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That stupid car accident

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Yes, that stupid, stupid, stupid car accident. The one where the other driver hit me, stopped to make sure I wasnt hurt, noticed I was pregnant, said oh sh t and drove away? Not only sent me swirling down the pot filled road of anxiety and daily panic attacks but has apparently set into motion some type of cosmic bad luck, rug ripped out from under me because aparently I was a complete (insert profanity) in my last life kinda karma. My tooth, one which can be seen when I smile, broke off at the gum- thank you pregnancy. Not that I didnt know I needed to get it removed or anything but come on. Ive gained weight because you know what foods are soft foods? Bad carbs thats what Ive been able to eat. Im getting oral surgery today to fix it. My husband has sacrificed all of his hobbies in exchange for becoming an RN, a very good one whom his patients, coworkers, and patients families adore, its his calling. We are finally on our feet, yeah, yay right? So I tell him to buy himself a project car or a truck to work on because he used to be a mechanic and he deserves a hobby. I worked my tush off to convince him and to make extra money as a work from home seamstress to get him tools and such for Christmas. He finally goes to look at a dealership... our modest but supposedly dependable car breaks down. Our 4.5 year old has reverted to her 3 year old stage, and let me tell you once you've survived that extended 'I'm a toddler' B S its not somewhere you want to go back to! My husband accidentally signed up to work both thanksgiving and Christmas, arg. I took my gestational diabetes test and thankfully I passed, but I did so by almost passing out several times before they could even do the blood draw. One of the episodes happened in a darn elevator oh and you guessed it, Im terrified of elevators. Which of course led to a panic attack becasue now nothing can even go slightly wrong without me getting heart palpitations, feeling hot and clamy, feeling as though I am vibrating from the inside outside of my body, unable to catch my breath with the tightness that forms in my chest. And I am not sleeping. Our bed which is very luxurious and wasnt cheap is less than 4 years old and low and behold its failing us bc? I dont know, but my husband cant sleep and when he gets cranky, which never ever happens, you know we have something wrong. The look on that poor mans face when he said 'Everything is falling apart around us' He is not a pessimist man, he is the hunker down and bare it man. So to hear him say that with that pitiful 'Im done' look in his eyes... Party for one, in the I am completely over this B S and ready to enjoy the good stuff now thank you very much.
We've worked so so so hard! Any success we have, we earned, we never luck out and just have people hand us ANYTHING. We are a proud family. We fight for a better life together, we fought to be together. We are not weak nor cruel, we are proud.
I mean our family motto is 'Work hard, Be kind, Follow your dreams.' For crying out loud. Ive had enough of the bad luck B S.
I could make this 2 blogs. But if youve made it this far ready my pity party of complaints you deserve to share in my morning.
I groggely walked into the kitchen to make my coffee and I looked over at these mugs my mom sent us for Christmas. There are 2 and they match. Simple, white with a black line around the lip/ They are tall and are more dense and sturdy than they look. There is a Giant 'R' monogrammed on the side. Ladies and gentleman, I believe our luck has changed. Why? Because we are Robertsons. I am Siena Lyn Robertson. I crawled through unmentionable circumstances and not once allowed that to mold me into a whiny sniveling victim, I am a survivor. There is not a warm blooded being, nor chain of bad happening that can take that from me. I worked for it. I have never let anything stop me and bloody hell I told a man I had just met that he didnt know it yet but he was going to marry me and I was going to have his babies. 10 years, 1800 miles, and 2 babies later, guess who was right? Fate got me far, but I have gotten me further. That man who did not run away fought alongside me through the hardest emotionally draining years and let me tell you, we have we learned a lot. We will not allow a stupid string of bad luck to deter us from everything we have strived for. We are Robertson's and we fight, we work hard, we do not lay down and 'see what happens' no, we set the wheels in motion, we build our own path when needed and right now its needed. So thank you to the person who hit me. You reminded me how proud I am to not be some pathetic little weasel that runs from their problems and mistakes. I am Siena Lyn Robertson, I stand, I dont run. I fight, I work hard, I do whats right. I get my dreams. Every. Last. One.

Now ladies and gents, thank you for your time. May you be inspired in some way today to be the warrior your meant to be in whichever way your life is needing at this time. As for me, I have some phone calls to make, a few things to set right.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EVER-HOPEFUL 12/24/2014 3:06PM

    you know it is not what life throws at us but how we react to them that makes us who we are .also what doesnīt pull us apart will bring us together.my husband and i have also gone through a lot together and had to fight every step of the way but together we survived and because we and also you have the right attitude we ,you included will be on top.when things get too much to bare(which lets face it they can sometimes)what keeps me going is that knowledge that god would never give me something i canīt handle.if he things i can handle what he throws at me who am i to prove him wrong.this somehow gives me the strength to keep going.hope this can add to your strength too,have a very merry christmas love and an even better new year.

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SBEAR5 12/17/2014 9:36AM

    YOU GO GIRL! :) I was feeling sorry for you at the begining, that's alot to go through in a short span of time, but NOW, I feel like I should smack you on the back and say "go get'em" haha... I'm glad that you are strong and proud!

Stay fierce chica!

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JSPIN74 12/17/2014 9:36AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Thanksgiving is coming, Thanksgiving is coming!

Monday, November 24, 2014

Here's the deal we as humans trying to win the battle of health, happiness, and fitness always want these amazing recipes that tantalize the taste buds but are healthy and don't hit the calorie bank so hard. I made a deal with my San Antonio Spark team to post one Thanksgiving recipe. I have a few to share with you. They are simple, delectable, a crowd pleaser, and a healthy alternative to stuff our faces with on a traditionally calorie based blowout of the year!

1- Roasted Carrots- Not only do these Baby look gourmet and add a pop of color to the main course but they will be gone. Everyone will put 'just one' on their plate and will be going back for seconds. My favorite way to prepare these are to get the long organic style, peel outer layer and leave some of the ends on for display purposes. In a baking dish pour 1 tsp canola(or olive oil) and 1 tbs walnut oil(if you haven't tried this healthy fat get you some now). Next your going to stir in fresh garlic, a smidge salt, garlic pepper or lemon pepper. Now roll the carrots all about. Set oven to 350-ish and start roasting. THATS IT. No fancy nothing. I am convinced my mom and my mil didnt know how to cook veggies bc we cant get enough roasted, baked, sauted, steamed veggies around here. The key to yummy veggies of all types is to never boil them bc thats gross. Go home bubbling soupy water- your not wanted here.

2-Grilled zucchini- Follow the steps above for oils and seasoning. Slice Zucchini lengthwise slices. Cook on either grill or in baking dish in the oven. Add Provolone to melt all over after cooking, just a little not an entire patty. dollop small amount of pesto. Again I dare you to not go back for seconds and thirds. Your welcome.

3- A little less healthy is going to be what I like to call asparagus fries. My kid goes NUTS over these! The short cut and less healthy fashion is to use Pillsbury roll out dough or croissant dough- cut into strips. You will need to pan fry the asparagus about 1/2 way cooked. All I season with is garlic, salt, pepper and then cook. Remove from heat and let cool to the touch. If you want to get fancy you can add prosciutto Take dough slices and wrap in a swirl pattern around the asparagus place on cookie sheet, sprinkle with nuts if you see fit, I prefer walnuts. Cook as per dough directions. These look nice at the table or as an appetizer.

4- Now something for the traditional items...Add cauliflower mash to your golden potato mash- no one will be the wiser! You still use butter and creme and its going to get doused in gravy sauce anyway so save a few calories and not so wonderful lazy carbs for some energy carbs. My secret, I make cauliflower mash before anyone else gets into the kitchen and then add it while Im making the mashed taters ;)

5-You cant have a gathering without pie! But again why not have one healthy option on the desert table besides jello. This is another time saving mommy quicky. Another Pillsbury or other pie dough(not crust). frozen mixed berries, let them thaw a little. Add O calorie Stevia (again if you dont have the stevia drops and are trying to lose weight go get you some its $13 ish a bottle in the organic section and its worth it!)
Put the dough in pie dish. Add mixed berries and sweetener. Pour into center of pie dough. You can cover with a second crust but honestly thats just more calories per slice. Cook as per dough instructions and your done. Personally bc it is the holidays I serve with a fresh scoop of whipped cream or a scoop of ice cream. (if you like thicker and less runny pie innards simply add corn starch) Oh and I like to sneak the leftovers into my oatmeal the morning after.

Now these are not the healthiest of healthy recipes, they are short cuts to saving yourself a little time and leaving you a little extra something something in the calorie bank at the end of 'gorge yourself into abliss as a family day' which honestly is one of my favorite holidays!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 11/24/2014 10:12AM


We're travelling in Malaysia, and this makes me nostalgic for Thanksgiving - one of my favorite holidays!

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ROBBIEY 11/24/2014 10:10AM

  emoticon Thanks for sharing, I will definitely do the roasted carrots, they look great!!!

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Wednesday, November 12, 2014

After relapsing on almost all of my weight loss I find myself on the road of recovery to health and fitness, again. I am blessed to have 2 amazing women by my side this time around. I am seeing their struggles reflecting my own. One huge difference as we are half way through week one is that I am selfish. I feel completely entitled to living a fit and healthy lifestyle. Yes I am a mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a productive member of society BUT I am always Siena. There is not much I would condone when it comes to entitled behavior from anyone for any reason, except when it comes to your health. There are times in your life it is worth losing everything to achieve and I believe your health is one of them. Chances are the only things you will lose are bad habits, toxic people, toxic activities and situations, and all of the other excess baggage that life's chaos has weighed you down with.
To succeed in fitness I must put myself first. I must learn to be selfish. When I try to incorporate fitness and health into my chaotic toxic fat inducing life I ALWAYS FAIL because my goals get shuffled into the chaos and lost among the baggage. Being selfish is the biggest gift I can give myself and my family. When I put fitness at the top of my list- stress goes down, sleep goes up, chores get done, I eat healthier, I feel better, I move more, Im positive, I have more energy, and I lose weight! Everything else sloughs off by the waste side where it should be. All of a sudden the things that should always be the most important ARE the most important and I have time for it. No one has time for BS and yet we put BS ahead of what deserves to be first because we fear being selfish. No more fear. BE SELFISH, try it just once and watch what happens to your life.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SBAYALA 11/12/2014 11:33PM


I've never been one to be selfish especially when it comes to my family. I always put my childrens needs a head of my own and always felt that they should come above all else. But you make a very valid point. If I cant make myself happy first, everything else I do for everyone (even with the best intentions) will suffer as I know I'm not doing it whole heartedly. Think it's time I start putting my health needs first once in a while emoticon

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CARABELLE2014 11/12/2014 6:49PM

  My husband always says selfish is not a bad thing!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 11/12/2014 5:24PM


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Anger Before vs Happy After

Thursday, November 06, 2014

This is was me^^^ July 2013 at the end of a fitness competition. Id been trying to maintain/take my body to the next level for a couple years by this point. Before that I looked like the photos you can find in my photo gallery here on spark people. Within 6 months I had gone from fit and struggling to be happy in my new life and struggling to embrace my new body(Im embarrassed to admit I still thought I was fat) to incredibly unhappy, angry, and on the verge of giving up on my marriage. Life was stressful and I allowed that stress and chaos to run my life. Instead of turning to fitness I turned away from fitness and endorphin's. I turned away from my art and my cooking and my sewing. I became a shell of everything I had worked so hard to pursue, become, and adore. This was me 6 months after that competition...

I will give myself this much room of an excuse my body goes into major protective mode whenever I get sick, have surgery, suffer an infection etc. I did have a jaw infection in this 6 month gap. It makes me sad but I also know I fell into that happiness and anger and let it run my life. This is not the first time I have allowed this to happen to myself.

Why is any of this important to where I am now....

4.5 months pregnant, happily married, adjusting to a new city, schedule, back to painting, creating, sewing and loving health and myself again? Ive never loved myself fit?! I mean it! I have never in any of my fitness journey been as happy as I am right now with all of me, my family, my marriage, my art, my work, my home. Ive always been the defeated underdog under too much stress and angry, I mean really really angry. This is totally new ground for me! Im fkn happy! I am fat pregnant, not fit pregnant and totally happy?!?!??? I know I need to take my health into my hands now at 200lbs rather than waiting until after baby arrives in a few months. How do I motivate myself? Am I disappointed in not still looking like I did in July of 2013 HELL YES but it is what it is and that right there is my motivation. It is what it is, I have seen where I can be and who I am at my fullest potential, there is no doubt in my mind that I have the ability to become every bit of that person again but happy? Can I carry this happiness and love myself fit this time around. Can I manage larger smiles and more laughter on this journey? Its definitely new ground. Its a little scary but I am ready.

Ive posted some fit pics of myself in my kitchen, on the fridge, on the cookies my daughter HAD to have, near my elliptical, by my weights, and as my profile picture on SP. To remind myself I can get there, its possible, Ive done it and I can do it again... just happy this time!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARABELLE2014 11/12/2014 6:53PM

  Ashamed to admit how jealous I am. I have never been so pretty in my life

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DONTRUSHME 11/7/2014 11:19AM

    Thanks for reminding me that I had a spark people account. I love this blog because you showed us how you did get fit and then went back into your same old routines and it shows how life can just get to you. Transforming your lifestyle to exercise and healthy eating it an everyday struggle. I am really going to stop complaining and start trying to get more motivated.

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ELEXEY 11/7/2014 12:10AM

    Oh my gosh!!! First off congratulations!! And, you are still beautiful!! And I can't even begin to express how happy I am to be on this journey with you again. Baby girl is growing up so fast, and so beautiful also. And I am so very happy to hear how great things are going for you, it really makes my heart smile in a huge way!

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PHEBESS 11/6/2014 10:59PM

    You look beautiful pregnant - and while our bodies change as we age, we can work to stay fit, healthy, and happy!

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SBAYALA 11/6/2014 10:39PM

    I know you can do it! Happiness and all! emoticon

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JUNA89 11/6/2014 4:09PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KNEEMAKER 11/6/2014 3:52PM


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    Pictures have oh so much value!

Make Today the Greatest Day of Your Life

emoticon Until Tomorrow!

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MELYROD18 11/6/2014 3:36PM

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so... im so smart, like really.

Saturday, November 01, 2014

I am feeling brilliant, and yes thats sarcasm. I put off decorating for Halloween until the day of which is very not me but it happened. I was hanging spider webbing from the trees and stepped down from my bar height kitchen chair onto a root no more than 1/2 inch off the ground but was apparently uneven enough for me to roll my ankle and topple to the ground. Baby is fine but my ankle went numb so I knew I did something. Cupcake and the husband were freaking out so I shook it off and finished decorating. Husband put on an ace wrap and we went trick or treating which again wasnt brilliant bc my foot became more swollen. Low and behold my tiny little stumble resulted in a pulled/stretched ligament. Everything hurts and I cannot take anything more than 2 Tylenol. boo. Bad timing as Ive gotten back into my workouts lately, I joined a spark team challenge, and this week my family had planned on taking a short vacation to Galveston which we have now canceled. Instead we will do a staycation, honestly as long as I get some family time in I don't care where we are or how much pain I am in. The husband works a ton these days and we see eachother maybe 15 minutes a day including his days 'off'. Its been an adjustment for everyone.
On the upper hand it was cooler today and my flat footed boots actually made my foot pain free and I managed a slow nature walk so I still got my 30 minutes of fitness in... even if it wasnt my usual baddass I will annihilate you workout. At this point of my fitness and health its what I can manage and I will settle for that as good enough... for now.

Off to enjoy more staycation and interact with the Nutmeg ninjas ;)

Happy weekend everyone!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SBEAR5 11/3/2014 8:27AM

    oh, I'm so sorry about your ankle. I had the same thing happen in school. I went to PT for it, and it healed pretty quickly. Hoping you get well soon!!!

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    Awe...that stinks! But I love your positive attitude about doing whatever exercises you can. Even if you can just manage an upper body workout while seated, its still forward progress. We are going to ROCK this challenge!

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EVER-HOPEFUL 11/1/2014 6:46PM

    rest it up that is the quickest way for it to heal.take care and keep smiling emoticon emoticon

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DAIZYSTARLITE 11/1/2014 6:20PM


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