I'm Not Addicted to Apples

Monday, April 15, 2013

I have struggled with my weight my entire life. The doctor who delivered me told my mom to put me on a diet the day I was born weighing 10 pounds 12 ounces and I have been on a diet ever since. The result of this life long diet is this- I am morbidly obese and obsessed with food. No matter how hard I try I cannot seem to stay on track. I crave sweets and soda and chips and crackers. I have told myself for years that I am a food addict, and that unlike most addictions I cannot simply stop because I need food to survive. This makes food addiction impossible to overcome and so I really have no hope of ever being thin. Other morbidly obese people in my life say the same thing and we all validate one another and share the frustration of never achieving the results we want.

But yesterday I had an epiphany. I am not addicted to apples. I am not addicted to asparagus or red peppers or chicken breasts. There are a lot of foods that I can very happily eat and not over indulge on. I am not a food addict I am a junk food addict and I can quit eating junk food! Moderation is not a concept that will work for me. I have tried it and failed every time. I honestly have an addiction, and just as an alcoholic cannot have an occasional glass of wine, I cannot have an occasional soda or candy bar.

This epiphany is both liberating and terrifying. I have just invalidated my last and greatest excuse. I have hope for the first time in years because I know that if I can just give up the foods that I am addicted to I can still eat and enjoy food. I expect other people to be strong enough to overcome their addictions so I have to be strong enough to overcome mine.

I have been doing a mental inventory of the grocery store. Refined carbohydrates are in every aisle. Even in the produce section they are sneaking in extra flavors in apples and sweetened nuts and crunchy salad toppings. The task before me is huge. I need to rework the foods I am eating and preparing for my family. I need to make major changes. I need to clean out my kitchen and start over. It is going to be a long and difficult process but I will do this- for my health and for my family.

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pregnancy

Monday, April 25, 2011

Tomorrow I will officially start my second trimester of my second pregnancy. I am so happy about this. We are expecting another little boy in October and there was a time when I really did not think that I would get to add a second child to my family. My weight was extreme, and I did not feel that I could survive a pregnancy- literally. I am still very overweight, but I am considerably smaller than I was when my son was born eight years ago. I am so looking forward to being a mom with more energy, a mom who can hope to keep up with another little person.
Right now I am actually having a small problem in that I have continued to lose weight through the first trimester- nearly 13 pounds. Both my OB, and the PA I see for post- gastric bypass follow up assure me that this is nothing to worry about- I have had morning sickness for two months, and the baby gets his nutrients before I do. It is a very strange experience though, to worry that I am losing too much weight!

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Proud of myself

Monday, March 14, 2011

I have not been feeling well at all lately and exercise has become a real challenge. I just made myself go for a short walk. According to my pedometer I walked for 16 minutes and just under 2000 steps. It is not much but I am really proud of myself for accomplishing it today. I still do not feel great, but I have slightly more energy than I did 16 minutes ago and I am much happier with myself. Plus I can go home tonight and rest, knowing that not only did I eat well for the day, but I got at least a little exercise in. Tomorrow maybe I will still feel a little better and I can get a little more exercise in.

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weaving

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I have completed two small weaving projects this month and I am very excited.
Turns out I still really love to weave! I have my loom warped for a third project and I just need to translate the pattern that I am working with to written instructions that I can follow.
My first project was a simple threaded in pattern- essentially just diamonds, but the second one I did was butterflies. I was really pleased with the way it turned out. The project that I am working on now is knotwork which I have never done before but have always wanted to try.

I have only lost 4 pounds in the last two months, but since I did not think that I had lost any, I am actually pretty pleased. I think I am finally over all of my winter illness too, so the next couple of months should be great! I cannot wait for Spring!

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getting through winter

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

I find it much more difficult to work out in winter.
I have managed a 15 minute walk today- Just a little bit outdoors and mostly in the corridors of the large hospital I work next door too. Tonight I plan to ride my exercise bike for 20 minutes.
Part of my struggle is that I have been sick pretty much all winter with a cold, sinus infection, cold etc. It is really hard to get in any aerobic acativity when I cannot breath!

I know that Spring is coming and the world will open up and exercise will be easy again. I just have to struggle through the next 5 weeks!

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