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Happy Sad! or Maybe It's Sad Happy?

Thursday, March 31, 2011

I don't usually find sad things in happy things, but today I have one. Yesterday, I got dressed and noticed, again, that my pants were getting too big. I pulled out an old belt, the kind with a fancy buckle, and slid it through the belt loops on my pants, then buckled it. It was still a little loose so I went to rebuckle and discovered I was past the last hole in the belt! Surprise! That had never happened before! I wandered around the house concentrating on the feel of my pants with the belt, as I don't usually wear belts. My pants still felt like they were going to fall off, so I took them off, checked the size and went to my closet. I know I have a pair of summer shorts at a smaller size. I got them one time by accident as I didn't check the sizes close enough at a sale. So they were hanging in the closet for over a year. Would they fit?

Sure enough they fit, and I didn't have any problems with them when I sat down, either. Didn't need the belt, fancy buckle or not, and was very proud of myself for having lost enough weight to finally wear, comfortably, the lowest size in decades! emoticon

Wow! Then the thought hit me and I stopped jumping up and down and sat down. This means I have to get rid of my clothes that are too big! Most people would think that was great but I felt sad. I just got those clothes not too long ago when the last bunch of clothes were too big. I always wear my clothes out. I never buy until they are really worn out! This was going to be a waste of money. My happy/sad or sad/happy feelings were swirling around confusing me rediculously.

I had to stop. This should be a happy time, but the problem is, we are at our lowest, financially, since we got married 34 years ago! I've been unemployed, except for writing a book, since the beggining of 2008 and my husband is working a straight commission job and while it has been tough, we have learned to make do and have felt okay because we certainly are part of the majority that are living on the edge of the abyss. What we don't have is money to go buy clothes, again. I get my hot water from a huge pot on the stove because the hot water tank decided to die this month. And I won't go into all the sorrows, everybody has enough right now.

Anyway, I looked at the older pants and wondered if I could alter them to a smaller size. I'm not much when it comes to sewing. I can do a hand hem job, but the sewing machine is a different animal. I can't sew a straight seam for all the tea in china, or anything else for that matter. But the problem is, I would have to rip the pants appart, totally in order to remake them. Not being much good on a sewing machine or anything else in the sewing world put that idea right out of my head.

So happy is; I've lost enough wieght to put me in new clothes, Sad is; it's too soon! I feel like I can't win! But that is what I am doing!

I guess I could be in Japan right next to number 4 or 6 reactor. I could be living in Japan without any clothes than the ones on my back and no food to enrich my body, never mind the reactors that are damanged and leaking all over the place. I could be living in Japan in a "ghost town with a closed down mine", no electricity, running water, or anything else to make life a little better than the cave dwellers had.

So what am I complaining about? Nothing! I still have a long way to go, and I am happy that I am making progress. I will find some way to handle this situation and be glad I'm not living in Japan without anything. I wonder if there is a neighbor woman that needs a larger pair of pants than I wear and is wondering where she will get the money to go buy new pants?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 4/5/2011 3:26PM

    Congratulations!!! I am sure this is a problem you can enjoy solving. Enjoy your new size. Chris emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1BEACHWALKER 4/4/2011 12:43AM

    I know the feeling! I am losing inches so much this past couple months, that I am running out of clothes too. And not only that Bob is too! So we have a double problem of finding money to buy new stuff. We too have had money problems since Bob's medical bills last year just about wiped us out! But, fortunately back a few years ago when times weren't as tight if I saw a cute shirt or shorts, etc that was on sale at a good price next size down I would buy it just in case. Do you know I am now in those - I am so grateful that I bought those! But, I still have the problem with Bob. Need to start checking our Goodwill or Thrift shops too, like everyone keeps telling me about. Also, one Spark friend mentioned shrinking them in the dryer-let them dry all the way through. Just an idea. Of course, if you can relearn the sewing machine that could work! I am like you-not handy in that way.
emoticon on the weight loss though! That is emoticon

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COOKNKEL 4/3/2011 9:53PM

    I LUV drawstrings! Being home everyday, or when I do work I wear scrubs...blessing. I've had the same pair of jeans from 136 lbs to 180s and back to 150. I beleive they grow / shrink with me (low hips so fit under my belly/babies). Our thrift is very close. I call it the boutique! I've got evening gowns for 25 cents! Just can't be too picky, but sounds like you got the right attitude!!! Savor the healthier weight and don't let the enemy steal your joy.

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MISSILENE 4/3/2011 6:54AM

    I too had to change my size from 22 to 12-14. Yep I go to Salvation army on Wednesday. Things are all 50% off there. I also found a place called "Think Thrift" so I took my things there and they give $.25 per lb. I got $5.25 for 4 bags of size 2x pjs. They inspected every one with a fine tooth comb. It was hysterical. I think nothing of shopping there since they are so picky. I love shopping all the time. I gave up food for clothes.

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MDMNINA 4/2/2011 6:20PM

    Hey! I know some great thrift shops!! Let go shopping together. We are struggling financially too (who isn't these days?). And there is Bealls outlet on Senior discount Mondays as well.

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DJPG50 4/1/2011 1:05PM

    I feel the same way...especially because I am in the middle of the weight loss...not at my goal. I have been saving money for my shopping spree when I get to my goal...but I don't waste on clothes that will hopefully need to get rid of over the next few months...I have found that consignment stores are good or Buffalo Exchange. I am not sure if there is one your area or not. BE is pretty picky about what they will buy back...but they have nice clothes for really cheap prices.

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/31/2011 11:46PM

    emoticon What a wonderful feeling!

*`. .*`. .*`. .*`. .*`. .*. .*`.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 3/31/2011 11:13PM

    I don't like to waste money either. I'm going to try to alter some of mine that are like new.

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LIFEISSWEET2 3/31/2011 7:10PM

    Finding a local tailor for some of your favorite items can be economical.

Do you have friends who you could do a clothes swap with? Or do you have any good consignment shops in your area?

Keep focusing on the positive in this situation and it will bring good to you (and maybe some new clothes). You should be very proud of yourself!

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JUSTJO66 3/31/2011 4:12PM

    GoodWill and other thrift stores are great places to shop on your way down. Congrats on the new sizes.

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JANETLP 3/31/2011 12:32PM

    Being a Pastor's wife- I totally understand where you are coming from. Yes, check Goodwill and Thrift stores. Garage Sales are also a favorite place to find clothes at a very affordable amount. But, also- ask you family and friends! All women have more clothes in their possession than they will ever wear. My daughter and some other friends helped me through this last size, greatly! Just ask.
Congrats on the wt loss and the downsizing!

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MYSTERY4EVER 3/31/2011 11:44AM

    Check out Goodwill and thrift and consignment stores. Although I have bought new things lately, I have bought lots of things from those stores in the past. Possibly a consignment shop will let you "trade" your things for a small commission. Good luck. This is a great problem to have. You will find a solution. Keep up the good work.

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MELA1953 3/31/2011 11:24AM

    I took in most of my pants when I lost my weight last year.. It was not the most professional job, but I took them in on the inner seam and then on the butt seam... It worked out okay... Otherwise, see if you can find a tailor to do them cheaply or what TONYAWC1976 says- good to goodwill... Good luck with your Journey Pat...

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GINNJEN2000 3/31/2011 11:21AM

    Way to go!!! This is a good thing. I found a happy thing to a pair of jeans fit that I had to wrazzle with fit me and wont be long before I will need a belt with them.

Agrees with Tonya second hand stores will be your best friend at the rate you are losing.

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ALISHAB3 3/31/2011 11:04AM

    You can find a tailor to alter your clothing. A small dart will bring in shirts/jackets and I have had clothing taken in several times. I still have a jacket that was a size 22 to start with even though I'm in a 12/14 now. I couldn't afford new clothes either.

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STEPPYSUE 3/31/2011 10:57AM

    Yeah, I liked reading how Morticia went to the Goodwill.

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TAMPABOOKWORM 3/31/2011 10:03AM

    Not sure what size you are in or if you would even be interested, but I have a pile of gently used stuff that I have not yet gotten rid of. Send me a private note if you are interested (I am in FL too)


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TONYAWC1976 3/31/2011 9:34AM

  Look into second hand clothing stores. They buy gently used clothes. You won't get what you paid, but you will have some money toward new clothes. I will be praying that some one will come and fix your water heater, either free or at a fraction of the price. God Bless you.

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A well running machine!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I wish I could claim that victory and title, but alas, I am closer to that goal. I lost another pound since yesterday so it's been a pretty good week for me, down a total of 3 pounds with four more days to go. I wish I had the secret recipe, but there isn't one. I have found, through this long journey, that it is a personal recipe for everyone. My recipe is simple, now that I have it all sorted out and written down.

I eat every 2.5 hours so I have three meals; breakfast, lunch, dinner, that get 30 carbs each, or approximately 300 calories or less, then I have 4 snacks; one in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, and 1 after dinner. Those get 15 carbs or approximately 75 calories each. The last one is usually dessert so I have to really be picky about "dessert".

There is a slue of foods my doctor insists I eat every day and a couple of extras that MUST be eaten once a week. Fortunately, because of SP, I was already eating all of them and there wasn't a big change and learning process again. I discovered my doctor had no idea I was only eating 1200 calories a day and doing almost 100 minutes or more of exercise everyday.

With exercise, like walking or aerobics after every meal (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and extra exercise spaced in at convenient intervals, I'm getting the job done without dangerous pills or expensive drinks or foods from places that don't teach you anything.

Years passed, pounds established themselves on top of other pounds and then I moved to Florida. I was losing weight one pound at a time because of new found pool exercise and it being too hot to eat heavy food. But I did have a concern and that was diabetes. So when I finally found a good doctor, I was tested. No diabetes. About two years later, I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes 2. My quest was on for a simple calorie counter. I tripped over SparkPeople, which I joined because I was very impressed with the meal tracker which I have finally learned how to utilize fully after several years and as time progressed, the site has progressed immensely. What it was before is baby compared to what it is now. SparkPeople just keeps getting better - thank you, thank you, thank you!

So what has my journey shown me? A very well fed body runs so much better than one that is fed very beautiful sugary junky foods. Much like a sporty car. You put junk gasoline in it, the thing runs, but don't try to out run anything with it because it just doesn't run as well as a well oiled and tuned sports car with good fuel. Same with the human body. I have less naggy headaches, less aches and pains, less trouble making parts work because it is getting all the stuff it needs and it is starting to show in more ways than on the scale.

Eating more often, for me, means not being hungry and eating more often with healthy food means, for me, not having cravings or feeling like a slug looking for a nice shady cool spot to hide in. I am down to what I was years ago, I mean decades, and it's only going to get better as I keep losing to my intermediate goal of 198 and then my ultimate goal of 175. When I get there I will re-evaluate and decide, with my doctor, if I can go to 150. Having an Amazonian skeleton prevents this body from going below a certain weight and still be healthy. I don't want to look like I'm suffering from some flesh eating disease. I'm working to beat diabetes and SparkPeople, with all it's grand self-help trackers and educational/informational articles and videos and challenges and wonderful teams full of wonderful, very special positive helpful friends is going to make it all attainable and my dreams will come true.

It's another SparkDay! emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAHEDAGO 3/31/2011 8:52AM

    great going, you have achieved so much and i'm sure you'll reach those goals in no time at all emoticon

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MYSTERY4EVER 3/30/2011 8:23PM

    Great job! Keep up the good work.

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    I eat similar to you and it works well for me too. It helps keep my blood sugar stable.

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JUSTBIRDY 3/30/2011 11:32AM


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GINNJEN2000 3/30/2011 10:24AM

    Amen amen and amen on all counts. Spark has come a long way. I have been with the site for more years than I would like to count. Havent always utilized it as well as I should but am definately on track now.

Great blog!!

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MARTY728 3/30/2011 10:18AM

    GREAT! Keep it up! emoticon emoticon

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Feeling Compelled to Blog Consistantly!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I've never had the feeling that I needed to blog on a consistant basis until now and I'm not positive I want to do it, in fact, I really don't want to blog everyday. I'm a writer and a blog is just another form of writing. I can't write little bits and pieces unless I'm so depressed I can't stand myself and then I've got problems.

Most of the time, I'm feeling wonderful, or very good so I don't even feel the need to blog. But this morning, I'm feeling compelled to blog on a daily basis.

I've read other's blogs, they are all good, even those crying for help or just a listening ear with no words of comfort needed and I liked them all. One I especially like is a daily blog where the food is photgraphed and entered into the blog. I never thought of doing that, but it seem slike a grand idea and I was going to give it a try until I discovered my phone would not download them without having to type in the entire email address for every picture I wanted to send to my computer. What a pain! I know we bought a "card" for my phone, but do you think I can find it now? Grr!

Well, here it is...another long one and I haven't even found the meat of the blog yet! Guess I'll just keep swimming and eventually I'll find a landing spot. I hope.

Have a grand one, everyone!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RONIE11 3/29/2011 3:29PM

    I hate to write but I have found that I really like to blog. I just put down what is in my head.. I don't give it a whole lot of thought unless I'm troubled by something.
I like to read blogs too.. I think I spend too much time reading blogs and I don't make it to all my teams.. oh well thats whats so much fun about this site... we can visit with each other and make friends through our teams and blogs... Have a great day... Ronie

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JUSTJO66 3/29/2011 3:18PM

    I agree with everyone that has already written a comment. I have journaled for years and just recently (since joining Sparkpeople) have started blogging. I am not a writer by profession...but I do find that writing out my thoughts helps clear my thinking and I just plain enjoy reading other's blogs. There are so many different personalities and styles of writing....I love the variety and all the choices we have. I am always really thankful when someone opens up in their blogs and lets me in to their lives and what they are thinking, feeling and experiencing. It helps me stay connected to the fact that we all are human....and there's nothing new under the sun.
I especially love blogs with humor. :o)

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JANETLP 3/29/2011 1:38PM

    I love to blog- It's my way of unloading! I agree with the others, it's a great form of therapy that helps me keep my mind together. With the kids and my schedule I need to just relax and let my mind go. Blogging is that for me.

Besides, friends who blog give me someone to post a comment, SP points!

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NAMAARI 3/29/2011 12:16PM

    I am not a writer and I do not like to blog, but I think it helps others to see that we all have the same struggles and successes. I was widowed at 33, and it helped me to read the posts/blogs of widows, because I couldn't articulate my feelings very well...it helped me to give words to my feelings, to identify with others and know that I wasn't weird or alone, and to see that the waves of grief would one day lessen as time passed. When I read here, it's nice to see how successful people are, and that I can be too if I just keep pressing forward, and get back on track when I mess up. It's also nice to see that others, who are also dealing with similar health issues, are making progress...it makes me feel less hopeless in those down moments and it's inspiring always.

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MORTICIAADDAMS 3/29/2011 10:07AM

    I like the food picture blogs too but it would put pressure on me to make my food pretty. I don't need more pressure or stress. LOL.

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MARTY728 3/29/2011 10:07AM

    You Rock! Remember swimming is the only form of excerise I know that you just suddenly stop, you will die. So please keep swimming until you reach land.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GINNJEN2000 3/29/2011 4:19AM

    LOL. I adore blogging. It has been sure a great form of therapy even if it seems such randomness to mose folks. Pure silliness sometimes too. There always something I take away too from other peoples as well.

Hope your day is a great one.

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Feels like Day 1 - but it's a long way from it!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Today feels like Day 1 - of something. I haven't done much more than log in for the last couple of days because I have been so busy with obligations. Most of them are done now and I can catch up and still get some work around her accomplished.

I slept for 6.5 hours last night then work up for a couple of hours and went back to bed to sleep 2 more hours. When I awoke the second time, I felt pretty good so I started out with logging in to SP and getting some of that done as I usually do in the morning.

I sang in a Spring Concert in my community on Thursday night and was so drained by Friday morning - the brain would not stop singing the songs, over and over and I found out on Saturday that most of the people in the chorus didn't sleep that night as we were all wound up singing the songs over and over again in our heads. Nothing stopped it. We actually did very well that night, a few mistakes, but a senior citizen 50 member chorus is allowed to make mistakes.

So Friday was like a fog, I got some things done, but can't remember much of it, then Saturday was up early to haul out the junk for a community garage sale from 10am to 1pm. People were poking through at 8am - who is going to stope them - and by 1pm it was pretty quiet and I was about the last one left out in the driveway. So I packed up what was left, stuffed it in the corner and then caught a free freezer my neighbor put out and asked him to drag it over. He did and when my DH came home, he laughed, sat down and we counted money. Didn't make tons, but hey when you're selling junk you no longer want, 50 cents a pop isn't bad. I sold some stuff for a buck a pop, and was amazed at the lack of interesting things the place was selling. Golf bag carts, books, beanie bag toys, stuffed animals, books, the usual junk. It felt good to unload some of it for a profit to my pocketbook and I'll haul the rest to a thrift shop down the road.

Today my DH cleaned out the storage shed and revamped it so the new free freezer would fit in it. He painted the "shelves" as they were all dinged up but in good shape and I'll scrub it out before I put the turkey in there, which I have to haul out of my mother-in-law's house that she is selling. The realtor has to tell potential buyer's that the turkey doesn't come with it, but I'd like to get it out of there, clean up the interior and turn it off.

So tomorrow I have a book signing event in Sarasota at Circle books and then I'm on my own until Friday and Saturday when I go to Gulfport for a book signing event at Small Adventures Book shop on Friday and the Gulfport Public Library on Saturday. They are having a book sale, fun adventures for the kids and several local authors on Saturday, April 2. It's going to be fun and I'm going to be ready.

Well, I've got more things to do, like finish cleaning the office and then make dinner and wash the dishes and then I'm done for the day. I did manage to get in some exercise between all the other things I've done today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GINNJEN2000 3/28/2011 6:49AM

    Busy bee you are, life happens, so dont forget to breath.

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JENNIW70 3/28/2011 1:00AM

    Pat, what book have you written? Sounds like you've been quite busy!

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MORTICIAADDAMS 3/27/2011 11:11PM

    The spring concert sounded great and I love rummage sales too. Cool about the free freezer. I have 3 upright freezers. LOL.

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JANETLP 3/27/2011 8:17PM


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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/27/2011 7:30PM

    emoticon alot of spring cleaning go around. You at least got some exercise done though.

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Chernobyl in my house!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

It seem slike a life time ago when Chernobyl had a desaster in the nuke plant and when you go back to look at the pictures of then and now, you can't help but think about Japan and it's very own desaster with horrendous earthquake, incredible tsunami and then their nuke plants being damaged and their fight to stop a "Chernobyl" in their country, not one, but several!

I looked at some pictures of Chernobyl today, one is of the school in a little town near Chernobyl call Pripyat. The walls must have been painted a pretty sky blue but it has peeled almost into dust which is laying all over the floors and broken decaying furntiure strewen around, no doubt helped by the elements as the windows are all open.

The walls are nearly bare and looking ghostly greyish, the white door frames rotting in the walls, portals to a black unknown beyond.

I wondered why the windows were left open and why furniture appeared to be thown about, and then I realized, it was probably a beautiful day when the desaster struck. The windows were probably letting in clean, refreshing air and warmth. They must have had a chair near every door, maybe hall monitors, maybe mom's spending their one day at school to help. When the desaster struck they ran, as anyone, grab the children and leave, don't worry about anything. If we come back, we'll set it all to rights then. They never came back.

Now the one hallway that some radiation monitor has taken shows a sad mess. Those windows still open, the chairs on their sides, mostly decaid, the walls and interiors all rotting. That's what neglect does to a building.

It makes me wonder about all those people in Japan. I don't think I could get far enough away from there if I lived there. Of course, I probably know more about nuculear materials and radiation than a lot of the people that lived nearby. Seems most were farmers or service industry workers. They weren't expected to know a lot about nuculear energy and all the other parts of that industry. I wonder how much information is available to them, if they did wonder about it? Maybe being kept in the dark has it's advantages. You don't usually worry about things you know nothing of.

My heart goes out to Japan and all it's people. They are fighting for their lives. A life with almost everything they knew destroyed. Talk about starting over! You think I'm going to cry about my broken hot water tank? Not a chance. I've got this huge pot sitting on my stove. It has electricity to heat that element under that pot. I don't mind ladeling hot water into a pan to wash my hair or even shower with more cold than warm water for awhile. I can get my hot water heater fixed. Most people in Japan don't even have a shower, stove, or pot to put water in. How can you not feel for them, at the very least?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 3/27/2011 2:06PM

    No the Japanese people did not deserve this fate. Earthquake, tsunami and nuclear radiation. It is unthinkable! I say some prayers and gave $6 to a group of school kids collecting money and had my own H.S. class (who happen to be Deaf) try to empathize by writing (invented) letters to the President of Japan. It was a chemistry class so I felt I could do some lessons on atomic energy , show them some online clips of the Japan disaster and then write the letters. The real disaster is that war is still a part of our social network.
thank you for a great, balanced blog. Chris

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MORTICIAADDAMS 3/23/2011 10:32PM

    I'm not a fan of nuclear power. It's way too dangerous and no one is ready to deal with potential problems. I hope you get your water heater fixed soon.

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 3/23/2011 9:15PM

    I do feel awfully for those amazing folks. Honestly, I dont see how people can be so insensitive to their situation. "Someone" told me it was because they are a wealthy country. "Someone Else" told me it was because of Pearl Harbor. I dont know about any of that, but I think we should try to do more. My heart is hurting for them like yours. I am glad you chose to share that with us. Victoria

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GINNJEN2000 3/23/2011 2:54PM

    Wow, so true. Great blog

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JANETLP 3/23/2011 12:49PM

    Great Blog and Great Look into what suffering really is! Bless You! emoticon

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MARIE625 3/23/2011 10:32AM

    Japan does make you appreciate what you have, doesn't it! We also live near a nuclear power plant - 40 - 60 miles away. Not really sure of the exact mileage. Frankly, I'd sort of like to move much closer to it. When it blows, I want to be close enough so that I die immediately, without ever even knowing what hit me. I don't want to be sitting here waiting for the radiation to reach me, or worse, being radiated but not enough to kill me on contact. I can not fathom the stress level the Japanese must be feeling. My heart definitely goes out to them.

Hope you get your hot water tank fixed soon. :)

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