Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Yes, that stupid, stupid, stupid car accident. The one where the other driver hit me, stopped to make sure I wasnt hurt, noticed I was pregnant, said oh sh t and drove away? Not only sent me swirling down the pot filled road of anxiety and daily panic attacks but has apparently set into motion some type of cosmic bad luck, rug ripped out from under me because aparently I was a complete (insert profanity) in my last life kinda karma. My tooth, one which can be seen when I smile, broke off at the gum- thank you pregnancy. Not that I didnt know I needed to get it removed or anything but come on. Ive gained weight because you know what foods are soft foods? Bad carbs thats what Ive been able to eat. Im getting oral surgery today to fix it. My husband has sacrificed all of his hobbies in exchange for becoming an RN, a very good one whom his patients, coworkers, and patients families adore, its his calling. We are finally on our feet, yeah, yay right? So I tell him to buy himself a project car or a truck to work on because he used to be a mechanic and he deserves a hobby. I worked my tush off to convince him and to make extra money as a work from home seamstress to get him tools and such for Christmas. He finally goes to look at a dealership... our modest but supposedly dependable car breaks down. Our 4.5 year old has reverted to her 3 year old stage, and let me tell you once you've survived that extended 'I'm a toddler' B S its not somewhere you want to go back to! My husband accidentally signed up to work both thanksgiving and Christmas, arg. I took my gestational diabetes test and thankfully I passed, but I did so by almost passing out several times before they could even do the blood draw. One of the episodes happened in a darn elevator oh and you guessed it, Im terrified of elevators. Which of course led to a panic attack becasue now nothing can even go slightly wrong without me getting heart palpitations, feeling hot and clamy, feeling as though I am vibrating from the inside outside of my body, unable to catch my breath with the tightness that forms in my chest. And I am not sleeping. Our bed which is very luxurious and wasnt cheap is less than 4 years old and low and behold its failing us bc? I dont know, but my husband cant sleep and when he gets cranky, which never ever happens, you know we have something wrong. The look on that poor mans face when he said 'Everything is falling apart around us' He is not a pessimist man, he is the hunker down and bare it man. So to hear him say that with that pitiful 'Im done' look in his eyes... Party for one, in the I am completely over this B S and ready to enjoy the good stuff now thank you very much.
We've worked so so so hard! Any success we have, we earned, we never luck out and just have people hand us ANYTHING. We are a proud family. We fight for a better life together, we fought to be together. We are not weak nor cruel, we are proud.
I mean our family motto is 'Work hard, Be kind, Follow your dreams.' For crying out loud. Ive had enough of the bad luck B S.
I could make this 2 blogs. But if youve made it this far ready my pity party of complaints you deserve to share in my morning.
I groggely walked into the kitchen to make my coffee and I looked over at these mugs my mom sent us for Christmas. There are 2 and they match. Simple, white with a black line around the lip/ They are tall and are more dense and sturdy than they look. There is a Giant 'R' monogrammed on the side. Ladies and gentleman, I believe our luck has changed. Why? Because we are Robertsons. I am Siena Lyn Robertson. I crawled through unmentionable circumstances and not once allowed that to mold me into a whiny sniveling victim, I am a survivor. There is not a warm blooded being, nor chain of bad happening that can take that from me. I worked for it. I have never let anything stop me and bloody hell I told a man I had just met that he didnt know it yet but he was going to marry me and I was going to have his babies. 10 years, 1800 miles, and 2 babies later, guess who was right? Fate got me far, but I have gotten me further. That man who did not run away fought alongside me through the hardest emotionally draining years and let me tell you, we have we learned a lot. We will not allow a stupid string of bad luck to deter us from everything we have strived for. We are Robertson's and we fight, we work hard, we do not lay down and 'see what happens' no, we set the wheels in motion, we build our own path when needed and right now its needed. So thank you to the person who hit me. You reminded me how proud I am to not be some pathetic little weasel that runs from their problems and mistakes. I am Siena Lyn Robertson, I stand, I dont run. I fight, I work hard, I do whats right. I get my dreams. Every. Last. One.
Now ladies and gents, thank you for your time. May you be inspired in some way today to be the warrior your meant to be in whichever way your life is needing at this time. As for me, I have some phone calls to make, a few things to set right.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Here's the deal we as humans trying to win the battle of health, happiness, and fitness always want these amazing recipes that tantalize the taste buds but are healthy and don't hit the calorie bank so hard. I made a deal with my San Antonio Spark team to post one Thanksgiving recipe. I have a few to share with you. They are simple, delectable, a crowd pleaser, and a healthy alternative to stuff our faces with on a traditionally calorie based blowout of the year!
1- Roasted Carrots- Not only do these Baby look gourmet and add a pop of color to the main course but they will be gone. Everyone will put 'just one' on their plate and will be going back for seconds. My favorite way to prepare these are to get the long organic style, peel outer layer and leave some of the ends on for display purposes. In a baking dish pour 1 tsp canola(or olive oil) and 1 tbs walnut oil(if you haven't tried this healthy fat get you some now). Next your going to stir in fresh garlic, a smidge salt, garlic pepper or lemon pepper. Now roll the carrots all about. Set oven to 350-ish and start roasting. THATS IT. No fancy nothing. I am convinced my mom and my mil didnt know how to cook veggies bc we cant get enough roasted, baked, sauted, steamed veggies around here. The key to yummy veggies of all types is to never boil them bc thats gross. Go home bubbling soupy water- your not wanted here.
2-Grilled zucchini- Follow the steps above for oils and seasoning. Slice Zucchini lengthwise slices. Cook on either grill or in baking dish in the oven. Add Provolone to melt all over after cooking, just a little not an entire patty. dollop small amount of pesto. Again I dare you to not go back for seconds and thirds. Your welcome.
3- A little less healthy is going to be what I like to call asparagus fries. My kid goes NUTS over these! The short cut and less healthy fashion is to use Pillsbury roll out dough or croissant dough- cut into strips. You will need to pan fry the asparagus about 1/2 way cooked. All I season with is garlic, salt, pepper and then cook. Remove from heat and let cool to the touch. If you want to get fancy you can add prosciutto Take dough slices and wrap in a swirl pattern around the asparagus place on cookie sheet, sprinkle with nuts if you see fit, I prefer walnuts. Cook as per dough directions. These look nice at the table or as an appetizer.
4- Now something for the traditional items...Add cauliflower mash to your golden potato mash- no one will be the wiser! You still use butter and creme and its going to get doused in gravy sauce anyway so save a few calories and not so wonderful lazy carbs for some energy carbs. My secret, I make cauliflower mash before anyone else gets into the kitchen and then add it while Im making the mashed taters ;)
5-You cant have a gathering without pie! But again why not have one healthy option on the desert table besides jello. This is another time saving mommy quicky. Another Pillsbury or other pie dough(not crust). frozen mixed berries, let them thaw a little. Add O calorie Stevia (again if you dont have the stevia drops and are trying to lose weight go get you some its $13 ish a bottle in the organic section and its worth it!)
Put the dough in pie dish. Add mixed berries and sweetener. Pour into center of pie dough. You can cover with a second crust but honestly thats just more calories per slice. Cook as per dough instructions and your done. Personally bc it is the holidays I serve with a fresh scoop of whipped cream or a scoop of ice cream. (if you like thicker and less runny pie innards simply add corn starch) Oh and I like to sneak the leftovers into my oatmeal the morning after.
Now these are not the healthiest of healthy recipes, they are short cuts to saving yourself a little time and leaving you a little extra something something in the calorie bank at the end of 'gorge yourself into abliss as a family day' which honestly is one of my favorite holidays!
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
After relapsing on almost all of my weight loss I find myself on the road of recovery to health and fitness, again. I am blessed to have 2 amazing women by my side this time around. I am seeing their struggles reflecting my own. One huge difference as we are half way through week one is that I am selfish. I feel completely entitled to living a fit and healthy lifestyle. Yes I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a productive member of society BUT I am always Siena. There is not much I would condone when it comes to entitled behavior from anyone for any reason, except when it comes to your health. There are times in your life it is worth losing everything to achieve and I believe your health is one of them. Chances are the only things you will lose are bad habits, toxic people, toxic activities and situations, and all of the other excess baggage that life's chaos has weighed you down with.
To succeed in fitness I must put myself first. I must learn to be selfish. When I try to incorporate fitness and health into my chaotic toxic fat inducing life I ALWAYS FAIL because my goals get shuffled into the chaos and lost among the baggage. Being selfish is the biggest gift I can give myself and my family. When I put fitness at the top of my list- stress goes down, sleep goes up, chores get done, I eat healthier, I feel better, I move more, Im positive, I have more energy, and I lose weight! Everything else sloughs off by the waste side where it should be. All of a sudden the things that should always be the most important ARE the most important and I have time for it. No one has time for BS and yet we put BS ahead of what deserves to be first because we fear being selfish. No more fear. BE SELFISH, try it just once and watch what happens to your life.
Thursday, November 06, 2014
This is was me^^^ July 2013 at the end of a fitness competition. Id been trying to maintain/take my body to the next level for a couple years by this point. Before that I looked like the photos you can find in my photo gallery here on spark people. Within 6 months I had gone from fit and struggling to be happy in my new life and struggling to embrace my new body(Im embarrassed to admit I still thought I was fat) to incredibly unhappy, angry, and on the verge of giving up on my marriage. Life was stressful and I allowed that stress and chaos to run my life. Instead of turning to fitness I turned away from fitness and endorphin's. I turned away from my art and my cooking and my sewing. I became a shell of everything I had worked so hard to pursue, become, and adore. This was me 6 months after that competition...
I will give myself this much room of an excuse my body goes into major protective mode whenever I get sick, have surgery, suffer an infection etc. I did have a jaw infection in this 6 month gap. It makes me sad but I also know I fell into that happiness and anger and let it run my life. This is not the first time I have allowed this to happen to myself.
Why is any of this important to where I am now....
4.5 months pregnant, happily married, adjusting to a new city, schedule, back to painting, creating, sewing and loving health and myself again? Ive never loved myself fit?! I mean it! I have never in any of my fitness journey been as happy as I am right now with all of me, my family, my marriage, my art, my work, my home. Ive always been the defeated underdog under too much stress and angry, I mean really really angry. This is totally new ground for me! Im fkn happy! I am fat pregnant, not fit pregnant and totally happy?!?!??? I know I need to take my health into my hands now at 200lbs rather than waiting until after baby arrives in a few months. How do I motivate myself? Am I disappointed in not still looking like I did in July of 2013 HELL YES but it is what it is and that right there is my motivation. It is what it is, I have seen where I can be and who I am at my fullest potential, there is no doubt in my mind that I have the ability to become every bit of that person again but happy? Can I carry this happiness and love myself fit this time around. Can I manage larger smiles and more laughter on this journey? Its definitely new ground. Its a little scary but I am ready.
Ive posted some fit pics of myself in my kitchen, on the fridge, on the cookies my daughter HAD to have, near my elliptical, by my weights, and as my profile picture on SP. To remind myself I can get there, its possible, Ive done it and I can do it again... just happy this time!
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