Thursday, June 28, 2012
I cannot stand feeling powerless, it gives me anxiety not having control. Silly things like going to the grocery store gives me anxiety but having control over the grocery cart helps me cope cause I feel like it somehow protects me- I dunno it's just sketchy.
Unfortunately this need/urgency to control things rolls over into my friendships. Granted I have been known to take pity and befriend some crazy people because I always think that I can "help." When my brother and SIL started planning their wedding over 5 years ago my SIL asked me and one of her friends from high school to be her bridesmaids. I had never met the other bridesmaid, but we became quick friends.
A couple years ago I was changing careers and we became coworkers, unfortunately our friendship started to suffer because it was suddenly brought to my attention that she had serious addiction issues- food, alcohol and sex. I am a firm believer in keeping your personal life completely separate from your work/business life, but the events of the last few weeks have compromised this rule for me and for her. Things have finally come to a point where she has been given an ultimatum to commit to treatment or else she will no longer have a job to come back to. It completely crushes me that I cannot shake sense into her to see that it is just not her career on the line but also her life. I am so angry that nobody took me seriously over two years ago when I asked for help to help her, nobody would step forward to acknowledge that a young woman needed direction, guidance, love and strength of her family and friends.
It saddens me that I feel so helpless, but it also pisses me off that I care more than she does.
My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who is trying to cope with a loved one suffering from an addiction.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Something has bothered me for years, I think my first forum post on SparkPeople many moons ago was even related to it.
Do you remember going shoe shopping as a kid and either your parents or shoe salesperson jabbing their thumb at the top of the shoes to see how much room you would have to grow into them? All while asking - How do they feel?! Well for whatever reason I guess I never grasped the concept of a shoe feeling great. For the last few years I have had the worst luck with my feet and shoes and I just could not understand why all of a sudden shoes (sneakers more so than any kind) were so uncomfortable. I was getting blisters galore on the inner sole/perimeter of my foot (not sure if that makes sense), excruciating pain from my arches, heels even my calves and tingly toes. I bought so many new pairs of shoes and insoles thinking I just needed better arch support, I even did that shady Dr Scholl's arch test in the middle of dirty ole Walmart and paid $65 for arch supports to no avail.
After a trip to Disneyland with my brother and SIL resulted in bloody, blistered swollen feet, my SIL "diagnosed" me as needing a wide width shoe. I determined this was perhaps logical and set out on a mission to find a size 8 wide womens shoe. NOT an easy task for some reason. I live in a suburbs of Phoenix and have EVERY retail store imaginable within the Phoenix area. Thinking I was smart I decided to call my best gal pal and we headed to the complete opposite side of town to an outlet mall thinking I would save a few dollars - roughly 90 miles round trip. Could not find a wide womens shoe to save my life! Stopped at EVERY sporting goods store on the way back home, darting every which way across town calling different stores to ask if they have any wide women shoes in size 8.
Finally I accepted that I would not be purchasing a pair of wide womens shoes and that I would have to resort to ordering a few pairs online. Not real ideal in my opinion. Just as I was admitting defeat I remembered a place barely TWO MILES from my house that offered free fitting and gait analysis so I thought that would be my best bet to ordering the right kind of shoe online. Within a minute of being asked what I was looking for I was asked to take off my shoes and walk away and back and was told that I over-pronate and that he had a few pairs of shoes for me to try on, didnt ask what size shoe I wore. Promptly came back with a box of Brooks, I was kind of nervous cause I have generally been a Nike girl (I loved my Nike Shox even though they didnt love me back!!) and I was pretty sure that they would be ridiculously expensive, especially from a "specialty" store. I played along and tried them on- HOLY HEAVEN!! The difference in the way that these shoes felt was life changing, however not wanting to feel like a hasty shopper I tried on another couple pairs- they felt ok but MEH, no golden ticket like the Brooks. Then I tried to sneak a peek at the model name and price and saw that he had me wearing the WRONG size shoe- that box said size 10 not size 8 like I have worn MY ENTIRE ADULT LIFE, nor were they a wide shoe. He assured me that size 10 was my appropriate shoe size and to go ahead and go walk around outside and feel them on different surfaces. I purchased those heavenly shoes and was quite pleased that they were the same price if not cheaper than my Nike Shox after I had purchased "athletic insoles."
I was in such shock that I have been wearing shoes TWO sizes too small for years, I had secretly given in and accepted that I needed a wide shoe for my fat feet that seemed to match my fat body- haha I am so glad that was not the case. I am not sure how the heck I accepted the ongoing foot pain for so many years- but now I clearly understand the meaning of how does that feel?
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
I find myself in a bit of a small dilemma, I need new bras. I have been a VS girl through and through for years, but Jiminy Christmas why are they so expensive!?!?! It is definitely an expense that requires a bit of a budget. I am a stick with what you know kind of girl, especially when it comes to articles of clothing because lets just face it- fat people finding comfortable or decent fitting articles of clothing is like hitting the jackpot lottery, so I generally splurge and stock up once a year. Unfortunately as my luck would have it, my jackpot has been discontinued.
Have any other ladies encountered this problem? What was your resolution? Did you resort to cheapy bras until you were closer to your goal? Does anyone have a particular brand that they are loyal to that offers comfort and support at a relatively decent price??
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