Monday, April 15, 2013
Okay, I decided grace week was over on Monday, and here it is. I'm definitely in a better state of mind, but PHYSICALLY I'm exhausted. Feel like I could sleep another 4-5 hours, and then read under a quilt for the rest of the day. It's a combination of hormones and coming down from some hectic crazy birthday celebration days! And today is the fourth anniversary of a lost baby nephew. It's always been a quiet day.
The good news is that my appetite is very low, so I'm not craving any junk food. The bad news is that the idea of working out, which I planned on for this afternoon, is laughable. Or would be, if I had enough energy to laugh! I'm consciously choosing to have a rest day, which seems ridiculous coming off an entire *free week*, but I have to listen to my body. It's the fatigue day of my cycle, and I normally allow a little nurturing.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Bleaaahhhhh. Coming at you in the middle of a free-for-all eating week! Iím still tracking every single calorie, which is new behavior for me, so I take good credit for that. But between PMS (sorry if any men happen to read this) and birthday week (Saturday, woot!), I just canít seem to make myself get in the weight loss zone. Havenít worked out since Sunday morning, and tonight and tomorrow are blocked for dinners with friends. Obviously I could carve out some time, but Iím just not. And the eating, yikes. I havenít exactly sat down with a full bag of Doritos, but Iím definitely not making healthy choices at my meals.
Do you ever just get tired of making fresh start after fresh start after fresh start after fresh start? Iíve lost 9.6 pounds since New Yearís Day. That averages about .68 pound per week. Now I KNOW that healthy lasting weight loss happens slowly. But, really? Weíre halfway through April and I havenít hit 10 pounds? Oh wait, I have. Twice. And then gained back down. In fact, Iíve alternated between gaining/losing every single week for nearly two months. It just gets old. I keep waiting for my big ďClickĒ moment where I keep going the right way. You read SP success stories of people who just kept going, going, going and theyíre on some whole other level. My best friend started a fresh journey on New Yearís Day as well, and sheís down 34 pounds and planning to run a mini-marathon.
I KNOW that comparison is a bad idea. Iím not even comparing myself to my BFF or those other SP success stories, because I accept the fact that theyíve all just flat-out been putting in more effort than me. Itís that motivation thing again. How do you sustain that over time? I KNOW that no one is perfect, and that successful people still have dips, low points, gains, binges along the way. But. . . every other week? Sometimes every other day? Thatís me. Successful people are like ďI saw that picture of me putting my son on the bus and realized that fat person wasnít meĒ or ďI heard my doctor say I was headed for diabetes and that was just itĒ and from that point forward, they just had drive and determination to spare. Iíve had a million moments like that and get fired up, then a few days later itís like ďEhĒ. Am I really the only person who struggles with this?
It just gets exhausting doing the cheerleading thing time after time. I get in a good groove, my motivation is up, I announce ďIím going to do XYZ and Iím going to get RESULTS!Ē And I absolutely mean it. And I have a loss. Then the next week (or next day), I announce ďYum, a Blizzard sounds good!Ē and the weight loss gets shelved until I feel that motivation again. And again, I KNOW that itís not going to be perfect. There are going to be bumps, and that eating a Blizzard is okay and not a reason to derail my success, blah blah blah. All Iím asking is for maybe an 80/20 ďgood/badĒ ratio as opposed to literally 50/50?
The good part is that I DO keep making those fresh starts. Over and over and over. And as exhausting and embarrassing as it is, I keep trying even after so many mini-failures. Overall my attitude is good. Itís just that usually the only time I share with the WL community is when Iím in that cheerleader mode, so I thought I should start sharing during my ďI donít careĒ mode too. Maybe thatís one of the secrets to getting that ratio a little closer to where I want it to be.
Monday, April 08, 2013
Argh, when will I learn the lesson?
OVEREATING IS NEVER WORTH IT. Write that on the blackboard 100 times, Christy.
This whole past week I've been on such a high. It's FINALLY spring here in Indiana, and the warm(er) temps and sunshine send me through the roof. I've also been feeling good about getting healthy, have been working out and tracking calories faithfully. I finally came to terms with losing weight the healthy way, 1-2 pounds a week, taking all the time I need, and genuinely enjoying myself in the meantime rather than putting my life on hold until I have the perfect body.
All it took was 1 day. Yesterday there was almost an audible click when I reached an "I don't care" moment, and then it was junk junk junk the rest of the day. I think we all know the feeling of going to bed with an uncomfortably full stomach. This morning I woke up feeling frustrated and physically gross. Slipped right back into the old pattern of hating my body, hating the road ahead, wishing I could snap my fingers and get all the weight off. Black cloud began to form.
Hey, you know what can cause grouchiness and physical discomfort? Junky, sugary, salty, fatty processed food! Every time, EVERY time I overindulge in this stuff, I feel bad (mentally and physically) afterward. Every, every, every time. It's just not worth it. I'm not saying "Never again!" because I have to be realistic. But I'm onto you, junk food. I'm aware that when I choose you, I suffer negative consequences. And I'm going to choose you less and less as time goes by.
Operation Feel Good recommences! Being happy, genuinely happy, is too amazing to give up for one bad day.
Friday, April 05, 2013
Iíve been a little obsessed with health and weight loss lately. And maybe thatís okay. Itís a difficult thing, this thing Iím doing, and it might take a little obsession to work it. Two years of ďMan, I really need to get in shape and I will totally start tomorrowĒ havenít gotten me anywhere.
I got away from SparkPeople for a few weeks because I was lazy, no excuse. I did get back on track, but since Iím someone who prefers fresh starts to going back to something sheís abandoned, I downloaded MyFitnessPal on my phone and started an account on the website. I love love love their tracking way better than SPís. (Sorry, SP!) I also found, just in the last few days, a great supportive forum, a smaller community within the huge one. So I basically switched over to Team MFP.
Then my favorite cousin sent me a reminder about SP, and I figured I might as well check back in and at least finish out my SparkCoach trial. A few minutes on the site made me remember why I LOVE SparkPeople! The sheer vast quantity of resources on this site: amazing. I think people would gladly pay monthly fees for these kind of resources, but Iím sooooooo glad we donít have to! I also love me some SparkPoints, and thereís a lot more positivity on SP. MFP isnít all doom and gloom, but itís pretty stripped down, and the message boards donít have the overall fuzzy supportive vibe that SPís do.
Iíve been driving myself nuts this week on which one to use. Then I realized, DUH. Like the little girl in the taco shell commercial says. . . Why not both? So Iíll keep using MFPís tracking app, and checking in with my sweet group of women over there. But Iíll get my motivation/inspiration/information from SP. Ta da! Like I said, obsessed.
Weight loss is all about diet and exercise. Calories in, calories out. But the ďmotivationĒ factor is an equal piece to me. If any piece of the pie (mmm, pie) shrinks, the whole circle gets wobbly! So Iíve got to put the time in on my websites, put the time in on planning workouts, planning meals, LOGGING workouts, LOGGING meals. Itís a lot. Itís a second job. But the return will be worth it. So. . . consider me obsessed.
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