FANCYQTR   61,691
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Wishing I could lose

Saturday, March 06, 2010

I have been trying not to eat at all today but for the two pieces of toast I ate for breakfast. I didn't make it. I was starving by 2:30. I don't know how I am going to make it for 2 full days + the end of this month.

I want to lose 10-15 pounds by Monday (just for the day that much with slower losses after that day), but tomorrow I found out we will be going to a Italian restaurant after church. I don't eat pasta but a little bit of spaghetti once in a while, so won't have a lot of that, but anything I end up with at a restaurant seems to end up too many calories, too many carbs and too much to eat. Maybe I can take a water pill for the night.

I just cannot quit the emotional eating or the carb eating. I am also anemic now, probably because I cannot absorb the proper nutrients like what it takes to make the hemoglobin. I can always absorb the fat and calories, though. I don't know what to do. I go up 5 pounds or more in one day. And I am tired of being treated like I am stupid and dirt for people to walk on.

Someone wrote that they were sure glad to have friends to support them. I am thankful for my friend, too. Yes, one friend who will always be there when I need a friend or help. The others usually just ignore me unless there is a complete emergency that needs fixed in the house or the house will be ruined. Without Anne, I would permanently be stuck in the house, unable to even go get groceries.


I'm upset

Friday, March 05, 2010

Yesterday I got a notice that nothing I wrote down on an application matched my driver's license. Most of it was because they put the number in wrong, but they said my license was invalid. Four years ago I got a ticket for something I didn't do. I had a court date to fight it, but the judge told me that nothing I got for proof could be used for my defense. He changed the court date when the deputy didn't show up. He told me then that if something came up that I couldn't possibly make that date all I had to do was call. I did more than that to make sure I did everything right.

I was diagnosed right after that with cancer that was advanced to the state that they would not wait to operate. I told them that I would have to wait until after the court date and they said there was no way to wait. They wrote a letter to the court and I took it down there. I was told then that the date would be rescheduled. I had major surgery for stage 4 cancer. When I got home I called for the new court date. I was told I was going to be arrested. I finally got the new date.

Last nightI got the letter that my driver's license was invalid and today I was told that it had been cancelled before my court date because I hadn't paid the fine. I paid the fine, though. They never did anything about stopping the cancellation of the drivers license. I NEVER got anything telling me anything had been done on my license in the first place. For 4 years I have been driving without a license and didn't know it. Today I have been trying to find out what I need to do. I got the proof that the fine had been paid, but I was charged $95 to get permission to go reapply for a NEW license. Mine was cancelled like I had never had one in the first place. I have been treated rudely by every place I have tried to find out information at, including when I was told I had to pay $95. Even my friend who had to come 20 miles to pick me up and take me around was treated rudely there.

I guess maybe I shouldnt' vent here, but it has me so upset that I ate 1/4 carton of ice cream on top of the other ice cream I ate earlier. I am so upset that I cannot do anything. The cops in Colorado all think that they have a badge and now they can do whatever they want and no one can do anything about it. In Denver they have been shooting unarmed people at will and they don't get any discipline. The ones that got caught beating a guy up who was already down and in handcuffs were only charged after the news cameraman who had caught the act on film turned it over to the Grand Jury. The DA had already said the cops did NOTHING wrong. What had the guy done wrong? He ran a light on his bike and then when these plain clothes cops ran after him without identifying themselves he flipped one's hat off.

I NEVER did anything wrong. I had just pulled onto the highway in a 55 zone and was doing around 48. The ONLY thing I did was step on the brakes when I was coming up to a work zone with the speed limit 40 so I would be at the right speed. Why are they all treating me like dirt. I think that I shouldn't have had the surgery to save my life. Maybe that was what I did wrong, but I am not ready to die.


March 4

Friday, March 05, 2010

Today I went to the PCP for my prescriptions for this year. Not a big deal. Mostly I asked questions and she ordered labs which I'll get in about 2 weeks since they can't get anything through my little veins. For the first time, even though I had gone to a podiatrist, they did a full diabetes foot check. I've never had anyone test the pulse to my feet before. I have neuropathy, but not to the extent that I can't feel things. And that tickles when they hit the arch with that little piece of cardboard.

I found out that one problem I have a lot of times is caused by gall stones. Well, at least I know it isn't a heart attack happening, which it can feel like at times.

Of course, I got in trouble for not going to the gym enough. I haven't been doing much because I can't afford the gas to get there. The recreation center closest to me has no indoor pool and a very small outdoor one that is usually full of kids during the summer months when it is open. They also don't have anything in their weight room. The weight room is being remodeled, so maybe they will have a better one when it is finished. I tried one of their bikes and it seemed like it would fall apart any minute. And I was able to use 2 weights there. So I end up at the other end of town. Today I did go to the therapy pool, though, and I enjoyed being back there. I hope I can figure something out for the gas. My dogs might like the idea, because I think I will have to keep feeding them part of my food instead of the dog food they were getting the past few years.

Now, just to be able to stick with the low carb idea so I can lose some of this weight I've put back on.

There is one thing I figured out today. I am much less depressed when I get to the pool or the barn and get in some exercise than I am when I don't go anywhere.


Thank you

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Thank you to all who wrote me when I was considering quitting all. You are all very kind. I am going to try to continue and see how I do.

I am not too good at writing things anymore, so don't often blog. I don't really know how to use many of the things on SparkPeople, including how to reply to Blog comments. I have trouble just finding the blog page.

Sometimes I wish I could just write down my feelings, but it never comes out right. I want to get healthy again, but I keep getting stalled at every turn. Lately I have been more and more depressed without being able to do things. I want to get out and be happy. I don't want to write about sad things, but those that are happy. so I am not ignoring you. I just don't know how to do things on here.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELAINEANNE1 2/9/2010 1:03PM


It does not matter what you put in your blog, just write how you are feeling, what you have been doing or what you have been eating, you can also put down what you are eating.

I don't blog everyday myself but I do get some lovely replies that are a great help and keep my motivation up. It does take time to get to know the site so keep at it. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PAISHAR2 2/9/2010 1:03PM

    Hi, My name is sharon and I was in your shoes once!!! As you are on here longer, you will learn. When I first came up here a year ago, I had someone help me through step by step and at first I wanted to cry because I saw everyone esle page and I did not have anything on mines. But when I got up and going I have not looked back!!!!!

It is a blessing and you will enjoy it!!!! Be Blessed and know we are here for you. We will listen and come to help at any time!!!!! Your Friend!!!!!


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pondering quitting

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Today I am so unhappy with the way things are going I am pondering quitting. I mainly wanted to keep track of my eating and my exercise because I want to get healthier. I am on several teams, but most of them are not supportive at all. Most have their little cliques. I don't track my exercise anymore because, since I am not physically able to do things at a certain level I was told my exercise wasn't exercise at all. Some of the teams I have asked questions about food and been completely ignored while they chatted back and forth with everyone else and one I asked about exercise I could do without having the problems I have been having, where I was also completely ignored. Yesterday I asked a question about something and the particular question I asked was ignored and today one of the people attacked me because of a problem I have with my dogs that was mentioned only for background to the question. The attack was even AFTER I had answered about the problem and what I had done to try to fix that.

I thought that this group was supposed to offer support, but I have only gotten that when I have blogged other than in one team. I know that I am not good enough for the Denver team because I don't have the money for 24-hour Fitness or Curves that everyone else works out at. I go to the City Recreation Centers when I can afford the gas to get to one since the one closest to me is junk. I don't know if it is even worth staying on to keep track of my food anymore.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIMSHIDELER 2/7/2010 11:07PM

    You can do this. It's not about the other people, this is all about you!!! I'm sorry you have had problems with some of the teams, but this is a great one. As you can see, there are plenty of people who really do care!!

I don't have any exercise advice for you as I am struggling with that myself, but there is help out there. It should NEVER be about the money you have or don't have. I don't belong to a gym because I know that I can't afford it right now as I am a full time student, and I also know I would never go by myself, but there are things you can do at home on your own. The fact that you have a community center to go to is wonderful..enjoy it!

Please stay with us and keep us posted on the progress I am sure you will have!!

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MELODYKC 2/7/2010 8:30PM

    I say keep your head held high and do what your able to do. you know what your body can do better then anyone I suggest dropping the teams that are causing you to feel so down and find some to help you feel upbeat so that you can get a fresh start.
I have never understood why others feel they have to be rude hurtful to others but then again they say it takes all kinds to make the world go around just remember you are one of the good guys.. and I am here to help you as much as i can if you would like..Tomarrow will be a brighter day emoticon melody

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LOPEYP 2/7/2010 7:48PM

    Don't quit SP. Just quit the team that's not responsive. There's so many teams to pick from that I'm sure you'll find one that's supportive and fits your needs.
I got a chair exercise workout for my mother that's pretty good. I've done it with her. Look it up on

I hope that I've changed your mind. emoticon emoticon

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MAMAFISH1 2/7/2010 7:27PM

    I watched an exercise video on here today that you do it all setting in a chair w/bands. You can also print it off. I can't do much but I do exercise at home everyday, like the stretches. I have an elliptical I do 15 mins twice a day. I started at 5 mins, 4 months ago. I do have a set of bands, cheap at WalMart. I joined here for me. Do it for you. If no one answers your questions, you can always search to see if it been answered before.

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HARROWJET 2/7/2010 6:33PM

    I am sorry you are feeling discouraged. Perhaps you just haven't found the right team yet. Quitting isn't the answer. You know you need to keep going for yourself. It is you who will feel better when you are successful. Hang in there.

Judy emoticon

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MOCNVW23 2/7/2010 6:17PM

    First please don't quit. You are to important. I am sorry you have had the experiences you have had with getting some support. I am in several teams also, though I have 2 that are my favorite. The ones I am in are great, there is no two people or so, just chatting back and forth and not to anyone else.

Now I to am unable to exercise, now below I have listed a NOEXCUSE WORKOUT, that is for people like you and me that can do exercise. Now you can't really track this in the tracker, but it gives you a chance to get some movement and stretching in.

You are too important to quit, so please don't, there are alot of people on here that give great wonderful support. If you would like for me to send you a invitation on a few of the teams that I am in and really like and get the support from, then please stop by my page and let me know and I would be more glad to do that for you.

Just remember you are worth it and you ever need anything please stop by and I will be there for you.

R>1. stretch arms up in the air stretch far as you can.
Do this about 10 times.

2. stretch your legs out and point toes and hold for 20 seconds do this about 5 times.

3. neck stretches: move head up and down 20 times then side to side 20 times.

4 leg lifts: one leg at a time and lift up and back down. Do each leg 25 times each.

5 lift both legs up about 25 times.

Remember to breath

6 Leg scissors: take one leg across the other and alternate back and for with each leg like scissors. about 25 times.

7 Arm scissors: Same way for with the arms cross arms in front of you alternating one are for the other. 25 times.

8. Punch out with arms: from your chest hold arms in and then punch out in front of you and back in to chest. 25 times.

9 Jump Rope: pretend to jump rope with your arms 25 times front and 25 times back wards.

10. punch up: punch up over your head with one arm 25 times and switch arms and punch up another 25 time using the different arm.

11. run or march in place. remember to bring your leg up far as you can. 25 times.

12 twist: cross arms and twist side to side 25 times.

13. arm curls: this can be use with or with out weights up to you: Do arm curl on each arm 25 times.

14 butt squeezes: squeeze butt in and release for 25 times.

Still please remember to breath.

15. leg side to side: one leg out take it out to the side and back in to the front 25 times then alternate to other leg 25 times.

16. Angel pumps. Hold legs out in front of you and lift legs up. points your toes out then back up and do this 25 times.

17 repeat steps 1 thru 3 to stretch back out.

Done That is the no excuse work out. For a extra kick lol you can add ankle weights and hand weights to the routine.

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DAWNWS1 2/7/2010 6:09PM

    I'm so sorry you're feeling like you're not getting any support! I echo the last poster, try to find support with others within Sparkpeople, not necessarily on those teams. I've stepped way back on my teams because I know that I'm not real good about being on with them and being supportive, so I basically just track and talk to my Sparkfriends, which is working well for me. Even a couple minutes of walking "counts" as exercise, whatever you can do to move your body is a good thing, don't let anyone tell you differently! Riding your horse certainly counts as exercise, I'm so jealous, I haven't ridden in years!! Best of luck with everything. emoticon

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PERSKIHOUSE 2/7/2010 6:06PM

    IT IS worth, as long as you are doing this for you. I don't track my exercise, but I do track my food to be sure I get the nutrition I need. I recently dislocated my knee, so being healthy is all I am interested in, weight loss is an accident. search for people with like interests, even if it is not within the spark people groups. I have a support system that is not sparkpeople. It is filled with internet friends trying to loose weight, but also collect dolls.

Don't QUIT on yourself, keep searching other avenues. You will find what you need. I wish you the best of luck. I believe in you. I know I'm a stranger, but I hope I have helped...

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