Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Hi everyone! thanks for stopping by.
I want to attempt to blog my weight loss journey. I have tried and failed at numerous attempts to lose my "few excess" pounds (over 100 btw)- I really dont know how to even start nor have I ever blogged about anything before, or kept a journal (ok that's a lie, every girl has kept a journal about their secret crushes when they were 8). But honestly, nothing to this magnitude.
I think its only right to introduce myself.. I mean that's what i do in my first blog entry correct? meh, who cares!!! here goes nothing.
I have titled my Blog BREAKING POINT!! and it is exactly that. I have been overweight, no scratch that, obese- for my entire life. I was always the big boned girl, chubby cheeked girl.. never the petite ones like my friends.
I never let my weight hold me back however, I graduated high school with honors, when on to get a bachelor of science in Nursing and managed to land my ultimate DREAM JOB as a clinical educator. OHHH and not to mention, meet and marry the man of my dreams, my rock. :)
As I mentioned before, i have been overweight my entire life. I dont know why its soo hard to talk about it. And as i mentioned before, as blogging is a new concept for me, expressing myself about my weight is as well- but here goes nothing.
I have approx. 100lbs to lose for me to be within my healthy BMI.. but no, i havent been this heavy all my life. over the last 6 years i have known my now husband, i have steadily gained 60 of them.. Its heart wrenching to actually be typing this. but this nurse, needs to have some form of a reality check.
My husband is the most supportive person i have known. Any time i bring up any negativity about my appearance or weight, he tells me to stop being so hard on myself. He tells me that I'm the most beautiful woman he has met. ... Its sad that i cant see what he can. I get emotional when i think about myself- its disheartening to know that while typing this, i have tears running down my chubby cheeks.
Now why today? why is today my breaking point? why not yesterday? or last month? why not last year? or 10 years ago? but today.. I went to pick up my photos from our last trip we took together. (We went to Disney World) The photos came out great. but one thing was missing..... there wasn't a single photo of my husband and i or of me taken. I remember being reluctant a couple times when he was trying to take a photo- I didnt think it was that bad..
Ashamed, Embarrassment, Guilt, Hate, Frustration, Anger.. all emotions i hide away, until I'm like the pot on your stove boiling over. Countless times I have said, this time.. this will be the time. I will do it this time. and countless times, i am back where i started.
I sound like a sad soul dont i? I am rarely a negative person, i try hard to hide all these emotions away (and i think i do a pretty darn good job of it) but this time, is the time.. THIS TIME IS THE TIME!!!!!
I am 25yrs old, i want a family one day, i want to be that HOT MOM!!! walking with a baby stroller. I want to be the wife my husband shows off and most of all, I want my happiness that i portray on the outside, to match the happy person on the inside all of the time. I want to be able to walk on a beach in a bikini and come back with a tan.. .instead of shorts and a tanktop that i generally wear to cover up what others shouldnt see.
But most of all, i want to be healthy. .. and thus, this is my breaking point.... My excuses are done, i have thrown in the towel, and this is where its all. ITS NOW OR NEVER.
I HAVE A SPARK, ITS BURNING BRIGHT!!!!
Thanks for stopping by!