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Donating Blood!

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Today there is a Blood Donation Camp in my office. I belong to this rare negative blood group and I still remember the time when the service groups had our (my blood groupers) contact numbers and call us when there is an urgent need for blood. I still remember those days when I donated blood for open heart surgeries and also actively participated in camps like these. But today, with my illness, I cannot. I have been sitting here in my desk trying to hide my feelings when everyone stop by my desk and ask me if I am not going to donate blood. What can I say? How can I tell them how much I wish to be part of this and help the needy but I cannot? I really feel disappointed and more handicapped today. Will I ever get back to where I was before?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DJ4HEALTH 9/28/2010 10:41PM

    I don't know why you can't donate blood but I too wish I could but because we were overseas we can never donate blood. I would love to but am not allowed cause of that. I can't even be a bone marrow donor because of my lupus. So I am dealt a double whammy.; Can't donate blood and can't donate for the bone marrow transplant. They do need my type of blood too. I am B+ and that is one of the rarer types.

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EMIKAIT 9/28/2010 9:10PM

    I know how you feel. I strongly believe that we will get better and one of these days, we'll be a donor! Just not today. emoticon

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VRADAA 9/28/2010 8:35PM

    Hey Lady!

You ARE a donor. Just not today. You will give blood when Red Cross will be able to take your blood. Simple as that. In the meantime, remember all the times you've been there to help others giving blood, remember that you STILL care and give others the gift of love, your kindness and everything else you've done for others who cannot do for themselves.

Remember that you are loved.


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DRB13_1 9/28/2010 10:50AM

    Even though you can't donate right now, your compassion about the gift of life may encourage someone else to become a donor. You are already special! emoticon

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PALEAN 9/28/2010 8:43AM

    So many people want to donate blood, but can't because of illness or medication or anemia. You are a gift as there are so many who CAN donate and don't. You can share your genuine desire but current inability to do so, and maybe that will motivate some who CAN donate, to do so!! Just the fact that you feel so deeply, shows your kindness. You can help in many other ways around the blood donations. Maybe that would help in the interim of your illness.God bless your heart!

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DAWNDMOORE40 9/28/2010 8:19AM

    emoticonI know that it can be difficult to have an illness on top of the fact you want to be able to donate and help others, but just remember God has his reasons for why things happen! He doesn't allow anything to happen by chance! I know you may be asking why, but just know that he always has our well being in mind when he allows or doesn't allow things in our lives! Have a blessed day! emoticon

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LOURON 9/28/2010 7:54AM

    I have donated blood in years past but for a number of factors including a medication I'm on I can't so can relate to your feelings emoticon

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NANFACEMIRE1 9/28/2010 6:34AM

    You could just explain that right now you can't donate, but that you did donate in the past for very special needs and that you hope to again in the future.

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Checking in !!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I have been off track for about 2 months now.. I was into SP but not actively involved. I need to get back on track and work towards reaching my goal.. During the last two months I strayed a lot, without much exercise, eating whatever I wanted and as a result had poor energy level and attitude... I need to change that.. I need to get back on track again.. I am not forcing myself to be perfect all of a sudden, but slowly I need to teach myself to be consistent.

Every morning I wake up thinking today is the day that I will catch up, but then I don't take any efforts towards it.. So how did I get this 'Wisdom' today? Ok, today at work, one of my co-worker brought in some Wafer bars and shared them with co-workers in the same aisle. I picked up 1 bar, it was temptingly too sweet. I saw a co-worker that came for seconds and then sneaked in for a third time thinking that no one was watching him. He is the one that tells us that he needs to work out and reduce his weight. He's also had family history of Heart problems. Looking at his action, my temptation just disappeared. I begin to feel sorry for him. I would have done the same thing if wasn't for SP, but today, I just didn't go for a second one.. I feel good myself, but I somehow realize the need to help my co-worker to get into healthy lifestyle.. But before I preach to someone something, I should be living it.. And then may be I'll refer him to SP.

So here I am starting all over again.. I need to get into healthy eating habits and to be consistent with 10 minz workouts.. I need to get back to tracking my food, because that is how I know what I put into my body..

Wish me luck friends!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SONPARI1 9/22/2010 7:45AM

    Welcome back, you can do it!

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SUSMAX 9/21/2010 5:56PM

    Welcome back!! Its an ongoing journey,glad you are getting back on track!

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BWCAGRL 9/21/2010 9:26AM

    Part of the success is knowing that you needed to get back on congratualtions for taking the first step! We all fall off from time to time, so the important thing is to always get back up and start again. You CAN do it! Welcome back!

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KRAFTIJAN 9/21/2010 7:21AM

    You have made a decision. Luck has nothing to do with. One step leads to two then three. I wish you well in your journey. I began not that long ago to get a healthier life style. The body followed along. I'm down about 6 kg ( about 13lb give or take.)And I love spark.. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FRANKLYAMUSED 9/21/2010 7:18AM

    Good luck!

I have seen other people giving in to temptation and thought to myself, I have done that and felt bad afterward. It can be hard to resist temptation sometimes, but it is easier than dealing with the guilt when I fail.

You can succeed!


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Monday, August 02, 2010

My heart is heavy and I feel like crying.. Not sure of the reason.. May not be just one.. Multiple things overwhelming me at the same time... No body seems to understand me and my illness just because I look just fine.. I have been having this roller coaster ride with my health.. There are average to good days when I can do my tasks fairly well.. but then there are days like today and yesterday when I just feel sick and tired and donot want to get out of my bed.. Just dizzy and feeling heavy on my knees and legs.. Yeah, its one of those days today and I just wanted to go home and take a nap.. But that doesn't seem like an option being at work.. I depend on my dh for a ride. Since he's got meetings most of the day today, I am kind of stuck.. Wouldn't it be nice if they have like a break room where the really sick ones can take rest? I don't think employers want any of the employees to come to work and take a nap.. So that option may not be available anytime now...

My problem is that I don't like telling people that I am sick.. If I do, then I'll have to explain them of my disease, its history and it effects.. They'll just fall pity on me and forget after a while.. Waste of my time and energy on the whole.. so I avoid telling them.. These days I don't have enough energy to host dinners for our friends and relatives at home.. I used to be a good organizer and host various parties and dinners at home, but these days I just don't.. One reason is that I don't have the energy and the other is that I don't even feel like taking that effort.. I don't have a helper to help me out either.. Everytime my parents-in-law visits us, they invite all their relatives and friends without even letting me know.. As a result we'll have a house full of guests and I will get into deep stress.. What else I am supposed to get? That's the main reason I dread their visits.. My dh understands me some and he tries to help me out.. but it doesn't workout most of the times.. His mom and dad wins the show.. Its his parents and not mine.. So no wonder in them not understanding me.. Though they know about my illness, they just think that I am just fine... May be I should ask her how may tablets or medications she had to take when she was my age to control the symptoms? Or how many days did she consciously had to dress up or forcefully had to wear sunscreen because the sun's rays might flare up the illness? Negligible right? Will that give her an understanding of what I am going through? I don't think so.. When she asked me how I am doing, I told her: 'I am ok, but I am very tired at times' Her reply was 'Everyone feels tired at the end of the day'.. And I felt bad.. 'Why should she even ask me if she was going to backfire me with such a crappy reply?' I was about to ask her why she had to ask me just for the sake of asking.. But I couldn't, Instead my eyes started watering.. Anyways I cannot expect much more from her.. Because she is not my mother.. All I need to know is to find a workaround to keep off my stress...

I really thank GOD for my dh who has been very understanding.. very patient.. and helpful.. If it was not for him, I'd have gone into deep stress and who knows what would have happened to me.. GOD gave me this illness and such a wonderful dh and parents.. My parents are just amazing.. They feel sad and guilty that I am struggling with such a pain.. They very much wanted to take part in my sufferings.. I feel sorry to have put them in such a stress too.. But am I the cause for all these? Sometimes I envy others when things just happen to them without even having a second thought.. and they take things for granted.. But see me.. I have to think several times before even doing anything.. I can't just head out to shopping, or do anything just like that...

WIll they ever find a cure for this disease, not just treating the symptoms?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DJ4HEALTH 8/2/2010 9:35PM

    I agree on getting a copy of the spoon theory and giving it to your husband so that he can give it to his mother. That would be the best way for her to get it and maybe she will understand then. emoticon

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DENIPARKER 8/2/2010 6:02PM

  I also know how you feel. While reading your blog I was crying just feeling your pain. People can be so cruel. I don't think most mean to be but they don't stop to think before they reply. If they could only walk a mile in our shoes. I really think you are a very brave women. Keep writing and letting it out. Thank you from a fellow lupie

Deni emoticon

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DENIPARKER 8/2/2010 6:02PM

  I also know how you feel. While reading your blog I was crying just feeling your pain. People can be so cruel. I don't think most mean to be but they don't stop to think before they reply. If they could only walk a mile in our shoes. I really think you are a very brave women. Keep writing and letting it out. Thank you from a fellow lupie

Deni emoticon

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DENIPARKER 8/2/2010 6:00PM

  I also know how you feel. While reading your blog I was crying just feeling your pain. People can be so cruel. I don't think most mean to be but they don't stop to think before they reply. If they could only walk a mile in our shoes. I really think you are a very brave women. Keep writing and letting it out. Thank you from a fellow lupie

Deni emoticon

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VRADAA 8/2/2010 2:01PM

    Hey Lady,
I'm proud of you for having the courage to vent. Had you thought about sharing with your friends and family the "Spoon Theory"?
I think it's excellent.

I found that giving a copy to them explained what we lupies deal with on a daily basis clarified it much better to able bodied people alot better. Think about giving them a copy.

Unfortunately, some pple try to be helpful but in the end they don't know what to say and it comes off like 'dismissing' you.
I'm sorry your in-laws are insenstive. emoticon

Take care Lady!

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CAPISTRANO 8/2/2010 10:44AM

    I totally understand how you feel! Because we don't look sick, then we must be fine or we're making things up for attention! If you hide how you really feel, then you suffer and if you tell people how you feel, then you run the risk of hearing stupid comments/they don't believe you. Why should we have to 'prove' we are sick?
Chronic illnesses are invisible and are stressful to deal with.
It's good to have a place like this to come and vent with others who are dealing with the same issues.

I started reading an excellent book about this very subject. It's called 'Coping with Chronic Illness' by H. Norman Wright and Lynn Ellis. Lots of strategies to deal with others/good ideas and how to manage your stress, fears and other people. It helps you keep your faith and strength in God.

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After a long haul!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I have been away from active sparking for the past few weeks though I used to log in at times.. I have been actively working towards my goal and all of the sudden life got busy with too many things to handle, so I decided to slow down a bit to get settled.. I was not totally out of touch, but I did not get all the ingredients in... I didn't gain too much neither do I see any loss... May be that's a good thing that I don't have to start all over, I can just begin from where I left off.. My arms and thighs are flabby and I need to find ways to tighten them up.. These last 10 pesky pounds never seems to go away from me... I guess I am in a plateau.. I usually plateau around 130 - 132, but this time around 135.. I am hoping to atleast bring to below 130, but that seems like an impossible task..

And last night I went nasty.. I picked up a bag of potato chips right after dinner and sat on the couch infront of the TV and began munching... I was munching so fast as if someone was about to grab it from me.. After completing almost about 75% of the pack, I realized that I was eating way too much.. Then I packed it back and kept it in the kitchen shelf.. I didn't know why I did that.. But I did that.. I am hoping to conquer this habit.. I have been working on it for a long time and now with my hectic schedule, I'm struggling with it again...

I am slowly getting back to getting atleast some exercise during the day and tracking what I eat.. That has been the biggest challenge for me.. But I know that that's the way to get past thro' this plateau...

Wish me luck! Good Luck to you all in your goals!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYNETTIE 7/29/2010 12:03AM

    Hi, thanks for adding me as your sparkfriend. I have also had occasions where I ate unplanned calories. If you must eat unplanned calories, eat slowly and limit yourself to just a cup. Don't bring the whole bag out to the TV. The beautiful thing about life is that every morning is a new opportunity to have a healthy and happy day, one that you can be proud of. One day at a time my friend, enjoy your journey and happy sparking! emoticon

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VRADAA 7/27/2010 9:03AM

    If you think you are in a plateau, shake things up! Find a new routine of exercise that isn't boring to spur you back into it, do some calorie cyling which means eat at the bottom of your calorie range on the days you don't exercise, eat at the top of your range on the days you do exercise.

You control your destiny! How many times have you've heard that right? YOU CAN DO IT!! Write out the plan, act on it. You can do it lady.

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PGHLIONESS 7/27/2010 6:34AM

    Maybe it has to do with your lack of working out?
It seems when I work out and do things well, I don't just grab the "bad" foods or over indulge as much.

emoticon emoticon

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Getting back on track!

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Ok, I think about getting back on track.. Some of you know that I have been dealing with a lot of changes in my life.. My new job - been here for about a week now and I hope things will settle soon.. Move - that's a major one.. Its been over a month now since we moved, but there are still items to be unpacked and pending tasks to be done at home too.. But I am not stressing too much on that, just handling what I can do.. no hurries there.. My doc appointment - that wasn't pretty. My Blood Pressure went up while I was there and there's some protein getting into the urine which is not good.. So now I'm on additional meds.. I was hoping for things to be *Normal* this time and my hope was shattered that I cried a lot in the hospital without being able to control myself.. My mom was upset seeing me crying.. Wasn't good.. but yeah that's reality and I have to deal with it.. I hope to be able to get out of this medication sometime soon.. The thought of taking the BP meds forever haunts me.. I was just crying 'What did I do wrong?' If that's your will LORD, I'll take it.

So I have been dealing with a lot of these, so not much time into working out, though I was concentrating on my diet - especially reducing the amount of sodium. My mom is here with me to help me out.. I should say this: Every time I am in need, she is here like a guardian angel.. She doesn't get to be with me much during my *good* times, but she is almost always there during my bad times, my times of need.. I feel so bad for her putting her in such a situation.. She never hesitates to help me out with anything.. I am so sorry to see her doing all my chores even at this age.. Instead she is so sorry and feels guilty when I am into pain.. We both have to deal with this stress almost everyday.. Yeah.. I have no clue how to fight this except handling one day at a time.. I am hoping and praying that GOD will not give me more than I can handle.. But looks like he is making me stretch my endurance level a little bit everytime..

Ok, back to my point.. I am slowly getting back on track.. I hope not to get overwhelmed with everything around me.. I may not be perfectly back to my routine, but am planning to handle one thing at a time..

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SONPARI1 6/9/2010 12:28AM

    You are lucky to have your mom wn you need her. I am not the right one to advise but have you tried yoga to control your BP? I have heard it helps a lot. Good to see u back on track.

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SPECPAPA 6/8/2010 1:35PM

    Your friends are all around you here.

We believe in you just like your MOM does.

For all you do,
Love ya

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SPARK-KELLI 6/8/2010 1:18PM

    Slow and steady wins the race. Keep moving forward, even if it's just baby steps.

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VRADAA 6/8/2010 11:51AM

    I bet you are doing better than you give yourself credit. You've said it girl, one thing at a time. You can do it, keep the faith and you will do it.

Many blessings for your Mother and God Bless you for your attitude and spirit.
Take care of yourself.

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NANALD 6/8/2010 9:53AM

    I know how discouraging it can be for MDs to keep adding to the list and won't begin to try to minimize that. I think all you can do is stay focused on what you can control---follow your plan and applaud yourself for doing it! You have been under a lot of stress and bouncing back requires lots of rest and time. I love your attitude and know you will make it! emoticon

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BZYBOYSMOM 6/8/2010 9:20AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NURSE4HEROES 6/8/2010 9:05AM

    Getting back on track is GOOD! During a Lupus flair, how much can you do exercise-wise? Try small little bits at a time.

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WORKTHEGOAL 6/8/2010 8:21AM

    You mum is a treasure...... you are a lucky girl to have her by your side.

You said it.... one thing at a time - lots of stress happening for you but just prioritise what is important for today and the rest can wait - today only, every day.

Hope you do manage to get your meds to a happier level and I wish you love and luck along the way.

M x

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MELAPHANTN 6/8/2010 8:01AM

    Sounds like things are a little tough right now.
It's good you have a good spiritual support system and your mom sounds amazing. Hang in there.

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