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I'm Trouble Y'all

Thursday, April 07, 2011

With the support & encouragement of my fellow Sparkers (and some divine white chocolate peanut butter) I am moving past my little meltdown yesterday morning. New Me has reasserted dominance and sent Old Me packing off to exile with the Scale Gremlins.

I am still angry but no longer with a visceral need to take it out on someone or something (or like YAGERMONSTER said, Hulk no get job, HULK SMASH!!!!). I spoke very briefly to my Dept. Director yesterday and after thanking him for his support (and I know he did go to bat for me for this position) I expressed my opinion of corporate’s decision very calmly, concisely and professionally and set a time to discuss my next steps and career plan next week when my immediate manager returns from vacation. That, plus the complete shock of the rest of the department upon learning who was chosen, helped validate my feelings.

I went running last night & did my best time yet, shaving off a full 20 seconds from my 2 mile time. It’s hard to stay that angry when running that fast (well, fast for me). I had created a playlist for the run, full of heavy metal head banger music with pounding drums and throbbing bass but couldn’t get it to work on my mp3. So I wound up with the random program.

I was certainly being given a message last night! The first song that came up was “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor. There have been a lot of blogs about that song and how empowering it is so I won’t go into details but tonight it was talking to the Old Me that cropped up again yesterday…telling Old Me “Go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around now, 'cause you’re not welcome anymore.”

Next up was “It’s My Life” by Bon Jovi…telling New Me to quit whining and get my butt in gear...

“This ain’t a song for the broken hearted…..and I ain’t gonna be just a face in the crowd, you’re gonna hear my voice when I shout it out loud…It’s my life, It’s now or never, I ain’t gonna live forever, I just wanna live while I’m alive…It’s my life…You better stand tall, when they’re calling you out, don’t bend, don’t break, baby don’t back down”

Then signals got mixed or someone has a real sense of humour…the 3rd song was “It’s Raining Men” by the Weather Girls…and that is so not happening for me right now LOL!

It seemed like every song that came up in rotation had some sort of message for me (well, maybe not Demonoid or Dragula by Rob Zombie, or at least I probably don’t want to know what that message is LOL!). By the end of my run I was practically floating, bad mood relegated to the “Lessons Learned” file.

New Me is back with a vengeance! Time to kick butt & take names and reach those goals! New Me wins by TKO!

And the last song played? “Trouble” by Pink…

No attorneys
To plead my case
No opiates
To send me into outer space……..

I’m trouble
Yeah trouble now
I’m trouble y’all….
I got trouble in my town

You think you’re right
But you were wrong
You tried to take me
But I knew all along
You can’t take me
For a ride
I’m not a fool now
So you better run and hide

I’m trouble
Yeah trouble now
I’m trouble y’all….
I got trouble in my town

If you see me coming down the street
Then you know it’s time to go…..
‘Cause here comes trouble

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YAGERMONSTER 4/8/2011 3:18AM

    Mmmmm... Hulk like white chocolate peanut butter and Pink.

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DOGSTARDADDY 4/7/2011 11:53PM

    wait...did you say white chocolate peanut butter??

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SARAHJG33 4/7/2011 1:08PM

    Alright, Trouble!!! Way to turn negative into positive. Keep up the good work...and take names while you're at it emoticon

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ASEXYWITCH 4/7/2011 12:32PM

    All I have to say is ROCK ON Sister ROCK ON!

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1_OF_5 4/7/2011 11:54AM

    Kickass! I like how you handled your challenges here, very inspirational!

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    Oh, you did WONDERFULLY!!! I'm so proud of how you handled ALL of this! It will speak VOLUMES to those around you at the workplace, too! You have sent a message to all who know you that you can handle what comes your way, and in a mature and professional manner! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MCJULIEO 4/7/2011 9:42AM

    You've got me jiving with the "I Will Survive".....

You go, girl!

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BELTONWALKER67 4/7/2011 9:34AM

    A good night's sleep works wonders! Remember...when one door closes another "better" one opens! emoticon

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DOODIE59 4/7/2011 8:29AM

    You've got the brains and mental fortitude to get where you want to go. It's just not happening as quickly as you'd like. Sometimes you need a few side steps to get around obstacles on the path, but you WILL get where you want to go. All the other things you've been doing lately to enrich your life are part of the plan (and provide powerful benefits along the way). When you DO get where you want to be, you're going to be one smart, fit, all-together woman, ready for whatever comes next.

What's that quote?: Good luck comes more often to those who prepare. You are preparing on all kinds of fronts.

Good luck!

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VYVIENN 4/7/2011 6:57AM

    Awesome random playlist! emoticon Love, love Trouble (and very hiiiiiighly recommend the video... emoticon)! Heck, I'm motivated right now!

Great result on the run, too. I guess it's true what they say, sometimes your body just HAS to move! emoticon emoticon

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I can feel the stress melting away

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

My house has been an on-going project for over a decade. My ex-H was great at starting projects and never finishing...and woe unto me if I dared to think about finishing something he had started just to get it done.

The ex-H is gone now but the unfinished projects have multiplied. The most obvious are the walls. The entry & hallway had this textured finish that had been painted. It might have been the latest thing 35 years ago but I'm ready for it to go. The stairway & upstairs hallway had wallpaper that was peeling and had several places where strips had been ripped off. The upstairs bathroom had several places where the ex-H had started repairing imperfections but never finished - so dark blue paint with white spackle patches.

Last winter Steve, one of the Dads from Boy Scouts, painted my daughter's room. He also stripped all the wallpaper of the stairway & hallway walls and did some skim coat on them. And that's where we left it....for a year.

Last June I started scraping off all the texture from the downstairs hallway. This picture shows what the walls have looked like for the last year. The picture is of my son Matt & his girlfriend from Halloween 2010:

The state of my walls - and all the other unfinished projects - has created a low level background stress. I hardly knew it was there; after all I have had years & years of practice living with unfinished projects. But as I started decluttering this year I noticed the stress by its absence. Every time I completed a mini-mini-project - sometimes as simple as just replacing a light bulb - I felt happier & less stressed. Which has made me even more eager to get the major projects completed now that I've got my tax return.

In February Steve came out again and gave me an estimate for prepping all the walls for painting, fixing the hole in the ceiling of the kitchen nook, and painting most of the inside. Due to illness and his work schedule he has been unable to actually start working on my walls. It has been very frustrating but I truly don't blame him b/c his real jobs pay better than what he is charging me. Plus I could do the work myself but I REALLY don't want to; me on a scaffolding is just begging for trouble.

But yesterday he called in the morning & said he was on his way to my house to start work. Yippee!!! I am SO excited! The end is finally in sight.

This is my entry hall after day 1 of wall repair:

I was so happy last night I kept just standing in the hallway with a stupid grin looking at my smooth(er) walls. emoticon

Based on his estimate he has another 9-10 days of work to do to get the house painted for the rooms we agreed on. He's also going to try something to cover the textured ceilings, to make them smooth, as well as the paneling in the kitchen nook and if that looks good for me I'll contract him to do that room & the kitchen as well, and paint the siding once it gets warm & dry enough.

I'm so excited to be getting this done finally! No more half done projects, no more neutral walls & floors!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIGGERJEAN 4/5/2011 3:39PM

    Yay! Having an orderly, clean, and beautiful space is very energizing to me as well! On those days when I am bothered by a vague anxiety it is usually a sign that I need to focus on some little things around the house that can build up and drive me crazy!

Your walls look beautiful - your house is going to be so awesome! get Zen!

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TIGGERJEAN 4/5/2011 3:38PM

    Yay! Having an orderly, clean, and beautiful space is very energizing to me as well! On those days when I am bothered by a vague anxiety it is usually a sign that I need to focus on some little things around the house that can build up and drive me crazy!

Your walls look beautiful - your house is going to be so awesome! get Zen!

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    Good for you! I'm in a de-clutter mode, myself!

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DEZZIEJAMES 4/5/2011 2:25PM

    Yay!!!! Can't wait to see the finished product!!!!


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NINJA_SMOO 4/5/2011 2:10PM

  So exciting! Decluttering is a great de-stressor!

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MCJULIEO 4/5/2011 1:29PM

    How wonderful!
I am SO happy for you I can hardly stand it!

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VYVIENN 4/5/2011 1:27PM

    emoticon emoticon

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I've gone & done it now

Monday, April 04, 2011

Reading the Community section of the paper last night I saw a little blurb titled "Lace up for the Let's Move races".

So what did I do?

I registered for the 5k race on April 30. After considering the half marathon.

I really don't want to be a "runner", I just want to do my 2 miles and call it done.

So why did I do it? This is not a rhetorical question, I'm trying to figure it out myself LOL!

I'm going to blame it on caffeine, I had a Diet Coke yesterday which is something I rarely do. Caffeine in that amount has not been a regular part of my diet for years. Apparently it made me crazy.

Note to more caffeine when reading the paper.

Now I have to follow through & run the darn race. And because I'm *slightly* competitive (OK, a whole lot competitive) simply finishing won't be good enough. I'm going to have to push myself hard so I come in....not in last place.

Seriously, I'm confident I can finish the race now, and that I can run the entire distance. I'm not interested in winning, or getting one of the top medals or whatever they hand out. I'm competing against myself so as long as I feel I did the best I could I'll be happy. And as long as I don't hurt myself. I'm a bit of a klutz and can see myself tripping, doing a face plant in the middle of the road and being trampled by all the people running behind me.

I really hope it's warm that day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VYVIENN 4/5/2011 5:08AM

    5Ks are about 3.1 miles. I have no doubt at all that you'll do great!! If you start feeling doubtful, remember the advice of running great Jeff Galloway: it is ALWAYS ok to take walking breaks! ALWAYS!! emoticon emoticon So you see: you can only win in this!

Secretly, I am very pleased that you're doing this so far ahead of me... heehee!!! I'm marking my calendar so I won't forget to send you a big cheer. emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 4/4/2011 7:27PM

    "I have to blame it on the caffeine." LOL.

You go girl!!

Go on with your bad self.


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IDLETYME 4/4/2011 1:20PM

    I'm proud of you for running the race. You can be #1 without coming in first!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MCJULIEO 4/4/2011 12:11PM


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    You sure did make me emoticon!!! I know you're going to love that race, and you're going to do emoticon!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/4/2011 9:36:31 AM

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ATURTLESPACE 4/4/2011 8:39AM

    Good luck! You'll do awesome!

My partner and I have set our 5k day as May 29th, but there isn't an organized one in our area, so we're going to run one of the local paths and just use our pedometers. We're just starting the rookie running program.

I haven't run since grade 9 gym class, and the last time I did cross-country was in fourth grade - which, although I did well, was *ahem* 20 years ago - so my body has changed a bit and my cardiovascular health is not what it was. I'm hoping that by doing the running program I can rebuild.

I'm determined to do it though, and so will you!

We're all here to support you, so you'll be running with the whole Spark crew!


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DOODIE59 4/4/2011 8:04AM

    Not only will you do it, you will LOVE it.

There's nothing like race day (distant memory here), milling around in the crowd, adrenaline pumping, energy currents running off your body ... the weather won't matter ... you'll see people you know. You'll have a great time -- even the bad parts feel good, and then AND THEN you get the FREE T-SHIRT. The T-shirt that says you are a runner now and run with this running crowd. it's AWESOME, and you will have a great day. Git er done!

Deirdre emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RIDLEYRIDER 4/4/2011 7:12AM

  You can do it....and d*&# that caffeine!! emoticon

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INIT2LIVEIT 4/4/2011 7:12AM

    LOL, good luck- I am sure you will ROCK IT!!!

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SUZIEQS65 4/4/2011 7:07AM

    *S*...another bad thing that caffine does eh?...*S*

You can do it and enjoy it!

Have a great day.

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April Showers Bring...Achy Joints & Random Musings

Sunday, April 03, 2011

It's been raining here in SE Michigan since yesterday. Intermittent showers yesterday & today, with periods of sleet. My knees / wrists / elbows & shoulders ache like crazy. A dose of Bufferin Arthritis is in the cards before bedtime tonight.

But I got up and went to karate yesterday & got several of my requirements "signed off". And I did my time on the bike & elliptical. I made both karate & yoga pilates classes during the week & did my running & strength training on M/W/F. I'm up to 19 pushups & 40 sit-ups and I ran my 2 miles in 21:26 on Friday, an improvement of 7 seconds from Wednesday. I also did 35 minutes of treadmill walking this morning. So emoticon on meeting my fitness goal plan for the week.

This week I'm thinking about taking the free Zumba classes on M/W instead of running, to give myself a little break.

I wish the weather would make up its mind and get warm already...and dry at the same I can start getting my garden ready. I need to put together several more raised beds and bring in a truck load of mulch. I'm tired of mowing behind the garden fence so I'm just going to put down mulch in the back third of the yard where the garden is and call it good. I really need to get seeds started, I think I'm late.

Continuing to declutter the house, all my little piles are slowly vanishing. I'm making a real effort this time not to "re-pile". It's amazing how much low-level stress I had from the clutter, without even realizing it. Every time a pile disappears I can feel a little more stress vanish too. Purple Heart loves me, I always have donations for them lately.

Next week is my virtual 5k race. I had to quit the run I signed up for originally since that was the combo walk/run and re-sign up for the run all the way race.

I'm getting a little frustrated with the guy who's going to be painting my house inside. He's one of the Dad's from Matt's Boy Scout troop & is a professional painter but has spent more time laid off the past several years than he has worked. He painted my daughter's room last year & does a good job so I'm having him paint the rest of the house. He's also going to skim coat/repair the walls in 2 hallways/the entry way & the stairwell, and take down some wallpaper and fix the hole in my kitchen nook ceiling. I had expected him to start last month but he got sick, then got called in to work some real official painting jobs and he's also a substitute teacher. So I can't really complain since his real jobs pay more than what he is charging me; I don't blame him for making those his priority. But I really, really, really want my walls done. Half of them are just patched drywall right now from taking down all the texture over the last year. I hope he is able to start really soon.

I FINALLY made it into a size 12! I can't believe there was a 30+ pound spread for a size 14 but I've finally broken into a smaller size. My last pair of size 14 slacks is now in the donation pile. Soon I'll be able to bring the rest of my slacks out of storage...size 10, I'm on my way!

I found out Friday morning that the job I really wanted - and which both my immediate boss & the Department Director - were pushing hard for me to get...has been given to someone else. I'm confident it's not because of my abilities but it sucks that office politics wins out again. I'm incredibly frustrated and disappointed, this is something I've been trying to get for the last 2 years. I've been ready for something new and this position is perfect for me. But the company would have had to relocate me and the person they gave the job to is already there you go. I'm proud of myself for not bingeing though, which I would have done in the past. There will be other opportunities, when one door closes another opens up.

This week I also found out my aunt has renal cancer, with a mass at the base of her spine, and is incurable. And then this morning I learned that my former mother-in-law also has cancer, they suspect lung cancer. Now I keep waiting for the "other" shoe to drop, so to speak, bad luck comes in 3s (yes, I AM mildly superstitious!)

Overall I'm really happy with my life. So it feels very wrong for me to be happy when other people are fighting for their lives.

The kids' passports came in the mail last week and we're starting to plan our trip to London. My son's marching band will be in the New Year's Day parade in London, and a few other concerts. I'm going to take another week for vacation and take both son & daughter to Normandy & Paris (and maybe someplace else?) after Matt's band obligations are done. It's not the time of year I would have picked myself for going to Europe but we might as well take the opportunity when it's their. Their Dad also plans on going for a few days, apparently, and plans to take them to a concentration camp on one of the days. Personally I think he needs more than 1 day to get there from London, do the tourist thing, and bring them back to me but that will be his challenge, not my problem anymore.

Matt starts driver training at the end of the month. Oh joy! There goes my car insurance rate. I have an old '92 Plymouth Voyager beater minivan that I use to drive to the garden center or Lowes. It does 0-60 in about 5 minutes. That's what Matt will be driving...he is not thrilled at the prospect.

I'm thinking of treating myself to a massage since I'm now past the halfway point to my goal weight. I've never had one before, I've always been too embarrassed. If I can find a coupon or discount I just might jump out of my comfort zone with both feet and sign up for one.

Now I'm off to do laundry & clip coupons, and maybe make a start on the mending if the Bufferin kicks in soon.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VYVIENN 4/5/2011 5:04AM

    I'm sorry that you've had to deal with so much bad news this week. emoticon

But your post illuminates my hope that in the end, the good and bad at least cancel each other out, if not that the good wins! I know firsthand how great it feels to declutter (I'm in the midst of getting rid of a LOT of stuff, too), and it's nice to see how ecxited you're getting about planning your trip. Bit of advice from someone who's done it: plan for more time than you think you need to see what you want to see. I know that there's tons of stuff to do and see, and it can all seem equally urgent when you're overseas for the first time, but believe me, it's better to do quality than quantity...

If you like shellfish, though, you'll have to try the Norman mussels steamed in cidre with cream.... divine!

When you say concentration camps, do you mean in Germany?

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DOODIE59 4/3/2011 10:04PM

    I'm sorry to hear about your lost job opportunity, but I agree with you that this just means there will be another door opening somewhere.

Pretty exciting to hear about your trip to Europe. Woo Hoo! There's a goal date, although I'm sure you'll reach goal well before then at the rate you're going:)

My friend gets massages all the time, and swears by them -- go for it! You've earned it with all your exercise. I'm particularly impressed with the push ups. You rock! Show me your guns! (as all the males in my house would say).

Take care
Deirdre emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ATURTLESPACE 4/3/2011 9:00PM

    I've never had a massage either, aside from the kind you get in tandem with physiotherapy - not relaxing, but it does feel good the next day. I understand spa-type massages are much more enjoyable! Go for it! You've earned it, and it might help with the aches and the stress. You are doing so well! emoticon

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FROSTY99 4/3/2011 8:49PM

    Oh sounds like a lot going on and congrats on reaching your halfway point. Treat yourself to that massage, you will love it. My first one was in Hot Springs and it was amazing and have had several since then, even got hubby to do it several times.

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Progress! & April SMART Goals

Friday, April 01, 2011

Although I weigh myself daily I only do measurements once a month - I don't want to get TOO obsessive. So...year-to-date progress:

Weight - 204 to 168, 36 total pounds lost although I'm a bit irked b/c for the last month I've felt like a yoyo...lose 1, gain 2, lose 3, gain, lose, gain, lose. Still a steady downward trend so I'm not frustrated or upset, just annoyed.

Waist - 38 to 32 inches
Hips - 48 to 43 inches
Thigh - 25 to 23 inches
Waist-to-Hip Ratio - 0.79 to 0.74 inches

Push-ups - 15 to 19
Sit-Ups - 25 to 40
2 mile run - 60 to 21:33 minutes and can now run the entire way plus another 2-3 miles more


Seeing it written down makes it much more real.

SMART Goals for April

SMART goals have to be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Based. So these are my mini-goals for the month, not to be confused with my goal plan which is HOW I will achieve the goals.

1 - 25 pushups; this is 6 more than I did yesterday, if I can increase by 1 every 5 days I will meet this goal, I just need to get serious now about doing it

2 - 50 situps; I did 40 last night so I am almost there

3 - 2 miles in 20:30, which is cutting a full minute (plus 3 seconds) of my current time from Wednesday. This one will be really tough but I'm going for it

4 - weigh in at 160 pounds, which is 8 lbs less than today, or 2 lbs week average

5 - meet all the requirements for green w/ stripe belt in karate; very tough, this one is mostly jump/hop kicks and I have to be able to do on both feet; still scared half to death about re-injuring my ankle but I have to get past it or I'll never progress

6 - get all the mending done, my sewing basket has been sitting there for years - literally - just waiting for me. Now that I know I'll fit into the clothes again it's past time to get them mended. Plus all the patches that need to be sewn on various uniforms

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ATURTLESPACE 4/3/2011 8:49PM

    Congrats! Keep up the awesome work!

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VYVIENN 4/3/2011 2:03PM

    Love your goals list!! And wow to your achievements! emoticon emoticon

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    It looks like you're ready to kick it! emoticon

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VICKLET31 4/1/2011 8:12AM


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