positively convinced that he would ruin the world if he got elected. A few of her racial slurs almost ended our friendship...ALMOST...but we made it through that too...we just learned to NEVER discuss politics...and to agree to disagree respectfully.
That was a test for BOTH of us...and a lesson in true friendship and the mountains that it can bridge.
Today I had a feeling that I needed to say goodbye. I know she is tired of the fight, I know that she is looking forward to peace. I know that her heart is hurting for her daughter and the saddness she has endured carrying for her day and night these last three months.
I went over to say goodbye late this afternoon, I didn't want to infringe on her daughters who are both at her home now...but I knew in my heart of hearts that it was time to make this visit. I knew if Donna had the same feeling that I did that she would be right there by my side in my final hours. She is going into Hospice and I didn't want to remember her in that setting. I wanted to say my goodbyes in private in the security of her own home. I made sure to tell her that she was a beautiful friend, a beautiful human, a wonderful mother, and a doting grandmother.
I told that I had asked my Josher to welcome her to the other side and to show her around and that I knew our paths would cross again. I told her that her sister loved her and would be with her if she hadn't been caught in an ice storm in the Carolinas. I told her to go to the light and rejoice and to know that she was valued and loved on this earth.
I know she could hear me, even if she couldn't talk to me. I saw her eyelids moving, and her face gave me indications that she understood each and every world of love that I left her with.
I feel at peace now, so I know she is peaceful as well. I told her daughter that she was a beautiful selfless daughter and that her mother adored her and her older sister with all of her heart. I told her to never blame herself in any way for her mother's choices at the end of this road...that every soul has the right to choose when and how it will depart this earth and that her mother had made her OWN choice and I honored her for it.
Sparkpeople teaches us SO many things! It teaches us all about our health and our goals for being the best person that we can be, but above all of that I think the MOST beautiful thing it teaches us is to honor each other as friends, and to encourage each other to validate and support our friendship. I'm doing that today and I have an enormous amount of love in my heart for my beautiful friend Donna and I thank you for supporting that in only the way that sparkies do!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Christmas has always been a MAGICAL time to me! Maybe because I grew up in pretty humble circumstances and although I certainly didn't know I was poor...I was.
Of course NOT in the things that are important in our life...certainly I had NO lack of love from my parents! And I was made to think I was BRILLIANT and able to achieve anything! Those are treasures with NO limits on value...so all in all I was very wealthy in developing a good sense of self and a BIG imagination for what is possible in the world.
I've been reflecting on lessons quite abit lately. You know my dearest and most darling friend is suffering from colon cancer. I've felt guilty and neglectful for not being able to visit her daily. Of course I've had the gallery front and center, and my markets keep me scrambling, but all in all...those things are really just excuses for not wanting to face the inevitable.
My friend is going to die, and I just don't want to accept it. Today I went over to visit her and was feeling a little sulky about it. I told DH...geeze...on my ONE day off...I really need to go and visit Donna and try to cheer her up a little. How selfish of me! When the day comes that she isn't here anymore I will rue saying those words...and today she dropped a harsh reality on me.
"Bobbi, she said...you've just got to let me go." She looked up into my eyes and I could tell she was making an effort to keep her eyes focused on me. I cried like a spoiled brat of a child who has just had their favorite toy taken away. But then I understood. She's just tired of the struggle, and the pain, and the sadness she feels for taking other people away from their lives in caring for her. Her sweet daughter has stayed with her for over three months now. Leaving her job, and her boyfriend over in Miami. Her other daughter and her sister travel from many miles to come and see her when they can.
She has made the decision and she wanted me to understand, selfish guilty friend that I am.
I told her it's okay to go. She will be at peace and happy. I asked just one promise that when she gets there she will let me know somehow that she is okay. She promised me she would and I know that is a promise she will keep if there is any earthly way she can.
So I'm sad and happy today. I'm sad that I'm losing my dear friend and that I get to meet another Sparkie friend. The universe always seems to cheer us up with something positive to counter balance the negative. I'm looking for the silver lining in friendship..yes, I am!
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