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Sunday 8-4-2013 Assortment

Sunday, August 04, 2013

What did one porcupine say to the other?

Quit needling me.
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What are cirrus clouds—the thin, wispy clouds high in the sky—composed of?

Ice crystals
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The wind won’t make it easier, but it will make it less difficult.
(Huh?)

-golf commentator Bernard Gallacher
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PDSLIM 8/4/2013 1:58PM

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WILDKAT781 8/4/2013 11:37AM

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BLITZEN40 8/4/2013 10:41AM

    Cute porcupine joke! Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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TWEETYKC00 8/4/2013 9:00AM

    good ones!

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LANNIEMANUEL 8/4/2013 8:25AM

    emoticon have a good day

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Saturday 8-3-2013 Assortment

Saturday, August 03, 2013

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Alfie.
Alfie who?
Alfie much better if I can come in out of the rain!
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What is a silent disco?

A disco at a private party or event where the music is transmitted through wireless headphones worn by those who are dancing or interested in tuning in, and is not heard by others in attendance.

(I've never heard of this.)
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The hardest job in show biz…

… was being Murphy Brown’s secretary. During the comedy’s 1988–98 run, Murphy went through 93 secretaries, including a crash-test dummy, John F. Kennedy Jr., and even Kramer from Seinfeld. In one episode, she did get a great secretary, but it was Carol from The Bob Newhart Show—and Bob swooped in and stole Carol back. In a bit of karma, when Murphy was imprisoned for refusing to name a source, she was given a job as the warden’s secretary. She reportedly performed horribly.

(That was one of the best running gags ever on television, in my opinion!)
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Q: On The Brady Bunch, what was Carol’s maiden name?
A: Tyler.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LANNIEMANUEL 8/4/2013 8:24AM

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PDSLIM 8/3/2013 6:32PM

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TWEETYKC00 8/3/2013 1:19PM

    cool, thanks. I do miss Murphy Brown!

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GAYLE-G-63 8/3/2013 10:22AM

    I remember Murphy's changing secretaries. It was a great gag to see who would be next.

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GLUECIPHER 8/3/2013 8:11AM

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Friday 8-2-2013 Assortment

Friday, August 02, 2013

I am so excited! I have finally given my notice at my job and will be retired as of August 31, 2013! I have wanted to do this for 5 years now and finally decided now was the time! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
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A man walked to the top of a mountain and yelled up to God, “God, what’s a million years to you?”
God said, “A minute.”
Then the man asked, “Well, what’s a million dollars to you?”
God said, “A penny.”
The man asked, “God, can I have a penny?”
And God said, “Sure, in a minute.”
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What is unique about the lone dissenter in The Holdout, Norman Rockwell’s famous painting of frustrated jurors during deliberations?

The dissenter is the only woman on the panel. The painting appeared on the cover of the Saturday Evening Post on February 14, 1959.
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A SHOW IS BORN

Everybody Loves Raymond (1996–2005)

After Ray Romano performed his stand-up routine on The Late Show with David Letterman in 1995, Letterman offered Romano a sitcom deal. The comic was teamed up with TV writer Phil Rosenthal to put something together that they could pitch to CBS. Rosenthal asked Romano to tell him about his life. Romano said he lived in Queens with his kids, and that his parents lived close by. “They live with my older brother, who’s a police sergeant, and he’s kind of jealous of me. One day he saw my Cable Ace Award for stand-up and he goes, ‘It never ends for Raymond. Everrrybody loves Raymond!’” With that, Ray Barone was born. Romano didn’t like the title, fearing no one would get the joke. He was wrong—at its peak, Everybody Loves Raymond averaged 19 million viewers per episode, placing it among the highest-rated sitcoms of all time.
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Average number of episodes per season for a 1955 sitcom: 39. For a 2013 sitcom: 22.m

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FISHGUT3 8/2/2013 6:45PM

    Retirement is great! I am more busy now then the placed I worked for (all 31 years).

Enjoy

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CAT609 8/2/2013 1:52PM

    Awesome!! Congratulations!! emoticon

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TWEETYKC00 8/2/2013 12:50PM

    thanks

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GAYLE-G-63 8/2/2013 10:05AM

    emoticon on your upcoming retirement!!! =)

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LANNIEMANUEL 8/2/2013 7:11AM

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Thursday 8-1-2013 Assortment

Thursday, August 01, 2013

Why did the man start a bottled water company?

He wanted to have plenty of liquid assets.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
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What fierce National Football League pass rusher coined the term sack to describe tackling a quarterback behind the line of scrimmage?

Pro Football Hall of Fame defensive end Deacon Jones, leader of the Los Angeles Rams’s Fearsome Foursome, in 1967. He explained his use of the word: “You know, like you sack a city —you devastate it.”

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THIS DAY IN TV

Facts about MTV, which debuted on this day in 1981

* When MTV launched it was available to only about 10,000 cable subscribers in northern New Jersey.

* First nonmusic program on MTV: the television-trivia game show Remote Control.

* On February 27, 2000, MTV aired its millionth video. It was the same as the first video it had played: the Buggles’s “Video Killed the Radio Star.”

* The original MTV theme—a hard-rock guitar riff—was written and performed by musician Jonathan Elias. (He also wrote the “Yahoo!” yodel.)
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Mr. T’s legal name: Mr. T. (His name at birth: Laurence Tureaud.)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLITZEN40 8/1/2013 9:41PM

    So is Mr. T's wife Mrs. T? emoticon

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TWEETYKC00 8/1/2013 10:20AM

    cool, thanks

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PDSLIM 8/1/2013 9:02AM

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LANNIEMANUEL 8/1/2013 6:50AM

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DMEYER4 8/1/2013 6:40AM

  thanks for sharing

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Wednesday, 8-31-2013 Assortment

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

A married couple was in a terrible accident, and the wife’s face was badly burned. The doctor told the husband that in order to do a skin graft, they’d need him to donate some of his skin. The husband readily agreed and went into surgery, where the doctor removed a large portion of skin from his buttocks and grafted it onto his wife’s face. When the couple awoke, they agreed that they would never tell anyone where the skin had come from.
Once she was healed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. One day, alone with her husband, she was overcome with gratitude for his sacrifice. She said, “Darling, I just want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. There is no way I can ever repay you.”
“My dear,” he replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

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What off-screen role did performers Gwen Verdon and Carol Haney have in the 1952 film classic Singin’ in the Rain?

The two, as uncredited choreography assistants, dubbed Gene Kelly’s taps in his splash-dancing title number. They did it in a drum of ankle-deep water.
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SAVE OUR SHOW!

Sledge Hammer! (1986–88)

This cop show parody centered around a loose cannon police officer named Sledge Hammer (David Rasche). Sledge loved his gun—he slept with it, cooked with it, and shot criminals far more often than necessary. The show was not a ratings hit, so it was canceled at the end of the 1986–87 season. Producers decided to have the show go out with a bang (of course): Sledge attempts to disable a nuclear bomb set to destroy Los Angeles … and fails. All the characters die and Los Angeles is destroyed. But the ratings for the last episode were so high that ABC changed its mind and renewed the show. Writers got around the apocalyptic ending by saying the new season took place “five years earlier,” even though the story lines picked up exactly where the plot had left off before the bomb threat. The show went back to its low ratings, and ABC canceled it in 1988.
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For Charlie’s heroin-snorting scenes on Lost, actor Dominic Monaghan snorted brown sugar.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PDSLIM 7/31/2013 9:23AM

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LANNIEMANUEL 7/31/2013 6:35AM

    very intresting. keep up the post

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