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Maybe it's me and I do too much

Tuesday, February 07, 2012

A mild rant about other kid's parents. Or maybe it IS just me.

I have control-freak tendencies, I admit it, but I try to keep them in check now that my kids are getting older (16 & 13). I encourage them to be independent (within guidelines due to their ages) because I refuse to be one of those moms who can't cut the apron strings. Actually, I refuse to even have apron strings and I am actively looking forward to them leaving the nest and living their own lives.

So last night I picked up my son from his girlfriend's and he starts asking me questions about the scholarship application. He's worried because a transcript is required, it can take 2 weeks for the transcript to be sent, and the scholarship application is due next Wednesday. Then he says GF is also worried and doesn't know what to do with her application.

OK, I think, GF also has parents, so I asked him what her parents said. His reply?

She's doing it by herself, they are not helping her.

Um, do they know she's applying?

Yes.

And they are not helping her with the process?

No.

WTH?!?

There is a line between doing it for your kids and helping them do it themselves. But to not even help, something as simple as explain the form and the process and then answer questions?

Now, if it were up to my son I'd be doing the whole thing for him because it's easier for him that way. But that isn't going to happen and he knows it so he's working on the process himself...with my support and guidance but he is doing the actual work.

So I told him she can come over Sunday and I'll sit down with both of them, walk through the application and proof read her essays too, and make sure they both have everything done as well as possible for submission next week.

I openly admit I am not even close to being the best parent in the world. But even I cannot conceive of being the way I observe so many parents these days...and ones that are my own age or older and so should know better. Letting their kids run riot in inappropriate settings (gym, restaurants, offices, stores, etc.). Letting their kids not just talk back but be actively rude to them (name calling, insults, etc.). Verbally attacking other adults when the adult dares to call attention to the child's misbehavior. My daughter use to have a friend who would not go home for days, spending the nights with various friends, and who would be out walking from place to place in the middle of the night, smoked, stole, got in fights...and who was 13 at the time. 13 years old and you let your daughter not come home for 2-3 days in a row, don't know that she's out walking around at 2 in the morning (or maybe don't care?).

I'm going to stop now because I'm really starting to make myself angry.

I am positive it is NOT me with the problem.

And when I heard that the former friend was going to walk home in the middle of the night I did pack up my daughter and go looking for her to give her a ride home. I know that at least for that one night she was safe.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHRINKINRUNNER 2/10/2012 2:15PM

    It is DEF NOT you! I feel the same exact way! It is upsetting to see just how many parents really don't give a damn about their kids. It makes me sick! At the same time it also annoys the HELL out of me when there are some parents who do EVERYTHING for their children to where they expect it & have no respect. We can only do our best with our children....but keep in mind you are the parent, they are the children. They LEARN from YOU. You had/wanted the children do not make them suffer. STEP UP! Ok Imma stop ;) Moral of story is it is sad...and IMO you are doing GREAT!

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LYNETTEMOM 2/10/2012 12:43PM

    I commend you highly.
Warning : potentially offensive content coming, but please read my whole comment, folks:
At least two people who love and support an individual is ideal. I think that you are a single parent. _I_ know that often makes or breaks the parenting. I truly believe I stepped up to the plate and did an even better job as a mom because the girls' dad totally dropped the ball when... his attention went elsewhere, shall we say. But it was often hard to focus on my kids when I was needing some support myself. Actually, my girls did an awesome job of being responsible people, including being thoughtful and helpful because they could see the big picture.
I commend you for the great job you are doing, FFK!
Just my two cents worth.

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JORDANA84 2/10/2012 12:01PM

    You are not alone!! I am by FAR not the best parent ever, but it makes me sick to see the way some people push their kids away and do everything else except what they should be doing. My hubby has a sister who barely even lets her kid hug or kiss her, yet she always wants her to be perfect and clean. It's like, is she a doll or a child ???
Some people shouldn't be allowed to have kids!

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DEZZIEJAMES 2/10/2012 11:31AM

    You're not alone. It is awful that people don't pay more attention to their children, and what is going on in their lives. They are our future people!!!! What could be more important than the being that you brought into this world?

But on the flipside - there are good parents. People who do put their kids first, and make sure they're ready for the world. Kudos to those people (FFK)!!! Wish the others could learn from you!

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KKINNEA 2/7/2012 2:27PM

    I'm with you.

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MCJULIEO 2/7/2012 2:13PM

    Hang in there... you're doing a good job.

My DH's parents didn't help him with his college applications, and because they were fairly transient (moved every 2 years thanks to his dad's job) his high school counselor was no help either, even though he was a National Merit finalist... but he was able to get the applications done, (he would've been eligible for all kinds of scholarships but didn't know it) and when our kids approached those challenges, he was the first to start to bug them about deadlines and forms.

The biggest help we gave them was to start documentation of all the volunteering, activities, and awards that they earned.... every few months we wrote down what they had done, and then when it was time to present their history, it was ready to go... best thing we ever did...

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APIRLRAIN888 2/7/2012 10:53AM

    Wow good for u!!!!! Agree with u

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CANDOK1260 2/7/2012 10:16AM

    i belive in the saying it take a village to raise a child thansk for being a big part of that village

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MICHIGANLORI 2/7/2012 9:15AM

    Agree with you. Glad you are helping your son's girlfriend. I just don't understand some parents. I've been through that college application process with my daughter.

Comment edited on: 2/7/2012 9:16:50 AM

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TRACYNOTGIVINUP 2/7/2012 8:58AM

    I sometimes as amazed at the differences in parenting styles and wonder what will become of those kids when they are adults. I have a weird outlook on this. My daughter suffers from anxiety and depression and this can make her extremely needy. I try my hardest to be a parent like you who shows my support, but also pushes her to make her own way. I am proud that she is 16 and will make her own phone calls to stores/businesses to get information that she needs. Last year, she got a bad nail job and marched in there and demanded her money back. It sounds like you are doing a great job and it is awesome that you are helping your sons gf. I have a friend who will end up in that boat! She never looks in her kids backpacks and won't help them with homework. I always found it strange, but I try not to judge, maybe it works for them? Have a great day.

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DOODIE59 2/7/2012 8:39AM

    As you know, you are talking about two different ends of the parenting spectrum: on one side, parents do absolutely everything for their children with the end result that the kids reach adulthood unable to face and dissect a a challenge (ask any university staffer -- their term for it is "helicopter parenting" -- the parents are always dropping in to save the day); on the other, there are parents uninterested in or unable to nurture/support/empower the very people they brought into the world.

As you did in your example, giving your children the tools and skills to figure life out for themselves is the most enriching/empowering approach.

I believe that manners are crucial to navigating the world around you. I know I sound really old school when I say that manners are a very important social tool, but I don't mean simple table manners ... I mean the context behind manners that allows everyone to have a voice, that helps bridge a gap in cultural context, that allows shy people to enter a conversation ... manners provide an inclusive structure ... and that's my rant about the importance of manners;)

Kudos to you for driving your daughter's friend home ...most definitely the right thing to do. At least, when you finally got to bed, you could sleep well:) (clear conscience, and all that).

Comment edited on: 2/7/2012 8:41:48 AM

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EMFRAPPIER 2/7/2012 8:25AM

    I agree completely. There are way too many parents who just ignore their children. I work in a school and see it way too often. It is heart breaking. Good for you for helping your children while also letting them learn for themselves. It's a tough line to walk, but it makes a huge difference.

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CHARLIESGIRL69 2/7/2012 7:22AM

    I agree with you that there are too many parents out there who are way to lenient with there kids. It angers me when I see people having kids and then not be a "parent" to them. Good for you for being a proactive parent! I wish more would walk in your footsteps.

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January Goal Progress

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

How I did in January:

1) Maintain my weight at +5 / -14 pounds
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2) Become a half fanatic by the end of August.
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Ran the 1st of 3 HMs last weekend and the next to are scheduled for Feb & Mar

3) Do some sort of housecleaning or maintenance daily.
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Some days the most I did was make my bed, but the goal is about doing a little at a time to build consistency and a habit, not about going all out all at once.

4) Break my dependence on Splenda - reduce to 2 packets per tea cup in January.
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February I go down to 1 packet per cup of tea.

5) Finalize my budget by the end of Jan and stick to it to pay off at least 3 loans by Dec.
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Budget is done and can pay off 4 debts this year if I stick to it (and no major unexpected expenses occur). Stuck to the budget for January and Debt #1 was paid off today!

6) Ready to test for black belt by end of June; post action plan in Jan; pass test
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Action plan posted to be ready to test by end of June; testing date tentatively scheduled for 7/7, depending on Sensei B's final approval

7) Finish replacing all the light switches and wall outlets by the end of March. Then focus on completing 1 room at a time instead of jumping all around the house and never really finishing anything. Complete the 3 in use bedrooms by the end of December. Completing a room involves replacing all moldings & trim, doors, light/ceiling fan and drapes.
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Have not done a single thing yet. Need to start working on the outlets and switches on the weekends to meet this goal.

8) Run my first marathon by October 21.
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I will not even start training for this until after black belt testing, assuming in July.

9) Other goals as they occur to me.
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Got the Boy Scout Troop rechartered yesterday, taxes filed and ACT registration done today.

10) Have fun and stress less!
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So far, so good. Having all the painting done and daily cleaning has really reduced a lot of background stress, as has clearing off a good portion of counter space through new storage solutions. I have some new responsibilities at work, which are challenging and I enjoy, and I am doing better at not letting the occasional stupidity get to me.

On to February, and thankfully there is an extra day this month because I really need it!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLEFARMMOMMA 2/1/2012 3:11PM

    Hurray! You're headed into a fearless February! emoticon

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HOPEFULHIPPO 2/1/2012 1:43PM

    you are on a rooooooll!!

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CBAILEYC 2/1/2012 10:39AM

    Great job making it all happen!
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C~

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RUSSELL_40 2/1/2012 9:37AM

    Seems like you had a productive month. How did you do in your HM?

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ANJAYS-JOURNEY 2/1/2012 1:40AM

    Awesome, you are doing amazing!!

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CK-DUBYA 2/1/2012 1:19AM

    Wow! Way to attack things. Congrats!

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TRACYNOTGIVINUP 1/31/2012 8:48PM

    Goodness you just added to my hero list. Your doing awesome on moving towards your goals...very inspirational.

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GETSTRONGRRR 1/31/2012 8:40PM

    You are an animal! (most likely a feline type)

You've been doing fantastic stuff this past year, even with the car break downs and weirdness with the school board.

i have no doubt you can achieve any and all these goals as you set out to conquer them

You should still be careful driving on Thursdays though!

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SWAYDE 1/31/2012 8:37PM

    Well done! Sounds like you are off to a terrific year =) Keep it up!

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Exotic fruit

Monday, January 30, 2012

I like trying new foods, especially fruit. When my kids were babies I would buy whatever "strange" fruits and vegetables I could find to make their baby food. I've kept that up over the years (buying new fruits & veggies, not making baby food lol) and I think that is a good part of the reason my children like such a wide variety of foods today. I never had a problem with picky eaters.

So this morning I found a new exotic fruit to go in the fruit basket on the counter.

However, I think this one is a bit too exotic for my taste:



He is known as Gandalf Crop-Ear or, as we called him for the holidays, Gandy Cane.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEZZIEJAMES 1/31/2012 1:20PM

    ROFL!!! Kitties are so funny!!!!!!

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SWTHNY- 1/30/2012 5:31PM

    Thats so adorable they will cuddle in just about anything heheh

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GETFIT2LIVE 1/30/2012 3:58PM

    I think you're smart to not eat that fruit. emoticon

Cats pick the strangest places (and poses) to rest . . . emoticon

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HOPEFULHIPPO 1/30/2012 12:35PM

    What a fruitcake!!



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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 1/30/2012 12:10PM

    emoticon

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JOLIE_ 1/30/2012 9:58AM

    Haha soo cute

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CHANGINGSAM 1/30/2012 9:33AM

    So cute! My cats love to find crazy places to sleep!

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DOODIE59 1/30/2012 9:30AM

    HOW is that comfortable??
Thanks for sharing:)
Deirdre

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RUSSELL_40 1/30/2012 9:05AM

    what a basket case! Amazing the small spaces cats can be comfortable in.

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EMFRAPPIER 1/30/2012 8:29AM

    So cute emoticon

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NANCYBOAT 1/30/2012 8:07AM

    Bwa ha ha ha!!!!!

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CAT609 1/30/2012 7:22AM

    I am surprised he is comfortable in that bowl! Thanks for sharing the picture! It is great! emoticon

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IMKELRAE 1/30/2012 7:17AM

    He's fuzzier than a peach!


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DRKYASHI 1/30/2012 7:15AM

    Looks 'Yummy' -- emoticon!

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Black Belt Requirements & Goal Plan

Sunday, January 29, 2012

I want to earn my black belt. To go from merely wanting to accomplishing I need a plan on how to get there.

The requirements for black belt are:
1) Demonstrate proficiency in all techniques from white belt to black
2) Demonstrate proficiency in all katas (forms, basically a set series of techniques)
3) Know all required terminology in Korean and Japanese
4) 20 class periods as an assistant
5) 2 minute self defense demonstration
6) 2 mile run in 18 minutes or less
7) 50 each push ups, sit ups, lunges, jumping jacks, jump rope
8) term paper on the history of karate

Out of these I have number 6 complete. I have backslid on the pushups and need to build those back up to 50 again. I have 19 techniques still to improve and be "signed off", i.e. good enough to consider testing, and 2 kata left out of the 10 required.

I have formally announced my intention to test for black belt to Sensei B. I will be testing with 1, possibly 2, other students. We agreed on July 7 as the test date, pending availability of the school and the schedules of the black belts who will be evaluating us. If July 7 is not available we will have to wait until August based on our own schedules.

Starting now this is my plan to be ready by the end of June:

1) 4 techniques approved per month
2) Ni kyoso suro no kata approved in February; Bassai kata approved in March
3) Make terminology flashcards by end of February; review weekly until testing
4) Assist in 4 classes per month
5) Write down basic overall demo plan by end of February; finalize by end of March; recruit volunteers and start practicing by end of April
6) Keep running so as to maintain ability to run 2 miles in 18 minutes
7) Be able to do 40 pushups in February; 45 in March; 50 in April; 55 in May; 60 in June
8) Start research by end of March; rough draft by end of April; final paper by end of May

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YAGERMONSTER 1/31/2012 4:34AM

    emoticon I miss TKD, I moved to a town that doesn't have it. I can't wait to work mornings again someday so I can get back into it. Kata's were great, but the flashcards were the worst for me. lol

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CHANGINGSAM 1/30/2012 10:51AM

    Love the goals! emoticon

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INIT2LIVEIT 1/30/2012 3:22AM

    How exciting. This is so awesome of you! Good luck!

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LAPISWITCH 1/29/2012 9:04PM

    Impressive.

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ALLYTHEATHLETE 1/29/2012 6:51PM

    WOW! Sounds like you have it all figured out! Good luck!

The run was the hardest for me, too! Especially after a 3-hour test!

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EMFRAPPIER 1/29/2012 4:47PM

    This is so cool! Good luck! you'll do great!!

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SLIMMERJESSE 1/29/2012 4:39PM

    Good for you. I'm sure you will enjoy the process, let alone achieving this goal.

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Calling all SE Michigan members!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

On 4/28/12 in Mt. Clemens, MI there is the Let's Move Festival of Races. There is a 5k walk, 5k run and a half marathon. Registration is now open on active.com.

The 5k run was my first ever race last year so has a special place in my memories.

Before I go ahead and register for one of the races I thought it would be nice if there are other SP members in the SE MI area who would like to enter as a group.

Whether it is for the 5k walk or run, or even the HM, doesn't matter. Any would be good to do as a group.

Is there anyone interested?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLEFARMMOMMA 1/25/2012 3:41PM

    Oh, have FUN! That sounds like a great race! emoticon

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SLIMMERJESSE 1/24/2012 1:24PM

    Thank you for your supportive responses to my blogs. Visiting your page always makes me smile. Your photos provide great inspiration in how you have progressed with your adventure. You look fabulous.

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