Monday, November 01, 2010
Its official I hate halloween.. or maybe i hate my inability to say NO
I can't even tell you how many candy bars I had but I feel SICK like beyond words.. I cant even sit up straight as i type this because my stomache hurts..
Soooo Nov1 is tomorrow.. good thing about new months is new beginnnings..
I am going to try and get into the 140's this month - that means NO CHEATING... strict diet and workout..
I order the pilates videos they should be here sometime this week i am soo excited to start leaning and lengthening my body!
i hate whining in my blogs cause really who wants to hear about that but i need to vent!
Ive taken in my 17 yr old sister.. because she is a drop out and quiet honestly my mother does not have any control over this girl and I thought I could be the answer..
WELL IM NOT!
Quite frankly I am exhausted. Tired.. emotionaly and physically. I am getting beat up by my bf for my parenting and for not making her do this and allowing her to do that.. i am over spending on her trying to make up for the crap life she had growing up and i am getting no appreciation what soo ever and I just want to pull my hair out and SCREAM!
MOTHERS OUT THERE HELP ME!
She is 17 has no education well grade 8 has a job which is fantastic but then when i ask her to be home @ a certain time its a fight.
Now correct me if im wrong but i believe 1030 on a weeknight and midnight on a weekend is a reasonable curfew for a 17 yr old. She has recently found some friends and lst weekend decided not to come home so the crazy sis that i am called around found where she was went to pick her up and found her lying on the bathroom floor puking her guts up @ 1am.
Im sorry i may have wanted to give her a beter life but im her sister not her mother and I am tyring to take on a full time career plus cater to her and take the beating from my bf its all too much
I bought her a 1200 trip to england plus a 300 bed 150 sheet set give her rides everyday to work and she cant even say thankyou...
I told her tonight I think she needed to go back to edmonton...5 hours away to go back and live with my mom.. i dont want to be angry and mean with her but i am... its my personality ... this is why i dont want kids.. because im a control freak... when i say be home at this time and you agree to it then be home dont ask questions dont txt me 30 mins before and say oull be home in a hour.. growing up i lived with my grandparents and my grandpa was rational and very reasonable but strict and i remember him telling me.. when i say be home @ 9 i mean 855... not 9 . I wish i was like my grandma who always had a smile, you always did whatever you needed, who would be there no matter what.. but im not im like my grandpa demanding and controlling and easily angered.. I dont want her to hate me... and i know i will drive her to that..
I guess i just wanted to be the person to make her life better..give her the tools she needed to be a success...but in the end i dont think i can be that...