FIREFLY413   2,912
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Monday, April 15, 2013

Okay, I decided grace week was over on Monday, and here it is. I'm definitely in a better state of mind, but PHYSICALLY I'm exhausted. Feel like I could sleep another 4-5 hours, and then read under a quilt for the rest of the day. It's a combination of hormones and coming down from some hectic crazy birthday celebration days! And today is the fourth anniversary of a lost baby nephew. It's always been a quiet day.

The good news is that my appetite is very low, so I'm not craving any junk food. The bad news is that the idea of working out, which I planned on for this afternoon, is laughable. Or would be, if I had enough energy to laugh! I'm consciously choosing to have a rest day, which seems ridiculous coming off an entire *free week*, but I have to listen to my body. It's the fatigue day of my cycle, and I normally allow a little nurturing.

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FUNLOVEN 4/15/2013 9:18AM

    Some days are like that ! I bet tomorrow will be a better day for you emoticon

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A little honesty

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Bleaaahhhhh. Coming at you in the middle of a free-for-all eating week! Iím still tracking every single calorie, which is new behavior for me, so I take good credit for that. But between PMS (sorry if any men happen to read this) and birthday week (Saturday, woot!), I just canít seem to make myself get in the weight loss zone. Havenít worked out since Sunday morning, and tonight and tomorrow are blocked for dinners with friends. Obviously I could carve out some time, but Iím just not. And the eating, yikes. I havenít exactly sat down with a full bag of Doritos, but Iím definitely not making healthy choices at my meals.

Do you ever just get tired of making fresh start after fresh start after fresh start after fresh start? Iíve lost 9.6 pounds since New Yearís Day. That averages about .68 pound per week. Now I KNOW that healthy lasting weight loss happens slowly. But, really? Weíre halfway through April and I havenít hit 10 pounds? Oh wait, I have. Twice. And then gained back down. In fact, Iíve alternated between gaining/losing every single week for nearly two months. It just gets old. I keep waiting for my big ďClickĒ moment where I keep going the right way. You read SP success stories of people who just kept going, going, going and theyíre on some whole other level. My best friend started a fresh journey on New Yearís Day as well, and sheís down 34 pounds and planning to run a mini-marathon.

I KNOW that comparison is a bad idea. Iím not even comparing myself to my BFF or those other SP success stories, because I accept the fact that theyíve all just flat-out been putting in more effort than me. Itís that motivation thing again. How do you sustain that over time? I KNOW that no one is perfect, and that successful people still have dips, low points, gains, binges along the way. But. . . every other week? Sometimes every other day? Thatís me. Successful people are like ďI saw that picture of me putting my son on the bus and realized that fat person wasnít meĒ or ďI heard my doctor say I was headed for diabetes and that was just itĒ and from that point forward, they just had drive and determination to spare. Iíve had a million moments like that and get fired up, then a few days later itís like ďEhĒ. Am I really the only person who struggles with this?

It just gets exhausting doing the cheerleading thing time after time. I get in a good groove, my motivation is up, I announce ďIím going to do XYZ and Iím going to get RESULTS!Ē And I absolutely mean it. And I have a loss. Then the next week (or next day), I announce ďYum, a Blizzard sounds good!Ē and the weight loss gets shelved until I feel that motivation again. And again, I KNOW that itís not going to be perfect. There are going to be bumps, and that eating a Blizzard is okay and not a reason to derail my success, blah blah blah. All Iím asking is for maybe an 80/20 ďgood/badĒ ratio as opposed to literally 50/50?

The good part is that I DO keep making those fresh starts. Over and over and over. And as exhausting and embarrassing as it is, I keep trying even after so many mini-failures. Overall my attitude is good. Itís just that usually the only time I share with the WL community is when Iím in that cheerleader mode, so I thought I should start sharing during my ďI donít careĒ mode too. Maybe thatís one of the secrets to getting that ratio a little closer to where I want it to be.

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SANDY1969 4/12/2013 11:31AM

    I never had a moment where I saw a pic of me and said THATS IT. Probably because every since I could remember Ive been the fattest one. I got an exercise bike from my husband at a moment where I had a passing thought that maybe I should do this. It sat there for a YEAR. A whole year before I got on it one day.

It was really a combination of things that finally pushed me to TRY. Trying is really all you can do every day. There was the death of my mom, my birthday, wanting to do more things that I couldn't do because I was too big. I basically had to give myself a pep talk. I had to FIND inspiration, because just looking at myself in a mirror or a picture isn't enough.

I was ok for a year and then pffffft. I don't know what happened. I reached a weight that I felt thin at, which is crazy because I was still over 300 pounds. I could find clothes in stores that fit again, even if they weren't the greatest or super cute, at least they were an option.

2 years go by and nothing...oh wait, a 25-30 gain is not nothing is it? SO here I am, trying again just like you. My advice to you is to become as active in sparkpeople as you can. Logging, blogging...being accountable helps you strive to at least outdo yourself and your previous successes. You CAN do this, even without an ah-ha moment. Someday you'll have one, even if it isn't about the pounds.

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NEWSGIRL2177 4/11/2013 1:02PM

    I think a lot of people can relate to this. I know I can. It's tough to keep your head up and move forward when progress is slow. I recently went through my own period of searching for motivation and just not doing what I know I should be doing. I chose to look at it logically, without emotion attached to it, which is hard! I would work out once a week and then consciously not work out the rest of the time. It was my choice every time. I would decide in the moment that working out was not a priority, and I had to either be OK with it or do something to change it. And it took awhile to change my attitude.

Now I'm working out 4 days a week and pretty hard, too. But I don't feel like I'm motivated to do it. It's more like I've committed to doing a bootcamp 3 days a week, so I have to do that. And I like getting outside on the weekends, so I do another day for sure. Anything more at this point is bonus time! I treat these workouts like appointments or almost like going to work. It's something I have to do, so I just do it.

In the past, I've been a big fan of streaks here on SP. I think they're helpful. I created a couple of my own streaks, and tracking those every day helped me build consistency. I needed every little trick I could think of! Also, not every workout needs to be a big production. I don't know what you like to do for fitness, but I think finding something that excites you or makes you happy or feels good is the way to go. Even 10 minutes on a day when you really don't want to do it can give you a little mood boost.

Hang in there and keep pushing!

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FIREFLY413 4/11/2013 12:37PM

    Thanks, guys! Just hearing that other people go through the exact same thing is an enormous help.

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50SGRANNY 4/11/2013 10:26AM

    I could be writing this! To answer your question, yes, I do get tired of making fresh start after fresh start. So tired of it, in fact, that this time around I just completely reset everything so that I could start tracking and working on fitness again with a clean slate. I don't recommend this, but it was what I felt I needed to do at the time.

Now that I've got my clean slate to work with, I'm finding that my key to motivation is to keep challenging myself. When I climbed back onto this fitness wagon in February of this year, I couldn't even complete the warm-up segment of a workout video I wanted to try. Well, that part was obvious, it's unacceptable to be THAT out of shape; so I just put that same video in the next day, and the next, until I could do it. That motivated me to push harder and keep going until I could complete that video. I realized that I was growing stronger - which also motivated me, and I added strength training to my workout regime. I won't go on and on here, but every time I succeeded, or grew stronger, or became more capable it just motivated me to push myself harder and harder. Now I don't even need to look for motivation, I just turn to my next challenge to motivate me!


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FUNLOVEN 4/11/2013 10:21AM

    OMG ! Thank you for writing this blog. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about and feel the same way many times. I am very active socially and horrible at resisting those temptations. As a matter of fact, I just e-mailed a Spark Coach about the very thing you just blogged about - a bad diet w/e. I think the thing that keeps me going is keeping in touch with my Spark friends on a daily basis. We need that support team. Not working gives me the advantage of being able to check in with Spark whenever and for as long as I want (some mornings I spend 2 hours or more reading blogs, articles, watching exercise videos, etc.). I know not everyone has that kind of time. But I think of us as a team and want you to know we are there for you through good and bad times. Vent on girl ! emoticon

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You win THIS time, weekend.

Monday, April 08, 2013

Argh, when will I learn the lesson?

OVEREATING IS NEVER WORTH IT. Write that on the blackboard 100 times, Christy.

This whole past week I've been on such a high. It's FINALLY spring here in Indiana, and the warm(er) temps and sunshine send me through the roof. I've also been feeling good about getting healthy, have been working out and tracking calories faithfully. I finally came to terms with losing weight the healthy way, 1-2 pounds a week, taking all the time I need, and genuinely enjoying myself in the meantime rather than putting my life on hold until I have the perfect body.

All it took was 1 day. Yesterday there was almost an audible click when I reached an "I don't care" moment, and then it was junk junk junk the rest of the day. I think we all know the feeling of going to bed with an uncomfortably full stomach. This morning I woke up feeling frustrated and physically gross. Slipped right back into the old pattern of hating my body, hating the road ahead, wishing I could snap my fingers and get all the weight off. Black cloud began to form.

Hey, you know what can cause grouchiness and physical discomfort? Junky, sugary, salty, fatty processed food! Every time, EVERY time I overindulge in this stuff, I feel bad (mentally and physically) afterward. Every, every, every time. It's just not worth it. I'm not saying "Never again!" because I have to be realistic. But I'm onto you, junk food. I'm aware that when I choose you, I suffer negative consequences. And I'm going to choose you less and less as time goes by.

Operation Feel Good recommences! Being happy, genuinely happy, is too amazing to give up for one bad day.

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MRSBEDWELL 4/8/2013 2:07PM

    I had a week and a half that I fell off the wagon, quit logging my food, half heartedly worked out (a little), started drinking soda again. I feel your pain! Somehow I remembered that I had made a comittment to myself to get healthy. I now track even when I'm "BAD" so at least I know what I'm putting in my body & it has helped me continue to lose, (I'm almost half way to where I want to be) I know you can do this!!!

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LITTLERLINDA 4/8/2013 10:13AM

    You are on the right path!! You will have days where you slip, but you are aware of this and are making plans to get back on track quickly and continue down your path of healthiness! It is too easy for me to fall off the wagon and then allow that wagon to continue to run over me while I scarf down all of the junk food that is falling off into my mouth.

Here's to a better week for both of us!! emoticon emoticon What's done is done and we can work hard today!

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Like a job

Friday, April 05, 2013

Iíve been a little obsessed with health and weight loss lately. And maybe thatís okay. Itís a difficult thing, this thing Iím doing, and it might take a little obsession to work it. Two years of ďMan, I really need to get in shape and I will totally start tomorrowĒ havenít gotten me anywhere.

I got away from SparkPeople for a few weeks because I was lazy, no excuse. I did get back on track, but since Iím someone who prefers fresh starts to going back to something sheís abandoned, I downloaded MyFitnessPal on my phone and started an account on the website. I love love love their tracking way better than SPís. (Sorry, SP!) I also found, just in the last few days, a great supportive forum, a smaller community within the huge one. So I basically switched over to Team MFP.

Then my favorite cousin sent me a reminder about SP, and I figured I might as well check back in and at least finish out my SparkCoach trial. A few minutes on the site made me remember why I LOVE SparkPeople! The sheer vast quantity of resources on this site: amazing. I think people would gladly pay monthly fees for these kind of resources, but Iím sooooooo glad we donít have to! I also love me some SparkPoints, and thereís a lot more positivity on SP. MFP isnít all doom and gloom, but itís pretty stripped down, and the message boards donít have the overall fuzzy supportive vibe that SPís do.

Iíve been driving myself nuts this week on which one to use. Then I realized, DUH. Like the little girl in the taco shell commercial says. . . Why not both? So Iíll keep using MFPís tracking app, and checking in with my sweet group of women over there. But Iíll get my motivation/inspiration/information from SP. Ta da! Like I said, obsessed.

Weight loss is all about diet and exercise. Calories in, calories out. But the ďmotivationĒ factor is an equal piece to me. If any piece of the pie (mmm, pie) shrinks, the whole circle gets wobbly! So Iíve got to put the time in on my websites, put the time in on planning workouts, planning meals, LOGGING workouts, LOGGING meals. Itís a lot. Itís a second job. But the return will be worth it. So. . . consider me obsessed.

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KA_JUN 4/5/2013 3:10PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MS_PERCEPTION 4/5/2013 1:57PM

    Good solution. I was in this weight loss competition this winter and the guy who was running it was all about My Fitness Pal, but since I'm already used to SP, I chose to stay on here and I just printed my tracker out for him to look at each week. I would get overwhelmed doing 2 sites, I think. I'm glad you've found what works for YOU though! Enjoy your obsession!! emoticon

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