Thursday, March 31, 2011
I don't usually find sad things in happy things, but today I have one. Yesterday, I got dressed and noticed, again, that my pants were getting too big. I pulled out an old belt, the kind with a fancy buckle, and slid it through the belt loops on my pants, then buckled it. It was still a little loose so I went to rebuckle and discovered I was past the last hole in the belt! Surprise! That had never happened before! I wandered around the house concentrating on the feel of my pants with the belt, as I don't usually wear belts. My pants still felt like they were going to fall off, so I took them off, checked the size and went to my closet. I know I have a pair of summer shorts at a smaller size. I got them one time by accident as I didn't check the sizes close enough at a sale. So they were hanging in the closet for over a year. Would they fit?
Sure enough they fit, and I didn't have any problems with them when I sat down, either. Didn't need the belt, fancy buckle or not, and was very proud of myself for having lost enough weight to finally wear, comfortably, the lowest size in decades!
Wow! Then the thought hit me and I stopped jumping up and down and sat down. This means I have to get rid of my clothes that are too big! Most people would think that was great but I felt sad. I just got those clothes not too long ago when the last bunch of clothes were too big. I always wear my clothes out. I never buy until they are really worn out! This was going to be a waste of money. My happy/sad or sad/happy feelings were swirling around confusing me rediculously.
I had to stop. This should be a happy time, but the problem is, we are at our lowest, financially, since we got married 34 years ago! I've been unemployed, except for writing a book, since the beggining of 2008 and my husband is working a straight commission job and while it has been tough, we have learned to make do and have felt okay because we certainly are part of the majority that are living on the edge of the abyss. What we don't have is money to go buy clothes, again. I get my hot water from a huge pot on the stove because the hot water tank decided to die this month. And I won't go into all the sorrows, everybody has enough right now.
Anyway, I looked at the older pants and wondered if I could alter them to a smaller size. I'm not much when it comes to sewing. I can do a hand hem job, but the sewing machine is a different animal. I can't sew a straight seam for all the tea in china, or anything else for that matter. But the problem is, I would have to rip the pants appart, totally in order to remake them. Not being much good on a sewing machine or anything else in the sewing world put that idea right out of my head.
So happy is; I've lost enough wieght to put me in new clothes, Sad is; it's too soon! I feel like I can't win! But that is what I am doing!
I guess I could be in Japan right next to number 4 or 6 reactor. I could be living in Japan without any clothes than the ones on my back and no food to enrich my body, never mind the reactors that are damanged and leaking all over the place. I could be living in Japan in a "ghost town with a closed down mine", no electricity, running water, or anything else to make life a little better than the cave dwellers had.
So what am I complaining about? Nothing! I still have a long way to go, and I am happy that I am making progress. I will find some way to handle this situation and be glad I'm not living in Japan without anything. I wonder if there is a neighbor woman that needs a larger pair of pants than I wear and is wondering where she will get the money to go buy new pants?
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I wish I could claim that victory and title, but alas, I am closer to that goal. I lost another pound since yesterday so it's been a pretty good week for me, down a total of 3 pounds with four more days to go. I wish I had the secret recipe, but there isn't one. I have found, through this long journey, that it is a personal recipe for everyone. My recipe is simple, now that I have it all sorted out and written down.
I eat every 2.5 hours so I have three meals; breakfast, lunch, dinner, that get 30 carbs each, or approximately 300 calories or less, then I have 4 snacks; one in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, and 1 after dinner. Those get 15 carbs or approximately 75 calories each. The last one is usually dessert so I have to really be picky about "dessert".
There is a slue of foods my doctor insists I eat every day and a couple of extras that MUST be eaten once a week. Fortunately, because of SP, I was already eating all of them and there wasn't a big change and learning process again. I discovered my doctor had no idea I was only eating 1200 calories a day and doing almost 100 minutes or more of exercise everyday.
With exercise, like walking or aerobics after every meal (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and extra exercise spaced in at convenient intervals, I'm getting the job done without dangerous pills or expensive drinks or foods from places that don't teach you anything.
Years passed, pounds established themselves on top of other pounds and then I moved to Florida. I was losing weight one pound at a time because of new found pool exercise and it being too hot to eat heavy food. But I did have a concern and that was diabetes. So when I finally found a good doctor, I was tested. No diabetes. About two years later, I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes 2. My quest was on for a simple calorie counter. I tripped over SparkPeople, which I joined because I was very impressed with the meal tracker which I have finally learned how to utilize fully after several years and as time progressed, the site has progressed immensely. What it was before is baby compared to what it is now. SparkPeople just keeps getting better - thank you, thank you, thank you!
So what has my journey shown me? A very well fed body runs so much better than one that is fed very beautiful sugary junky foods. Much like a sporty car. You put junk gasoline in it, the thing runs, but don't try to out run anything with it because it just doesn't run as well as a well oiled and tuned sports car with good fuel. Same with the human body. I have less naggy headaches, less aches and pains, less trouble making parts work because it is getting all the stuff it needs and it is starting to show in more ways than on the scale.
Eating more often, for me, means not being hungry and eating more often with healthy food means, for me, not having cravings or feeling like a slug looking for a nice shady cool spot to hide in. I am down to what I was years ago, I mean decades, and it's only going to get better as I keep losing to my intermediate goal of 198 and then my ultimate goal of 175. When I get there I will re-evaluate and decide, with my doctor, if I can go to 150. Having an Amazonian skeleton prevents this body from going below a certain weight and still be healthy. I don't want to look like I'm suffering from some flesh eating disease. I'm working to beat diabetes and SparkPeople, with all it's grand self-help trackers and educational/informational articles and videos and challenges and wonderful teams full of wonderful, very special positive helpful friends is going to make it all attainable and my dreams will come true.
It's another SparkDay!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
I've never had the feeling that I needed to blog on a consistant basis until now and I'm not positive I want to do it, in fact, I really don't want to blog everyday. I'm a writer and a blog is just another form of writing. I can't write little bits and pieces unless I'm so depressed I can't stand myself and then I've got problems.
Most of the time, I'm feeling wonderful, or very good so I don't even feel the need to blog. But this morning, I'm feeling compelled to blog on a daily basis.
I've read other's blogs, they are all good, even those crying for help or just a listening ear with no words of comfort needed and I liked them all. One I especially like is a daily blog where the food is photgraphed and entered into the blog. I never thought of doing that, but it seem slike a grand idea and I was going to give it a try until I discovered my phone would not download them without having to type in the entire email address for every picture I wanted to send to my computer. What a pain! I know we bought a "card" for my phone, but do you think I can find it now? Grr!
Well, here it is...another long one and I haven't even found the meat of the blog yet! Guess I'll just keep swimming and eventually I'll find a landing spot. I hope.
Have a grand one, everyone!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Today feels like Day 1 - of something. I haven't done much more than log in for the last couple of days because I have been so busy with obligations. Most of them are done now and I can catch up and still get some work around her accomplished.
I slept for 6.5 hours last night then work up for a couple of hours and went back to bed to sleep 2 more hours. When I awoke the second time, I felt pretty good so I started out with logging in to SP and getting some of that done as I usually do in the morning.
I sang in a Spring Concert in my community on Thursday night and was so drained by Friday morning - the brain would not stop singing the songs, over and over and I found out on Saturday that most of the people in the chorus didn't sleep that night as we were all wound up singing the songs over and over again in our heads. Nothing stopped it. We actually did very well that night, a few mistakes, but a senior citizen 50 member chorus is allowed to make mistakes.
So Friday was like a fog, I got some things done, but can't remember much of it, then Saturday was up early to haul out the junk for a community garage sale from 10am to 1pm. People were poking through at 8am - who is going to stope them - and by 1pm it was pretty quiet and I was about the last one left out in the driveway. So I packed up what was left, stuffed it in the corner and then caught a free freezer my neighbor put out and asked him to drag it over. He did and when my DH came home, he laughed, sat down and we counted money. Didn't make tons, but hey when you're selling junk you no longer want, 50 cents a pop isn't bad. I sold some stuff for a buck a pop, and was amazed at the lack of interesting things the place was selling. Golf bag carts, books, beanie bag toys, stuffed animals, books, the usual junk. It felt good to unload some of it for a profit to my pocketbook and I'll haul the rest to a thrift shop down the road.
Today my DH cleaned out the storage shed and revamped it so the new free freezer would fit in it. He painted the "shelves" as they were all dinged up but in good shape and I'll scrub it out before I put the turkey in there, which I have to haul out of my mother-in-law's house that she is selling. The realtor has to tell potential buyer's that the turkey doesn't come with it, but I'd like to get it out of there, clean up the interior and turn it off.
So tomorrow I have a book signing event in Sarasota at Circle books and then I'm on my own until Friday and Saturday when I go to Gulfport for a book signing event at Small Adventures Book shop on Friday and the Gulfport Public Library on Saturday. They are having a book sale, fun adventures for the kids and several local authors on Saturday, April 2. It's going to be fun and I'm going to be ready.
Well, I've got more things to do, like finish cleaning the office and then make dinner and wash the dishes and then I'm done for the day. I did manage to get in some exercise between all the other things I've done today.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
It seem slike a life time ago when Chernobyl had a desaster in the nuke plant and when you go back to look at the pictures of then and now, you can't help but think about Japan and it's very own desaster with horrendous earthquake, incredible tsunami and then their nuke plants being damaged and their fight to stop a "Chernobyl" in their country, not one, but several!
I looked at some pictures of Chernobyl today, one is of the school in a little town near Chernobyl call Pripyat. The walls must have been painted a pretty sky blue but it has peeled almost into dust which is laying all over the floors and broken decaying furntiure strewen around, no doubt helped by the elements as the windows are all open.
The walls are nearly bare and looking ghostly greyish, the white door frames rotting in the walls, portals to a black unknown beyond.
I wondered why the windows were left open and why furniture appeared to be thown about, and then I realized, it was probably a beautiful day when the desaster struck. The windows were probably letting in clean, refreshing air and warmth. They must have had a chair near every door, maybe hall monitors, maybe mom's spending their one day at school to help. When the desaster struck they ran, as anyone, grab the children and leave, don't worry about anything. If we come back, we'll set it all to rights then. They never came back.
Now the one hallway that some radiation monitor has taken shows a sad mess. Those windows still open, the chairs on their sides, mostly decaid, the walls and interiors all rotting. That's what neglect does to a building.
It makes me wonder about all those people in Japan. I don't think I could get far enough away from there if I lived there. Of course, I probably know more about nuculear materials and radiation than a lot of the people that lived nearby. Seems most were farmers or service industry workers. They weren't expected to know a lot about nuculear energy and all the other parts of that industry. I wonder how much information is available to them, if they did wonder about it? Maybe being kept in the dark has it's advantages. You don't usually worry about things you know nothing of.
My heart goes out to Japan and all it's people. They are fighting for their lives. A life with almost everything they knew destroyed. Talk about starting over! You think I'm going to cry about my broken hot water tank? Not a chance. I've got this huge pot sitting on my stove. It has electricity to heat that element under that pot. I don't mind ladeling hot water into a pan to wash my hair or even shower with more cold than warm water for awhile. I can get my hot water heater fixed. Most people in Japan don't even have a shower, stove, or pot to put water in. How can you not feel for them, at the very least?
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