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Scale War: The Fading of a Hero

Saturday, February 19, 2011

In the on-going war with the evil Scale Gremlin emoticon emoticon empire General Treadmill emoticon has been the driving force behind Fangfacekitty's success. The General has rallied and trained the troops, overcome being outnumbered and surrounded in order to defeat the Gremlins and their allies in battle and has been Fangfacekitty's most loyal supporter.

But it seems that General Treadmill's mental faculties are fading. Fangfacekitty was able to overlook the periodic freezing of the General's ability to tell time and the strange speed and calorie computations. After all, timeliness is not one of Fangfacekitty's virtues and math is not exactly one of her strong points either, especially geometry which is an invention of the foulest demon in hell. Trigonometry and calculus have been outlawed & eradicated from the empire and are extinct within her borders.

But the General's decline is becoming more obvious now. Distances are misjudged and understated. The mile that the General insists takes 30 minutes is in fact only a 13.5 minute march as demonstrated on the track today.

General Treadmill's contributions to the war effort are appreciated by a grateful empire. He is the undoubted hero of the Battle of the Cookies. But the day is approaching where new leaders will need to step forward and assume command.

For now the General remains in charge.

It is emoticon when a hero fades.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NICKIEBH 2/23/2011 9:44PM

    Too bad General Treadmill is getting old and unreliable. Hopefully you can get outside soon to beat those scale gremlins on the track or find a new leader who doesn't freeze or miscalculate time and distance. Keep moving on the crusade and defeating the scale gremlins. Best of luck in the battle of the cookies! emoticon

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VYVIENN 2/20/2011 5:37AM

    It is a sad day indeed when a beloved leader becomes frail and unreliable... emoticon may the General's example continue to shine and motivate!

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Ambushed!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Today was Zumba class in Fangfacekitty's empire and since laundry had not been done and a reward was in order for defeating the evil Scale Gremlins on Monday, new workout clothes were purchased at Target during lunch.

Fangfacekitty was feeling secure in her earlier victory. Misguided Girl Scout Cookies - who had run for the hills to continue the fight as guerrilla cookies - were being captured and consumed at a respectable pace of 2 per day. The evil Scale Gremlins were in full retreat.

Or so it appeared.

emoticon mercenaries from the Kingdom of Subway had laid an ambush for the unwary. Raspberry Cheesecake Cookies attacked as soon as Fangfacekitty walked in the door.

Fangfacekitty was outnumbered. So Fangfacekitty pretended to be swayed, purchased the mercenary Raspberry Cheesecake cookies and drove off back to her place of employment.

The evil Scale Gremlins, who had hired the mercenaries, were undoubtedly rejoicing from their banishment in the land of the Freakishly Thin Supermodels who Claim to Never Exercise and Eat only Whoppers and Pizza yet Never Gain Weight.

But Fangfacekitty was smarter than that. Once surrounded by allies the

emoticon mercenaries were quickly arrested and placed into solitary confinement to soften them up for their forthcoming interrogation session.

Fangfacekitty's best interrogator, Sergeant Pre-Teen Daughter, was called in from the field. The mercenaries were handed over to Sgt. Daughter who was able to learn that the mercenaries were For a Limited Time Only! as the evil Scale Gremlins' funds were limited. Forewarned is forearmed and Fangfacekitty shan't be sending aid to the Kingdom of Subway in the near future.

Current score:
Fangfacekitty: 3
Scale Gremlins: 1

emoticon emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AWOOD1973 2/23/2011 3:25AM

    Wow! You are a phenomenal storyteller, and I love it! Way to go with your score against the scale gremlins!!! :) I salute you!! We are selling girl scout cookies through my 6 year old's troop, and I have yet to put my name on that order form!! emoticon

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YAGERMONSTER 2/21/2011 4:40AM

    This is good stuff, it kept me smiling the whole time. Keep on posting the good work you do. :D

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MCJULIEO 2/20/2011 9:53AM

    Onward!
Upward!
Excelsior!

Yo
u GO, FFK!

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JUSTBIRDY 2/19/2011 3:56PM

    Hey Gremlins: All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your time.

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BELTONWALKER67 2/19/2011 10:01AM

    Great Blog! Thank goodness the Girl Scout Cookies have disappeared from our house at least for another year! Keep on battling those demons!

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DDBRENNE 2/19/2011 8:08AM

  Funny!

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VYVIENN 2/19/2011 5:10AM

    LOL! I just love your war stories!!

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TERRBEAR12 2/18/2011 8:44PM

    Fangkitty, I salute you. You have come through combat with valor. The crumbs on you fatigues prove how close you came to being hit by the enemy. Congratulations.
Sgt. Daughter, will be receiving the Medal of Courage for calling on you and helping you defeat those nasty foes. Good parenting shows.
emoticon emoticon

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Stupid dog

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Right now I'm (not) seriously considering killing the dog. I live in Michigan, it's winter. Yes it is cold outside and yes we have snow. But that is not a reason to pee on my carpet!!! Stupid dog barks at everything else under the sun but won't bark if he has to go to the bathroom. I let him out several times before bed, stupid dog doesn't like peeing in the snow apparently and saves it for my carpet. I did not want to HAVE to replace my carpet this year, it was not in my plan or budget. Stupid dog.

I'm getting baby gates today & stupid dog is going to be spending his nights in the kitchen from now on.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ASEXYWITCH 2/17/2011 3:21PM

    Oh boy, been there done that, and have to say I still miss my Doggies. I had to find homes for them once I had my Son. My neighbor has a dog that when it walks outside on the snow it literally cries like a baby, so she has to carry him to a spot then carry him back. The things we do for our children and pets! ;)

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DDBRENNE 2/16/2011 8:14PM

  Dogs, I can't live with them. Despite the fact that I really like them. Cats, better, but less like children so you miss out a little unconditional lovewise.

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DOGSTARDADDY 2/16/2011 5:06PM

    jeez.. sounds like My house.

Stupid Moxie barks at everything. Tho the reason we got her was because some jackhole broke into the house while prettysundress and red tornado were home.. so I guess it's what we asked for. But still...

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NURSESUSIE51 2/16/2011 12:55PM

    I'm a cat person, too! emoticon I've always thought a puppy would be fun, but then I realize I DON'T want to get awakened in the night to go out, especially in all the snow we've had this year.

Good Luck!!

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KMG3366 2/16/2011 11:32AM

    Try just shampooing the carpet. It's a whole lot cheaper than replacing the carpet and works just as well. I've had to do it before with my dog.

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SKYGLIDER1 2/16/2011 8:23AM

  You, like us, must have tons of snow. I have the ability to snow blow a few trails in the yard. The dogs (mutt & lab)do use these trails.I also walk my dogs a mile daily. I've been lucky, as most days they take this opportunity to re-mark every spot that some other dog has marked. Take the water away about 6pm, walk him & see how he does before bedtime. Give him a reward when he does his job outside. Just like little kids, reinforcements work in re-teaching/supporting a behavior.Good Luck!

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RUN-KIM-RUN 2/16/2011 6:33AM

    Don't know if this would help or make it worst...you buy doggie Pee Pads for potty training if he needs to pee maybe he would use that and not the carpet....

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FANGFACEKITTY 2/16/2011 6:27AM

    Stupid dog is why I'm a cat person!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VYVIENN 2/16/2011 6:18AM

    Awww, poor stupid dog! Our guys love snow, but the deepest they've ever seen was (nearly) up to my knees, and they're big boys.

I like the suggestion to dig out a spot, that might help.

Oh, and you would've loved Max as a puppy, he was SO hard to housetrain! I swear he'd be playing and suddenly stop and just wee in the air. I don't think he understood what was happening... big dummy. Now he can hold it forever.

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FABULOUSIN2011 2/16/2011 6:06AM

    I know what you mean (live in Michigan as well), our dogs will even go outside for 5-7 minutes and then come in and pee and poop! I am not impressed one bit by dogs right now. Hopefully it will get better =].

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SWEETYOUNGTHING 2/16/2011 6:01AM

    dig a spot out for him to pee in. Hard to understand how they think! My husband blew open a path around our house for our dog to pee/poop along and she still insists on walking through the deeper snow to go to the bathroom (at least it's not in the house!) Good luck :-)

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Scale War: The Battle of the Cookies

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

In January the evil Scale Gremlin empire made an incursion against Fangfacekitty’s resolve. This brief border violation was quickly and decisively repelled and the Scale Gremlins retreated, using the excuse that one of them had merely misread the map during standard military maneuvers.

All was quiet for a month. Fangfacekitty celebrated her victory as it appeared the Gremlins had learned their lesson and were off hiding, licking their wounds.

Alas, the Gremlins were planning a new attack. Quickly training an elite force they launched a diversionary feint, sending in their favorite sons, the Pumpkin White Chocolate Chip Cookie brigade, as a peace offering between the two empires.

Catching Fangfacekitty unawares the evil Scale Gremlins scored a victory! Fangfacekitty gained 2 pounds. The evil Scale Gremlins rejoiced.

Being creatures of habit they tried the same tactic again. The gauntlet had been thrown down and Fangfacekitty knew it was war. She held them off and turned to her allies.

But the Gremlins were resourceful and had allies of their own, the Misguided Girl Scout Cookies. Coordinated by the Gremlins, Fangfacekitty and her allies faced simultaneous attacks by Misguided Girl Scout Cookies’ armies of Samoas, Thin Mints and Peanut Butter Patties.

Under siege the allies could spare no support for Fangfacekitty as they fought to hold their own borders inviolate.

Realizing lives were at stake Fangfacekitty took 2 prisoners. Under threats of torture the Samoas revealed the Gremlins’ battle plans. Not being a signatory to the Geneva Convention Fangfacekitty ate the prisoners once all information was extracted from them. And Fangfacekitty rejoiced because damn, they were good.

But Fangfacekitty was now privy to what was coming next. The Pumpkin White Chocolate Chip Cookie brigade had regrouped and was planning an ambush for that evening. Quickly instituting a draft Fangfacekitty’s legions of vegetables, exercise videos and Wii games were whipped into shape by the cagey General Treadmill. Spark Friends and Size 12 pants lined the parade route cheering encouragement as Fangfacekitty’s army marched off to the battle.

With a sneaky flank attack the Gremlins thought they would win. It certainly looked that way when the brothers Colonels Wii Remote and Wii Nunchuck were discovered to be collaborators, sabotaging Rhythm Parade to cause the lowest scores ever recorded in Fangfacekitty’s empire.

The troops, however, were loyal and brought down the collaborators, forcing Colonel Wii Remote to undergo battery replacement while Colonel Wii Nunchuck watched.

Fighting became vicious. Thin Mints and Samoas were devoured by ravaging packs of teenagers. With Turtle the Cat scouting enemy positions from her aerial post on top of the refrigerator Munchie the Dog lived up to his name and munched 3 of the Pumpkin White Chocolate Chip Cookie brigade, causing the rest to flee for their lives.

The battle waged throughout the night, until finally….Victory! Survivors were rounded up into prison camps, awaiting execution by 8th grade Social Studies teacher. With their forces captured or in retreat the evil Scale Gremlins seek asylum in the land of Freakishly Thin Supermodels who Claim to Never Exercise & Only Eat Pizza & Whoppers yet Never Gain Weight.

Fangfacekitty rejoices yet knows she must remain ever vigilant. Enemy soldiers escaped capture and vow to continue the fight. They hide in the freezer and have infiltrated the allies and will attempt the Ambush of Coworkers’ Community Food Offerings. The draft remains in effect, until the last of the Evil Scale Gremlins and Misguided Girl Scout Cookies have been defeated and consumed.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MCJULIEO 2/15/2011 8:37AM

    Most. Decisive. Battle. Of the Day.

YOU GO, GIRL!

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VYVIENN 2/15/2011 7:24AM

    I have tears in my eyes, I'm laughing so hard! Good for you!! The only thing that manages to save me from the evil Thin Mint ninjas is the fact that plenty of other people seem to require their services and they don't stick around for me. emoticon

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FERRETLOVER1 2/15/2011 7:01AM

    Really clever blog! Go, Fangfacekitty - you CAN defeat the enemy! emoticon emoticon

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The scale gremlins are not amused

Monday, February 14, 2011

A few days ago I mentioned in my blog that I defeated the scale gremlins in vicious hand to hand combat, thereby overcoming my mini-plateau and continuing my downward journey on the scale.

Apparently scale gremlins can read and they were not amused by the publication of their defeat. They have returned and made my scale show a 2 lb. weight gain.

I am not amused. I can "hear" them taunting me, doing their little weight gain dance..."those cookies are so GOOOOOOOD, have a few more!"

The gauntlet has been thrown down, this means war.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MCJULIEO 2/14/2011 11:39AM

    Agree with ANIMEGRL97;
Time to kick some scale gremlin hiney!

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TINKSMOM1 2/14/2011 9:39AM

    Scale gremlins are the worst Attack with veggies and karate kicks! emoticon emoticon emoticon
Thanks for naming that mysterious thing that attacks my scale...I swear when I weigh myself, there is "something" stepping on the scale with me.... emoticon

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GETNHEALTHY4ME 2/14/2011 6:38AM

    emoticon You can take em!!

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VYVIENN 2/14/2011 6:01AM

    Mwahahaaaa, go get those little bastards!!!! Where is that ogremoticon when you need it!?!

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DDBRENNE 2/14/2011 5:49AM

  LOL This is funny. Maybe if you do a scarifice in their name, you know like offer up the cookies to the Ogre of the trashbin.
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