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Lukewarm effort

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

It occurs to me that some sort of journaling might be advantageous. To me, I mean. My daily musings are unlikely to be of import or significance to anyone else. But then, you never know. I see things on blogs that make me sorta go, "huh?"

My purpose is that I'm basically a slacker. I just don't wanna (anything). As a result, big chunks of my life go off into the slacking composter, which doesn't do much for my progress or state of mind. It's pretty clear that doing nothing is not likely to change my outlook. Perhaps doing SOMEthing...ANYTHING...might be enough change to make a difference.

Then again, maybe not. Maybe this is just a little excursion in my mind, and it won't last beyond today. Who knows. Not I, certainly.

If you happen to see blog entries from me on the various team feeds, and they are just entitled with the date, you're likely to encounter some rambling discourse like this one. Hardly worth following, unless you have a bit of a masochistic streak, like myself! lol But if such things fascinate you, feel free to follow and comment or needle or whatever seems appropriate! hehe

So...today. I'm slacking, as usual. I should be finishing up some continuing ed classwork that just isn't appealing. It's not my favored field; actually, it's waaaay outside my usual field of expertise. Some part of me notes that this should be the very purpose of continuing ed! Foolishly enough, it's a topic I really am interested in: nutrition. Of course, it's veterinary nutrition. Some little aspects carry over. Not dependably, but the course leader is a tech specialist in the field, and she's always eager to delve into human nutrition, so long as I'm otherwise following the course game plan. I just don't want to be challenged - DUH! so why did I continue and take the advanced course once I'd completed the basic course?!? there's that little masochistic bird raising its spiky plumes again.

I'm stressing myself unnecessarily with this, because I don't HAVE to do it. I'm retired. It hardly matters if I maintain my credentialing...other than the fact that I'm too stubborn to give it up. Any road, the course ends in early/mid-July. I'm barely halfway through the assignments. I'm stressed. I'm enrolled in another CE course, this one right in my specialty, and I completed the whole thing over the span of one day. I'd also taken the basic version of that one, and the instructor there laughingly prompted me to maybe take more than a day to finish the advanced version! LOL Little chance of that, evidently. Well. I'm so freaked out with the closing date for the other course that I felt compelled to get this one out of the way so I'd be "free" to apply myself to the remaining one. Ha. Likely chance, there. You see where I actually AM.

I'm disgusted with this weight-loss thing. I keep wavering back and forth across a line...I was within sniffing distance of Onederland a couple months back. Now I'm back in the 220s, and it just goes up and down and up and down...last check it was 222. Explain to me the logic and justice of this: I eat poorly for ONE DAY, and gain 3 pounds. Okay, I'll accept responsibility for that. HOWEVER! if the Fates had any mercy whatsoever, in justice, if I eat very well for a day - okay, even a couple days, I'll be lenient - I should equitably lose 3 pounds afterwards. Yes? is this not fair? But no. Justice does not prevail. So I'm disgusted. Not terminally so! just annoyed. I'm starting to contemplate more extreme ventures now. I've been eyeing this Fat Fast thing for a while. Maybe I need to Just Do It. But I'm not that big a fan of cream cheese! Sissy. I see lots of what appear to be really tasty recipes in their .pdf I've got here. There's that slacker again. I just don't wanna. Bother with recipes, I mean. OTOH, I'm not getting anywhere whining about plateaus either. It's a dilemma.

The whip-cracker endocrinologist wants me back to 20-30 carbs a day. huh. Well, I've managed to crawl down from my slippage of 100+ to around 50-ish. That's an improvement. It's not 20-30, however. I'd like to congratulate my poor carb-addicted self on this point, except that I'm still doing childishly impulsive slacker things like eating a couple tablespoons of peanut (ack!) butter with a couple tablespoons of fruit-only preserves for lunch. Because I didn't want to bother figuring out what to cook...or rewarm, out of the amazing spread of already cooked food I've got populating my fridge. Well, the DH needs dinner later, right? yeah. A nice excuse. I know it's an excuse. I know it when I think it. I know I shouldn't be eating "deconstructed PB-J sandwiches" too. I tell myself so with each mouthful. And do it anyway. It's not even a craving or a binge. It's simply sheer laziness. Slacker. See?

And then there's this issue with my friend. I met a lady in Walmart, of all places...we hit it off right away, who knows why. Doesn't much matter; we're compatible and both have something of a dearth of companions in our lives. She has no means of transportation. I have mobility issues. So I take her around and she helps me load/unload and go get motorized shopping carts where we go...it's a decent arrangement. Unfortunately, she also is at something of a disadvantage in her finances. I hate to see that. I remember being there. The fact that she's enabling me and encouraging me (even when I'm sometimes in no mood) to go out is a great boon to me. It makes me do some little bit of "exercise" (ie, activity) which I would not be doing if not for her. I wouldn't be able to pay for physical therapy, I don't think. Even so, I'm sure my slacker nature wouldn't keep me going to something like that. I don't demur too much to my friend when she wants or needs to go out. The point of this is that sometimes if she's short in the pocket, I fill in. We usually go to lunch when when we're out, and it's not uncommon for me to pay the tab. Sometimes she'll pay for her portion, or pay the tip...but I don't make any deal over it if she doesn't. However, it's advanced now into shaky territory. One time she admitted that she just didn't have enough to pay her grocery bill when we were out. This is stated with hesitant speculation. Okay, fine. She sees me pay with a card. She has no card. It's cash or nothing. In this case, it would have been nothing. Why did we go grocerying if she had no cash? I have no idea. It was okay...I had it, and I shared it, and she paid me back, although I was nervous about it. It took two of her monthly paychecks to eke out what she owed me, but it worked out. She makes jests now about her "private banker". She's having family for the upcoming holiday, which is also her husband's birthday. Family is coming from states away who she hasn't seen in some time, and they'll be staying with her. This will entail more food in the house than she would normally stock. It also means they'll be staying in her house, and the only spot she has for them is the family room...and their a/c unit in there won't maintain a decent temp. I guess it's undersized, or old, or I-don't-know-what. For whatever reason, she needs to replace the old tired window unit they've got in there. She was telling me about one she found (again, Walmart - where we go grocery shopping a lot). Then I get the sheepish admission that she just has no idea where she's going to get the money. The husband gets SS. She gets nothing, for some convoluted reason. Be that as it may, the a/c unit really isn't that expensive. She asked me to go by her sister's place, who had agreed to lend my friend a credit card, when we go out tomorrow. But the tone of her voice clearly indicated to me that the sister wasn't pleased with this. And then she says, "unless I could put it on your card." hmpf Why didn't I see that coming. Well, okay. I can see the situation. She paid me back without my having to make issue of it the last time. So we're going to try it again. It just makes me nervous. My husband, although he's not in the loop with the various "borrowings," does know I buy lunches. And that I don't get any gas money for all our gallivanting around. Now he's taken to (snidely) telling me that I don't have a friend, I had to "buy" one. Well, that wasn't the case initially. We were friends for quite a while before all this started. But now that it has, without making a big change (and for what reason would I cite?), I see no way to stop it. I don't mind helping her. I like to be able to suggest things which appeal to me, since I do have someone to share with, even if I know it's not something she'd do on her own. Or afford on her own, whatever. But it's stressing me. I don't want there to be tension between us. I don't want her to think I don't trust her - there's no evidence to support it. I'm just starting to feel iffy about it. Meanwhile I'm sliding along worrying about it.

And none of this is getting me any closer to progressing in my CE assignments.
Off I go.
Hopefully to do something I'm *supposed* to be doing.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 6/20/2013 1:31PM

    I think a lot of mental/emotional work gets done while one is slacking. I would also be uncomfortable with such a friend. You might want to set some very serious limits and keep a tally. Maybe decide that you are willing to take her out to lunch once a week or every other week but NOTHING else. I would never ask a friend for money.

I am glad to see you back blogging.

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SHEL_V2 6/19/2013 11:26AM

    I prefer "efficient" or even "lazy" to slacker. If I felt the need to be busy doing something, anything, I wouldn't know just how few things really needed to be done!

Your candid description of your experiences with your friend are appreciated. There is an uneasy line between a convenient exchange (she gets you out, and the loans are so little to you) and an uncomfortable feeling you're being pumped. My own gut feel is that people who've always worked, educated themselves, and had minimal chaos probably have little in common with people whose lives are full of "some convoluted reason".

Look into the "Silver Sneakers" program and see if you are eligible for one near you. It offers access to gyms and classes designed to improve your strength, flexibility, balance and endurance. You may find friends you have more in common with! http://www.silversneakers.com/Home.
aspx

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POPSY190 6/19/2013 3:12AM

    I'm a fellow slacker!! I can go for months on track and then for no particular reason decide I just can't be bothered. I'm a bit in that state at the moment.
I'm sorry the friendship has turned out to be a worry for you. I think I'd back off the shopping trips if I was seen as the money machine for them. Hope you can sort it out in your mind. emoticon

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HONOURIA 6/19/2013 12:21AM

    I think KIM_ below has some good ideas.


Comment edited on: 6/19/2013 3:02:47 PM

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WOUBBIE 6/18/2013 7:34PM

    I think you ARE doing what you're supposed to be doing. Offloading some troubling thoughts so you can look at them at leisure and see what other people think.

I am a slacker as well, and am raising a whole family of slackers! I feel guilty about it sometimes, but not often. Somehow the work all gets done eventually.

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KIM___ 6/18/2013 4:43PM

    You did remind me that I need to get started with my CEUs. I've been slacking on that!

I understand your reluctance with your friend. You might tell her 'this month it's tight' and you can't put anything extra on your card. You seem to like the lunches out and not think that was a bother, but you might also explain that restaurant lunches are too high in sodium and you'd like to cut them out.

The 'gaining of 3 pounds' might just be extra water weight held in by sodium. I ate Pizza Hut pizza yesterday and my "weight" cliimbed 4 pounds. I know that by tomorrow, after drinking a swimming pool of water, I will be back to status quo. It's just a shocker first thing in the morning, huh? emoticon

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KERRYG155 6/18/2013 4:33PM

    Blogging and/or putting things down on paper can help you think out and maybe help you solve a problem. Hope it helps. BTW the human body actually needs 100 gr of carbs in order to function properly.

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Let's Build a House!

Thursday, February 07, 2013

Oh no. Here I find myself again. heh.

I received an instigatory email a couple of days ago from a magazine to which I used to subscribe, but dropped it because it was making me crazy (-ier). They have diabolically chosen to continue to send the email version, however. I can never resist looking at it simply because I can’t. Won’t. I did love the magazine (Mother Earth) – but it started all sorts of imaginary plots and schemes that I could never follow up on then and certainly could not do now. We have a small piece of acreage that I’d sited most of these fantasies upon…but we live in an apartment now, and I can’t see their looking with any enthusiasm upon a chicken tractor crawling around between the buildings, no matter what good argument I might make about bug control and fertilization and the simple pleasures of chickens! I love all kinds of domestic poultry. No little part of this is due to the gifts in the form of delectable eggs that they provide!

The magazine was always full of gardening enticements (for which I need little enticement to begin with)… but wait. Stop it. That’s not the topic.

This latest edition featured an article on *SILO* homes. ?!? How outrageous! How very much right up my alley! oboy I think the originals were probably abandoned structures…but since you can still purchase new ones, it looks like the industry has gotten a bit of a new lease on the market – albeit not quite what they’d planned for. But just look at these things!


I’m enchanted. Well, I’ve always had a sort of screwy bent. I’ve had a yearning for domes ever since I first knew about them. I still have, unfortunately. Another fantasy I’ll never see brought to fruition… I’m way beyond living out in the boonies now, and DH just can’t handle the “round” thing. He objects to the angle of the walls where they meet the foundation. Most modern domes have riser walls that eliminate that. They also have dormers and extensions to break up the roundness. I told him, “just because the overall building is round, there’s no reason there couldn’t be a big wraparound verandah that would give the impression of some “squareness.” He’s unimpressed. Personally, all that space is exactly what attracts me!


Seriously…what’s not to love?
Plus the structural benefits are unparalleled. Yes, silos do have similar aesthetic appeal (for me – detractions for him), but if you see photos of silos (real working silos) in the afterpath of storms, they’re pretty much reduced to twisted wrecks of metal. Sort of like a soda can that’s been squished in the parking lot. Domes, on the other hand, survive nearly ANYthing. I saw a story about one out on a NC beach that got a direct hit from a hurricane several years ago. All the other vacation homes in the vicinity were destroyed. The poor dome suffered too: the wind rolled it right off its foundation! Poor thing. They had to get some big construction equipment to roll it back on. I suppose the interior was a bit worse for wear. However, if I had my “druthers,” I’d be gaily floating through life in a dome home with a dome outbuilding (s) full of critters…with a dang chicken tractor in the yard (right next to the garden plot!). sigh

In the course of this latest lunacy, it occurred to me that I would benefit from a short foray into language. Definitions, specifically. The thing which seems particularly appropriate in this vein is…

ma•nia, noun \ˈmā-nē-ə, -nyə
Definition
1: excitement manifested by mental and physical hyperactivity, disorganization of behavior, and elevation of mood
2: excessive or unreasonable enthusiasm
Origin
Middle English, from Late Latin, from Greek, from mainesthaito be mad; akin to Greek menos spirit
First Known Use: 14th century
Related to MANIA
Synonyms: aberration, dementia, derangement, lunacy, madness, insanity, rage
Antonyms: mind, saneness, sanity
Other Terms
hypochondria, intelligence, narcissism, neurosis, pathological, psychosis, subliminal

How disappointing to find this is a “syndrome.” huh Doesn’t EVERYbody react to exciting new ideas this way? sheesh

Aberration is my life. Back to “unreasonable enthusiasm!”
LOL

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKATER787 7/16/2013 5:41PM

    I'd go for the chicken tractor (least amount of work to satisfy your inner voice). Keep the horse (before selling it) and ditch the dome home!
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EXOTEC 6/18/2013 11:46AM

    Oh, I loved the horse, too!! In fact, we had a TWH who looked *a lot* like the one pictured there!

I just love how critters insert themselves. This one thinks s/he'd like to be a photographer! LOL

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OPTIMIST1948 6/18/2013 6:15AM

    Am I the only one who is amused by the horse photobomb?

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DEELYNNE1 4/1/2013 12:30PM

    Love the silo houses. I've thought for quite a while that I'd like to live in a Yurt but I can't afford land on which to put it so like you, I'm currently living in an apartment. They wouldn't go for the chickens, either, but it sure would be cool to have all those home-grown, fresh eggs from one's own healthy chickens!

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1SALMON1 2/9/2013 12:35AM

    One of the best things I've found on Sparkpeople is excellent, entertaining writing - like this! Your blog cheers me up and I often and deeply need cheering. Thank you again and again, Exotec! As for silo homes they are beautiful and I want to learn more about them - bet they could be make safe (r?). And I have always wanted to live in a g. dome. They seems both sensible and beautiful! Wonder if the riser walls could be straw-bale or cob, with the dome on top...? I have pondered suburban chickens - in our city we can have 6 - but when they are old & not laying anymore whatever would I do? I never had to kill a chicken yet... I'd end up with a flock of geriatric hens tottering around, & geriatric me trying to keep them safe from the raccoons.
Anyway, I say Hip Hooray for aberration!

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POPSY190 2/8/2013 2:47AM

    Great blog; love your enthusiasm for the ideas.

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HOUNDLOVER1 2/7/2013 8:44PM

    I love the silo homes, I suspect they get very hot in the summer though. We don't have much land, just 100x100 feet, but lots of ducks and eggs. I love them. Someday some acreage would be lovely. emoticon

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 2/7/2013 6:18PM

    Wow! That is amazing. No need to turn to the dictionary! Feel it all on your pulse.

Lovely pictures!

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KERRYG155 2/7/2013 5:48PM

    Part of that sounds like my childhood! lol We did have a chicken coop in our garage and had fresh eggs plus more we sold. That was in town and then we moved out into the country and had cages of pheasant, quail, guinea (however you spell those birds) plus others as well as a pond with ducks and geese. Those were the day. My uncle in Texas also had a dome room attached to his house-don't know if he made much selling them but he tried. It was a great room though.

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ANDY_54 2/7/2013 2:44PM

    Too funny about Mother's Earth--I love that magazine and all that's in it, but wow what a lot of ideas in there! DH and I live on a hobby farm (crops only) and I would LOVE to get some chickens. May have to present the idea up the chain, LOL. Great ideas about housing, too. I saw one the other day that was built so small it could be transported on wheels to another location. Thought that was great as long as one of us was out of the house any given time, hee. Great blog!

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CURTIOSITY 2/7/2013 2:36PM

    I LOVELOVELOVE this blog. Gypsy chicken houses totally capture my imagination - as do tiny houses (I live in a house that qualifies - but I often think it is too large), as do communities with a commitment to the organic and the sustainable - my neighbors all have free-ranging chickens and I have often tended them in exchange for eggs, so I don't need to have my own flockette, but I definitely have a fowl temperament.

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Miscellany

Saturday, February 02, 2013

Well, here I am again. I have no idea what prompted it. I've been scanning through other blogs and pages and maybe that was some sort of instigation. Then again...who knows.

It's COLD here today! Cold and I are not compatriots. Even though it's probably balmy for some of you, a high of 60° in FL is not my idea of fun. I'd had myself all worked up to go to the local medieval faire as a birthday outing - as I hope for every year - and, again, I was "weathered out." Usually it's rain. This year the rain came first. Still. I'm not going out to the fairgrounds and muck no matter how much I want to see the blacksmiths and harpmakers and other things I like. So...not this year either.

I had hoped to append a trip to our local university's animal science facility, where they sell at retail the animals they raise and slaughter in the course of teaching their students. The animals are all pastured, so it's like getting high-priced commercial meats for grocery prices. Close enough, anyway. I haven't been yet, and was eager. But again. Too cold. Well, it's not like there won't be other times I can go.

Here comes a curve! I was reading someone else's page (sorry, I don't remember whose), and they mentioned MBTI typing, and that they were INTP. I love that stuff. I was INTJ for most of my life...but I've been "mellowing" (?) in my dodderihood toward INTP. I suppose I have to claim to INTx. I'm always excited to hear others mention it, because it's not widely known in general circles, it seems.

I'm still debating theology with my pen pal friend. It's interesting and frustrating. I keep getting quoted at. That's not really my intent. Evidently it's his, though. Evangelism seems to be the object, there. Poor thing. He's going to be roundly disappointed in that effort. My press is toward variations and similarities between philosophies...and what I know of the development of Christianity. Don't you guys jump ship on me here! As my page notes, I am strongly spiritual; I'm just not religious, and I wouldn't classify myself as Christian. So he's on a mission to "save" me. I have literally boxes of really good material on theology here. None of it is negative toward the faith -- it just points out how things can be (and have been) misconstrued and misinterpreted. Any doctrine voted in by committee is immediately suspect, IMHO. But that's me. He won't/can't even look at it, much less give it any honest consideration. I suppose I am his challenge.

On the food front...I've hit another little wall. I hate that. For some reason, protein just isn't attractive to me the last little while, nor yet. I know better than to eat it "because I should" - that never works. Meanwhile, the calorie count (which I never watch) has been creeping up along with the carbs. THAT has to stop. I've redeveloped the late-night snackies, too. Another "has to stop." So the scale has stopped, too. I know what I need to do. I've just gotta jack myself up to do it.

I wonder how many of the rest of you might be battling multiple fronts insofar as foods? I have Issues. The restricted carbs is a "given." Then, beyond that, I have other health considerations which make roughage and protein difficult. I love salads. I crave salads! But if I eat more than half-a-cup to a cup of it, it wrecks my digestion. Protein, ditto. Less amount, naturally. The "leafy greens" we're encouraged toward affect me in much the same way. I don't know if it's the fiber or the content. FODMAPs wreck me. I love mushrooms, but can only eat them in limited quantity now, instead of their being a whole entree by themselves, as I used to do. Tomatoes hate me except for in small amounts, like ketchup or whatever comes in the spoon from a pot of simmering meatballs. Any cruciform veggies are problematic. It's amazing that I can find anything at all to keep the scale numbers from falling! I seem to manage, though.

Oh, I'm just rambling now. Perhaps it's time to ramble on over to something else for a while.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASEYCOFF 2/4/2013 4:20AM

    Re typing: now, see, I have another research project on my To-Do list. You (you should pardon the expression) sparked an idea with me, aheh.

Re protein: took me a l-o-n-g time to sort it out - for myself, that is - but it's not protein per se that's the problem for me. Apparently. It seems to be the source of the protein. I'm still working on it, but the key - again, for myself - appears to be non-meat sources. It's working out for me much better than my previous all-or-nothing (or worse, some-but-too-little) methods of the past.

I think that puts me in the Work In Progress camp--?
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LE7_1234 2/4/2013 1:06AM

    I was reading up on The 3-Season Diet: Eat the Way Nature Intended recently--the author advocates changing eating plans on a more or less seasonal schedule. Even in Florida it's a little early for spring, but that would be the time it's natural to eat less protein....

Not sure I recommend the method or not--I was too annoyed with the writing style to finish. :-) But you might see if you can find it at the library--maybe mixing things up a little would help keep any one food type from causing too many digestive issues.

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 2/3/2013 9:13PM

    I was an INFP for a long time. Now I sometimes test as INFJ or INTP.

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1SALMON1 2/3/2013 8:58PM

    Oh GOOD - you have another post. I so enjoyed your previous and was hoping you'd write again soon. In this post you mentioned several things that resonate for me. First, I may be the person who brought up the MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator) - at least I mention it on my page & I haven't seen it on any others yet (tho out of the millions of pages on SP someone else must be into it). Ah look - Its right there on your page! Myers Briggs has been a big help to me sorting myself out and understanding other people better. As I get older I am more I - introverts rule! and more N - intuitive. I tend to be middling about the T/F scale, close to the middle; but get extreme again with J/P, heading farther out into Perceiver land every year. And Theology. Well! Don't get me started. Really. I'm in the no-religion camp and expect to stay there - tho right now I am reading Buddhism (mindfulness - perhaps helpful with several aspects of my life including food). Regarding food, good digestion etc. I have a theory. While my body is 60, my innards have digested way more than 60 years worth of food. All those organs are much closer to the end of their warranty than they should be due to hard over-use. So stuff that didn't used to bother me gives me indigestion now. Is it all protein that doesn't appeal? Can you do dairy (yogurt maybe, with little / no lactose)? Eggs? Good old rice & beans? or protein powder in smoothies? Many tiny meals? I have no good ideas... Anyway, thanks for writing!

Comment edited on: 2/3/2013 9:05:31 PM

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EXOTEC 2/3/2013 11:46AM

    @ WOUBBIE ~

I find it interesting that we introverts tend to be perhaps the most garrulous of members in online communities! I'm friendly in public, but the personality you see here isn't what you'd get from me "on the street.": I wonder how many of us there really are here in "safe places"?!?

Yes, I'm pretty good with fats. I eat lots of butter, I use coconut oil for nearly all my cooking that requires oil ... although, I have to guiltily admit to resorting to peanut oil on occasion (I AM a southern girl, after all!). And I eat bacon like candy, even though I sometimes forget to add it on my Tracker. Some proteins are worse than others. Beef and pork I can take in limited quantities. I can't remember the last time I was able to eat a whole steak, even though it was delicious and I wanted it. My stomach started warning me about half a dozen bites into it. I can eat a fair amount of chicken. I love shellfish and white fish - but there's not much fat in either of those. I'm just muddling along. Creamy sauces help!

I think the late-night thing is more discipline than true hunger. I've let myself lapse into MY normal hours, which means I don't get up until 10 or 11, and so I'm not tired enough to go to bed at other peoples' normal hours. Thus, I'm hungry at "dinnertime," which works out to be around 10 or 11 pm. Too late for food. I've gotta stop that!

@ POPSY190 ~
me too! part of my difficulty is that I've only come to the realization in the last few years (since I've been on this new nutritional regime) that appetite isn't hunger. What a thing to learn. Why didn't I know this?!? duh

@ NOREGRET2010 ~

yes, I think "respectful" is the operative there. I respect the beliefs and choices of others. In fact, I support my friend's perspective and faith. It is GOOD for him. He thrives on it, and I wouldn't want to do anything to take that feeling from him. I just object to instant adoption of someone else's perspective just because it's promoted (such as his religious mentors simply quoting scripture and warning him that any thought processes stemming from that teaching is heresy). Not only that, I'd really like to know if the way I'm reading the books I have raises different questions or conclusions from others. I want / need to know! But it's virtually impossible to expect or even hope for someone deeply rooted in a particular viewpoint to open themselves to any other one.
OTOH, it can be somewhat humorous: Bless him, he regularly tells me the devil is leading me astray (to which I have to respond, "but I don't believe in a "devil"), or that if I don't "accept Jesus" (whatever that means) that I won't be "saved" (from what? I'm basically a good person...I don't need to repent of some huge defect), and the result will be I'll either go to hell or to heaven (neither of which I believe in!). So, there you are. All his best arguments are invalid in my philosophy. I'm sure I'm a great trial to him. But he cares, as you say about your friend...I don't want to give him cause for grief. I can't be deceptive about it though. That's part of *my* philosophy!
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NOREGRET2010 2/3/2013 9:13AM

    Regarding your friend trying to "save" you....sigh. I have one of those too. I came to a place a long time ago where I left the fundamental branch of crazy we had grown up in. I don't mind that she continues to follow that path, I just don't follow it anymore. It's not that I don't understand she is concerned for my salvation and the horror that is for her, it's that I don't believe that any more. I think, (gasp, that's what she considers the problem no doubt), well I think I have a belief system in place, it just doesn't match hers and is therefore wrong. And if she tries hard enough, she can redeem me.

Likely not. But she's welcome to try - as long as she remains respectful.

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POPSY190 2/3/2013 12:59AM

    I like your language about war. I, too, feel that it's a kind of front in a constant war with my appetitie!

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WOUBBIE 2/2/2013 11:59PM

    Hey, I'm an INTJ too!

I'm wondering, since protein is giving you trouble and you have the munchies, can you add more fat to your diet? I've started losing a tiny bit again since I added in some coconut oil and cut my protein by a bit.

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Blogland absolution

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I stand, figuratively, before you properly chastised and thusly abashed. I read another Sparker’s blog recently in which “reasons” for others NOT blogging were laid waste. This is a shame, because I’ve clung to many of them myself…and now they’re dust.

I have never written such things. Not where anyone else might happen across them, that is. I have no idea what I’m doing here or what “correct procedure” might entail for blogging. I’m not convinced it will be something I will delve into with any regularity. On the other hand, as any of you who know me through the forums can attest, I have a penchant for running off at the mouth. This may be the inception of the creation of a monster. You are forewarned.

One thing I believe makes for good communication is continuity. If there’s no thread to follow, I get lost and lose interest. I want to know what I can expect of the speaker (or author). Some little nuance or hue of previous conversation should find its way into future instances.

Unfortunately, I am not a linear thinker. This gives great grief and frustration to my DH, who needs structure and becomes visibly (and usually audibly) distressed when my thoughts run their typical course, which means erratic, tangential, and very frequently incorporate completely disconnected concepts into some new one (which makes perfect sense to me). Conversations at table in my childhood home were more often based upon speculation, imagination, learning, and application of generalities to subjects originally not intended. Dinner conversation in his home were focused on current events, politics, economics, commentary from TV shows (I don’t mean sitcoms), and tidbits of occurrences related from other parts of the family. This is what he expects of conversation. For my part, I would have gone face-first into my plate relatively quickly. Another aspect which differed greatly in our respective family-meal experiences is that in *my* home, it was an open exchange of ideas. Difference and alternate applications of concepts were encouraged, if not demanded. In his home, their roundtables were debates in which there was always a “winner,” and all others “lost” the conversation. He still communicates in much the same way, although it’s toned down now, 40+ years after the fact.

My object in this, getting back to it circuitously, is that anything I may scribe here is likely to follow the same non-linear path. Some days I’m full of technical information I’ve discovered on internet searches or in printed media. Other days, I’m enrobed in whatever entertainment reading I’m doing. I frequently will experience some small everyday miracle and it fills me for the whole day. Very small things that make a large impact upon me. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by peevishness, such as how our language is crumbling away and being replaced by something I don’t even recognize as language. Then there’s days when I wake up with some fantasy already percolating in my brain (where do those come from?) and it won’t let me go. And then I have days, due to health issues, that I just whine. Most days, I’m just “full of” SOMEthing or other. Sometimes good, sometimes not good, sometimes blindingly boring or incomprehensible to others. I wish I could say you can depend on a certain amount of “something” here… but I suspect I’d be lying through my teeth (and to myself) to suggest such a thing. I wish, but I won’t say it.

I don’t know and won’t offer any prediction of when I might do this again. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never. Maybe a couple times a day! Maybe at irregular intervals. For the moment, at least, I feel I’ve redeemed myself by having done anything at all.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1SALMON1 2/2/2013 6:36PM

    Thank you! This is a great blog post. You're letting folks get to know you and giving yourself a chance to 'try it on' - blogging, I mean. You write well (thanks by the way for the great reviews of diet and nutrition books posted on Eclectic Readers & other team pages!) and your blog made me smile - non-linear types unite!!! I am curious what you will share next!

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GOPINTOS 1/24/2013 6:32PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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Smile and Enjoy the Rest of Your Day!
Melinda (gopintos)
Calorie Cycling Team
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NOREGRET2010 1/24/2013 7:59AM

    I didn't set out to blog - and on a health/fitness/weight loss site? Um, no. No I did not plan that.

But I'm glad I do. I've used my blog to chronicle my journey with it's many (many) little ups and downs. I've built deeper relationships on Spark through it. I've worked through "stuff" by writing my blog.

For me, blogging is for me. Yes, it's set to public so it can be found and read, but I don't write for them, I write for ME.

Excited to follow you. :)

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-LINDA_S 1/23/2013 11:14PM

    An auspicious beginning. Looking forward to more!

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CURTIOSITY 1/23/2013 7:29PM

    Write on!

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ADAGIO_CON_BRIO 1/23/2013 4:14PM

    I love your writing and the way you think. I use my blog as an impulsive thing: whatever comes to mind whether it be a vituperative rant about the girl who bullied me over 50 years ago or the great poem that I just came across---I don't see the blog as organized nearly as coherently as "Pepys Diary" for example And when people read it, I am always somewhat surprised.

I keep writing them so that I can return at some point and trace my mood or my feelings but if I thought I had to be entertaining or worthy--now that would stop me.

I hope that you look upon your blog as your childhood dinner table--a speculative and serendipitous place.

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DWROBERGE 1/23/2013 3:54PM

    Keep focused fore success. You can do it. Go for it.

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GLC2009 1/23/2013 3:28PM

    well, i think this is the best blog so far.............
i'm a pisces. my whole philosophy is not the destination, but, the trip there. which is usually a very circuitous and entertaining route.
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PHEBESS 1/23/2013 3:14PM

    There really isn't a right or wrong way to write a blog. You did fine.

And you are a divergent thinker. (Or writer.) Some people bring in information to solve a question or dilemma - they are convergent thinkers. Others (like you, and me too, actually) jump from info to info, or thought to thought, somewhat like a butterfly fluttering from flower to flower, before reaching a conclusion - we are the divergent thinkers. Again, there isn't a right or wrong, just a difference.

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KERRYG155 1/23/2013 3:04PM

    I think sometimes the few blogs I've done probably ramble in circles, too. That's just the way this old brain works. emoticon

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GRACEMCDOG 1/23/2013 2:45PM

    I always look forward to anything you write, technical, literary or schmoozishness. Interesting description of the difference between the way you and your mate learned to communicate. I had a boyfriend one time who's lawyer/judge father instructed his children that 'you never have to lie because there are so many inventive ways to circumvent the truth.' and they, too, had 'winners' and 'losers' in their daily communications with each other. I was horrified. Later, I found out that the mother in the family was a (barely) functional alcoholic. I'd never seen one before so didn't recognize her odd behaviors as that of a serious addict. Naw, my mind doesn't jump all over the place. Huh Uh. Not me. sheesh. I bet you and I could have some great, disjointed talks.

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KASEYCOFF 1/23/2013 2:39PM

    Well, sweetie, there IS no "right" or "wrong" blog. To paraphrase Gertie, a blog is a blog is a blog.

And as for linear vs nonlinear: myself, now, I often say my train of thought ain't an express. It's a milk-run, with lots of stops and branch lines along the way, lol...
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_JULEE_ 1/23/2013 1:57PM

    emoticon

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POPSY190 1/23/2013 12:41PM

    I for one hope that you do this again frequently! I enjoyed the language, the description of opposing childhood experiences, and the non linear train of thought. emoticon

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