FLAB2FAB26   33,501
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Here I go again

Thursday, February 06, 2014

This is not my first time on Sparkpeople and will probably not be my last time. I was able to lose approximately 25lbs a couple of years ago by following the program - eating within my calorie range and exercising 5 to 6 times a week. It just got a little exhausting after a while. I started to fall back into the drinking and bad eating habits. I found it harder to drag myself to the gym. I think it had a lot to do with getting bored with my workouts. I used to dread getting on the elliptical machine. I then switched things up and tried to do P90X. That lasted for about a month, but then it got boring too.
I also feel that the gym, although great and I enjoy the after feeling and accomplishments, doesn't do much for my weight loss. I need to start focusing on what I put into my mouth. It is one of the hardest things for me to control. I love food and I love alcohol.
It also doesn't help that I don't have a job currently. We just moved to a new town/state for my husband's new job, but I have not found one yet. So all I do is sit at home watching TV or facebook/internet for hours. Days pass by without showering. It's like I'm a freaking hermit. The closest gym is 20 min drive away. I have to make it a 'trip to town' just to workout on gym equipment. I can run and do some lifting at home, but it's super limited now that we just got 12 inches of snow.
I feel trapped and empty sometimes. I just want a job - a purpose for my day. I haven't found a way to make my days purposeful yet and it's rather depressing. I feel useless sometimes and like I'm a leech on my husband - emotionally and monetarily. I want to feel independent and like I'm actually working towards something. I also want to have more than my husband as a friend. It's rather hard to make friends when all you do is sit on the couch all day, going to the gym for maybe an hour to break up my boring existence.
I hate feeling this way. And I know I'll find a job eventually. It's just really frustrating trying to start over in a new place.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANES4EVER63 2/7/2014 1:47AM

    Does your gym offer group fitness classes? You could make that a purpose of your life and focus on that. You'll meet people and begin to feel better about yourself. If you're unable to get a job in the near future, maybe you can take some online classes or go back to school?

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13UST_IT 2/6/2014 9:48PM

    It sounds like you're in a really difficult place right now. I'm sorry you're struggling! Until you're able to find a job, try to see if there are any other things you can get involved with in the community to give you something to do, get out of the house, meet people, and feel good about doing something! Volunteering can sometimes lead to good networking opportunities for jobs too. emoticon

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MNCYCLIST 2/6/2014 1:31PM

    I hear you, and thank you for sharing. Hang in there, try to give thanks for everything you can give thanks for, and put one foot in front of the other--not trying to be preachy, just want to help lift you up a little! Thanks again for sharing.

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Aaaaaand, I'm back

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Gah! I'm so frustrated with myself. I keep trying to restart my weight loss program, then something happens, I "fall off" the proverbial horse, and I eat/drink like a 6'5, 250lb man. It's got to stop. So, I'm back - with vengeance! I'm resetting my goals. I'm ready to become community focus (kinda lost that with planning a wedding), and I'm ready to start over from scratch.

This week my focus is: measuring portion sizes.
I've got my measuring cups out and ready to go! I'm also going to go through my kitchen and clean it out. Our roommate is finally moving out, so we have the whole fridge to ourselves! Time to rearrange - and while I'm in there, might as well throw away the junk.

My health and fitness goals this week:
- I will workout 5 times this week - 3 cardio and 2 lifting
- I will eat between 1400 and 1600 calories/day
- I will drink 64oz of water each day
- I will track everything that goes into my mouth

My ultimate goals:
- By Thanksgiving, I will be down 15 lbs
- I will fit into my size 6 jeans again
- I will run a 10K by Thanksgiving

Timeline and Rewards:
- 165 lbs - Sept. 7th - Spend $100 on self in Ireland
- 160 lbs - Oct. 12th - New running shoes and workout clothes
- 155 lbs - Nov. 24th - Deep Tissue Message
- 150 lbs - Dec. 24th - New Jeans

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REMEMBER_THIS 8/17/2013 3:31PM

    Good for you and your plan! It's when you stop trying is when you fail.
So stay with it. You'll get there. What am I saying?!!! Stay with it, I'll get there! LOL!!!
I feel your pain and understand. ....too well.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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So many life change = Stress level: RED!

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Holy cow! There have been so many changes in my life over the past week:

1. I moved back to Iowa from Little Rock on Friday. It's a 10 hour drive that I do not wish on anyone.

2. My boyfriend proposed to me Friday night. (I said 'yes!') He said that he couldn't stand having me away for so long and wanted to cement our future together. It was a total shock for me and I wasn't expecting it at all. Here is a pic of the ring - I absolutely LOVE it!

3. However, with all the happiness his proposal brought, I had a lot of work to do in my apartment. My parents came down on Sunday to deliver my furbabies (2 cats) that were staying in their home while I was away in Little Rock for the summer. I not only had to unpack everything from my stay in Little Rock, but I also had to do a thorough cleaning of my apartment. It was disgusting! I didn't clean before I left for the summer and I came back to find mold in my fridge (I left deli turkey AND several produce items in there, ugh) and my bathroom had red rings around the tub and toilet.

4. My parents stayed the night at my apartment Sunday night - I cooked chicken curry. It was delicious, but it's pretty labor intensive AND lots and lots of dishes.

Future stresses that are killing my anxiety:
1. I am preparing for my thesis defense at the end of August. I am so worried about cramming all there is to know about my subject into the next 3 weeks that I am breaking out. I can't wait for this to be over so I can finally relax a bit.

2. Not only that, but I was able to make a deal with my landlord and get out of my lease early (like 5 months early - he is such a great guy). My fiance asked me to move in with him after the proposal. So within the next 2 weeks, I will be packing up all of the items I unpacked a few days ago (as well as much much much more stuff) and move into his house. This is on top of studying my butt off for my thesis defense. SO stressed!

3. Job hunting has been a major stress as well. I am looking for a job near Ames, IA but there isn't much in the Toxicology field that I am qualified for. So, I'm basically settling for position that only require a BS degree. But I guess it's better than settling for working at Subway or McDonalds...although free food would be welcomed :)

4. Money - I don't have much. I am no longer a full time student and that means I no longer receive assistance. This means I don't receive a stipend, I have to pay for my own tuition, AND my health insurance ended Sunday.

- Thank God my landlord was so understanding about my situation. I was very worried I wouldn't be able to afford my apartment for the full 6 month lease with no job and no stipend. Now I might be able to pay for health insurance through the school for the semester and pay my tuition.

I just need to get through this month with my head above water.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MT-MOONCHASER 8/9/2012 7:39PM

    I hope things settle down for you.

I expect that the defense committee doesn't expect you to know everything there is to know about your subject, just to thoroughly know and understand what your thesis covers and what kind of new information can reasonably be expected to come up in the future.

Good luck and I know it will go well. Think positive.

Congratulations on the engagement.


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JESSNSTONE 8/9/2012 7:07PM

    Deep breaths! You will get through this. CONGRATS on the engagament!!! Your ring is so pretty!

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SNEVIL1 8/8/2012 11:11PM

    Wow that is a lot. Congrats about the proposal!! How exciting. Things have a way of working themselves out. Hang in there

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Pledge to Recommit

Monday, July 16, 2012

I would love to report that I've been following through with my goals for the summer. However, I seem to be struggling with commitment, especially during the weekends. For the most part, weekdays are easy to stay focused. I have work and workouts to keep me busy. However during the weekends, a combination of ample free time, too much tv watching, too much drinking, and traveling have completely reversed my good intentions and hard work during the week.
So, it's that time again to remind myself why I am doing this and recommit to my goals. I've decided to include my work/school goals as well.

My fitness/nutrition goals for this week include:
1. I will workout 6 days this week for at least 30 minutes.
2. I will eat under 1600 calories.
3. I will abstain from drinking alcohol this week.
4. I will not watch TV this week.
5. I will drink 4 bottle of water everyday.

My work/school related goals include:
1. I will finish the 5th draft of my thesis this week.
2. I will work on my thesis for at least 2 hours everyday.
3. I will work on my presentation at least 1 hour everyday.

Why I'm doing this:
1. I want to look good in a swimsuit/naked/all the freaking time!
2. I want to find the cause of my IBS pains and bloating and illiminate it entirely.
3. I want to run a half marathon in the future.
4. I want to stay healthy and fit. I don't want to go back to the unhealthy Christi

The hardest goal for me will be no tv watching. I'm very addicted to TV. It's not only making me eat more, but also getting in the way of my thesis. So tonight, I will unplug the damn thing. I'm abstaining from drinking this week as well. I don't plan to stop drinking entirely, just for the week. This past weekend I overdid it with the beer/booze and need a break from any drinking.
I am going to walmart after work today and buying a poster board and stickers. I will write my goals down for the week and add a sticker next to the ones I complete each day. I think my goal will be after I reach 150 stickers I can finally buy a new phone (I've been planning to buy a new iphone for some time now). I think that will motivate me to stay on track with a little forgiveness for slip ups along the way.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JELLEN726 7/20/2012 3:16PM

    Loved this blog! I am a TV addict too. I want to get sticker boards and recommit myself! emoticon emoticon

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MT-MOONCHASER 7/17/2012 12:09AM



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JESSNSTONE 7/16/2012 6:38PM

    Great goals! You've got this!

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KARENANN1975 7/16/2012 4:41PM

    Good goals! Best of luck that you stay motivated!

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Conquering Pinnacle Mountain - w/ Pics!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Uff-da! (Mid-western for Holy Crappers)! Yesterday I fought, tooth and nail, to get to the top of Arkansas's Pinnacle Mountain. Alright, maybe not tooth and nail...but I definitely got a few scratches along the way. Along with several other summer interns, I climbed the mountain with the expectation that it wouldn't be very difficult. I'm in decent shape and we saw quite a few people with kiddos strapped to their backs. If someone can climb Pinnacle with 20lbs of human on their backs, it shouldn't be too difficult.
Unfortunately, no one told us to stick to the easy side of the mountain. Instead we took a long flat journey around the mountain to the opposite 'difficult' side. It was really pretty, but I remember thinking, "Man, when is this trail going to start going up?" I would soon regret that thought.
Here are some pictures of the scenic trail:

The trail was lovely and well marked. Every 20 feet or so, there would be a green mark on a tree or rock that would indicate that you were traveling the correct way. Then the trail just ended... we decided maybe it was an indication that the only way is either back or UP! So, we went up -

At first the vertical climb was not too bad, and then it became scary. We were grappling the mountain side and it came to a point where our only option was to continue up because trying to go back down would have been too dangerous.

There was a point when I feared we had made a terrible decision. That the way we were taking was going to lead us to our death either down the side of the mountain or would get too difficult to continue. It looked like no one had ever trekked this particular path before and was completely covered in moss. THEN there came a clearing and....we made it!
This picture was taken right after we made it to the top. I could barely keep my eyes open because of the sweat pouring into them:

Amazing view from the top!

And it may have been difficult, but I'm so glad I conquered that mountain. I would have been so disappointed if I had turned back around.
Once I reached the top, I felt like screaming, "Yeah, take that Pinnacle! You can't beat me!"

Enjoying my conqeuring post workout high.

What I took away from this experience: Even when the going becomes tough and it seems like there is no end in sight. Just keep going, keep pushing, because the clearing is not far away. And the view from the top is totally worth the hard work :)


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WALIDGAZALA 6/10/2012 5:31PM

    That is GREAT
Congratulations emoticon

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