FANGFACEKITTY   72,441
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Finally admitting my goal

Friday, March 18, 2011

OK, I confess I have not been totally honest. I've said my goal is to lose weight, to get to a healthy BMI. And it is true.

But not the whole truth. I want to do these things because they will help me reach my real goal, which I have been afraid to admit out loud, because words have power and I've been scared I will not succeed. Which is different from failing, because the only failure is not trying at all. So I figured if I didn't say it, and no one knew it, the pressure is off, I won't be embarrassed...and discovered it is really easy to slack off when one is not accountable to anyone. I read The Spark last month & had an attack of guilt because I was not really admitting the WHY of wanting to get healthy.

I started taking karate with my son back in 2003. By the summer of 2006 I achieved my brown w/ 2 stripes belt - my next rank would be black belt. I had just gotten everything approved that I would need to know for black belt, I could do my 50 pushups and lunges and was working on the running. Then the dojo closed, I had some female issues resulting in surgery, then had my ACL replaced, started a nasty stressful divorce process and basically just stopped for 3 years. Then we got word that our old Master was re-opening his dojo since the group he sold it to originally had closed so he was no longer bound by the non-compete clause. 2 days before classes were ready to start again I broke my ankle. 9 months later, in September last year, I was finally able to start training again.

I've been going to classes sporadically since September, scared to death that I'm going to re-injure my knee or ankle, but trying to get back in shape and remember everything I used to know.

So. My goal is to get my black belt this year. There, I've said it, made it real, given it power over me.

Which means I really need to get my butt in gear, get my moves down again...and some of them are going to be doozies. I'm still scared of breaking my ankle again, more so than my knee (I had the ACL completely replaced and, to quote my ortho, "it's better than the original") but I've started taking "baby jumps" on it...and it's been OK.
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I will need to get back to doing the 50 push-ups - real ones, not the girly style on my knees - which will be a challenge since I've always hated them, hate them now and will hate them forever more, amen.
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And the worst one of all...I will have to run 2 miles in 18 minutes. I don't think I ran that fast when I was 18, 50 pounds lighter than today, and running 3 miles a day in ROTC. But today, while on the treadmill, for the first time I realized that I just might be able to do it after all.
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So I'm coming clean and going public with my goal. I need you Spark Community to help keep me accountable and on track. I cannot fail because I am trying. And now, by sharing my goal, I have chosen to succeed.

The journey is the reward. -Chinese Proverb

Success is sweet and sweeter if long delayed and gotten through many struggles and defeats. -Amos Bronson Alcott

For true success ask yourself these four questions: Why? Why not? Why not me? Why not now? -James Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up. -Woody Allen

Having once decided to achieve a certain task, achieve it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain in self confidence of having accomplished a tiresome labor is immense. -Thomas A. Bennett

Success doesn't mean the absence of failures; it means the attainment of ultimate objectives. It means winning the war, not every battle. -Edwin C. Bliss

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JTAYLOR2X 3/27/2011 8:42AM

    Woohooo! I'm so proud to know someone with such an awesome goal! My goals are really not about weight or looking good either -- but about living the life I want!

This is you - kicking ass on your black belt goal! emoticon

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VYVIENN 3/22/2011 2:23AM

    Oh, that is so awesome!!! emoticon I'm so proud of you for going for it; you bet your bootie I'll be here to cheer you on!!! emoticon emoticon

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DOGSTARDADDY 3/21/2011 4:59PM

    Thats a pretty cool goal...

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ASEXYWITCH 3/19/2011 1:15PM

    Awesome! You can do it! Love your Karate Kitty, cute! ;)

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DOODIE59 3/19/2011 12:34PM

    You know you can do this. Can't wait to read all about it:) There is NOTHING like a goal, and think of the benefits along the way! The black belt's your end goal, but think of all the markers you are going to "check off" as you succeed at each step of the way. Let the challenge begin!!

Have a great weekend --
Deirdre

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ATURTLESPACE 3/19/2011 10:53AM

    That's an awesome goal! You've gone through so much to get back into your sport, you'll have that black belt in no time!
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MCJULIEO 3/19/2011 9:35AM

    emoticon

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SANDIE63 3/19/2011 12:15AM

    Words have power - I always tell my kids to be careful what they say...because their brains will hear them. You can TOTALLY do this.

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6-3HEART3WOMB 3/18/2011 11:18PM

    I am proud of you for owning up to your real goal!! Rooting for you all the way!!

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 3/18/2011 11:06PM

    emoticon emoticonI know you can!

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It's a conspiracy (w/ progress pics)

Thursday, March 17, 2011

My company subscribes to a couple of 'wellness" magazines for us, like Prevention, Men's Health, Women's Health, etc. Today I was looking at Prevention and one of the cover stories was something like "lose 20 pounds and 2 sizes in 2 weeks!". And I remember back in 2008 when I did Weight Watchers one of the women on the View was featured in an article about how she lost 20 lbs. and went from a size 16 to a size 6. I mean, really? 5 sizes with just 20 pounds?

Does anyone out there truly drop 2 (or 5!) complete sizes when they lose 20 lbs??? I've lost 31 pounds so far and I am STILL a size 14 which is where I started! Granted 31 lbs. ago clothes were tight and I was just starting to wear a loose size 16, and today a 14 is loose - but not loose enough to go down to a size 12.

SO while I am happy with my progress I'm pretty frustrated that the lost pounds and inches has not yet translated into a smaller clothing size. I think it is a conspiracy to help mask the obesity epidemic. I think the larger the size the wider weight range it covers in order to hide just how large we are getting, so we can say the "average" size in the US is a size 12 or 14 - which doesn't sound too too bad - instead of what the true average size is (whatever it may be). Does that make sense?

Anyway....progress! I've re-discovered my waist, my double chin has disappeared & I think cheekbones are starting to emerge!

9 lbs down, 195 lbs


20 lbs down, 184 lbs


30 lbs down, 174 lbs

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YAGERMONSTER 3/22/2011 6:15AM

    Wow, 20 lbs really makes a difference! Keep up the great work.
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MCJULIEO 3/18/2011 10:46AM

    Your post reminds me of an old Mad Magazine article that claimed "Lose 10 Pounds of Ugly Fat Instantly!!!!" that I remember from my childhood,..

I had brothers... we read Mad Magazine... a lot....

Anyhow it said:

"Lose 10 Pounds of Ugly Fat Instantly!!!!"

and then there was a drawing of a guillotine!!!

Oh, our elementary school selves laughed our heads off (pun intended) over that one...
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Comment edited on: 3/18/2011 10:47:14 AM

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SARAHJG33 3/18/2011 3:47AM

    GET IT!!!! emoticon

Good for you:)

You're looking wonderful emoticon

Even though it isn't directly translating into clothing sizes I see a huge difference in your photos. You're an inspiration emoticon

Thanks for sharing.

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6-3HEART3WOMB 3/18/2011 2:49AM

    Great job on accomplishing goals and continuing to work towards new ones. I feel the same way about the conspiracy!!

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ATURTLESPACE 3/17/2011 10:52PM

    You look amazing!
I agree, though - I don't get the sizing. I usually take a size 16/18 in pants (size 22 top - eep!), but I used to work at a clothing store that claimed to go to size 18 and I couldn't even come CLOSE to doing them up. I think the clothing companies just want to keep us guessing. Oh, and take away that feeling of victory - every time I put on a size 16, I have a brief feeling of accomplishment, then go - wait, am I smaller or are these just a big 16?
Anyhow, amazing progress, I'm inspired, keep up the good work!
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THIRTEENREASONS 3/17/2011 10:34PM

    You look amazing! I think it really depends on the brand, the cut, the material, etc. etc. as far as what size people are. I wear all different sizes... it's a bit discouraging to have to go up 2 sizes just because it's a different brand... but I just remind myself it's just a game of numbers. The mirror tells the whole truth... and you look amazing! The frustration lies in the garment industry, not our bodies.

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REDSHOES2011 3/17/2011 10:28PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DORAL33178 3/17/2011 10:17PM

    I enjoyed reading your blog. I know what you mean about reading magazines that say you can lose 20 pounds in 2 weeks. I am lucky if I lose one pound in that time span. Their mission was accomplished; we picked up the magazine and bought it home to see how they did it.

Congrats on your weight loss. You are making progress and your waist will start to go in when you hit the 160's. At least it did for me. You look great. Keep moving.

Daphne emoticon

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PINKHOPE 3/17/2011 10:03PM

    GREAT progress. I really see the changes - esp. in your thighs and hips! Well done! Keep it up!

Press On!

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FANGFACEKITTY 3/17/2011 9:33PM

    Thank you everyone for your comments & encouragement! Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled with my progress to date. I just have this whole closet of size 12 calling my name...and I know that when I was 140 lbs I was a size 8 so the math just doesn't add up for me. But if anything my frustration just motivates me that much more!

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DAISY-HIBANA 3/17/2011 8:54PM

    Another factor in sizing- stretchiness. Also, consider the way a garment is cut- slender, relaxed, generous, straight...all descriptions of clothing that may affect the way they fit. I could wear size 7 skirts (at 150 pounds) so long as they had a flared composition. Size 7 pants, no way in heck! Besides, I would rather be comfortable in a properly fit size 10 than a skin-tight size 8. Keep on the healthy track and ignore the wild claims of publications. They need a new "miracle cure" every week to pay the bills, I suspect.
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Still loving the shamrock kitty, by the way. :)

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 3/17/2011 8:46PM

    I just think you are doing an incredible job! emoticonAnd I Agee with you about the conspiracy !

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JORDIEBRIGS 3/17/2011 8:45PM

    I totally agree about the magazines. I also took about 30 lbs to go from a size 16 to a 14.
You look great though! I love before and after pics! emoticon

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JILLYBLOOP 3/17/2011 7:45PM

    Wow!! I've just seen your photos. Flipping amaaaaazing! Good on you for being brave enough to show all when you were at your top weight! Absolutely brilliant, and you're looking great!!

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JILLYBLOOP 3/17/2011 7:42PM

    Mmmmm. Can understand how frustrated you must feel, but keep up the good work - YOU know you feel better and thinner, so don't worry that the clothes sizes aren't going down as quickly as you're reading about.

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How will YOU survive? Join Team Zombie!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

My Sensei says the best defense...is not to be there at all. We all know cardio is important so when the zombies start coming the people who can run the fastest & farthest have the best odds of initial survival.

Remember, zombies hate fast food!

Come join Team Zombie and learn how you, too, can beat the odds and live through the coming zombie infestation without developing a taste for braaaaiiiiinnnnnnssss.



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOGSTARDADDY 3/22/2011 6:15PM

    You are awesome!

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YAGERMONSTER 3/22/2011 6:13AM

    I love that group! It's a great place to share and gather information. I hope to see more people soon, thanks for posting and sharing such a great group.

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DAISY-HIBANA 3/17/2011 9:14PM

    Speed is certainly a factor in outrunning the shambling undead. Sometimes, though, you need stamina, alertness and quick-thinking. In addition, you need a strong will to survive. I feel those attributes are very conducive to weight-loss as well. It's a bonus! In Zombieland...we'll all be thin. (Or we'll all be craving the flesh of the living)
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MCJULIEO 3/17/2011 12:53PM

    A year or so ago, a prankster (at least I THINK it was a prankster!) hacked into and sneaked an electronic message onto a highway sign in downtown Austin, near the campus of the University of Texas, which flashed, "ZOMBIES AHEAD"


True story from Austin, TX (Motto: "Keep Austin Weird")
It has spawned quite a few copycats.

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41SUSAN14 3/17/2011 11:33AM

    :-)


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Some people are just not ready

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Yesterday I treated myself to dinner at a local restaurant. They have strawberry soup & I had a craving for it.

While waiting for my order a family was seated at the next table over. The mother was very obviously overweight, I would guess around 300 pounds at least based on how I looked when I was 200 lbs. The father was "normal" size, maybe a few extra pounds but nothing major. They teenagers were "normal" size as well.

The mom very loudly placed her order for "just a salad for me" because she "was on a diet and losing weight" while looking very belligerently around the room. Good for her I thought.

But then their orders came. She proceeded to finish off the teenagers' milkshakes, eat half of one of the son's pizza, sample the food from the other kids' plates and kept taking forkfuls of the dad's food. Her salad, drowning in dressing, remained untouched. Then she asked for a box for it because "she just wasn't hungry tonight".

Very sad but one has to be ready mentally to take the steps necessary to lose weight and I don't think she was there yet.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLEFARMMOMMA 3/17/2011 2:06PM

    I don't think it's kind to look at overweight people in order to talk yourself into eating healthy. They all have their own struggles, and to judge them like a couple of these comments have, sounds so harsh and unkind. I liked your take on it; she's not mentally "ready" and hopefully, something will trigger her, like it finally did me, to get into the real action of becoming healthy! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonGreat blog!

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MANTISGIRL 3/15/2011 7:01PM

    Sometimes, when I'm tempted to cheat on my diet... I look at fat people. I stare at them for a minute and then I ask myself "Want to look like that?"

And then I don't feel like cheating any more.

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ASEXYWITCH 3/15/2011 9:45AM

    The sad part is, she probably has no idea she is doing it and sits and wonders why her diet isn't working. :( I too want to tell everyone I see about Spark, I figure my 23 pound weight loss using Spark and 40 4 years ago gives me the experience to be able to give "some" advice you'd think, but you have to consider too, if someone came to me and mentioned weight loss, I might get offended. So, I wait for them to bring it up then I chime in. For instance a woman at the grocery store was looking stumped over choosing some vegetarian foods from the freezer section and she asked me if I was a Vege and I said yes, then the conversation went on and on, I told her about Spark and now we exchanged numbers to walk together!

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VYVIENN 3/15/2011 3:45AM

    Kind of like my friend who, since giving birth five (!) years ago has been complaining about wanting to lose weight, never seems to be able to make time for even a tiny exercise streak (she doesn't work, and son is now in Kindergarten)... or my other friend who enthusiastically declared wanting to do a 5K with me in the fall but just never seems to have time to train for it... or my parents, who have been strongly advised by their physician to cut back on alcohol and lose weight, yet polish off a bottle every night and eat two warm meals a day. Sometimes, life has to really clobber you over the head before you're willing to do what it takes to get healthy. I'm too scared to wait for that wakeup call. Wish they were, too.



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DAISY-HIBANA 3/14/2011 11:09AM

    I fear it is too common, this idea of "dieting" to lose weight. Deprivation and denial seem to be the prevailing attitudes. People seem to think they need to be punished for their weight instead of reaching for a healthier body. You are right. Until a person faces the source of their unhappiness and seeks a healthier life, they are pulling against themselves. Until you put your heart and mind in gear, your body is likely to go in the same old direction.

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SUPREME5 3/13/2011 11:49PM

    I TOO HAVE TO BITE MY TONGUE NOW AND THAN EVEN IF I AM OVERWIGHT
I DO CARRY SPARK CARDS AND WILL SOMETIMES HAND THEM TO ONES WHO ARE STRUGELING AND SEEM UPSET IF IT HELPS ONE PERSON I AM HAPPY

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SHAMROCKY2K 3/13/2011 10:21PM

    I hope that was just an unusual day for her. I have wanted to mention Sparkpeople at times like that.. but USUALLY bite my tongue.

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I am Wealthy

Saturday, March 12, 2011

I am in Stage 3 of the Spark Plan and one of my week 1 assignments was to find a motivational quote. So like a good soldier I dutifully went to Goodsearch.com, typed in "motivational quotes" and started clicking on links.

One of the 1st quotes to come up was this: "I am wealthy. Wealth is not the physical cash. Money is just a by-product of wealth. Wealth is intangible. My purpose, my potentials, my mentality, and my knowledge are my wealth. It's just that they are not yet transformed into their monetary equivalent."
Written in 2011 by Sheye Hassan --- Nigeria

The same day I read the Editor's note in a magazine I subscribe to which started off with the saying "My health is my wealth". The gist of the editorial was that taking care of ourselves is more important, and ultimately more rewarding, than the pursuit of money.

As March was also approaching, leading up to St. Patrick's Day and the pursuit of the leprechaun's pot of gold, both of these items really resonated with me and I have spent the last 2 weeks thinking about them.

I have always equated wealth with money..."If only I was rich I would be happy"..."The people who say money can't buy happiness don't know where to shop". Believe me, as a partially recovered shopaholic I know where to shop.

But I started thinking what good is being wealthy if one is too unhealthy to enjoy life? Money can only buy health to a certain extent...it can't cure heart disease, or diabetes, or cancer or any of the myriad minor and major health issues that affect the quality of our lives. It can't give one the energy or stamina to engage in activities or change one's self-image.

So I have to redefine what wealthy is in my mind. Wealth is not about the money. Wealth is about being healthy, about enjoying what makes me happy, about the things I CAN do and the things I WILL do. It is about having family and friends and mutual support. Wealth is being able to share my knowledge, lend a helping hand, admit and learn from my weaknesses and mistakes.

Above all, wealth is a choice. I choose to be happy with who I am now and the person I am becoming.

I choose to have the kind of wealth that matters.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VYVIENN 3/15/2011 3:41AM

    Some wonderful, deep notions to ponder...

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RESULTS361AP09 3/12/2011 8:35PM

    Well said and a great reminder of why we are doing what we are doing!

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