Thursday, April 07, 2011
With the support & encouragement of my fellow Sparkers (and some divine white chocolate peanut butter) I am moving past my little meltdown yesterday morning. New Me has reasserted dominance and sent Old Me packing off to exile with the Scale Gremlins.
I am still angry but no longer with a visceral need to take it out on someone or something (or like YAGERMONSTER said, Hulk no get job, HULK SMASH!!!!). I spoke very briefly to my Dept. Director yesterday and after thanking him for his support (and I know he did go to bat for me for this position) I expressed my opinion of corporate’s decision very calmly, concisely and professionally and set a time to discuss my next steps and career plan next week when my immediate manager returns from vacation. That, plus the complete shock of the rest of the department upon learning who was chosen, helped validate my feelings.
I went running last night & did my best time yet, shaving off a full 20 seconds from my 2 mile time. It’s hard to stay that angry when running that fast (well, fast for me). I had created a playlist for the run, full of heavy metal head banger music with pounding drums and throbbing bass but couldn’t get it to work on my mp3. So I wound up with the random program.
I was certainly being given a message last night! The first song that came up was “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor. There have been a lot of blogs about that song and how empowering it is so I won’t go into details but tonight it was talking to the Old Me that cropped up again yesterday…telling Old Me “Go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around now, 'cause you’re not welcome anymore.”
Next up was “It’s My Life” by Bon Jovi…telling New Me to quit whining and get my butt in gear...
“This ain’t a song for the broken hearted…..and I ain’t gonna be just a face in the crowd, you’re gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud…It’s my life, It’s now or never, I ain’t gonna live forever, I just wanna live while I’m alive…It’s my life…You better stand tall, when they’re calling you out, don’t bend, don’t break, baby don’t back down”
Then signals got mixed or someone has a real sense of humour…the 3rd song was “It’s Raining Men” by the Weather Girls…and that is so not happening for me right now LOL!
It seemed like every song that came up in rotation had some sort of message for me (well, maybe not Demonoid or Dragula by Rob Zombie, or at least I probably don’t want to know what that message is LOL!). By the end of my run I was practically floating, bad mood relegated to the “Lessons Learned” file.
New Me is back with a vengeance! Time to kick butt & take names and reach those goals! New Me wins by TKO!
And the last song played? “Trouble” by Pink…
To plead my case
To send me into outer space……..
Yeah trouble now
I’m trouble y’all….
I got trouble in my town
You think you’re right
But you were wrong
You tried to take me
But I knew all along
You can’t take me
For a ride
I’m not a fool now
So you better run and hide
Yeah trouble now
I’m trouble y’all….
I got trouble in my town
If you see me coming down the street
Then you know it’s time to go…..
‘Cause here comes trouble
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
My house has been an on-going project for over a decade. My ex-H was great at starting projects and never finishing...and woe unto me if I dared to think about finishing something he had started just to get it done.
The ex-H is gone now but the unfinished projects have multiplied. The most obvious are the walls. The entry & hallway had this textured finish that had been painted. It might have been the latest thing 35 years ago but I'm ready for it to go. The stairway & upstairs hallway had wallpaper that was peeling and had several places where strips had been ripped off. The upstairs bathroom had several places where the ex-H had started repairing imperfections but never finished - so dark blue paint with white spackle patches.
Last winter Steve, one of the Dads from Boy Scouts, painted my daughter's room. He also stripped all the wallpaper of the stairway & hallway walls and did some skim coat on them. And that's where we left it....for a year.
Last June I started scraping off all the texture from the downstairs hallway. This picture shows what the walls have looked like for the last year. The picture is of my son Matt & his girlfriend from Halloween 2010:
The state of my walls - and all the other unfinished projects - has created a low level background stress. I hardly knew it was there; after all I have had years & years of practice living with unfinished projects. But as I started decluttering this year I noticed the stress by its absence. Every time I completed a mini-mini-project - sometimes as simple as just replacing a light bulb - I felt happier & less stressed. Which has made me even more eager to get the major projects completed now that I've got my tax return.
In February Steve came out again and gave me an estimate for prepping all the walls for painting, fixing the hole in the ceiling of the kitchen nook, and painting most of the inside. Due to illness and his work schedule he has been unable to actually start working on my walls. It has been very frustrating but I truly don't blame him b/c his real jobs pay better than what he is charging me. Plus I could do the work myself but I REALLY don't want to; me on a scaffolding is just begging for trouble.
But yesterday he called in the morning & said he was on his way to my house to start work. Yippee!!! I am SO excited! The end is finally in sight.
This is my entry hall after day 1 of wall repair:
I was so happy last night I kept just standing in the hallway with a stupid grin looking at my smooth(er) walls.
Based on his estimate he has another 9-10 days of work to do to get the house painted for the rooms we agreed on. He's also going to try something to cover the textured ceilings, to make them smooth, as well as the paneling in the kitchen nook and if that looks good for me I'll contract him to do that room & the kitchen as well, and paint the siding once it gets warm & dry enough.
I'm so excited to be getting this done finally! No more half done projects, no more neutral walls & floors!
Monday, April 04, 2011
Reading the Community section of the paper last night I saw a little blurb titled "Lace up for the Let's Move races".
So what did I do?
I registered for the 5k race on April 30. After considering the half marathon.
I really don't want to be a "runner", I just want to do my 2 miles and call it done.
So why did I do it? This is not a rhetorical question, I'm trying to figure it out myself LOL!
I'm going to blame it on caffeine, I had a Diet Coke yesterday which is something I rarely do. Caffeine in that amount has not been a regular part of my diet for years. Apparently it made me crazy.
Note to self...no more caffeine when reading the paper.
Now I have to follow through & run the darn race. And because I'm *slightly* competitive (OK, a whole lot competitive) simply finishing won't be good enough. I'm going to have to push myself hard so I come in....not in last place.
Seriously, I'm confident I can finish the race now, and that I can run the entire distance. I'm not interested in winning, or getting one of the top medals or whatever they hand out. I'm competing against myself so as long as I feel I did the best I could I'll be happy. And as long as I don't hurt myself. I'm a bit of a klutz and can see myself tripping, doing a face plant in the middle of the road and being trampled by all the people running behind me.
I really hope it's warm that day.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
It's been raining here in SE Michigan since yesterday. Intermittent showers yesterday & today, with periods of sleet. My knees / wrists / elbows & shoulders ache like crazy. A dose of Bufferin Arthritis is in the cards before bedtime tonight.
But I got up and went to karate yesterday & got several of my requirements "signed off". And I did my time on the bike & elliptical. I made both karate & yoga pilates classes during the week & did my running & strength training on M/W/F. I'm up to 19 pushups & 40 sit-ups and I ran my 2 miles in 21:26 on Friday, an improvement of 7 seconds from Wednesday. I also did 35 minutes of treadmill walking this morning. So on meeting my fitness goal plan for the week.
This week I'm thinking about taking the free Zumba classes on M/W instead of running, to give myself a little break.
I wish the weather would make up its mind and get warm already...and dry at the same time...so I can start getting my garden ready. I need to put together several more raised beds and bring in a truck load of mulch. I'm tired of mowing behind the garden fence so I'm just going to put down mulch in the back third of the yard where the garden is and call it good. I really need to get seeds started, I think I'm late.
Continuing to declutter the house, all my little piles are slowly vanishing. I'm making a real effort this time not to "re-pile". It's amazing how much low-level stress I had from the clutter, without even realizing it. Every time a pile disappears I can feel a little more stress vanish too. Purple Heart loves me, I always have donations for them lately.
Next week is my virtual 5k race. I had to quit the run I signed up for originally since that was the combo walk/run and re-sign up for the run all the way race.
I'm getting a little frustrated with the guy who's going to be painting my house inside. He's one of the Dad's from Matt's Boy Scout troop & is a professional painter but has spent more time laid off the past several years than he has worked. He painted my daughter's room last year & does a good job so I'm having him paint the rest of the house. He's also going to skim coat/repair the walls in 2 hallways/the entry way & the stairwell, and take down some wallpaper and fix the hole in my kitchen nook ceiling. I had expected him to start last month but he got sick, then got called in to work some real official painting jobs and he's also a substitute teacher. So I can't really complain since his real jobs pay more than what he is charging me; I don't blame him for making those his priority. But I really, really, really want my walls done. Half of them are just patched drywall right now from taking down all the texture over the last year. I hope he is able to start really soon.
I FINALLY made it into a size 12! I can't believe there was a 30+ pound spread for a size 14 but I've finally broken into a smaller size. My last pair of size 14 slacks is now in the donation pile. Soon I'll be able to bring the rest of my slacks out of storage...size 10, I'm on my way!
I found out Friday morning that the job I really wanted - and which both my immediate boss & the Department Director - were pushing hard for me to get...has been given to someone else. I'm confident it's not because of my abilities but it sucks that office politics wins out again. I'm incredibly frustrated and disappointed, this is something I've been trying to get for the last 2 years. I've been ready for something new and this position is perfect for me. But the company would have had to relocate me and the person they gave the job to is already local...so there you go. I'm proud of myself for not bingeing though, which I would have done in the past. There will be other opportunities, when one door closes another opens up.
This week I also found out my aunt has renal cancer, with a mass at the base of her spine, and is incurable. And then this morning I learned that my former mother-in-law also has cancer, they suspect lung cancer. Now I keep waiting for the "other" shoe to drop, so to speak, bad luck comes in 3s (yes, I AM mildly superstitious!)
Overall I'm really happy with my life. So it feels very wrong for me to be happy when other people are fighting for their lives.
The kids' passports came in the mail last week and we're starting to plan our trip to London. My son's marching band will be in the New Year's Day parade in London, and a few other concerts. I'm going to take another week for vacation and take both son & daughter to Normandy & Paris (and maybe someplace else?) after Matt's band obligations are done. It's not the time of year I would have picked myself for going to Europe but we might as well take the opportunity when it's their. Their Dad also plans on going for a few days, apparently, and plans to take them to a concentration camp on one of the days. Personally I think he needs more than 1 day to get there from London, do the tourist thing, and bring them back to me but that will be his challenge, not my problem anymore.
Matt starts driver training at the end of the month. Oh joy! There goes my car insurance rate. I have an old '92 Plymouth Voyager beater minivan that I use to drive to the garden center or Lowes. It does 0-60 in about 5 minutes. That's what Matt will be driving...he is not thrilled at the prospect.
I'm thinking of treating myself to a massage since I'm now past the halfway point to my goal weight. I've never had one before, I've always been too embarrassed. If I can find a coupon or discount I just might jump out of my comfort zone with both feet and sign up for one.
Now I'm off to do laundry & clip coupons, and maybe make a start on the mending if the Bufferin kicks in soon.
Friday, April 01, 2011
Although I weigh myself daily I only do measurements once a month - I don't want to get TOO obsessive. So...year-to-date progress:
Weight - 204 to 168, 36 total pounds lost although I'm a bit irked b/c for the last month I've felt like a yoyo...lose 1, gain 2, lose 3, gain, lose, gain, lose. Still a steady downward trend so I'm not frustrated or upset, just annoyed.
Waist - 38 to 32 inches
Hips - 48 to 43 inches
Thigh - 25 to 23 inches
Waist-to-Hip Ratio - 0.79 to 0.74 inches
Push-ups - 15 to 19
Sit-Ups - 25 to 40
2 mile run - 60 to 21:33 minutes and can now run the entire way plus another 2-3 miles more
Seeing it written down makes it much more real.
SMART Goals for April
SMART goals have to be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Based. So these are my mini-goals for the month, not to be confused with my goal plan which is HOW I will achieve the goals.
1 - 25 pushups; this is 6 more than I did yesterday, if I can increase by 1 every 5 days I will meet this goal, I just need to get serious now about doing it
2 - 50 situps; I did 40 last night so I am almost there
3 - 2 miles in 20:30, which is cutting a full minute (plus 3 seconds) of my current time from Wednesday. This one will be really tough but I'm going for it
4 - weigh in at 160 pounds, which is 8 lbs less than today, or 2 lbs week average
5 - meet all the requirements for green w/ stripe belt in karate; very tough, this one is mostly jump/hop kicks and I have to be able to do on both feet; still scared half to death about re-injuring my ankle but I have to get past it or I'll never progress
6 - get all the mending done, my sewing basket has been sitting there for years - literally - just waiting for me. Now that I know I'll fit into the clothes again it's past time to get them mended. Plus all the patches that need to be sewn on various uniforms
Get An Email Alert Each Time FANGFACEKITTY Posts