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Home - where the stress is.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Actually, I'll start with the "Daily Visualization" from SparkCoach today.

"Daily Visualization

Imagine that you're at a party with a huge buffet table. You fill a small plate with fruits, veggies, and some lean protein. After you've mindfully eaten until satisfaction, you are able to focus on your company for the rest of the night. How does it feel to have such a carefree attitude toward food? Work on cultivating that attitude today."

In particular this question: "How does it feel to have such a carefree attitude toward food?"

THAT'S a carefree attitude?

You are in front of a huge buffet table. You have to see all this yummy stuff there for the taking but feel compelled to take the small plate, take fill it with mostly veggies and fruits and a small amount of LEAN protein. You "mindfully eat", which means even though you're enjoying the flavor you are paying most of your attention to that moment when you feel "satisfied" and then walk away knowing you won't go back.



I guess this is just another example of why I don't get this.

To me, it would be closer to carefree taking small (a small serving spoon or 1/2 of a large serving spoon, one handfull of chips, etc.) servings of all the things I love - which YES would include veggies and maybe fruit if there's any on the buffet that I like. Carrying my plate around with me while I visit with people so the eating is slow and leisurely. And then, I can agree with this although it would be less enjoyable, not having seconds.

And even that's not "carefree".

Carefree was when I was a kid and a teen and could eat as much as I wanted of whatever I wanted and never gained weight from it.

I really wish I hadn't been like that as a kid and teen. It is so hard to come off of 18 years of that then to suddenly start gaining weight and having to cut back. Even after all the years since that change happened, cutting back it still hard. Part of my mind keeps thinking it can eat what it wants.


On to other matters.

I think I was better off with the stress taking care of my brother.

My office/craft room thing, is still a mess from when we packed up almost our whole house to have all the carpeting replaced. In part it's because I left so soon after it was done and also it's because I want to paint the walls. So, there's stuff I have wanted for whatever reason but can't get to because it's in some box somewhere labeled "My (or Mom's 'cause my daughter helped pack up) Room".

My hubby has said firmly this time that he will be quitting his job this year. So there's all that upheaval and my space in the house is a mess and totally unusable.

No. Bad note to close on. There are some good things.

I love my cats. I'm reading a good mystery story. I went to choir practice at church and had fun singing. It's a sunny day today. I finally came up with something to make for a friend of mine for her belated (because I was gone) Christmas gift.

I will try to "Think Happy Thoughts" and maybe, if I can find some pixie dust, I'll be able to fly.

So . . .

What's new with all of you? emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EJOY-EVELYN 2/3/2013 4:30PM

    I'm with you on the 'carefree' assessment. Let's just say I'm going to feel so much better when I eat whole and unprocessed foods. When I feel good, then I'm going to be able to concentrate on developing some of the quality relationships there are to be had with the friends in the room. Hug, hug -- Evelyn

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KASEYCOFF 1/18/2013 6:19AM

    You do make me laff: I'm with you on this one, "carefree" my - eye! lol...

As for the rest, you know my philosophy. We do what we can, when we can, and the rest just has to wait.

Let it go, hon, let it go. Drift, meditate, get lost in some music or reading - and in fact, what with choir practice and the book and your enjoyment of the sunny day, yah, you're on the right track. Thinks me.

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HOBBESIS49 1/17/2013 1:56PM


I liked your blog it was honest & thoughtful .. Pixiedust yes! I think that it's waiting for us to find.

ďYou have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...Ē Dr. Seuss

You can do this! Sorry to hear that life is so stressful now.

Spring is around the corner perhaps it will bring new buds of hope.

emoticon Jane

Comment edited on: 1/17/2013 1:58:52 PM

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GIVENTHANKS 1/17/2013 12:04PM


I was also just reading your blog from 1/13 and just left a comment for you on there. I know what it is to deal with stress. I have been out of work for over three years and have no income. I recently got a job but can't start working until the level two background check comes back (1-3 weeks). I have dealt with all kinds of stress throughout my almost 60 years so I can relate. This might sound cliche to anyone who does not have a first-hand knowledge of this but my relationship with the Lord has kept me sane throughout all of those stressful times. He has always been there for me. I have learned to cast my cares upon Him because He cares for me. He gives me peace and hope even through the storms of life. If we focus our attention on Him and what He says in His Word, it helps get out attention off of the negative things in life.

Philippians 4:8 in the Bible says:
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

When a negative or stressful thought comes to you, replace it with a positive thought.


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Stress. Stressed. Stressful. Stressed Out.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

"Daily Community Task

Have you struggled with stress or anxiety related to your weight-loss program or weigh-ins? Blog about your experience. Sometimes, just getting things off your mind will help you find a new perspective."


Personally, I stress about most everything. I even stress about things that are supposed to help us un-stress. emoticon

"Am I doing this yoga pose right? Am I breathing right? How about this meditation thingy I'm trying - am I not thinking enough, or am I thinking about what I'm supposed to be thinking about?" emoticon

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

So yeah - I stress about stuff "related to (my) weight-loss program or weigh-ins". I also stress about stuff "related to (my exercise) program".

I get stressed many of the times that I come to here to SparkPeople because I'm dancing (figuratively) around the edges of "The Program" instead of doing the program.

Nearly everyday I read the little notes on my "Check-ins Page" that's part of SparkCoach about how it's clear I'm having problems with sticking to the program, being motivated, being consistant - (that last one isn't true, I'm consistently not doing anything but I don't think that's the consistency they want emoticon ) - and reminding me that I can get support from a SparkCoach coach or from SparkFriends.

BUT . . .

No one can help with the fact that I'm just going through the 5 pages of the SparkCoach program, checking little boxes, reading the "Daily Visualization" and usually thinking it's all rather an exercise in futility or coming up with a negative spin on whatever it is, and not doing any of the program other than that.

I'm being honest in how I check the boxes, but fake in that I'm not doing the program.

It tells me I'm in "stage 3 of 4 of (my) SparkPeople Program" but I'm not really because I'm not tracking my eating, not drinking all the water, not getting 5 freggies, not watching my calorie intake. Not avoiding all the "unhealthy" foods I like and not substituting "healthy" foods for them I don't really like as much. I'm not doing purposeful exercising although I think I'm moving about generally more than I was.

I want to do SparkPeople - but I'm not.

I want to write my mystery book - but I'm not working on it.

I want to get my office/craft room painted and setup so it's pleasant and functional (it got packed up for new carpet installation & is still all packed) - but I'm not getting at that at all.

I spent from Dec. 4th to Jan. 7th out of state to help my brother while he had colon cancer surgery and so many weird things went wrong - other than the surgery itself once it actually was done, that went very well - that I ended up being there for only 1 week of his recovery instead of nearly three weeks of it as planned. Throughout the month I was mostly very stressed out.

My husband is miserable with his job, has been for about two years. He is stressed out. He is depressed. He's 62 and not horribly tech oriented and what the heck is he going to do to get a new job if he quits the stressful job and so I have all of that to handle. NO, I can't do it all for him. NO, I can't make him quit stressing etc. BUT, I love him and I care about him so his pains all affect me. I want to be the best I can be so I'm not dragged down by his stress and so I can do as much as I can to be supportive.

I know.

I know so many of you have issues in your lives that are a million times more harsh than my wussy issues. You have chronic illnesses or a loved one does. You weigh a lot more than I do and have all sorts of health and mobility issues because of it. You're also stressed out and depressed. But you're here working hard on eating and exercising and many of you don't even grouse about it all like I do. That is pretty much all I do here is grouse and grump and mope and whine.

But I keep showing up here.

Several of you have become friends and that amazes me because I'm such a Negative Nelly, and your friendship touches my heart. You amaze me because you've shown concern for me and have encouraged me even though I'm still a downer.

I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm headed or anything.

I can't set goals because I don't function well with the whole goals thing.
I can't set goals because I don't know what I want anymore.

None of my immediate family - parents, grandparents, aunt - have lived past 83 and all of them were sickly the last few years of their lives.

I'm 58.

I figure I have about 15 to 20 years of "good" life left.

How do I decide what's worth spending that time doing?

I suppose I should add that everyone on my Dad's side of the family were fat. Everyone on my Mom's side were skinny but smoked like chimneys. So both families had major poor health causing factors in their lifestyles.

Other than breathing my parents second hand smoke until I was about 20 I've never smoked. But I am fat.

Will it really matter if I lose weight? And how much? Every time my Dad got near his supposed "healthy weight" he'd get sick. His sister did the same thing. But neither did they try to be "fit though fat" by exercising.

Will it matter if I finish my book and can get it published, knowing that I'll be expected to write another? And perhaps another.

Will it matter if I get my office/craft room (my cave, my oasis) in a condition where I feel at peace and able to work in there?

I know it will matter, help my quality of life & his, if I help my hubby through his issues because then I won't be having to cope with his stress on top of my own.

I know it matters that I'm there for my adult kids and their families when they need me. And I know that when I'm around them it is better for everyone if I'm not moody and stressed.

I know I'm not able to be as creative when I'm all stressed out and depressed.

And so now, added to everything else, I'm stressing over what I should do and what I should let go of . . .


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GIVENTHANKS 1/17/2013 11:44AM

    I like the advice that you have gotten from others on here and think that the KEY for you is changing how you think and changing your self-image. Try to LOOK for one positive thing each day! If you look for it, you WILL find it! Concentrate on just ONE thing that you did that was good concerning eating healthier or exercising! Rejoice in that victory...even if you consider it a small one! Small victories add up and over time and they can become VERY significant! Don't concentrate on the failures because that will only bring you down. The fact is...we ALL fail BUT we ALL have the potential to get up and try again! If we keep looking BACK at our past failures, we cannot look AHEAD with hope for our future!

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FIDDLEMOM 1/16/2013 1:14PM

    Thank you WONDERFUL2BME and ARCHIMEDESII emoticon

ARCHIMEDESII: I'll have to print out that quote from Winnie the Pooh! emoticon I especially like the "listening to all the things you can't hear" part.
there's a lot of wisdom in that.

emoticon to all!

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ARCHIMEDESII 1/16/2013 11:11AM

    I'm a firm believer that stress is a neglected aspect of weight gain. If a person could reduce their stress, they'd automatically reduce their waistline.

My thoughts on stress ? There are things you can control and things you can't. Learning to "let go" is not an easy thing, but you have to have some faith in yourself tat you'll do the right thing. You're not Wonder Woman. There really is only so much you can do. We can't do it all. You have to pick and choose. Set your priorities.

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another." - William James.

Then there is the wisdom of Winnie the Pooh.

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."

Comment edited on: 1/16/2013 11:11:34 AM

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WONDERFUL2BME 1/16/2013 10:44AM

    I am 57 so I know you have heard this one: I'm okay, you're okay! Don't be so hard on yourself. Nobody has a perfect outlook or life. We are all in this together and that's okay. It is good to have goals and you have lots of them. Just keep peckin away at them! take care.

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FIDDLEMOM 1/15/2013 5:15PM

    Hugs and thanks to everyone!

NewMen2013 - That is such sage advice! I rarely see the things I do get done as the victories they are. I'll work on that. :-)

KaseyCoff - I'll keep an eye out for it. ;-)

Thank you, Brenda_G50 :-)

You all are emoticon

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NEWMEN2013 1/14/2013 7:29AM

    Stress is an every day part of life -- yours, mine, everybody's. Some people blossom under stress while others crumble. The good news is that you have not crumbled (because you are still here) so there is hope that you can blossom. You just need the right motivation and support.
I love Sparkpeople and I've had moderate success here. However, like you I probably don't work the program the way I should. Personally, I tell myself that this is not worth my stress. I have enough problems that I can't resolve by sheer determination so those things that I am in control of are not worth an increase to my stress level. Most of my stress comes from my relationships with family and friends; I have an inexplicable "need" to be "the perfect one" yet I am so far from that! I tend to overextend myself trying to meet everyone else's needs and desires which is very taxing both physically and emotionally. I often think the depression in my bipolar cycle is triggered by this habit. Really, none of this is relevant though because we're talking about you.
Instead of focusing on what you haven't done, try and find the joy in what you HAVE done. You didn't drink "enough" water but did you drink ANY? Did you choose water instead of soda at least once today (or even once this week)? GOOD FOR YOU!!! You didn't get 5 freggies (love that word!) but did you get at least 2? GOOD FOR YOU!!!! You didn't cut your calories as much as you could have or maybe should have, but is your average for the week lower than last week? If so then GOOD FOR YOU!!!
Once you start viewing these experiences as smaller successes instead of bigger failures, it's easier to add accomplishment on top of accomplishment. "TODAY I DID THE BEST I COULD DO TODAY" is really the only goal we all need to strive for, and thank God that we most likely have tomorrow to look forward to and work toward.
Don't know if any of that makes sense or really helps, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone and you have overwhelming worth!

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KASEYCOFF 1/14/2013 6:19AM

    It's on its way, hon...

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BRENDA_G50 1/14/2013 2:06AM

    Just do the best you can and remember to take one task at a time, one day at a time. I believe in you... emoticon

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SUZYQ_33 1/14/2013 12:14AM

  Hi Fiddlemom...I can so relate to the everyday life of stresses. I find myself trying to remember to take a deep breath (really!)...a lot! I am still trying to figure the sparkpeople daily things I should be doing and how to enter it but am slowly getting the hang of it. That in itself is reducing the stress of trying to get started . I cant figure out if I should set it daily, weekly or monthly. I keep changing it instead of just leaving it alone.
I am trying to overcome the death of my father. I went into a deep depression over what all happened to him. He had a stroke and they got him mixed up with someone else and didnt even treat him in time and then accidently sent him to a nursing home instead of rehab. He was actually lost and had to be relocated and then finally sent to rehab for stroke victums. It was so horrible my dad just gave up. The nursing care was awful too. I came in and found his call button tied around his neck because they said the clip was missing. I was SO upset. I never left his side after this until he passed away. Slept in a tiny chair for over 2 weeks by his side and watching my mom somehow trying not to loose her mind.
So yes...stress stress stress....I never knew life could get this bad. I gave up.
I quit exercising , just sleep and sit and stay alone. I ate like a pig for comfort. It was the only thing to make me feel better. So weak from just sleeping and sitting and crying about my dad. Anger is eating me up over the way they did my poor dad. Noone should ever have to die like that and be treated like that. I wanted to report it but my mother is barely hanging in here and she could never go thru talking about what they did to my dad. I recorded with my phone pictures and conversations to let someone hear someday about what goes on in these hospitals. Just so much anger right now still.
I finally decided to try to turn things around and try to exercise and eat healthy again because I feel so awful. I mean really awful and weak. It's been 9 months since he passed away and decided if I want to help my dad in bringing what happened out in the open, then I need to get my strength back.
It's so hard. I am starting out trying to walk everyday but it has been raining off and on so I try to find a exercise video to do.
It's hard to stay focused and finding the energy, but then I go to Sparkpeople and hear stories like yours and see everyone has problems too.
I think we should stick with it and stick together and even if its only one thing accomplished, its better than nothing. Its a start.
I find making a list of things I need to do helps me alot. Maybe you can try a list and tackle one thing for the day and scratch thru it. And convince yourself that things will get better.
I will keep you in my prayers and wish you the best. Hang in there! We can overcome if we lean on each other for support sometimes or just venting.
take care

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My saboteur is me.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

"Daily Community Task

Is someone sabotaging your weight-loss efforts? Why do you think that is? What can you do to stay in control and address the situation? Write a blog today about your plan, then put it into action!"

"Is someone sabotaging my weight-loss efforts?"


Why do I think that is?

Iím being a stubborn child.

I seem to be losing so many things that are things I enjoy. My creativity has nose-dived and a lot of what is left is shoulds, oughts and have-tos. I donít want eating to become such an un-fun burden.

I donít know Ė maybe none of that is it.

I just donít know . . .

"What can you do to stay in control and address the situation?"

In a strange way, thatís what I feel I am doing. Iím not giving into all the hype and rah-rah. Iím not acting like I'm happy about giving up things I really enjoy. Iím not trying to make sense of all the nutrition and exercise information that half the time conflicts with itself or changes what you should do or not do every few months.

"Write a blog today about your plan, then put it into action!"



I have done the little goal setting stuff on here because it says to choose goals and have them here at the site. I havenít actually done any of it. Most of the time, I can't even remember how to find them on here.

I have no motivation at all. No enthusiasm at all. I hate being fat. I donít want diabetes. But none of that seems to be having any effect. Iím burned out. I donít even seem to have the motivation to do things I really want to do.

How can I put anything more into action when Iím already not doing the other stuff Iím needing/wanting to do - like writing my mystery novel and turning my office into a room I can enjoy working in?

SP recommends making a motivation collage/picture/image thingy with all the lovely, wonderful, exciting things you want to be and do when you achieve your exciting, wonderful, inspiring goals.

I can never think of anything to put on it. How will losing weight and exercising help me write my book or redo my office? I canít imagine looking at such a thing would really make any difference in how I feel. It seems silly.

What would I put on it? Things I might achieve but then let fade away so I can look at my motivation collage and be reminded of failing again?

But . . .

I had a thought the other day that . . .

Iím killing me softly.

Iím keeping myself from doing all this (I started to say Ďcrapí Ė not positive, bad word) great stuff and I donít know why.

Other than Iím weary. Iím weary of all the effort to change and still have to do all that have-tos, oughts, and shoulds that I already have to do.

Weary of doing stuff that I canít make last. I've changed before. Improved before. Lost weight and gotten fit before.

None of it has stuck.

So . . .

Part of me wants to lose weight and exercise and get fit and healthy so I can die from something that doesnít have to do with being fat and out of shape.

Part of me just doesnít want to try and muster up all the energy to do it.

Part of me is keeping me from doing most everything I want to do.

Part of me is killing me softly.

And I have no idea how to stop the murderer.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINDYSDAY 12/31/2012 7:14AM

    You have to make healthier changes for you. With that being said you have to find something that does motivate you. I have a hard time making the time. I don't like exercising in front of my husband and son. If they would join in that would be fine but they watch the video and tell me how I am doing it all wrong! You deserve to be healthy and you can do this! emoticon

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 12/30/2012 10:44PM

    I can really identify with what you write. And I guess that means it's time for more reflection and analysis; more trying to push ourselves in the right direction.

Best wishes!

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Today's SparkCoach assignment

Monday, December 24, 2012

Today's assignment on the "Community Page" part of the daily SparkCoach routine is:

"Spend a few minutes writing about the reasons behind your fitness and weight-loss goals. What is your true motivation? What do you hope to achieve or experience after reaching your goal?"

Yes, I've set goals - but really only because you are supposed for the program. So, in a lot of ways this is a good exercise for me. What am I looking for in the goals that I set grudgingly?

What's my "true" motivation?
I don't know - or well I know but it's a negative goal in that it's not something positive and uplifting that I'm aiming for

I don't want to get Type 2 diabetes.

Maybe try to word it more positively. "I want to avoid Type 2 diabetes."

No, I don't think that's any better.

"I want to eat healthy and get fit because people who eat healthy and are fit don't get Type 2 diabetes."

That's more positive - but I'm not all that sure it's completely true.

The thing is it runs in the paternal side of my family and I'm not sure I'll avoid it no matter what I do. Sorry, but I've known healthy weight & active diabetics.

The example in the video coaching that went with today was a fella that the SparkPeople head office folks knew personally who was in visiting and said, "I need to lose 20 pounds." They all went to work on him to get him to start the cool motivational stuff (that always seems rather silly to me). First up was this very assignment. WHAT DID HE REALLY WANT? Yeah - lose 20 pounds, but WHY? He wanted to be healthier and in better shape so he could play basketball with his son.

Really cool! Really. That's an awesome, positive goal. And he achieved it. emoticon

Of course he did - other wise SparkGuy wouldn't have used it for an example. emoticon

I don't have anything like that I want to do. Maybe play more easily with my grandkids, but even that is a minor thing as I don't see them all that often.

There's no sport I want to play.

My husband has no interest in dancing (he is ungainly) or us playing any sport except maybe golf (which I'm horrible at) and, at least at this point in time, he's not home much anyway as his work takes him on the road.

The things I love to do the most are all things one usually sits down to do. NO I did not choose to love them because they are sitting things - I loved them first and started doing most of them while I was a slender 9 year old through a slender high school senior.

Reading. Fine Arts. Crafts. and lately add to those Writing and working with photos I've taken.

I like walking, but only if I get to stop and look at things that catch my eye - usually taking photos of them. That's not "exercise" walking. I don't enjoy exercise walking and the times I've tried it (note *times* not just once) I've ended up hurting my feet, ankles or knees.

"What do you hope to achieve or experience after reaching your goal?"

Ah . . . be thinner?
Not get diabetes?

I don't expect to feel all energetic. It's never happened the other times in my life when I've done Weight Watchers and lost the weight I wanted to lose and exercised consistently. That's probably part of why I've never been able to maintain the habits. It hasn't ever become something enjoyable that I look forward to. Neither the healthy eating nor the exercise. They always stay something I have to do whether I really want to or not - which really doesn't lend itself to having them become permanent life habits.

If I'm honest about it, I still want to eat what I want to eat without having to measure it all (and no, I don't always eat huge portions either nor do I snack between meals) and I really don't enjoy taking time out of my day to change clothes, get all sweaty, have to take a shower and put on lotion, get dressed again.

So, as usually seems to be the case when I come here, I now feel dejected and depressed.

I want to lose weight so I might not become diabetic.

Not a "yipee let's get all excited to reach this exciting, happy goal" goal. Which probably explains a huge amount of why I've not been able to get motivated or excited, why all the excitement and perky motivation stuff here usually seems silly or makes me feel dejected, and why I haven't even done any of the program except go through the daily 5 SparkCoach steps so I get them checked off and get the Spark Points for them.

I don't want to have a close "diet" or "Spark" buddy who I'm accountable to and all that because I know I'll feel crappy when (if) she progresses along and is losing weight and feeling more energetic and what if I'm not?

I'd probably do better if I had a "diet" or "Spark" buddy who was motivated and enthusiastic. Maybe it would drag me along till some of it started to wear off on me.

I was very enthusiastic the two times I did Weight Watchers and made my weight goals and was doing my exercising. But both times it didn't stick. Didn't last. Didn't become healthy lifestyle habits. I'm really having trouble getting all perky for stuff that didn't work twice before.

BUT . . .

I really do want to lose weight. emoticon I really do want to be more fit. emoticon

I deeply wish I could see all the stuff you have to do to accomplish that as something other than a major drag that probably won't stick with me anyway. emoticon

Go figure.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EJOY-EVELYN 12/29/2012 12:03AM

    Who knows, maybe your goals will write more firmly on your heart after you get a little further along. Perhaps you can revisit your reasons a little later.

As a lifetime Weight Watcher (using the SparkPeople Nutritional Tracker to lose that last 50 lbs) both programs came a long way toward educating me in ways to eat and move more healthily. I make better choices more often and for that, I am most grateful. Be open to learning and you're on your way toward healthy living. None of it is easy, but making changes one small step at a time will have a lifetime of rewards where your body will say "thank you" many times over. You can do this!

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    thanks, great blog.

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 12/24/2012 5:02PM

    I could have written much of this--except that I already have Type 2 Diabetes. I found the thing that went click for me---the thing that managed to get me up and off my butt. I got an iPad and listening to music really did not do it for me. I don't think I can listen to music and work out meaningfully. Really is Mahler's Fifth going to get your heart rate up?

So I joined and listen to murder mysteries and walk on the treadmill and the elliptical and do strength training every other day. I cannot claim to love it but the compelling question of "whodunit" keeps me working out.

Working out is like a shot of insulin--and if you are pre-diabetic I am sure that it helps your pancreas to work efficiently and not get bogged down. I took about 80 units of Insulin a day before I started working out. Now I take about 5-10 units a day. And my doctor tells me that I might, possibly, be able to discontinue it soon.

So my unawesome, unmotivational message to you is that "not getting diabetes" is a fantastic and constructive goal.


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BOBBIENORTHERN1 12/24/2012 12:14PM

  When I exercise I feel so good in my body and can too...just push, push, and push can do it all and anything that you set your heart and mind to have to change your mind set, have to transform your mind to want to be fit and healthy and to feel good...right now it is trained to think food and is time to re train your mind to think health, fit, not fat anymore. Getting up and creating movement with my body. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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How many people do you know who would be happy about . . .

Sunday, September 30, 2012

(Such a nice short title - LOL)

Last week end, Sept. 22nd, I went for what I hope will be the first of a long and fruitful series of counseling sessions. This has me hopeful because, for the first time, when I've mentioned to a counselor that I think I have ADD, Dave didn't go, "Hmm. Now let's get back to your depression."

Dave has been president of a local chapter of CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) and has done a great deal of research and counseling in that area. Actually, he is ADHD himself.

I'm happy, thrilled and relieved to report that he confirmed that - yes - I have ADD! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Finally, I can say I KNOW I have ADD instead of I THINK I have ADD - and that is a huge thing.

Now I have a reason, not an excuse, for much of the way I am and have been all my life.

Now it can be dealt with and worked on. In this case, it's a label I'm thrilled to carry.

What was rather cool as well was as I told him various life stories that I felt backed up my thinking I have ADD, he kept saying things like: "That's text book ADD." "That's a classic description of an ADD behavior." It is just so awesome! It's like the title of a book on adult ADD - "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!" That's exactly how it feels. Freeing.

Now, after all that up-beat proclaiming, I'll go on to say I've been having a rough week since the appointment. I think the Negative Nelly in me is scared and has been rattling the bars of her cage. After my initial "Woo Hoo!" I've been depressed. Lots of "It isn't going to make much difference anyway and everything I do is garbage." sort of crappy thinking, which all sounds so correct and true when my emotions take a dive.

Hopefully . . . hopefully, I am now on the road to obtaining ways and means to deal with this and brighten my life. emoticon

I've told my counselor that I want to:

1) Get my book written

2) Get into a more healthy life style

3) Get ways to handle my life as an ADD person

4) Combine working on all of this into one package.

The last point is vital.

I've found that, because of my ADD, I can't work on major things as individual items or it doesn't last.

In 1987 I found an "organize your house keeping" system book that I liked the sound of, so I got it and began doing the program. For 4 months I kept my house clean. I got to where I didn't even need to look at the 3x5 cards that are the heart of the system any more for my daily or weekly tasks. I was thrilled - AND - everything I read said that if you do something consistently for 3 months, it has become a habit (I don't think they meant for ADD people), so I thought "Cool! It's been 4 months. I'm doing terrific. Time to add losing weight!"

I started Weight Watchers. Within 2 to 3 weeks the house was a mess - but the diet was doing wonderfully.

They were two separate "programs" started at two separate times, not integrated, so when I started focusing on the diet it overrode the first program.

I couldn't do both. They each took too much focus.

I don't want that to happen this time. I want to get my book done. I want to loose weight and get fit and I have to learn ways to deal with being what I am so that I can do what I want and need to do.

Will this work?
Will it all happen?
Is this even something my counselor can put together?
Will I explode in the process?

I'll keep you all informed.
Send good thoughts and prayers my way - I'll be needing all the help I can get. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGARSMOM2 10/4/2012 12:27PM

  good to have a label . I saw a book today on barn and noble site . that i almost bought . i am not lazy stupid or dumb. .. I feel badly most days because at times no one gets me . we will all help you as much as we can .

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FIDDLEMOM 10/1/2012 3:40PM

    Thank you, LJCANNON, for your encouragement. emoticon back at ya!

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LJCANNON 9/30/2012 11:14PM

    emoticon I think it is perfectly natural for Negative Nelly to be rattling her bars. She is scared of Change, even if it is a Positive Change. Any time something in your Life changes it is scary.
emoticon You and your Therapist will be able to handle Nellie and her Fears. And your Spark Friends will be here to walk with you through the Experience.

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