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I'm a loser! And I like it :)

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Well I'm two and a half months into this journey they call "lifestyle change" and I couldn't be happier. I am down 13.6 lbs as of today. This is not my original goal for this time line, but I am very, very happy with this number. I have had my ups and downs during the time that I have been back on Sparkpeople and I can honestly say that I have learned A LOT!

I started out weighing everything. It was eye opening to really know what a serving looked like. I started losing weight and all was good, until it wasn't. I was on a plateau for 3 weeks losing and gaining the same 1 lbs over and over again. So I stopped weighing my food. I stopped worrying so much - it was stressing me out and making me feel like I was failing. This did not mean that I went back to mindless eating or eating a bunch of food that I knew wasn't going to help. And for me, it worked. The next week I was down 2lbs and it's been going down since then.

I know that I could lose the weight faster if I worked out more/harder/longer, cut more calories out, but in the end it doesn't matter how fast it comes off, it matters that I make a change that encourages my body to be leaner, healthier, and crave the good stuff, not the bad stuff. For me, that means taking it slow. In 11 weeks I have averaged just over a lb/week - and that is awesome! In 11 weeks I have made a change; I make better decisions, I don't eat when I'm bored, I am more emotionally stable, I am more physically fit then I have been for a year, and I am proud.

I could not have come this far with out the support of this website and all the amazing people that are here. I found a sense of belonging because I wasn't the only one that was struggling. I was no longer standing on my own Island of weight loss with no rescue in sight. Together, within this community, I learned how to rescue myself and I felt the shared joy from everyone here, even those I have never spoken to or shared comments on a board post. We are all in this together, not one of us stands alone. I thank each and everyone of you who read this blog, and I thank each and every person that doesn't. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for helping me find myself. You are all amazing and beautiful people.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOCKEYGAL21 8/1/2011 10:50PM

    emoticon You are doing great! For me, my weight loss has slowed down as well, but I'm not giving up. Keep working hard and you will continue seeing results! You rock!

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    Hey, you loser - Sounds like you're just doing great!! emoticon

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LEKLOV 7/31/2011 3:50PM

  I am so proud of what you have accomplished! AND, I think you are so right! It doesn't matter how fast or slow the weight comes off as long as you are making changes to your lifestyle. The main point is to be healthy! It has helped me so much to read that, it has been a year for me and I have only lost 10 lbs, but I have made huge, healthy, changes in my life. You are amazing, keep up the GREAT work!!!!

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JADE465 7/30/2011 12:55PM

    I think that it's important to find a balance between losing the weight and learning how to make better choices without overdoing it. You are doing a great job and I love your attitude towards this. Keep making better choices and soon, you'll be at goal. It'll feel fantastic and you'll be so proud of yourself. Good luck on your journey and keep up the good work!

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I will not let the SCALE get me down!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Okay, here is the thing, I have been losing and gaining the same 1lb for the last 3 weeks. I don't know why. I have been running, and walking, and Zumba-ing, and cycling, and just about getting my rear going for 20-30 minutes everyday. I have also been staying (for the most part) within my calorie ranges (a few days I went about 20 calories over, and there was the day I cycled for 28 miles...I think I ate about 1700 calories that day, but I burned over 1000 during my ride). So I've either come up with the fact that I am not working out enough, or I am not eating enough and I am actually in starvation mode... both are possible but I feel like it is incredibly hard to eat more some days. Other days, sure but those are the days filled with wine and chocolate so yeah I'm goin' over!

Anyways, today I decided that I am going to try and ignor the scale in fact I would like to emoticon but I wont. Today I played Tennis for an hour with my man, and then later that evening I finished W3D3 of my C25K (plus some just for good measure). I ate what I ate, but don't think that it was enough...Today I burned just over 1000 calories and only managed to eat 1430 calories. I am going to finally start doing some strength training (tomorrow) to see if that helps, even if it is only helpful with the inches. I am also going to focus on how I feel, in stead of what the scale says. And you know what? I feel great. I feel amazing. I can feel the strength in my legs. I can feel my lungs getting stronger. I feel less anxious. And when it's all said and done that is why I came back to Spark - to feel better. To have more energy. To be able to physically do the things that I love to do. Sure, it would be super awesome to be able to drop a ton of weight and be back in smaller jeans and feel good about showing off more skin, but that isn't the number one reason I am doing this. I am here, working, learning, growing, to feel better - not look better. That knowledge is what is keeping me going, what has kept me going for these last three weeks. Today I ran without my inhaler. Today I ran on a new trail and didn't die from a panic attack. Today I believed in myself. Today I grew.

So damn the scale! and here's to ME!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATYAROSE 6/21/2011 10:22PM

    Awesome attitude! I think it's the best one you can have.

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BIRDEE210 6/21/2011 6:03PM

    That's probably the best outlook you can have in all of this!! Reading this made me very happy for you!!! I've been running for 5 weeks now, and I've actually stopped losing weight and I have actually gained a few pounds. I've noticed some major muscles starting to form, and thus the weight gain! My clothes are still fitting, if not getting loose...which is also another good way of measuring your progress! It's definitely frustrating to not see the progress on the scale, trust me...I have been there many many times! Just keep your amazingly positive attitude and keep up all the hard work and those pound will eventually melt away!
You Rock Chica!!!!

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  What a great positive attitude!


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ummm, so...yeah

Friday, June 17, 2011

I feel like I have too much to say to be able to focus on just one thing, so please be warned - this may make absolutely no sense, as least not as a complete article. If taken in pieces everything will be as it should.

So, I hit my first plateau and I'm only 7 lbs in. And before anyone says "get out the measuring tape!" I already did, and it's there too...two weeks and nothing except for the same 1.5lbs coming and going and coming and going. Over and Over again. I am still hopeful that it is hormonal...but if every two weeks I'm going to not be able to lose weight I may just end up falling off the wagon, and into a vat of chocolate and cheese and rinse off in a nice Cab Sav. *sigh*

I'm really trying to not focus on the weight, the numbers, the "expectation" that I have. Most of the time I can do it. Most of the time I can remember that I am training my body, not just trying to leave some of it behind (and mostly from my behind...). I've pretty much stuck within my calorie limits - the only days that I have gone over have been days where I am burning more than 600 calories that day. Most days I am getting in my cardio (today was a bust! unless you count walking around home depot and the grocery store...oh and in stalling a ceiling fan). I am still going strong with C25K (W3D2 tomorrow!). And sometimes I can feel good about those "accomplishments" other days, not so much.

Really what that comes down to is the fact that I have nothing to occupy my mind other than what is going on in my home and what is happening with my weight. I seriously need a job. Like BAD. And not just because my savings is dwindling away to nothingness. I need to get out of my house - think about someone else's problem for a while. And while I used to think that I was "hire-able" I feel like I have been lumped into the "over qualified" group of people. I am 28 years old and have worked since my sophomore year in highschool - that is up until I left my job of 7.5 years to go back to school. And now that I want a low level job doing anything, I can't get it. What the duck?! grrrrr, it is so frustrating I don't even know where to begin with explaining it. I feel like a failure plain and simple.

Anyways, enough about that. There is so much more that I would like to say, just have the words to say them, so I wont even try. I have to save that effort for keeping my hands out of the pantry and the fridge.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRIMROSEPETALS 6/20/2011 10:25AM

    You are singin' my tune! I'm right there with you on the "trying not the let the numbers affect me but they are" and "I went back to school but now am jobless and I need to get out of the house" bus. It's a bumpy right, isn't it? But it's times like these where it's VITAL to stay positive! You deserve nothing but the best, and that includes a good attitude :) Just know you're not alone.

emoticon emoticon

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KATYAROSE 6/17/2011 6:34PM

    I'm in the exact same boat as far as a job is concerned, and I know how frustrating it is! I've been volunteering, so that I can at least get out of my tiny little studio apartment and interact with others. Maybe you could do that until you find a job. Hang in there! We'll both get through this!

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    I'm in the same situation. I quit my job at a retail store when I was a junior in high school and now that I'm almost a junior in college, I can't find a job! I've had 2 interviews so far, and no one else will either be hiring or calling back for an interview! Oh well their loss!

Like JenJen1004 said, keep blogging and being open! Good luck with your weight loss! You can do it!!!!!!!!

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    emoticon Just keep focused. I know it's annoying when people say not to pay attention to the scale, but now is the best time to keep that in mind. Stressing about it may actually cause you to hold on weight more, so just relax and know that it will happen.

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JENJEN1004 6/17/2011 6:46AM

    I understand about the plateau. I weigh too much to have hit a plateau so soon. But keep blogging and being open. I hope you find a job soon.

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BAKERICLISA 6/17/2011 6:06AM


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C25K - Week 1 DONE!

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Okay, so it's June (although the weather here in "sunny" California isn't quite cooperating...) and on the 1st it was National Running day, as many of you already know. What some might not know is that I used to run, all the time. I ran on average 5x/week for 3-5miles (depending on how much time I had). During that time when I was running, I lost 30lbs in 4 months. Then life got in the way - working 45+hrs/week, going to school part time, and being in a long distance relationship. Then the weather changed, and I lost my morning light to run in (I ran on a dirt trail next to a county maintained irrigation ditch. Said ditch was the home to many a mountain lion...), and the next thing I know, I'm right back on the weight gain train...

It has been two years since I ran on a regular basis; two years and 30lbs. So, on June 1st, I made a decision: I am going to become a runner again and run a 5K in the fall. June 1st was my W1D1 of C25K. Today, June 5th, was the completion of W1D3! While I know that I have a long way to go until I can run for a full 30 minutes (let alone 3.1 miles). I feel stronger then I did a week ago. I am going to see this through. I will conquer my fear of failure and complete this, even if it takes me longer than 9 weeks (which it probably will...).

So, wish me luck friends. I'm going to be a runner again!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    Hey, congrats! That's really amazing that you want to get back to where you were! I just picked up running again, too, after having surgery last year and then not being able to run in the cold nasty winters we have in upstate NY.

I wish you all the best!

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  Good luck with your running goals!


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CORKY1303 6/7/2011 2:01PM

    Great job on making the decision to become a runner again!

I wouldn't quite call myself a runner, but I used to really enjoy running. I even completed a 10k (running the whole time). And then out of nowhere, I stopped running! (eeeek) So I'm also trying to get my stride back and start running again. We can do it!!!

Good luck girl!

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LEKLOV 6/6/2011 9:11PM

  You can do it! You have done it before so you can do it again! I have faith that you will get back there again. :-)

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CRBSMITH1968 6/6/2011 8:20PM

    OK, you have something really great going for you - you KNOW you can do this, because you've done it before and gotten great results!! Way to go on finishing your first week emoticon

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BIRDEE210 6/6/2011 1:56PM

    Yay!!! That's so exciting! I'm glad that you had a good first week! It's an amazing feeling when you start noticing all the changes in your body!! Running sure isn't easy! That's awesome that you used to run 3 to 5 miles a day! It shouldn't be too hard to get back into the swing of that one!
Good Luck!!

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E27JUNEBUG 6/5/2011 3:44PM

    Go you! emoticon

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BLONDEJESS1988 6/5/2011 3:27PM

    yay! good for you! I use to be a runner too. It is not only great for losing weight, but it is really good for maintenance. You burn a TON of calories, get your cardio, and your leg workout in all at the same time. Keep at it! emoticon

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why is THIS the hard part?!

Friday, June 03, 2011

Okay, so it's 10:52 pm PST right now, and I still have calories to eat...I have a bowl of cereal infront of me coupled with a glass of wine (don't tell, but it is my second of the I know) because after logging my days meals I still had ~250 calories left...I even logged the piece of cheese that I ate while shopping as Costco. I even ate some chocolate!

This isn't the first time this has happened either. More often then not, I am struggling to meet my food goals. More times then not, it's the carbs - I blame that on not being able to eat gluten and not wanting to bake all the time (it's messy and I don't have a dish washer...and yes I am a self proclaimed lazy bum). I am however eating a TON of fruits and veggies, getting my protein and staying in my fat range. I feel like this shouldn't be so easy, but at the same time it's hard. I don't want to starve my body, at all. I want to feed it what it needs to be a better body. And here is the thing, many of you (if any of you read this) will say "snack during the day" "eat 5 small meals" or something else similar - and should I take this advice - I would end up eating all day and surpassing my limits by miles. I am a snack-er by nature, it is the reason for the size that my body is at this present moment (although it is 5lbs less then it was 4 weeks ago emoticon). I don't snack because I know that if I do, I will continue. I only have so much will power and there are only so many strawberries and cherries that a girl can eat (and afford!) in a day, and even then the calories are so minimal that I would still be under at the end of the day!

Also I feel bad that this is my problem - I don't eat enough, when I know that there are many of you out there struggling to stay under your limits. I feel like this is how my whole life has been: high, low, and NO in between!

Well, it's 11:06pm now...and I still have at least 50 calories to eat....jeez louise I'm gonna eat some cheese!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATALIE225 6/16/2011 8:42PM

    Just remembered: Whole Foods has a list online of all their gluten free foods. The list varies by store. Here's a link for one:

Even if you don't have a Whole Foods, everything is listed by brand so you can ask your local store if they carry it.

Trader Joe's also has a gluten free list. In case there's one close to you:

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NATALIE225 6/16/2011 8:29PM

    You're not the only one here who has this problem. I went vegan about 2 months ago and now I'm often low on my calories. I get enough protein, fat, and carbs, but I eat so many fruits and veggies and they're sooo low in calories that it never adds up to much. I also find that eating a high fiber diet keeps me full so I often am not hungry for my snacks (and I plan on 2 snacks every day.)

So, I bought some higher calorie foods. Things like coconut yogurt, beanitos, somersaults (these are vegan snacks and not necessarily gluten free) that are between 150-200 calories and either incorporate one into a meal or have one as an evening "treat." Since I've been doing this I'm usually able to hit my calorie range, although I'm still in the lower part of it.

My suggestion: look for some higher calorie, gluten free snacks that you can incorporate into your meals. If you're a lazy bum emoticon and don't want to cook, spend some time seeing what's available at the store. Most health stores have lots of gluten free options available now...good luck!

Comment edited on: 6/16/2011 8:42:23 PM

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STARDUSTD 6/3/2011 10:02AM

  Since you said to struggle with eating carbs b/c of your diet: Are you coming in low on your carb range as well, or are you struggling to get in enough cals across the board with macronutrients? As far as not snacking, do you have any snacks or just the 3 meals? (If it's just meals, I'd suggest having 1 or 2 small gluten-free carb snacks if you're coming in low on carbs.)

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BTLSMUM 6/3/2011 9:40AM

    Milk is a great suggestion. If you squirt a couple of spoonfuls of Hershey's syrup in, you'll have no trouble making your carb goal.

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BLONDEJESS1988 6/3/2011 3:16AM

    When I was lifting weights (like, SERIOUS lifting, to gain muscle), I needed to eat WAY more calories then I was use to, and sometimes I had trouble getting all of them in (not often, but SOMETIMES lol). If I needed to fill my calorie quota I would drink milk with a few of my meals. It is super nutritious, 90 calories a cup, healthy carbs and protein, but it wasn't something that made me want more of it, if you know what I am saying. Or, I would eat almonds, you don't need many to get a good amount of calories in.

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