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Funny One

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Bank's 43-page dress code: Your tie should match your bone structure

(From the Chicago Sun-Times Dec. 17, 2010)

UBS, the Swiss banking giant, has issued a new dress code for its workers-and it features some patented Swiss precision.

The 43-page edict is being tested at 5 Swiss branches. It notes that: "Our body odor cannot be changed. However, we can insure that it produces only pleasant scents. Strong breath (garlic, onions, cigarettes) can have a significant impact on communication."

It also includes, according to NBC:
For women:
"Light makeup, consisting of a foundation, mascara and discreet lipstick will enhance your personality."
"Women should not wear shoes that are too tight-fitting as there is nothing worse than a strained smile."
"A flawless appearance can bring inner peace and a sense of security."
"The ideal time to apply perfume is directly after you take a hot shower, when your pores are still open."

For men:
"Three days of stubble is not permitted and a visit to the barber is recommended once every 4 weeks."
"Wear only ties that match the bone structure of your face and do not wear socks with cartoon motifs."
"If you wear a watch, it suggests reliability and that punctuality is a great concern to you."
"Underwear is among the most intimate parts of our clothing...your underwear must not be visible through your clothes, or stand out...you figure should not suffer from the way you wear your underwear."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANNIEWANNIE 12/23/2010 11:20AM

    Someone at the bank does not have enough real work to do. Hugs from J

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DDOORN 12/21/2010 12:03PM

    Wow...! That's a pretty wild dress code! Thx for the chuckles...makes me appreciate even more the flexibility of my work setting!

Don

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MOM4407 12/21/2010 11:58AM

    And I thought our school dress code was bad. That is too funny.

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TEDYBEAR2838 12/21/2010 7:59AM

    You are right, that is funny, but I guess they are serious?

emoticon MERRY CHRISTMAS emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/21/2010 8:04:49 AM

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SUZIEQS65 12/21/2010 7:38AM

    OMG!...*LMAO*

I almost crashed my car the day I heard about this on the radio!...WAAAY too funny!

Marry Christmas!

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Getting to know me

Monday, December 20, 2010

A is for Age: 57
B is for Booze: one
C is for Career: Administrative Assistant
D is for Dad's name: Gene
E is for Essential items to bring to a party: a great attitude
F is for Favorite song or music: I Only Have Eyes For You
G is for Goof off thing to do: Zoo
H is for Hometown: Skokie, IL
I is for Instrument you play: none
J is for Jam or Jelly you like: none
K is for Kids: none
L is for Living arrangement: apartment
M is for Mom's name: Alikce
N is for Name of best friend: Sandi
O is for Overnight Stay in a Hospital: a couple
P is for Phobias: Spiders
Q is for Quote you like: Let it go. If it comes back to you, itís really yours. If it doesnít, it was never yours to begin with.
R is for Relationship that lasted longest: 41 year friendship
S is for Siblings: 1 sister
T is for Texas, ever been? no
V is for vegetable you love: lettuce
W is for Worst traits: stubborn
X- is for X-rays you've had: teeth, feet, hand, knees.
Y is for Yummy food you make: I donít cook.
Z is for Zodiac sign: Taurus

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANIMALMAGIC 12/21/2010 4:03PM

  Hey - great blog!! emoticon
I love the zoo too.....
Jay x

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TEDYBEAR2838 12/20/2010 8:51AM

    I love the Yummy food I eat and don't cook also ;)

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NINALEE35 12/20/2010 7:41AM

    Great! I love the list you have put together. Thanks! This is a keeper. emoticon

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55WALKER 12/20/2010 6:25AM

    Q is for Quote you like: Let it go. If it comes back to you, itís really yours. If it doesnít, it was never yours to begin with.


I love this! Thanks.
emoticon

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LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT REALLY TRYING

Sunday, December 19, 2010

(Adapted from AARP Magazine)

Making small changes to your home and habits can help you shed those last 20 lbs. easily - and for good!

Have you ever loaded on an extra helping of corned beef hash at a breakfast buffet, even though you were stuffed? Ever eaten the last piece of dried-out cake because the sugary frosting was still edible? Ever robotically chomped through a whole bag of soggy fast-food fries?

We've all eaten food that's more yucky than yummy simply because it's there! Overeating, and the weight gain that results, is largely responsible for rising rates of hypertension, heart disease, and type 2 diabetes among 50-plus Americans. The older we get, the more difficult it becomes to lose that weight as our metabolism slows and the fat we gain accumulates around our middles.

So why do we overeat to begin with-especially food that doesn't even taste good? The answer is less complicated than you might think, and has less to do with WHAT we eat than HOW we eat.

Every day we make more than 200 decisions about food, often without much conscious thought. Is it noon? Must be time for lunch. Is my plate empty? Then I must be done eating. These external cues in our environment-the clock, the empty plate-guide out eating habits in ways we may not realize. The problem with relying on external cues is that pretty much every cue around us, including the visibility, convenience and attractiveness of the food, nudges us to eat a little more than we otherwise would.

Nobody goes to bed skinny and wakes up 50 pounds heavier. Most of us gain weight by eating only 100 to 200 extra calories a day. The trick is to make subtle changes in our environment-changes that cut out those 100 to 200 calories a day-so we gradually alter our eating habits and lose weight. After all, the best diet is the one you don't know you're on.

Tricks to try:

How much you eat is greatly influenced by how you store and serve your food. Here are 3 simple changes that'll help you.

1. Use tall, thin glasses instead of short, wide ones (you'll pour 29% less).

2. Store all your snacks in small single-serving food-storage bags (you'll eat up to 20% less).

3. Keep the main serving dishes on the stove or counter (you'll eat 19% less than if you kept the food on the table).

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOM4407 12/19/2010 6:06PM

    Love your advice.
I really like the one about storing snacks in snack size bags.


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TEDYBEAR2838 12/19/2010 3:31PM

    Excellent article, especially this time of year.

DId you figure out about the ferret cages yet? Modifications?

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ANIMALMAGIC 12/19/2010 12:33PM

  Great ideas - particularly (for me) number 2.
Jay x

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MISSPEACHES3 12/19/2010 8:40AM

    Some good suggestions.

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SUZIEQS65 12/19/2010 7:59AM

    *S*...it's all in the little things!

Merry Christmas to you & your family!

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TAZZ46 12/19/2010 7:56AM

  KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK YOUR DOING WISHING YOU A BLESSED SUNDAY HUGGS VICKIE

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4EVERFIT011 12/19/2010 7:56AM

    Great advice! Small changes really can make a big difference.

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LUMPYEARS1 12/19/2010 7:51AM

    Use smaller dinner plates too!

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JUDITHANNIE 12/19/2010 7:50AM

    great advice, thanks emoticon emoticon

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Tips for Healthy Bones for Life

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Americans are living longer, and this means that our bones need to stay strong so we can be active and enjoy life. With good habits and medical attention when needed, we can have strong bones throughout our lives.

Healthy teeth are important. Good dental care needs to start with your baby's first tooth and carry on for a lifetime. The bone in the jaw supports and anchors the teeth. When the jaw bone becomes less dense, tooth loss can occur.

Get enough calcium and vitamin D. Calcium is critically important to bone health, and vitamin D helps your body absorb calcium. Most Americans don't get enough calcium. Do you?

Know your red flags. It's important to know the risks for poor bone health at all ages. There are many "red flags" that are signs you are at risk for weak bones. These include various medical conditions and medications.

What is osteoporosis? Osteoporosis is a disease that makes bones weak and more likely to break. It's often called a "silent disease" because bone loss occurs withouth symptoms. People may not know they have osteoporosis until they break a bone.

Evaluate your own risk for osteoporosis. Find out if you are at risk for weak bones. Some risk factors can be changed and others can't. Talk to your health care provider about your personal risk factors and what you can do to protect your bones.

Stay active for strong bones. Nearly half of us don't get enough physical activity to strengthen our bones. Be physically active every day-at least 60 minutes for children and 30 minutes for adults. Do strength-building and weight-bearing activities to build strong bones. Exercise is also one of the most important ways to reduce your chances of falling.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEDYBEAR2838 12/18/2010 3:30PM

    We sure need to do all we can to keep our bones healthy
THANKS!

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LLLAWSON 12/18/2010 10:33AM

    I have a friend with osteoporosis and she's only 53. Activity is so important. Thanks for the info.

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CARMEL466 12/18/2010 10:15AM

    Great information. I live in a state that is high on the list of Vitamin D deficiency. I was ordered by my doctor to take it and have been taking calcium/magnesium/d for well over a year now.

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ANIMALMAGIC 12/18/2010 7:28AM

  I have tendonitis which my doctor tells me has been brought on by my 5k hobby. I've been advised to take vitamin D supplements and I think I'll get calcium ones too. Thanks for the info!
Jay x

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BREAK FREE

Friday, December 17, 2010

When you're in the thick of it all, it can be easy to lose sight of what's important. (Remember what they say about not seeing the forest for the trees!) So here's a bright idea: Rather than feel crowded by your obligations, take a deep breath (or 10), clear a space for yourself and focus on what truly matters: You're happy. You're healthy. And you're loved. Everything else is just details.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOM4407 12/18/2010 10:45AM

    Thanks. That is how I have felt for the past few days. Just struggling to keep my head up. Now I can relax and breath.

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BIGMAMAT 12/18/2010 6:37AM

    Wonderful reminder! thanks sweetie! emoticon

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DDOORN 12/17/2010 10:09AM

    Let me add a little Serenity to the mix:

Don't sweat over stuff over which you have no control...keep your eye on the things you CAN control! :-)

Don

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CARMEL466 12/17/2010 9:53AM

    emoticon

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CHRISTYLB78 12/17/2010 9:39AM

    This is great, Thanks for posting!!!

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GARDENCHRIS 12/17/2010 7:30AM

    Thanks for the reminders...

And your a Santa person! emoticon

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