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Saturday, April 12, 2014

I am starting to realize that I AM DIFFERENT! I always thought that being big is what made me different and that is why I always gravitate towards other people who are weird or different. But, now I am starting to think that isn't the case. It is even possible that I am big because I feel different on the INSIDE. Maybe? Who knows?

The truth is I am different from other people and I am starting to accept that, hell maybe even embrace. I think differently than other people. I see the world differently. I truly see beauty in the world around me and I believe that people are good. Although, the fear and pain sometimes make it difficult to hold on to my true self.

I have never considered myself a sensitive person. I have always distanced myself from "feeling". I am realizing now that the reason I do this is because I feel TOO MUCH. I so wish I could be one of those people who didn't care about things, but that'll never be me. I think that is part of the reason I shut myself off emotionally because it gets to be too much. I care about animal rights, taking care of nature, recycling, the sick, the mentally ill, the lonely, the depressed, the poor, the oppressed, the abused, the exploited, sustainability, violence, safety, organic products, processed foods, personal health, education, and the list goes on. These things all matter to me and it isn't something I can stop feeling which is probably one reason why I don't watch the news.

I definitely feel like things happen for a reason or at least I want to believe that. So there has to be a reason why I am different, my soul is different, and a reason why I feel so strongly. But what is it? What is the purpose of all this? That is the part I'm still struggling to figure out. Hopefully one day it will all make sense.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    I feel the same way except I get more emotional! I can't stop it sometimes. I feel like I care so much about others and animals and some people only care about themselves. It's unfair and I was feeling a lot that way on Saturday bc it was my birthday and even though sometimes I love that I am different sometimes I just hate it!! I also wonder why I am different. There has to be a puose why so many people fit perfectly into this world and so,ex of us see the injustice and hold onto fear. I wonder how different things could be if I let go of the fear. I get it. I do wish I could emotionally shut down sometimes but that is where we differ. My emotions get the best of me.

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SUNSET09 4/14/2014 6:31AM

  We all are different in our own way and that makes us special. I, too believe people are basically good and still hold on to the truth even today! Be yourself as you do it better than anyone else. emoticon and emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MAZZIE973 4/13/2014 6:32AM

    I'm different, too!! There is a history of autism in my family, both my son and niece have been diagnosed, but I suspect others...
I'm not on the spectrum, but hover nearby. I like reason and order. I can't understand why life isn't fair. This is why I don't understand bigotry in any form, be it against those mentally/emotionally differently-abled, nor those in differing socio-economic classes, colors, creeds, nationalities, beliefs, etc.
You're not alone. I struggle daily with not getting injustice. I don't get why it's ok to sell processed foods, GMO's, etc knowing they are detrimental to health...I don't get what kinds of people can make money from hurting others. People, animals, the environment.
I'm with you. I'm different too.
Fight the good fight! Just allow yourself to become healthy...strong health makes for strong fighters!!

Comment edited on: 4/13/2014 6:33:47 AM

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UMBILICAL 4/12/2014 1:55PM

  Different but same

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What does this mean?

Monday, March 31, 2014

I seem to see bunnies a lot by my home. I come home from work really late and several times I have seen bunnies running across the road, even in the middle of winter. Also, I have seen them in the bushes by where I park. Then, last night I got out of work early and I had pulled over so I could shazam this song I heard on the radio. Just when i pull over a rabbit runs out in front of me. I probably would of hit it if I hadn't pulled over.

I don't see the rabbits daily, but if I had to estimate maybe once or twice a month. I feel like I've seen rabbits more in the last year than ever before in my life. So, this got me thinking about what rabbits symbolize. Does it mean something that I keep seeing these bunnies? So, I did some googling and here is one of the responses I found.

"Rabbit: fear, timidity, nervousness, humility

Rabbit's medicine includes moving through fear, living by one's own wits, receiving hidden teachings and intuitive messages, quick thinking, strengthening intuition, and paradox. Rabbit also represents humility, because he is quiet and soft and not self-asserting. Rabbit reminds us not to be afraid. Fearful thoughts reproduce (like rabbits) and bring the very thing we fear. Rabbit people are so afraid of tragedy, illness, and disaster, that they call those very fears to them to teach them lessons. If you see Rabbit or in any way feel attracted to him, it may be telling you to wait for the forces of the universe to start moving again, to stop worrying and to get rid of your fears. It always indicates a need to re-evaluate the process you are undergoing, to rid yourself of any negative feelings or barriers, and to be more humble." (Source: Totem Animals - Crystalinks)

I think bunnies might now officially be my favorite animal!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNSET09 3/31/2014 6:21AM

  Such an interesting concept and something to think about. I'll need to try that when I encourter such things. Just let it be and everything will be okay! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Well, being it spring, that could be the reason you are seeing more and more but
I for one definitely believe in signs. It's funny though because the signs aren't obvious and you are left wondering what in the world they mean. Maybe the universe is telling you to see the beauty in life. Through all the troubles we face, beauty still exists and animals are beautiful. What you discovered about rabbits and what they symbolize could be telling you to let go a little. Something that isn't easy as you know.

It's funny you wrote about rabbits because my background page right now is bunnies!! :) Bunnies are so cute!

I wish I saw more bunnies where I lived. The only interesting thing I saw recently was a goose. They aren't common where I live so it was weird but cool to see. :)

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GRANDMAFRANNY 3/31/2014 3:08AM


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Someone Somewhere Someday

Sunday, March 09, 2014

I am constantly flooded with these visions of you and me lying breathless beneath the stars. The stars, they were painted just for us. Wrapped in your arms. This is home. It seems so familiar. Yet so far away. Like a dream I hardly remember, but can never quite forget. My hopes begin to disappear. But, your smile pulls me back in. And your eyes melt away my fears. It's getting harder to wait. For that day when our eyes finally meet. And everything stops. We're frozen in time as the world spins madly around us. We both realize, this is it. You. Are. The. One. But your face quickly fades away. And here I am. Once again. Alone. Wondering when our story will finally start. But until then, I'll just wait for you beneath the stars.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNSET09 3/10/2014 1:33AM

  Simply beautiful! emoticon emoticon for sharing and hopefully, you're collecting these for your book! emoticon emoticon

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Wednesday, March 05, 2014

One of my besties just came to visit me for my birthday. We did a little a shopping and a lot of relaxing. We also discussed and made about how we can get back on track and reach our goals.


-April 4th
Goal: 20lbs
Reward: Mani & Pedi

-May 3rd
Goal: 35lbs

-June 7th
Reward: Pierce Nose

-July 5th
Goal: 65lbs
Reward: Buy Something Sexy

-August 2nd
Goal: 80lbs
Reward: Throw a Luau Party

-September 6th
Goal: 95lbs
Reward: Weekend Trip

-October 4th
Goal: 110lbs
Reward: New Clothes

-November 1st
Goal: 125lbs
Reward: Massage

-January 1st, 2015
Goal: 150lbs
Reward: TATTOO

-Weigh in Every Thursday & Sunday
-No Fried Food
-Stop Binging after Work
-Bring Lunch to Work
-Stop Drinking Soda
-Drink Lots of Water
-Track What I Eat
-Exercise at Least 4 Times a Week

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELLY19770 3/6/2014 8:43AM


One step at a time! And don't beat yourself up when you backpeddle a bit. Just get right back up and try again. I KNOW you can do this :)

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SUNSET09 3/6/2014 6:38AM

  emoticon and emoticon ! You have your battle buddy to keep you both accountable. Don't forget to emoticon about it and keep track on Sparkpeople tracker; food and fitness. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FAYEMD2B 3/6/2014 12:33AM

    Good on your writing those goals down and getting a buddy on board! Best of luck on your journey!
emoticon emoticon

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    Awesome goals but just be careful. 20 lbs in a month may be a little unrealistic so don't get discouraged if you lose but don't quite reach your goal! I know you will see success though!

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JENNIEONFIRE 3/5/2014 10:37PM

    I like our plan! great start to where we need to be! you didn't post before pics?

Weve got this girl just need to stick to our promises to ourselves

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Sunday, March 02, 2014


So 26,
ends like this?

I thought it,
would be so different.

I've smiled,
and I've cried.

I've said my goodbyes.
To everyone, but you.

You held me down
and made me weak.
You taught me how to hate.

But I think it's time
to let go
of all the pain
I've come to know.

For this finally ends tonight.
When I blow out the candles
and say goodnight.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUNSET09 3/7/2014 9:40PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    I know this is a little late but happy biiiiirthdaaaaaay!!!!! :) good poem!

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MJ7DM33 3/2/2014 8:07PM


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    Happy birthday! Love your poems! You've got Talent girl!
emoticon emoticon

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14BLESSED1 3/2/2014 1:52PM


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