Saturday, July 30, 2011
Well I'm two and a half months into this journey they call "lifestyle change" and I couldn't be happier. I am down 13.6 lbs as of today. This is not my original goal for this time line, but I am very, very happy with this number. I have had my ups and downs during the time that I have been back on Sparkpeople and I can honestly say that I have learned A LOT!
I started out weighing everything. It was eye opening to really know what a serving looked like. I started losing weight and all was good, until it wasn't. I was on a plateau for 3 weeks losing and gaining the same 1 lbs over and over again. So I stopped weighing my food. I stopped worrying so much - it was stressing me out and making me feel like I was failing. This did not mean that I went back to mindless eating or eating a bunch of food that I knew wasn't going to help. And for me, it worked. The next week I was down 2lbs and it's been going down since then.
I know that I could lose the weight faster if I worked out more/harder/longer, cut more calories out, but in the end it doesn't matter how fast it comes off, it matters that I make a change that encourages my body to be leaner, healthier, and crave the good stuff, not the bad stuff. For me, that means taking it slow. In 11 weeks I have averaged just over a lb/week - and that is awesome! In 11 weeks I have made a change; I make better decisions, I don't eat when I'm bored, I am more emotionally stable, I am more physically fit then I have been for a year, and I am proud.
I could not have come this far with out the support of this website and all the amazing people that are here. I found a sense of belonging because I wasn't the only one that was struggling. I was no longer standing on my own Island of weight loss with no rescue in sight. Together, within this community, I learned how to rescue myself and I felt the shared joy from everyone here, even those I have never spoken to or shared comments on a board post. We are all in this together, not one of us stands alone. I thank each and everyone of you who read this blog, and I thank each and every person that doesn't. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for helping me find myself. You are all amazing and beautiful people.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Okay, here is the thing, I have been losing and gaining the same 1lb for the last 3 weeks. I don't know why. I have been running, and walking, and Zumba-ing, and cycling, and just about getting my rear going for 20-30 minutes everyday. I have also been staying (for the most part) within my calorie ranges (a few days I went about 20 calories over, and there was the day I cycled for 28 miles...I think I ate about 1700 calories that day, but I burned over 1000 during my ride). So I've either come up with the fact that I am not working out enough, or I am not eating enough and I am actually in starvation mode... both are possible but I feel like it is incredibly hard to eat more some days. Other days, sure but those are the days filled with wine and chocolate so yeah I'm goin' over!
Anyways, today I decided that I am going to try and ignor the scale in fact I would like to but I wont. Today I played Tennis for an hour with my man, and then later that evening I finished W3D3 of my C25K (plus some just for good measure). I ate what I ate, but don't think that it was enough...Today I burned just over 1000 calories and only managed to eat 1430 calories. I am going to finally start doing some strength training (tomorrow) to see if that helps, even if it is only helpful with the inches. I am also going to focus on how I feel, in stead of what the scale says. And you know what? I feel great. I feel amazing. I can feel the strength in my legs. I can feel my lungs getting stronger. I feel less anxious. And when it's all said and done that is why I came back to Spark - to feel better. To have more energy. To be able to physically do the things that I love to do. Sure, it would be super awesome to be able to drop a ton of weight and be back in smaller jeans and feel good about showing off more skin, but that isn't the number one reason I am doing this. I am here, working, learning, growing, to feel better - not look better. That knowledge is what is keeping me going, what has kept me going for these last three weeks. Today I ran without my inhaler. Today I ran on a new trail and didn't die from a panic attack. Today I believed in myself. Today I grew.
So damn the scale! and here's to ME!
Friday, June 17, 2011
I feel like I have too much to say to be able to focus on just one thing, so please be warned - this may make absolutely no sense, as least not as a complete article. If taken in pieces everything will be as it should.
So, I hit my first plateau and I'm only 7 lbs in. And before anyone says "get out the measuring tape!" I already did, and it's there too...two weeks and nothing except for the same 1.5lbs coming and going and coming and going. Over and Over again. I am still hopeful that it is hormonal...but if every two weeks I'm going to not be able to lose weight I may just end up falling off the wagon, and into a vat of chocolate and cheese and rinse off in a nice Cab Sav. *sigh*
I'm really trying to not focus on the weight, the numbers, the "expectation" that I have. Most of the time I can do it. Most of the time I can remember that I am training my body, not just trying to leave some of it behind (and mostly from my behind...). I've pretty much stuck within my calorie limits - the only days that I have gone over have been days where I am burning more than 600 calories that day. Most days I am getting in my cardio (today was a bust! unless you count walking around home depot and the grocery store...oh and in stalling a ceiling fan). I am still going strong with C25K (W3D2 tomorrow!). And sometimes I can feel good about those "accomplishments" other days, not so much.
Really what that comes down to is the fact that I have nothing to occupy my mind other than what is going on in my home and what is happening with my weight. I seriously need a job. Like BAD. And not just because my savings is dwindling away to nothingness. I need to get out of my house - think about someone else's problem for a while. And while I used to think that I was "hire-able" I feel like I have been lumped into the "over qualified" group of people. I am 28 years old and have worked since my sophomore year in highschool - that is up until I left my job of 7.5 years to go back to school. And now that I want a low level job doing anything, I can't get it. What the duck?! grrrrr, it is so frustrating I don't even know where to begin with explaining it. I feel like a failure plain and simple.
Anyways, enough about that. There is so much more that I would like to say, just have the words to say them, so I wont even try. I have to save that effort for keeping my hands out of the pantry and the fridge.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Okay, so it's June (although the weather here in "sunny" California isn't quite cooperating...) and on the 1st it was National Running day, as many of you already know. What some might not know is that I used to run, all the time. I ran on average 5x/week for 3-5miles (depending on how much time I had). During that time when I was running, I lost 30lbs in 4 months. Then life got in the way - working 45+hrs/week, going to school part time, and being in a long distance relationship. Then the weather changed, and I lost my morning light to run in (I ran on a dirt trail next to a county maintained irrigation ditch. Said ditch was the home to many a mountain lion...), and the next thing I know, I'm right back on the weight gain train...
It has been two years since I ran on a regular basis; two years and 30lbs. So, on June 1st, I made a decision: I am going to become a runner again and run a 5K in the fall. June 1st was my W1D1 of C25K. Today, June 5th, was the completion of W1D3! While I know that I have a long way to go until I can run for a full 30 minutes (let alone 3.1 miles). I feel stronger then I did a week ago. I am going to see this through. I will conquer my fear of failure and complete this, even if it takes me longer than 9 weeks (which it probably will...).
So, wish me luck friends. I'm going to be a runner again!
Friday, June 03, 2011
Okay, so it's 10:52 pm PST right now, and I still have calories to eat...I have a bowl of cereal infront of me coupled with a glass of wine (don't tell, but it is my second of the night...boo I know) because after logging my days meals I still had ~250 calories left...I even logged the piece of cheese that I ate while shopping as Costco. I even ate some chocolate!
This isn't the first time this has happened either. More often then not, I am struggling to meet my food goals. More times then not, it's the carbs - I blame that on not being able to eat gluten and not wanting to bake all the time (it's messy and I don't have a dish washer...and yes I am a self proclaimed lazy bum). I am however eating a TON of fruits and veggies, getting my protein and staying in my fat range. I feel like this shouldn't be so easy, but at the same time it's hard. I don't want to starve my body, at all. I want to feed it what it needs to be a better body. And here is the thing, many of you (if any of you read this) will say "snack during the day" "eat 5 small meals" or something else similar - and should I take this advice - I would end up eating all day and surpassing my limits by miles. I am a snack-er by nature, it is the reason for the size that my body is at this present moment (although it is 5lbs less then it was 4 weeks ago ). I don't snack because I know that if I do, I will continue. I only have so much will power and there are only so many strawberries and cherries that a girl can eat (and afford!) in a day, and even then the calories are so minimal that I would still be under at the end of the day!
Also I feel bad that this is my problem - I don't eat enough, when I know that there are many of you out there struggling to stay under your limits. I feel like this is how my whole life has been: high, low, and NO in between!
Well, it's 11:06pm now...and I still have at least 50 calories to eat....jeez louise I'm gonna eat some cheese!
Get An Email Alert Each Time FITFOURME Posts