Wednesday, June 15, 2011
A few months ago, my Doctor asked me to take B-12. After discussing it, I decided it was probably a pretty good idea. I took it once a month for 3 months. On the fourth month I had to ask for it and he asked me if I felt like I needed it. I had been feeling so energized since the first B-12 that I wanted to keep going. I got it, but now I haven't had B-12 in 3 months. My motabolism has launched itself, and me along with it, into a wonderful world of energy.
I can't sit for more than an hour (approx) and then I've got to go do something. This is great as before, I could have sat for 8 hours or longer, and did most of the time, working at a desk for someone else. I'm not sure an employer would like me jumping up and doing 10 minutes of aerobics, or going for a 30 minute walk, etc. I don't care! I'm not accountable to anyone except me and I like what's going on.
I am so happy he suggested it and I went along with it.
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
I wish I could claim this to be the death of my old self - but it's still alive and comes back to haunt me more often than I care to admit. Today it teased me all day about McDonald's!
Tomorrow is the military funeral of a dear friend. He and his wife were my neighbors when we first moved to Florida and they quietly introduced us to what I lovingly call the mob around here - especially when it comes to the free food - show and they come!
Anyway, he was my first IT man and he did a lot of free work on my computer. He did it free because he claimed he was learning and I was glad because I couldn't afford to pay him. Anyway, he nearly rebuilt my first laptop because it got zapped by an electrical surge during a T-Storm - MIL didn't have that protection, I do.
He was a Salvation Army Officer and missionary and talk about a sweet, quiet, huge man. He was never pushy, let you bring up the subjects of discussion you wanted and didn't make you feel like - he'll just turn it around to talk about God! I wouldn't have minded because I enjoyed his little sermons - I figured he practiced on me and that was okay.
He got ill and when he recovered, his wife got ill and struggled for awhile, then she got well and he got ill again and just couldn't recover. She took grand care of him and he always had a smile on his face and was ready to go. He knew the chariot was coming soon.
Finally, he reached a point beyond her loving care and they took him away from her. First into the hospital and then to Hospice. The Hospice here is very nice, but let's face it, not many go back to family and friends from Hospice. He didn't. He jumped on the chariot Sunday morning.
Now I really miss him. A giant gentle man always quietly pointing the way to Heaven and he's gone there.
When I read the announcement of his death over my email, I sat here and cried. I couldn't even tell my DH, who came to see why I was crying and read it over my shoulder. He just wrapped his arms around me and hung on until I could breathe again.
When you get to be my age, you realize you are closer to the end than the start and you take it all a bit different than you do when you are younger. You usually know, at my age, what to do and say when these things happen, but it seems to get harder and harder as the friends disappear one by one.
You can keep making friends, and I've made a lot in the last couple of years, but then the are all from the same era I am and to watch them drop away just gets to a point where you feel like death is becoming a very large mountain ahead of you. It isn't but it seems like it.
So tomorrow I put on the black clothes, drive to the Sarasota National Cemetery and say goodbye to my good friend, give his wife a hug - cause she's a good friend, too, and explain that I drove to her house this morning to "pay my respects" but didn't want to intrude on the family and just left the card on the step.
Not looking forward to tomorrow. Hate obligations of this type. Head up, box of tissue and onward I go. Think about me. I know if enough of you think about me, I'll feel it and keep going.
I'll be late posting tomorrow so just hang on because when I come back, I'll be posting all day in the hope of getting past it faster. I love SparkPeople and all my SparkFriends. You guys are the best and I know you'll all help me past the gloom. Thanks.
Friday, June 03, 2011
I can't believe I am halfway to my goal. Actually about 8 pounds more than half way, but half way at any rate.
Right now I'm working on the last 13 to be under the 200 mark and reach another goal which is to beat diabetes (pre) and not have to take the pills. Plus by then, I should definitely know how to release the weight and keep on going to my 180 or 175 goal.
So many things in my life have changed. I rarely go to McDonalds because I have a strong enough mind to have termed it poison (it is for me) and I stay away from it and all the others of the same idea in food.
I wear smaller clothes than I did at 250 and if my scale was broken, I'd be using clothes as my guide and motivator because it is quite a strange feeling to realize that you can now wear smaller clothes and get rid of the "fat" ones. I recently was in a clothing store and I said to the clerk, what size do I go to after getting out of Plus? She looked at me like I had lost my mind, but I was having an anxiety attack and wondered how I was going to shop for clothes that were not in the Plus department. She took my hand and moved me down a couple of rows and pointed to the next size down. (Well, of course - but she was probably never 1 pound over weight in her life, how could she understand?) My problem was more than sizes, it was a mind set. I was thinking small or very narrowed. Like someone that thinks small company instead of big company. The point is, you limit yourself. In my case, I was limiting my loss, from Extra Economy Industrial Strength to normal. Will I ever wear petites, maybe if it counts as short legged, but not if it only means how big around you are. Do I care, no.
38 pounds down from the original weight that I started on Spark and I don't know how many more pounds I had lost before that because I rarely stood on a scale. But that doesn't matter, I'm 38 pounds less than I was at the start of my journey and that's what counts.
I had a friend ask me how I did it - lose weight. I told her about SparkPeople. She smiled and asked what kind of diet that was - she had never heard about it. I told her more about SparkPeople. She said she would check it out. I know she didn't because I know what she was hoping I would tell her. The magic formula for losing weight without having to work for it. There is no such thing.
Losing weight is something different for everyone. We must all find the formula that works for us. Mine is walking daily, doing three 10 minute breaks of quick aerobics every day, Strength training three times a week, plus eating healthy. Because of diabetes, I chose to stay within reaching distance of 30 carbs for the three main meals and 15 carbs for the four snacks I have everyday, which means I eat about every 2.5 hours a day. It keeps me from getting hungry and keeps the blood sugar levels nice and gently rolling.
When I look in the mirror, I see a thinner me and that makes me happy. Happy enough to keep walking down this road.
When I log onto SparkPeople I see friends there to encourage me and friends that I can encourage, too. Because we all need the encouragement. That is the most important thing about SparkPeople.
Thanks Spark Friends for all the help I've had and thanks for the future help. Thanks SparkPeople for being there everyday with a conduit for me and all my friends to get together in our cyber clubhouse and talk about the piles of junk we are going over, under, around, and through. We can help each other across the miles, mountains, oceans, and all the boundaries of this world and find something we can work on together that will benefit all mankind, or just ourselves.
Keep Sparkling My Friends.
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Yesterday I woke up and decided it was time to stop procrastinating and start working on releasing my unwanted, unhealthy weight. So at 6am, DH and I jumped into clothes and walking shoes and hit the street at 6:05am. We walked a mile in about 25 minutes, so for us, it was moving along without smelling the roses, although the lift station we passed wasn't smelling all that great! And they just fixed it, too.
Then it was into breakfast, cleanup, and work. I did some one arm wall pushups at 7:30am and some close arm wall pushups, too. Then after lunch it was relaxing with my aerobics video and intensly doing 10 minutes of workout.
Another 10 mins of aerobics at 3pm and now it's time to put dinner together.
Today was a mirror of yesterday, except a different exercise video and I discovered that I lost 2 pounds from yesterday just before lunch when I remembered to go check the weight. I should have done it before breakfast, but I forgot.
Anyway, I'm off on my goals for the month and feeling so good about myself.
Here's My Goals for June.
1. Lose 2 pounds a week for a total of 10 pounds down for June. I'll go for 12, if I can.
2. Do the exercises with more intensity.
3. Walk every morning at 6am - no excuses.
4. Meal plan each week using the Food Tracker.
5. Stick to the meal plan.
6. Keep tracking my exercise.
7. Pass my exam that I thought I was going to take last month, but now its this month.
8. Study hard to get to the next two exams and pass them.
9. Be done with the meds by mid July 2011. (Because I lost enough weight to stop the meds.)
10. Find a way to do something special for myself every day.
That's the June 2011 Goal List for me. I'm already on it and working hard to keep it going. Maybe that should be number 11. Keep it all going.
Keep Sparkling my Friends.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Here it is 3:43am and I'm wide awake with an aching stomach and a niggling fear in the back of my mind. It's probably nothing, but I don't usually wake up at any hour with a stomach ache. I remember that in the last few hours I've been feeling an overall sense of unhappiness and wishing I could find that ellusive Shangrela that I've been chasing my entire life and now I'm wondering why chase something that probably doesn't exist? So is that defeatism or a final awareness check for the positive.
I think it is the later so I'm making myself a promise. Starting right this minute, I am going to lose 8 pounds this month. Why 8 pounds instead of 5 or 10? Because 8 is in the middle of I know I can do it and I'm not sure I can do it. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. There is the problem. Its more of a I know I can't do it than I don't think I can do it and I don't want to push it, but I'm wondering why not push it? Why not try? If I fail, what is going to happen? Depression, giving up? No way! I'm not giving up and I refuse to allow depression to take me back - I've been there! Nasty place I would not recommend for anyone.
So now my stomach ache is gone and I'm thinking about putting something healthy in there. I am not a breakfast lover, never have been, but I eat it because I've learned it's the smarter/healthier way to run my life. But acknowledging that leaves me with the decision of what to have. I'm at that place in the road where I know I'm changing from what do I want and what is healthy. The first action I need to take is to go find out what's in the cupboards and refrigerator. I'm not one to know what's out there. I don't really care what's out there as my DH is the shopper and he's very good at it. I usually take it from the bags and shove it in the right place and forget about it so then when it's time to make a meal plan, I'm in the kitchen rummaging.
Meal planning is not something I have learned to do well yet, so I can still let it go and then work on the spur of the moment but I have improved from taking the forzen chicken out of the freezer 15 minutes before I want it on the table. Now I get it out in the morning and it's thawed by the time I want to cook it, but I know there is still a better way to do it so I need to stretch myself to learn more and work on it continually.
So I'm changing my attitude, again, maybe I should do it everyday, because not changing it is not getting me where I want to be. I'm going to get there and I'm tired of waiting for some little magic fairy to zing by and wave her wand. She has missed me so many times and I'm not waiting any more.
So my wish for all is; chase your dreams - the ones that are realistic and healthy and reach those goals as soon as healthy allows. Tomorrow would be great, next month will be good, next year is not an option!
Keep Sparkling my Friends!
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