Friday, September 03, 2010
I marveled for the past couple of weeks how my 12-year-old adjusted to going to a new school. He had been at his previous school since he was 4 years old, and now he was going to a bigger school with more people. He was about to make a big change. The first day, he came home noticeably upset. He said he was missing his old school, his teachers and friends. Being mommy, I held him and tried to comfort him, explaining that things don't stay the same, and that the one thing we can really count on in life is that things are going to change. We talked about the importance of continuing to get the work done, even though his heart was aching, and he was missing his old stomping grounds. I advised him to focus on the work and focus on making new friends, and eventually the pain would subside. We sat for a while, and I let him pour out his feelings. It was difficult to listen to his 12-year-old heartbreak, because I wanted to cry with him. Instead, I sat quietly and listened.
A week has gone by since then, and we talked about how he was feeling. He let me in on a secret: "The second day was worse!" I wondered for a minute if we had made a mistake with the new school, but he smiled and said, "it's a lot better than last week, and in a few months it will be like nothing happened." He is adjusting to his new surroundings, making new friends, getting the work done, and having excellent results. I'm very proud of him.
This whole thing got me thinking about how I handle change. Honestly, I'm not that good at it. When I hit a major upset in my life, I tend to hibernate with something starchy and warm, hopefully with butter on it; at other times, I don't eat at all. Those are two extremes and not good for anything. Eating your way out of agony is just eating your way into more agony. What I've had to tell myself is that things change, people change, situations and cirumstances change, and I need to change with them. I have goals. I have places to go, people to see, things to do; but I won't ever get to it, if I don't focus on GETTING THE WORK DONE, even if my heart is telling me to do something else. I have to be like I've encouraged my son to be. Replacing old habits with new ones, old routines with new ones, and since I can't really "replace" friends, I can add new ones for support and for supportING. As I told my son, eventually the pain of change subsides -- and like he told me, soon "it will be like nothing happened."
Change is constant. Time moves on whether you're on task or not. I can sit here in 365 days, still pining for what was lost ... what I should have done, what I could have done, or I can get off my butt and work it for those 365 days, and be a better person, spiritually, physically, and emotionally in the same amount of time it took me to do nothing.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sadly, I allowed myself to be derailed by different events occurring in my life. I've been able to manage my eating habits, but I let the regular exercise go. It's much harder to start again than it is to keep going from the start. Regardless, I'm moving forward again, putting one foot in front of the other, and taking from my recent experiences the lesson that it doesn't matter what goes on around you, or what things upset your schedule, you must continue to make yourself a priority, even when you don't feel like it. Even if ... you don't think you have the energy, time, or inclination. Even if ... you feel like it's just too hard. Even if ...
So, Hey again! I'm back. Don't be scared. LOL
Monday, April 19, 2010
I had to sing at an event recently. It was lovely. Afterward, there was lunch. I sat with a thin friend of mine and his children. The daughter saw something on her dad's plate and asked if she could have it. His answer was, "Eat with your stomach, not with your eyes."
For a moment, I was transported back to when I was a kid, and my dad said, “Get what you want, but eat what you get.” That sounds a whole lot different than what my friend said to his child. To me this sounded like permission to load up your plate as long as you could get it all down. I remember sitting at the table for what seemed like hours, because I didn’t want to eat the peas. I’d hide them in the napkin one by one until they were gone. But eventually I was found out and had to eat the cold peas in the napkin.
Growing up there was no attention paid to portion sizes, it was just spooned into the plate until it was gone. Every get-together provided an opportunity to eat – a lot. Nearly everyone in the family could cook … really cook … so we had to eat … really eat. If someone got married, there were meals for days. We all looked forward to the quarterly event at church where we’d get to eat everything we wanted and then go home and sleep it off. If there was a funeral, there’d be a repast for family and friends; graduation, lots of hotdogs and hamburgers; after church, hit the local all-you-can eat buffet and eat all you can.
The one small voice that I remember now as I’m writing this belongs to my grandmother, who always said, “eat to live, don’t leave to eat.” It has taken a while, but I now know what this means.
Monday, April 05, 2010
Actually, it's 11, but I'm not counting LOL.
I have not been disciplined in tracking my intake; but I have been almost religious with my exercise, even when I was not supposed to be doing it because of a knee injury. I have, however, watched what I put in my mouth and made better choices. This morning, for example, I opted for bottle of water instead of the Sweet Iced Tea that I thought I was craving. This is something small, but when you add up all the small things, they have great benefits.
I've learned a lot of bad habits over the years, and it has taken a while for them to become ingrained. Unfortunately, it will take a while to reverse those thoughts and the effects that they have had on my body.
While driving yesterday, one of those old tapes began playing in my head. "It's going to take you too long, it's going to be too hard, you can't do this." But then I consciously made the decision to say out loud that "I CAN do it," "Even if I cannot reverse it all in a day, each day I'm getting healthier," and "I will be better tomorrow than I am today, if I **keep moving forward**."
Then I realized that I had been driving for an hour and a half wearing a pair of Khakis that used to cut me in half when I tried to sit down in them, and there I was sitting comfortably, breathing normally, with the button actually buttoned and the zipper all the way up, because I could fit them. Then I said again to myself I CAN DO IT; I AM DOING IT; KEEP MOVING FORWARD.
I think I'll keep replacing those old, negative thoughts with the new ones I've discovered. The new ones sure do feel better than the old ones.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
So, I'm looking at my reflection yesterday, and I'm wondering ... "who is THAT woman?" Who came and took over my body, while I was asleep at the wheel. For the longest, I couldn't STAND to look at myself. So I didn't. I became invisible.
I was comparing myself to other, slimmer women; and blasting the genes that I inherited; and hating that staying slender wasn't easy. So ... I gave up ... and now I don't recognize who I've become on the outside. The inside me is a talkative, happy, friendly. and warm person (I think). Yeah, I have my issues: I don't like to deal with people who don't follow directions, who aren't dependable, and who talk over me when I try to make a point, but I think I'm a pretty nice lady. (I say lady, because grandma would be disappointed if I didn't LOL).
Anyway, what I forgot is that the body I hated actually got me to where I am today, even with my constant neglect. It allowed me to go through labor with minimal medications. It healed quickly for surgeries and mishaps. It provided sustenance for my child. My arms have provided comfort for my family, friends, and loved ones. My legs get me from point A to point B (not as fast as I want them to, but they work). That extra layer of fat has kept me warm when other people are cold.
What I am realizing is my body is a wonderful thing. It loved and protected me, even when I didn't love and protect it. Being on this weight-loss journey is giving me insight on issues I've never looked at before. It may not be what I think of as "the perfect body," but it is certainly the perfect-for-me body. The changes I make over the next few months and years will help me take better care of this gift I have been given -- a healthy body that works. Sure there are a few more curves that I'd like to see. But honestly, the curves aren't that bad ... if I make an honest assessment. The fact that I'm alive and have the opportunity to change my course, and that I am looking forward to what lies ahead, is a reason for me to appreciate the body I have, to nurture it, to sustain it in a way that assures that it can have a long and healthy tenure on this earth.
So ... today, I stopped being the invisible woman. I'm looking at me ... all of me ... and I'm going to enjoy the view.
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