Tuesday, June 18, 2013
It occurs to me that some sort of journaling might be advantageous. To me, I mean. My daily musings are unlikely to be of import or significance to anyone else. But then, you never know. I see things on blogs that make me sorta go, "huh?"
My purpose is that I'm basically a slacker. I just don't wanna (anything). As a result, big chunks of my life go off into the slacking composter, which doesn't do much for my progress or state of mind. It's pretty clear that doing nothing is not likely to change my outlook. Perhaps doing SOMEthing...ANYTHING...might be enough change to make a difference.
Then again, maybe not. Maybe this is just a little excursion in my mind, and it won't last beyond today. Who knows. Not I, certainly.
If you happen to see blog entries from me on the various team feeds, and they are just entitled with the date, you're likely to encounter some rambling discourse like this one. Hardly worth following, unless you have a bit of a masochistic streak, like myself! lol But if such things fascinate you, feel free to follow and comment or needle or whatever seems appropriate! hehe
So...today. I'm slacking, as usual. I should be finishing up some continuing ed classwork that just isn't appealing. It's not my favored field; actually, it's waaaay outside my usual field of expertise. Some part of me notes that this should be the very purpose of continuing ed! Foolishly enough, it's a topic I really am interested in: nutrition. Of course, it's veterinary nutrition. Some little aspects carry over. Not dependably, but the course leader is a tech specialist in the field, and she's always eager to delve into human nutrition, so long as I'm otherwise following the course game plan. I just don't want to be challenged - DUH! so why did I continue and take the advanced course once I'd completed the basic course?!? there's that little masochistic bird raising its spiky plumes again.
I'm stressing myself unnecessarily with this, because I don't HAVE to do it. I'm retired. It hardly matters if I maintain my credentialing...other than the fact that I'm too stubborn to give it up. Any road, the course ends in early/mid-July. I'm barely halfway through the assignments. I'm stressed. I'm enrolled in another CE course, this one right in my specialty, and I completed the whole thing over the span of one day. I'd also taken the basic version of that one, and the instructor there laughingly prompted me to maybe take more than a day to finish the advanced version! LOL Little chance of that, evidently. Well. I'm so freaked out with the closing date for the other course that I felt compelled to get this one out of the way so I'd be "free" to apply myself to the remaining one. Ha. Likely chance, there. You see where I actually AM.
I'm disgusted with this weight-loss thing. I keep wavering back and forth across a line...I was within sniffing distance of Onederland a couple months back. Now I'm back in the 220s, and it just goes up and down and up and down...last check it was 222. Explain to me the logic and justice of this: I eat poorly for ONE DAY, and gain 3 pounds. Okay, I'll accept responsibility for that. HOWEVER! if the Fates had any mercy whatsoever, in justice, if I eat very well for a day - okay, even a couple days, I'll be lenient - I should equitably lose 3 pounds afterwards. Yes? is this not fair? But no. Justice does not prevail. So I'm disgusted. Not terminally so! just annoyed. I'm starting to contemplate more extreme ventures now. I've been eyeing this Fat Fast thing for a while. Maybe I need to Just Do It. But I'm not that big a fan of cream cheese! Sissy. I see lots of what appear to be really tasty recipes in their .pdf I've got here. There's that slacker again. I just don't wanna. Bother with recipes, I mean. OTOH, I'm not getting anywhere whining about plateaus either. It's a dilemma.
The whip-cracker endocrinologist wants me back to 20-30 carbs a day. huh. Well, I've managed to crawl down from my slippage of 100+ to around 50-ish. That's an improvement. It's not 20-30, however. I'd like to congratulate my poor carb-addicted self on this point, except that I'm still doing childishly impulsive slacker things like eating a couple tablespoons of peanut (ack!) butter with a couple tablespoons of fruit-only preserves for lunch. Because I didn't want to bother figuring out what to cook...or rewarm, out of the amazing spread of already cooked food I've got populating my fridge. Well, the DH needs dinner later, right? yeah. A nice excuse. I know it's an excuse. I know it when I think it. I know I shouldn't be eating "deconstructed PB-J sandwiches" too. I tell myself so with each mouthful. And do it anyway. It's not even a craving or a binge. It's simply sheer laziness. Slacker. See?
And then there's this issue with my friend. I met a lady in Walmart, of all places...we hit it off right away, who knows why. Doesn't much matter; we're compatible and both have something of a dearth of companions in our lives. She has no means of transportation. I have mobility issues. So I take her around and she helps me load/unload and go get motorized shopping carts where we go...it's a decent arrangement. Unfortunately, she also is at something of a disadvantage in her finances. I hate to see that. I remember being there. The fact that she's enabling me and encouraging me (even when I'm sometimes in no mood) to go out is a great boon to me. It makes me do some little bit of "exercise" (ie, activity) which I would not be doing if not for her. I wouldn't be able to pay for physical therapy, I don't think. Even so, I'm sure my slacker nature wouldn't keep me going to something like that. I don't demur too much to my friend when she wants or needs to go out. The point of this is that sometimes if she's short in the pocket, I fill in. We usually go to lunch when when we're out, and it's not uncommon for me to pay the tab. Sometimes she'll pay for her portion, or pay the tip...but I don't make any deal over it if she doesn't. However, it's advanced now into shaky territory. One time she admitted that she just didn't have enough to pay her grocery bill when we were out. This is stated with hesitant speculation. Okay, fine. She sees me pay with a card. She has no card. It's cash or nothing. In this case, it would have been nothing. Why did we go grocerying if she had no cash? I have no idea. It was okay...I had it, and I shared it, and she paid me back, although I was nervous about it. It took two of her monthly paychecks to eke out what she owed me, but it worked out. She makes jests now about her "private banker". She's having family for the upcoming holiday, which is also her husband's birthday. Family is coming from states away who she hasn't seen in some time, and they'll be staying with her. This will entail more food in the house than she would normally stock. It also means they'll be staying in her house, and the only spot she has for them is the family room...and their a/c unit in there won't maintain a decent temp. I guess it's undersized, or old, or I-don't-know-what. For whatever reason, she needs to replace the old tired window unit they've got in there. She was telling me about one she found (again, Walmart - where we go grocery shopping a lot). Then I get the sheepish admission that she just has no idea where she's going to get the money. The husband gets SS. She gets nothing, for some convoluted reason. Be that as it may, the a/c unit really isn't that expensive. She asked me to go by her sister's place, who had agreed to lend my friend a credit card, when we go out tomorrow. But the tone of her voice clearly indicated to me that the sister wasn't pleased with this. And then she says, "unless I could put it on your card." hmpf Why didn't I see that coming. Well, okay. I can see the situation. She paid me back without my having to make issue of it the last time. So we're going to try it again. It just makes me nervous. My husband, although he's not in the loop with the various "borrowings," does know I buy lunches. And that I don't get any gas money for all our gallivanting around. Now he's taken to (snidely) telling me that I don't have a friend, I had to "buy" one. Well, that wasn't the case initially. We were friends for quite a while before all this started. But now that it has, without making a big change (and for what reason would I cite?), I see no way to stop it. I don't mind helping her. I like to be able to suggest things which appeal to me, since I do have someone to share with, even if I know it's not something she'd do on her own. Or afford on her own, whatever. But it's stressing me. I don't want there to be tension between us. I don't want her to think I don't trust her - there's no evidence to support it. I'm just starting to feel iffy about it. Meanwhile I'm sliding along worrying about it.
And none of this is getting me any closer to progressing in my CE assignments.
Off I go.
Hopefully to do something I'm *supposed* to be doing.
Thursday, February 07, 2013
Oh no. Here I find myself again. heh.
I received an instigatory email a couple of days ago from a magazine to which I used to subscribe, but dropped it because it was making me crazy (-ier). They have diabolically chosen to continue to send the email version, however. I can never resist looking at it simply because I can’t. Won’t. I did love the magazine (Mother Earth) – but it started all sorts of imaginary plots and schemes that I could never follow up on then and certainly could not do now. We have a small piece of acreage that I’d sited most of these fantasies upon…but we live in an apartment now, and I can’t see their looking with any enthusiasm upon a chicken tractor crawling around between the buildings, no matter what good argument I might make about bug control and fertilization and the simple pleasures of chickens! I love all kinds of domestic poultry. No little part of this is due to the gifts in the form of delectable eggs that they provide!
The magazine was always full of gardening enticements (for which I need little enticement to begin with)… but wait. Stop it. That’s not the topic.
This latest edition featured an article on *SILO* homes. ?!? How outrageous! How very much right up my alley! oboy I think the originals were probably abandoned structures…but since you can still purchase new ones, it looks like the industry has gotten a bit of a new lease on the market – albeit not quite what they’d planned for. But just look at these things!
I’m enchanted. Well, I’ve always had a sort of screwy bent. I’ve had a yearning for domes ever since I first knew about them. I still have, unfortunately. Another fantasy I’ll never see brought to fruition… I’m way beyond living out in the boonies now, and DH just can’t handle the “round” thing. He objects to the angle of the walls where they meet the foundation. Most modern domes have riser walls that eliminate that. They also have dormers and extensions to break up the roundness. I told him, “just because the overall building is round, there’s no reason there couldn’t be a big wraparound verandah that would give the impression of some “squareness.” He’s unimpressed. Personally, all that space is exactly what attracts me!
Seriously…what’s not to love?
Plus the structural benefits are unparalleled. Yes, silos do have similar aesthetic appeal (for me – detractions for him), but if you see photos of silos (real working silos) in the afterpath of storms, they’re pretty much reduced to twisted wrecks of metal. Sort of like a soda can that’s been squished in the parking lot. Domes, on the other hand, survive nearly ANYthing. I saw a story about one out on a NC beach that got a direct hit from a hurricane several years ago. All the other vacation homes in the vicinity were destroyed. The poor dome suffered too: the wind rolled it right off its foundation! Poor thing. They had to get some big construction equipment to roll it back on. I suppose the interior was a bit worse for wear. However, if I had my “druthers,” I’d be gaily floating through life in a dome home with a dome outbuilding (s) full of critters…with a dang chicken tractor in the yard (right next to the garden plot!). sigh
In the course of this latest lunacy, it occurred to me that I would benefit from a short foray into language. Definitions, specifically. The thing which seems particularly appropriate in this vein is…
ma•nia, noun \ˈmā-nē-ə, -nyə
1: excitement manifested by mental and physical hyperactivity, disorganization of behavior, and elevation of mood
2: excessive or unreasonable enthusiasm
Middle English, from Late Latin, from Greek, from mainesthaito be mad; akin to Greek menos spirit
First Known Use: 14th century
Related to MANIA
Synonyms: aberration, dementia, derangement, lunacy, madness, insanity, rage
Antonyms: mind, saneness, sanity
hypochondria, intelligence, narcissism, neurosis, pathological, psychosis, subliminal
How disappointing to find this is a “syndrome.” huh Doesn’t EVERYbody react to exciting new ideas this way? sheesh
Aberration is my life. Back to “unreasonable enthusiasm!”
Saturday, February 02, 2013
Well, here I am again. I have no idea what prompted it. I've been scanning through other blogs and pages and maybe that was some sort of instigation. Then again...who knows.
It's COLD here today! Cold and I are not compatriots. Even though it's probably balmy for some of you, a high of 60° in FL is not my idea of fun. I'd had myself all worked up to go to the local medieval faire as a birthday outing - as I hope for every year - and, again, I was "weathered out." Usually it's rain. This year the rain came first. Still. I'm not going out to the fairgrounds and muck no matter how much I want to see the blacksmiths and harpmakers and other things I like. So...not this year either.
I had hoped to append a trip to our local university's animal science facility, where they sell at retail the animals they raise and slaughter in the course of teaching their students. The animals are all pastured, so it's like getting high-priced commercial meats for grocery prices. Close enough, anyway. I haven't been yet, and was eager. But again. Too cold. Well, it's not like there won't be other times I can go.
Here comes a curve! I was reading someone else's page (sorry, I don't remember whose), and they mentioned MBTI typing, and that they were INTP. I love that stuff. I was INTJ for most of my life...but I've been "mellowing" (?) in my dodderihood toward INTP. I suppose I have to claim to INTx. I'm always excited to hear others mention it, because it's not widely known in general circles, it seems.
I'm still debating theology with my pen pal friend. It's interesting and frustrating. I keep getting quoted at. That's not really my intent. Evidently it's his, though. Evangelism seems to be the object, there. Poor thing. He's going to be roundly disappointed in that effort. My press is toward variations and similarities between philosophies...and what I know of the development of Christianity. Don't you guys jump ship on me here! As my page notes, I am strongly spiritual; I'm just not religious, and I wouldn't classify myself as Christian. So he's on a mission to "save" me. I have literally boxes of really good material on theology here. None of it is negative toward the faith -- it just points out how things can be (and have been) misconstrued and misinterpreted. Any doctrine voted in by committee is immediately suspect, IMHO. But that's me. He won't/can't even look at it, much less give it any honest consideration. I suppose I am his challenge.
On the food front...I've hit another little wall. I hate that. For some reason, protein just isn't attractive to me the last little while, nor yet. I know better than to eat it "because I should" - that never works. Meanwhile, the calorie count (which I never watch) has been creeping up along with the carbs. THAT has to stop. I've redeveloped the late-night snackies, too. Another "has to stop." So the scale has stopped, too. I know what I need to do. I've just gotta jack myself up to do it.
I wonder how many of the rest of you might be battling multiple fronts insofar as foods? I have Issues. The restricted carbs is a "given." Then, beyond that, I have other health considerations which make roughage and protein difficult. I love salads. I crave salads! But if I eat more than half-a-cup to a cup of it, it wrecks my digestion. Protein, ditto. Less amount, naturally. The "leafy greens" we're encouraged toward affect me in much the same way. I don't know if it's the fiber or the content. FODMAPs wreck me. I love mushrooms, but can only eat them in limited quantity now, instead of their being a whole entree by themselves, as I used to do. Tomatoes hate me except for in small amounts, like ketchup or whatever comes in the spoon from a pot of simmering meatballs. Any cruciform veggies are problematic. It's amazing that I can find anything at all to keep the scale numbers from falling! I seem to manage, though.
Oh, I'm just rambling now. Perhaps it's time to ramble on over to something else for a while.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
I stand, figuratively, before you properly chastised and thusly abashed. I read another Sparker’s blog recently in which “reasons” for others NOT blogging were laid waste. This is a shame, because I’ve clung to many of them myself…and now they’re dust.
I have never written such things. Not where anyone else might happen across them, that is. I have no idea what I’m doing here or what “correct procedure” might entail for blogging. I’m not convinced it will be something I will delve into with any regularity. On the other hand, as any of you who know me through the forums can attest, I have a penchant for running off at the mouth. This may be the inception of the creation of a monster. You are forewarned.
One thing I believe makes for good communication is continuity. If there’s no thread to follow, I get lost and lose interest. I want to know what I can expect of the speaker (or author). Some little nuance or hue of previous conversation should find its way into future instances.
Unfortunately, I am not a linear thinker. This gives great grief and frustration to my DH, who needs structure and becomes visibly (and usually audibly) distressed when my thoughts run their typical course, which means erratic, tangential, and very frequently incorporate completely disconnected concepts into some new one (which makes perfect sense to me). Conversations at table in my childhood home were more often based upon speculation, imagination, learning, and application of generalities to subjects originally not intended. Dinner conversation in his home were focused on current events, politics, economics, commentary from TV shows (I don’t mean sitcoms), and tidbits of occurrences related from other parts of the family. This is what he expects of conversation. For my part, I would have gone face-first into my plate relatively quickly. Another aspect which differed greatly in our respective family-meal experiences is that in *my* home, it was an open exchange of ideas. Difference and alternate applications of concepts were encouraged, if not demanded. In his home, their roundtables were debates in which there was always a “winner,” and all others “lost” the conversation. He still communicates in much the same way, although it’s toned down now, 40+ years after the fact.
My object in this, getting back to it circuitously, is that anything I may scribe here is likely to follow the same non-linear path. Some days I’m full of technical information I’ve discovered on internet searches or in printed media. Other days, I’m enrobed in whatever entertainment reading I’m doing. I frequently will experience some small everyday miracle and it fills me for the whole day. Very small things that make a large impact upon me. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by peevishness, such as how our language is crumbling away and being replaced by something I don’t even recognize as language. Then there’s days when I wake up with some fantasy already percolating in my brain (where do those come from?) and it won’t let me go. And then I have days, due to health issues, that I just whine. Most days, I’m just “full of” SOMEthing or other. Sometimes good, sometimes not good, sometimes blindingly boring or incomprehensible to others. I wish I could say you can depend on a certain amount of “something” here… but I suspect I’d be lying through my teeth (and to myself) to suggest such a thing. I wish, but I won’t say it.
I don’t know and won’t offer any prediction of when I might do this again. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe never. Maybe a couple times a day! Maybe at irregular intervals. For the moment, at least, I feel I’ve redeemed myself by having done anything at all.
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