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Try, try again.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Dear Rachael,

You are not perfect. You never have been and you never will be. Yeah you've had some unexpected complications. Yeah you are insane busy right now. Your body still needs some peace. It has to have peace.

You are not starting over. You already know how to do this so the learning curve is much less steep. And your body knows how to crave wellness---let it!

I'm not worried about this set back. Because that's all it was, a set back. Two steps forward now, babe, two steps forward. Ok? It will be better. I promise.

Love, Me



Busted that 170 Myth

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

I am so incredibly happy to report today that I busted out of the 170s and am headed into the last 10% stretch of this journey. I was beginning to feel like it might not happen, but once again patience and persistence paid off and I am there. So I'm moving my ticker today and making a paper chain countdown of these last 15 pounds. Only 15 pounds!!! I can't believe it. I can be there by summer. I can do this.



I Love Yoga

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Went to yoga class today and decided I love yoga. Do you want to know why I love yoga? I love my body the way it is RIGHT NOW when I do yoga. I feel longer and leaner and more graceful and seeing myself that way makes me love myself enough to do truly good things for myself. I love that at yoga class I am supposed to clear everything out of my mind and think about me--about my health--about how my body is working and feeling and what I need to do to help it work and feel better. I love that yoga is an exercise I truly look forward to--so much so that I've starting calling it my "exercise candy." I love that I was brave enough to try something new and totally foreign and that I didn't let myself shrink to the back and leave early. And I love that yoga challenges me to put myself in contortions that seem impossible, but then I try them and they're really not so bad. And I guess that's really it, that my yoga experience has kind of become a metaphor for this whole thing. Me putting myself out there in a new, risky way and somehow succeeding against all the odds. Me loving me enough to take care of me. Me feeling fantastic most of the time now and wondering how I ever put up with how lousy I used to feel. So it's easy for me to love yoga, and easy for me to love the new me that decided to try it in the first place.



New Favorites

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

So just when you think everything is same-old, same-old you come across something new so I thought I would share.

I found a recipe for Kale that really makes a great substitute for potato chips--and it is really good as a side dish (and practically no calories). So you wash, drain, and dry a bunch of kale and then tear into pieces making sure to leave out any big stems. Then you put it in a single layer on a cookie sheet making sure to leave room between so they don't steam each other. Spray the leaves with non-stick spray and sprinkle with salt. Cook at 350 for 15 minutes. They should be crispy. Only 15 calories for a whole bunch of kale. Very satisfying.

Then for a sweet indulgence you can melt 1/2 oz. of semi-sweet chocolate chips. Then chop about 1 1/2 TBS of pistachios into fine pieces. Dip one end of a date in the chocolate and then roll in the pistachios. Let them set up in the fridge and then eat. It feels so luxurious to eat, but each piece is only 25 calories. Super yum!

So you can teach an old dog new tricks and there are still great nutritious foods to be discovered. (I have to mention that these two recipes are not my invention but were published in Good Housekeeping this month.) I think I need to start making something new every week to keep it fresh!



What Failure Looks (& Feels) Like

Friday, December 28, 2007

So I hung in for as long as I could but the holidays conquered me. This was the first real challenge to my program. All my old strategies failed me in a combination of family, tradition, and unlimited favorite food options. So at the advice of a fellow "struggler" I am going to stop and write down what failure looks and feels like in hopes that by next year I will have some better ideas to get through Christmas.

Here's how it starts. Christmas is coming and all of your favorite things are making their way into your home. At first you try to make reasonable indulgences but soon you remember how good it feels to eat and eat. Combine that with the stress of the holidays and the feeling every mom has that your list will never end before Christmas and you have the perfect storm of emotional eating and cravings for the super sweet and rich food. And at first it is really fun. You are remembering the joys of sweet. You love the freedom of grazing with no limits. And to be honest it feels nice to be full and you feel amazingly satisfied.

But it doesn't stop...and YOU don't stop. And before you know it you are uncomfortably bursting. In fact, before you know it you are sick. Because you can't eat like you used to. That's what the past 9 months have been all about. Your body has changed and just can't accommodate the amount of junk you used to eat without batting an eyelash. So there you are, stuffed, sick, and a little humiliated. After all of your healthy changes you have still managed to eat yourself sick. And, you have to admit to yourself, this is disgusting. You feel bloated and your face breaks out and you can't even enjoy relatives noticing your weight loss because you feel so gross. Your back starts to hurt and you are almost overwhelmingly exhausted.

I won't go any farther than that because despite this nasty fall I refuse to think I am disgusting. Actually I'm quite amazing. This year I have proven to myself how capable I am giving myself that great balance of what I need and what I want. I just need to regain that ease in my body and grace in my mind. And I am confident that I can.

Maybe the highlights of this stumble deserve some attention. I couldn't manage without my water so despite my falls I still had to get water in every day. So that lesson my body has learned. When I had bad days I found myself craving fruits and veggies. So my body has learned to want what it truly needs to some level. I wish I had stuck with my resolution to get to my cardio every day NO MATTER WHAT. To be honest my stumbling block with that was pure exhaustion. I just ran out of energy and I was getting less sleep than I should.....

So here I am picking myself up and brushing myself off. We'll have to see how much damage I've done next week. Meanwhile I am consoling myself with the fact that you can't gain back 60 pounds in one week. I knew my journey wouldn't be over by the end of the year. Maybe I will have to push my vision from spring into summer. I definitely lost the Christmas battle but I really don't want to give up on the war.

So I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome back those 5-10 pounds that I lost over the past couple months. I guess I should've known you'd be home for Christmas. Consider this fair warning----you pounds don't get too comfortable because I am planning on dropping you as soon as I get the chance! Goodbye extreme consumption. No repentance, no redemption, not even punishment---just a return to the the world of consistency of good choices that add up to what success looks (and feels) like.



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