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Smiling while my heart is weeping

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Today has been a very sad time around our house today. The neighbor Bob has been helping so much left this morning with his daughter. She is taking him to NY to live with her. His dementia is really getting bad. He is going to be 88 soon. We know we'll never see him again in the neighborhood. I knew I would cry out loud and couldn't force myself to say goodbye.

Then Bob went to get Rexie up for his morning walk. Sometime during the night our Sexie Rexie Puddin' Pie left us for the Rainbow Bridge. He was our Golden Retriever and our clown. He always seemed to be smiling. He would "dance" with Bob, as he decided Bob was his human. Oh, he'd let me hug him and he'd lick my legs for kisses and bat me with his head for pets, but it was Bob he showered the most love on. As much as I'm heart broken, I have to keep smiling to help Bob. He feels so bad about Rexie. His groomer is the one who named him Sexie Rexie. But it isn't going to help much. I'm so happy he didn't have a long suffering and had a nice long life. After he had been turned in to the shelter 4 different times, I am also happy we were able to give him a loving forever home like he deserved. Bob and a neighbor buried him next to Pepper. They were good buddies, so it only seems appropriate.

So today I'm smiling, but inside my heart is weeping for my personal losses, not for those involved, but yes, selfishly for myself. I'm going to be ok, because I have wonderful memories of Mr Lang and his wife and of our Rexie. But for this time, I'm grieving with a smile on my face.

Peace Love Cure

Ev



Our Rexie Wasn't he a handsome boy?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 5/26/2013 9:02PM

    So sorry for your losses! Our fur babies are just that . . . our family. It's never easy, but as you say, at least he didn't have long suffering. HUGS to you about your neighbor too. Saying those kind of good byes is so difficult.

Sending your warm hugs and know you're thought of!

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DEBSZOO74 5/26/2013 1:00AM

    I'm very sorry about Rexie. It's so hard when we lose a part of our family. I'm glad you gave him a forever home after the other families gave him up.
I have some wonderful memories of our two golden retrievers, and am sure you have many special ones of your Rexie, too. emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 5/24/2013 12:40AM

    My deepest condolences .RExie was a lovely boy.

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RUTHEY01 5/23/2013 4:34PM

    I am so sorry for your loss, Ev. He was a beautiful "person". I know how you are feeling. Our Crystal, 15 year old Black Lab-Husky mix, went peacefully in her sleep 7 years ago. My prayers are with you.

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Ruth


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JANIEWWJD 5/23/2013 12:38AM

    Your Rexie was so beautiful!!!! He is playing beyond the rainbow bridge now and taking care of you from above. Remember him with love!!!!
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SWDESERTLOVER 5/22/2013 10:04AM

    Oh, this is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry about your neighbor and the loss of Rexie. Thank you so much for giving him the loving home he deserved and a wonderful life.

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LADYVOLSFAN1954 5/21/2013 6:38PM

    Oh Ev, I'm so sorry for your losses. Sending you love and hugs,

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AWESOMECHELZ 5/21/2013 6:22PM

    I am SO sorry about your loses, my friend, really sorry. Grieving is a normal part of life but miserable too. I hope you find comfort with your husband and dear friends, and Rexie is a beautiful dog.

Love, Chelsea emoticon emoticon emoticon

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COACHPENNY 5/21/2013 3:53PM

    Dear Ev,

I've been wondering how you are, checked your page and found your blog.

I am so sorry that you are losing a neighbor and your beloved Rexie has passed on to his next life. Handsome & strong, loving & playful...that is how you will remember him. You and Bob gave him such a good life and he returned the favor with his affection.

It is good that your neighbor has family. Even though he will be far away he'll be taken care of and safe. I am sure his family appreciates all that Bob and you have done. emoticon

Penny



Comment edited on: 5/21/2013 3:53:45 PM

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PCOH051610 5/21/2013 1:48PM

    Losing a beloved pet and saying a final goodbye to a beloved neighbour all in one weekend must have been truly devastating. I'm so sorry

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MISSDAISY23 5/21/2013 11:21AM

    Hi Ev,

I am very sorry for your losses! Please excuse me as I am not good with words. Yes, Rexie was a handsome boy!

Take care & peace be with you! emoticon

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Daisy


Comment edited on: 5/21/2013 11:25:29 AM

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QUILTINGB52 5/21/2013 9:32AM

    I know exactly how you are feeling!! When our beloved Black Lab died, a bit of myself went with Buck. I dreamed he was in a huge green field, with a creek running through it and he was sitting alert by a bridge - waiting patiently.

Little did I know that my significant other would join him just 10 months later. Then I dreamed that both Wayne & Buck were in that same field, reunited again and they both looked so content.

During the next dream - they were both gone from that green field, on another adventure...without me. (*sigh)

We will definitely 'miss our boys' from our lives. But we each have fond memories that will last us a lifetime!
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JAMER123 5/20/2013 10:20PM

    A beautiful picture, EV. God rest his soul and he will be enjoying the company of all our others.
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4EVERNESS 5/20/2013 8:06PM

    It often makes you wonder as if one is to help prepare you for the other, and yet offset the emotions of the one you thought you were dealing with to help with coping, perhaps for Bob too....

Condolences.

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MOM2ACAT 5/20/2013 3:52PM

    emoticon I'm so sorry for your loss of Rexie.

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PICKIE98 5/20/2013 3:17PM

    It will be three years in September I had to put my Pooky Bear down,, she was almost 16 years old.. I cry for you and smile for Sexy since he is now with his buds, running around, catching sticks, balls and smiling the whole time.
My dad's name was Bob, he died with Alzheimer's and I cared for him until he died in my arms.. I totally know exactly where you are..

Smile for both guys, they are being cared for by their Creator now...

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FANCYQTR 5/20/2013 1:38PM

    I am so sorry for your losses. It is hard to lose either one.

I lost my cattledog boy that I was so very close to in December. I still miss him so much and his brother who I lost the year before. It is very hard to keep smiling through that with your heart grieving so. emoticon

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19-VICKI-56 5/20/2013 1:17PM

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SENATOR9 5/20/2013 12:12PM

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OBIESMOM2 5/20/2013 11:31AM

    emoticon
I'm crying with you. I love all 3 of my furkids, and I hate to think of losing any of them (though I know it's likely something I will have to face).

thank you for giving Rex a forever home. Yes, he was very handsome. I know he's running and playing at The Bridge with several of mine. I look forward to seeing all of them again some day.

I know you will miss your neighbor, but isn't it wonderful that he has family who want to offer him a home? That's too often not the case.
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SAMMIESMOM13 5/20/2013 10:28AM

    emoticon So sorry Ev. I have tears in my eyes, I know what that sadness feels like. Hugs, Carol

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RFJSJ50 5/20/2013 9:47AM

    I'm so sorry to hear about Rexie. Our pets are furry family members and are so loved and missed when they leave us. Rexie is with Pepper now, running through a meadow of wild flowers in heaven. I like to think my Buddy and Barney are running beside them.
You and your husband are in my prayers.
Sheila

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AKATHLEEN54 5/20/2013 9:17AM

    He looks like a precious dog and bless you for giving him a home emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 5/20/2013 8:04AM

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WISLNDR 5/20/2013 7:14AM

    What a sad day for you, I'm sorry you had to go through this.

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NEW-CAZ 5/20/2013 3:12AM

    I am so sorry Ev for your loss emoticon

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GRAMMAP1 5/20/2013 12:22AM

    To lose two loved ones in the same day must be horrendous. It was good that Rexie could go peacefully. Our 23 yr. old Socks had to be euthanized emoticon last Spring and that is such a hard decision to make. Blessings Jane

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Comment edited on: 5/20/2013 12:24:37 AM

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STLOUISWOMAN 5/19/2013 11:19PM

    So sorry for your losses. It's a lot to take in at one time. Cry if you need to.
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-WISPY- 5/19/2013 11:18PM

    I am so sorry to hear about the passing of Sexie Rexie. And to happen so close to the other loss in your life is a double burden.

Grieving is natural and part of our healing and you are so brave to view the situation as you do. Sending loving healing thoughts and warm hugs.

Wispy. emoticon

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PIMPINELLAN50 5/19/2013 11:14PM

    I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog Rexie,he was beautiful.
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NORASPAT 5/19/2013 11:09PM

    He is most definitely a handsome dog for sure. I was pleased to read you were smiling, while your heart was weeping. Tears of sadness and great love.
I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug, you are such a special lady.
I love the tender words you use. HUGS and much love from Pat in Maine.
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PROVERBS31JULIA 5/19/2013 10:57PM

    Awww So sad! I feel for you!! Our dog Angel had been in 2-3 humans shelters that we know of, before we had her until her life ended peacefully in the back yard where she loved to sun herself and chase the squirrels and rabbits. That was this past September. And that has to be tough knowing you wlll not see your neighbor again. Someday he will be healed but not now.

Take care of yourself!!



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1BEACHWALKER 5/19/2013 10:29PM

    So sorry to hear about Rexie and having to say goodbye to your neighbor. Sounds like you gave Rexie a great life, especially since you got him from the shelter. emoticon

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WALLSTRONG 5/19/2013 10:19PM

    emoticon I'm so sorry for your losses. I hope you can remember to think about all the good times. Thank you for sharing these with us. emoticon

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RISINGBLUESTAR 5/19/2013 10:02PM

    emoticon I am sorry about both situations. No wonder your heart is weeping!

Rexie was adorable! I know how difficult it is to lose a pet. They are family members. It's good that you were able to provide him with a forever home for the rest of his time on the earth.

Grieve anyway you need to grieve.

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TXGRANDMA 5/19/2013 10:01PM

    Huge emoticon to you and all who suffered the loss of your neighbor and your dear dog, Rexie. So glad that you rescued Rexie and gave him a safe and secure, loving home. Poor dogs are at the whim of humans and the way the humans choose to treat them. Rexie hadn't had very good luck in life, until you and he found each other! God Bless you and your family during this difficult time. emoticon

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1STATEOFDENIAL 5/19/2013 9:43PM

    You have every right to grieve in whatever way will help you feel better. It doesn't matter if you were Rexie's favorite or not - you love him and he loved you and that gives you every right to grieve the loss.

Be kind to yourself while you navigate this difficult time.

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LINDA! 5/19/2013 9:38PM

    Oh, this sounds like a very painful time. emoticon

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PONYFARMER 5/19/2013 9:33PM

    Lost my 16 year old Cattledog JoyJoy in November, still cry and miss her terribly. I understand your sadness and get it.

Yes Rexie was Sexie, and a very handsome boy. What a great life you gave him after 4 family's chose to dump him. He was the winner in getting you as his mom.

Sorry for all of your losses, it is never easy.

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SANDRALEET 5/19/2013 9:33PM

    We have the memory of our departed friends emoticon

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HICKOK-HALEY 5/19/2013 9:28PM

    Tell Bob I am thinking of him. I know how the both of you feel!

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0309COOKIE 5/19/2013 9:26PM

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DJ4HEALTH 5/19/2013 9:07PM

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LJCANNON 5/19/2013 9:04PM

    emoticon I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this! It is hard losing a Friend, whether it is A Fur Friend or a Neighbor. You and your Neighbor's Family will be in my Prayers!

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NEWMOM20121 5/19/2013 8:54PM

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HOLLYM48 5/19/2013 8:52PM

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CAKEMAKERMOM 5/19/2013 8:48PM

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MADAMES 5/19/2013 8:40PM

    So sorry!

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MSKIZ69 5/19/2013 8:31PM

    So sorry for your losses--Rexie was absolutely handsome emoticon emoticon

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NEVERORNOW 5/19/2013 8:26PM

    emoticon So sorry for your losses.

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Spark Coach Activity - Write a Positive Letter to Yourself

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Dear Ev,

You can't imagine how happy i am to hear you have lost over half of the size you were when last we saw each other. I'm so darn proud of you! As you know I have been on a journey to have a healthier lifestyle, too. I know what you have accomplished isn't always an easy thing to do, but you are so worth being the best you of all - the you that you were meant to be!

The next time we get together we'll have to talk about food and exercise trackers. It will be fun to talk about our most and least favorites and share tips of what helped us to succeed when we weren't able to in the past. Don't you think it is satisfying to share with friends who understand and have been where you are at some point?

Something else that made me happy for you was knowing you had the new issues with weight gain and how you managed it. Calling your doctor and checking about the side affects of your new meds did the trick. Who would have thought waiting four hours between meds could get you back on track! You must have had a huge sigh of relief knowing your loss of appetite was from the medicine rather than a return of that nasty disease that entered your life several years ago. I would have never even thought of contacting your spark coach and ask for help in figuring it all out.

You have always been a strong person, but I don't think you knew just how strong until you started this long and winding journey to wellness. It doesn't surprise me at all. I can remember your mama talking to you about your inner strength. It i shut my eyes, I can hear her now telling you of your long line of female ancestors who were owners of the kind of strength you yourself possess. You told me you didn't think she was right. You didn't believe you could ever survive under the same circumstances even your grandmothers did. But look at you now! You have faced far more serious challenges and have met them and survived and did so with all the grace you could. You seem to be so much more positive and upbeat. All our lives you have been a helper and to know you offer tips to anyone who can use them doesn't surprise me in the least.

Until we see each other again, know that I am thinking of you and continue to be grateful for having you as a weight loss and cancer survivor. I am so proud. If anyone deserves all of your happiness, it is YOU. You who are so deserving.

Peace Love Cure
Your Inner self

I love you no matter what size you are. It isn't your size or looks that tell who you are. Your strong faith tells you and you know.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PMFISH 5/18/2013 1:32PM

    Great blog!

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MISSDAISY23 5/17/2013 3:38PM

    What a wonderful letter to yourself! emoticon

Take care & have a great weekend!

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Daisy


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LOSINGLINNDY 5/15/2013 9:58PM

    Lovely letter.

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EDNASHUKIS 5/15/2013 11:53AM

    What an awesome Blog Ev I feel like I know you and you are an awesome person. emoticon

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SUZCQT 5/15/2013 10:29AM

    emoticon thank you for sharing!

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SENATOR9 5/15/2013 8:10AM

    emoticon

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IKACEY 5/15/2013 5:15AM

    emoticon blog! Very positive outlook on yourself. Stay with that, and you will progress much faster! You might even want to journal everyday about the positives you've gained or noticed for the day. emoticon
IKacey co-leader of the Chair Exercise Team

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JINLYNN 5/15/2013 3:10AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 5/15/2013 2:58AM

    emoticon emoticon
great blog Ev


Have a great day babe emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 5/14/2013 11:44PM

    Awesome !

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CJBAGGINS 5/14/2013 11:39PM

    Wonderful letter to yourself! What a great idea!
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cj

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AWESOMECHELZ 5/14/2013 7:08PM

    emoticon emoticon Love, Chelsea

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WISLNDR 5/14/2013 6:04PM

    Beautiful blog!

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NORASPAT 5/14/2013 5:42PM

    Thanks EV great read. Loved it and love you too. Pat in Maine. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOM2ACAT 5/14/2013 5:33PM

    emoticon emoticon Great blog Ev!

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Accepting the unacceptable AKA giving up on a goal

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Ever since my first fall this spring, I have had a lot of time to digest all of the instructions from my various doctors. One of things I asked each was, when I'm stronger can I start a training program for running. Each one had the same answer - NO!! My primary doctor told me honestly he didn't think I would not or should ever. My goal was to be able to run at least a little of "26.2 With Donna" that is held in Jacksonville each year. It is the only national marathon for breast cancer awareness. "Donna" is a newscaster on our local NBC station. She had to deal with breast cancer twice. She has written a book about her journey and started a foundation to help provide for lower income women in need in Duval County. thedonnafoundation.org/donnas_book.h
tml
Link to Donna's book.
www.breastcancermarathon.com/ Link to the marathon.

To say I was disappointed is an understatement. But since my next two falls and my labs not being so good, I've come to accept some goals must be given up on because of limitations. I'm happy I no longer have to be in my power chair every day. That's something I never thought would happen.

I don't often go into stores with Bob, but I did one day last week. The rain stared to really come down, so I stayed inside until he finished getting gas and pulled up in front of door. But during the wait, no one else was inside. The clerk and I started to talk about a very tiny church around the corner from the store. She was telling how much singing they do. I was a little sad when I told her I was in a choir most of my life, but since the tonsil cancer radiation I can no longer sing. I had my head down thinking about what I had said. I looked up into her face and smiled broadly and told her at least I was alive and giving up singing wasn't that big a sacrifice. Another goal destroyed.

But what I said was true. Before I would have found the thoughts of giving up would be unacceptable. But now, not so much. When we have those kinds of limitations happen, we cannot let them rule our lives. We must take back control. Yes, I'm still alive when the oncologists thought I might not be. accepting what I thought of as unacceptable or giving up on a goal is something so little compared to the alternative, that it doesn't bother me any more. So I can no longer run and no longer sing, so what? I'd much rather be able to spend my days with Bob and my buds. Those things are what matter in life - family and friends. The other stuff was only icing and we all know what sugar does to us.

By living my life the very best I can, taking control back over my choices, and being happy for my faith, family, and friends, I have finally accepted it all. I hope if you are in a situation that has given you limitations because of which you can no longer achieve some of your goals, you'll remember this entry and know the icing is sugar and not very good for you.

Have a wonderful upcoming weekend, In the US Sunday will be Mother's Day.
If you are like me and no longer have your mother with you and you were never blessed with children, I'm sure you have been like a mother to someone or an older woman has been like a mother to you. So celebrate anyway. You deserve it.

Peace Love Cure
Ev





  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIKETOHEIGHTS 5/31/2013 4:58PM

    Lovely words and thoughts Ev. I am also glad are here emoticon

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1BEACHWALKER 5/13/2013 2:45PM

    Such a good blog, thank you for inspiring us some more! So sorry the Dr.'s are telling you that! You have such a good attitude and are so positive and after all you have gone through and are still here writing blogs for us, is great! We need to count all our blessings every day and accept things we cannot change, but do the best we can to do our best. And if it is set with limitations, so be it. Sitting around regretting or being sad only makes us feel worse. Keep sparking and never give up! emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 5/9/2013 11:49PM

    Ev I am with you on this one.I can't do many things I might have considered impossible to give up on years ago.It beats the alternative though.When I was lying in emergency strapped to a back board with what they call a halo around my head because of the spinal injury just being able to sit up looked good.Now I can do loads more things but still not all I could before but for everything that has been taken away God has given me another blessing.I have met wonderful people like you.I have a physiotherapist who considers me her miracle case and she works with me diligently till I can do things noone ever thought possible. I was blessed with an assistance dog who loved me so much she only woke me in the night before she died of a fast acting cancer ,it must have been there before but she did not show it.Now I have a new one being trained that everyone agrees is the most loving dog they have ever met. Life is good if you look for the positive!

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BHSKITTYKATT 5/9/2013 9:03PM

    You have an amazing outlook on life. Those limitations and sacrifices couldn't have been easy. But sometimes life has other plans. Sometimes when a door shuts, a window opens, and we can make new goals for ourselves.

Keep on Sparking!

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KARIDIAN1 5/9/2013 8:51PM

    Ev, I can understand about having to give up goals. I had to give up archery totally when my neck gave out. I had tried out for the Olympics and it was a big part of my/our lives. So just switched gears and went into another shooting sport.

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NORASPAT 5/9/2013 7:29PM

    Thanks EV, DH and I are looking at some issues with vision. So it has to be discussed. I am glad I read your blog. You have inspired me to address the issues now and be prepared for if or when the vision is lost. Thanks Pat in Maine.
emoticon E.V. emoticon emoticon emoticon and MUCH LOVE Pat in Maine. emoticon

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MOM2ACAT 5/9/2013 4:07PM

    emoticon I know from experience it's hard to accept not being able to do things we use to enjoy because of health. I really miss being able to walk for exercise, and all the gardening I use to do. But I try to be thankful for the things that I can still do; I know a lot of people are having things worse than I am.

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LVMAMAW 5/9/2013 4:01PM

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BLUE42DOWN 5/9/2013 3:19PM

    Strong and brave, you are. Giving up on goals that no longer can be achieved does not mean we can't set new goals that are real to our new situation. Life always has more to offer, which is why we fight so strongly to continue.

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AWESOMECHELZ 5/9/2013 2:08PM

    It is a very powerful blog, carefully thought out, and I thank you. I have multiple sclerosis, which is progressive, and since getting it back in the 1980s, I have had to adjust my life multiple times. By doing so I have learned that those of us who adjust to life's ever present changes, do best in life. I love your blog and your wonderful attitude. You have found out what you can't do but I have a gut feeling that you will also find something NEW you CAN do. God bless you.

Love, Chelsea emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CAMEY13 5/9/2013 1:54PM

    Hi, I am going in my second year for the breast cancer. I was fortunate because they found it at the beginning, but still they had to cut a piece of my breast away. After the operation, the surgeon told me there were several non cancerous cells she had found and I had to go under the knife a second week, after the first operation, but an inch remained that she did not get, so I had 32 days of radiation. This, the oncologist told me would cause me problems with my ribs. I get terriable spasms in them and because of the radiation, there is nothing that can be done to stop them.
My dil had breast cancer the same year. She was 42 and had both breasts out. When they cut her open the cancer spread and she was lucky to be alive. It is so sad to go to radiation and see all the people there taking chemo or radiation, and knowing some of them may not make it.

Being a writer, I wrote an article about a woman who went to the doctor and he gave her a good report. The next day in work she saw a bunch of black and blue marks, on her body. She went back to the doctor and he told her she had cancer and 4 months to live. She fought, with all the strength she had. She wasn't going to die. She was always possitive and she helped others along the way. She lived and then l8 months later she got lung cancer and again she fought and she lived. She died by falling and hitting her head, but the cancer did not take her. If you like to read about her go to http://www.authorsden.com/visit/vie
wArticle.asp?id=1433
under my pen name Jan Richards.

You are in my prayers. Like this woman I wrote about, I hope you live a long happy life.

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MISSDAISY23 5/9/2013 12:32PM

    I am very happy for you that you look at things in a different light now. You have a fabulous weekend too!

Peace, Love & Joy to you and yours!

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Daisy


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MNNICE 5/9/2013 12:24PM

    I would only hope I could have such a positive outlook if I were in your shoes! It is okay to modify or give up a goal if it just doesn't work out. No doubt you'll find another!

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MISSCUS 5/9/2013 10:45AM

    Good inspirational blog. Ev you are so positive, you always stretch to the limits!! That's the way to live life!! Enjoy your life in every way you can.

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JLDACQ 5/9/2013 9:56AM

    Ev, thank you for being brutally honest about these struggles, and how you finally found peace in the end. *hugs*

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DFROMTX 5/9/2013 9:51AM

    Thanks for sharing. Even though you cannot run with Donna perhaps you can be at the finish line to cheer her.

We all wish they would find a cure for breast cancer. I am a 4.5 year breast cancer myself. My 5-year celebration is in Sept. of this year.





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SENATOR9 5/9/2013 9:39AM

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LOSTLIME 5/9/2013 9:31AM

    What an inspirational blog! Thank you for sharing. emoticon

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SAMMIESMOM13 5/9/2013 9:30AM

    What a very positive blog and a great way to think. This is the type of thinking that will bring back happiness to your life! You know the old saying "God never closes a door, but he opens a window". The old choices and goals had to be let go, now you will find new ones. Life is so full of interesting things to do. To learn. To experience. To share. Good for you and good luck with those new goals you find to brighten your days.

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IKACEY 5/9/2013 5:09AM

    You have a very wise way of thinking. You are right, sometimes God takes away things that aren't good for us. Learning to accept limitations helps us grow in being able to say no to bad choices and yes to healthy ones. I too am mobility limited, and I have found when I stop fretting over the things I am not able to do I have much more energy for focusing on the things I can do, and available mind space to be grateful to God for those things that are given to me. I also find if I work within those limitations and really put my mind to a solution I can usually find ways to accomplish far more than I thought I could do. For example I am unable to stand in place for more than a minute or too, but by stopping myself from fretting over that I was able to notice that I can stay upright for up to 20 minutes if I am walking or moving around and exercising. Its far better to be active than just standing anyway, so I am grateful to God that now I can be out of this horrid emoticon and moving about. Keep pushing at what you can do!
IKacey co-leader of the Chair Exercise Team

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WISLNDR 5/9/2013 4:37AM

    This is one of the finest blogs I have ever read. Thank you for the inspiration to live and love in the best way possible!!

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NEW-CAZ 5/9/2013 2:48AM

    Thanks for sharing, happy Mum's Day emoticon emoticon

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EJOY-EVELYN 5/9/2013 2:02AM

    You're an inspiration, dear. Happy Mother's Day weekend!

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HYE101 5/9/2013 1:07AM

    Thanks for sharing. This really hits home with me and makes me realize that my physical challenges can be confronted with a more positive attitude.
Thanks and have a great weekend !!

Sam emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1STATEOFDENIAL 5/9/2013 12:24AM

    Radical acceptance is quite a feat. It allows us to throw off restraints and chains that hold us to a feeling of loss and inadequacy when realizing we can't do/get something we want. But with radical acceptance comes the realization that there are many more options available to us.

You might not be able to run a marathon, but you can help with fundraising, you can walk along side friends as they finish the race, you can cheer on others, and you can make up your own form of marathon. Instead of running 26.2 miles, commit to 26 days of exercising in whatever way possible for 26 minutes. Commit to reading 26 books in a year (instead of training to run). Commit to writing 26 paragraphs in a month. Along the way ask people to join in and commit to something.

You might not be able to sing anymore, but you can mentor a kid or teenager who sings. You can donate some music books to local schools. You can help with fundraisers to support local choirs and music programs. And when you're around someone who is singing you can clap and hum along and give them pointers.

Above all there's one thing you can still do: dream. Not dream about acheiving these goals in the future but live it in your dreams. In our dreams (and daydreams) we have no limitations. In your dreams you can find inspiration for ways to support others in their goals and find ways to make the most of other talents and successes.

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FLEMIDG 5/9/2013 12:13AM

    What an inspirational blog, Ev. Thanks so much. I always love reading your blogs. Hope you are having a fantastic week.

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Some good, some not so much

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Bob and I were talking about having lunch and watching some movies. I have been really tired and weak today, so that seemed like a great option. That's when it happened. The phone started ringing and Bob answered. It was the clinic and they wanted to know if we could come in to discuss my lab results. Sure, no problem. Oh, and could we come within the hour? What? I didn't get a shower or shampoo my hair, but we made it in time. We didn't have to wait, but were taken in right away, which earned us some really nasty looks from those waiting to be seen.

All of my results from Monday were in. Everything with the CT scan and chest X-ray showed all is normal. Whew! That was a big relief. The problem is with the labs. It seems both the white and red cells are low along with the hemoglobin. I am to take iron pills twice a day or will have to have more transfusions. They also have no idea where the blood is coming from. When I asked what could cause the cell issues, she was really hesitant. She mentioned the spleen could be swollen and sometimes meds and a whole host of other things. She wasn't sure what the doctor was looking at in the test results. I had to have more blood drawn. Pat said when the doctor has time to check these labs, he would determine if I needed to take the results to my oncologists ASAP. She is to call us to tell us the decision. I really don't want to jump to conclusions and think the worse, but I must say, I'm not so sure I'll be so lucky with this as I have been in the past 2 1/2 years. I'm trying to hold onto my faith and trust in the Lord. I have to tell you, though, I'm really nervous about it all. Especially since I really didn't get any answers.

We went from the small town (pop.2000) to the big town (pop. 35,000)after leaving the clinic. I wanted to look at a new - to - me lap top. I haven't been all that happy with the one we got for me. Bob likes it, though, so he might take it over. I have a smaller lap top that I use when I'm in the living room, and I wanted the 17" as a replacement for my desk top that has seen much better days. When we finished, I "rented" it for a week to see how I like it before committing to get it. By the time we were finished, it was getting later and we were both pretty hungry. Bob needs to eat every so often for his diabetes. He was been keeping it well in check with diet and exercise and we would like to keep it that way. Anyway, we got some things to take home for dinner. It was really good and Bob seemed to like his, too. I had some spinach, mushrooms, cheese, and bread. Nice and light, yet I felt full. Bob made some pasta and added some veggies in a creamy sauce rather than a red one. He also had a small salad.

So that is pretty much how our day went from noon on. We never did watch any movies!

Everyone have a great rest of the week. I hope with the iron pills I must take twice a day that I'll start to feel stronger and more awake.

Peace Love Cure
Ev


Don't these look bright and "springy"?



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

100LBLIGHTER 4/26/2013 3:56PM

    emoticon

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PIMPINELLAN50 4/25/2013 8:28PM

    Sending youHugs emoticon and Prayers emoticon


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DR1939 4/25/2013 6:25PM

    emoticon

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MISSCUS 4/25/2013 6:18PM

    Saying prayers for you....the Tulips are very pretty.....how's the laptop doing?? Hope it works out for you, at least you are not committed to getting it if you find it doesn't work out for you :) Hopefully the MDs will find out where the bleeding is coming from, and the iron helps you get more RBCs.

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MOM2ACAT 4/25/2013 5:49PM

    emoticon Keeping you in my prayers that they find out what is affecting your blood levels and fix it. I know from my own experience that low hemoglobin makes me very tired.

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AWESOMECHELZ 4/25/2013 3:29PM

    I am very sorry and, of course, will pray for you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Love, Chelsea

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SENATOR9 4/25/2013 2:25PM

    emoticon

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LADYVOLSFAN1954 4/25/2013 1:16PM

    Keeping you in my prayers! emoticon

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SWDESERTLOVER 4/25/2013 12:43PM

    I'm keeping you in my prayers that your doctor can find the problem quickly and that it is nothing serious. And, the tulips are beautiful!

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PMFISH 4/25/2013 11:40AM

    Hate when they cannot figure out the blood irregularities. Causes lots of worry and stress. Just remember what ever it is it is and stress is very damaging to the body and mind. Prayers for blood stabilization going up!
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LOSTLIME 4/25/2013 10:10AM

    I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts! I am sorry that the results weren't what you were hoping for.

The tulips are beautiful!

Hope you have a better week.

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MISSDAISY23 4/25/2013 9:54AM

    God loves us and He will provide in whatever we lack.

emoticon for you!

I love tulips!

Take care and have a fabulous day! emoticon

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Daisy


Comment edited on: 4/25/2013 9:55:46 AM

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SANDRALEET 4/25/2013 9:25AM

    I will pray for your health and extra strength from Godand peace

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WISLNDR 4/25/2013 5:00AM

    I hope you get some answers very quickly!

Recently, a friend of mine lent me a laptop while mine was being repaired. It was a 17 inch and I liked it a lot! I hope your "rental" works out for you.

Continued prayers go your way from me!!

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MADAMES 4/25/2013 3:45AM

    Praying that you will feel less stress today! Get better soon!

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NEW-CAZ 4/25/2013 3:14AM

    I'm thinking the same as ALFBUNDY!
It's so easy to think the worst in a situation like this Ev.

I'm thinking of you and sending prayers. Hopefully you'll get news soon and a treatment. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1STATEOFDENIAL 4/25/2013 1:57AM

    I'm sorry to hear the results weren't all good. Of course, there are plenty of reasons why your blood counts could be off. After all, you're having blood coming from somewhere and continuous bleeding causes a drop in blood counts. If they can figure out where the blood is coming from that might be the answer. Hopefully it will be figured out soon and can be taken care of somewhat easily. In the meantime, be careful and gentle with your body. Also, if you have bleeding somewhere that will also drop your blood pressure and sometimes cause moments where you don't get enough blood to your brain, which could be part of your falling problem. (One of my conditions causes me to have low blood pressure and lack of blood to the brain if I move too quickly, which is why I blackout frequently and sometimes lose consciousness.)

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FLEMIDG 4/25/2013 1:03AM

    Sorry you didn't get better results from your doctor. Hopefully the iron pills will help. I am praying you are able to get the results of the new blood tests so you know what is going on. In the meantime, just rest in God's love. You are in His hands. I'm praying for you.

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EJOY-EVELYN 4/24/2013 10:59PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ALFBUNDY 4/24/2013 10:17PM

    The low white count could just be a vitamin deficiency;esp. if you are anemic due to low red blood cells.
TRY not to worry or stress over it. THINK POSITIVE! emoticon

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NORASPAT 4/24/2013 10:06PM

    EV, That has to be a really stressful time at your Drs OFFICE hopefully the Dr will come through for you tomorrow with some answers and some treatments for you. You and Bob enjoy your movies tomorrow and in the meantime be sure to eat your greens that was what my Gran used to say.I will be looking for your blog tomorrow.

Your yellow tulips are lovely my Daffodils are only now beginning to open it has been too cold for flowers this week. Even our wild flowers class was cancelled today the instructor planned afield trip rain was not the problem but it did rain. There were no flowers to go to look at she looked yesterday.
Take care both of you HUGS Pat in Maine emoticon emoticon

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UMBILICAL 4/24/2013 9:58PM

  Iron person

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She said what?

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Well, I went to my primary doctor yesterday . My appointment was right when he got an emergency call from the hospital and he had to leave. I had the option of waiting until Monday or see the physician's assistance. I opted to stay and see Pat. So Monday will be the "big" day. I go back to their office for a blood draw and then to the hospital. After the appointment I asked Bob, "what did she say?" Wednesday my BP was 99/81. Friday it was 95/70. But he said I was right in thinking it didn't seem to be a concern to her. I couldn't believe the tests for the hospital, a chest x-ray to see if they can see why I am spitting up the blood. And I have to have a CT of my brain because of all the falls. Once more I had to get a valium to relax m before the CT scan. I'm REALLY claustrophobic and need one before entering a tube be it for CT, pET, or MRi. Just call me a baby!! lol!! One good thing about it is that for the past three years getting the one pill, the cost has been $7-$9. Yesterday the one cost $.45!! I'm happy Bob and i haven't seen all these high costs everyone was predicting with the health plan. If anything, our experiences are like this one for a little less money than before. The saddest part of all from the visit - i'm back to using the walker everyday and my chair whenever i go out. She agreed with my psychiatrist 100%. But I do a lot of chair exercises anyway so that part won't bother me at all. Bob told Pat how strange it is when he looks over to me in my chair and i have my leg up in the air then bring 1/2 way down. He says he's never sure if i'm going to kick him!! I'm glad he jokes so much. It's one of the things I liked about him from the start. It's easier to laugh than to cry! It sure makes life interesting, too. And it I must use Pinkie to get in all my walks, so be it. I've decided to attack this as I did the cancers - I gotta do whatever is necessary to be as well as I can. Being healthy is my prime goal for the rest of my life.

It's also good that I have a strong faith. I know God loves me no matter what and will see I make the choices I need to be able to walk the path He has for me. I'm right where He wants for this time in my life. It is not my place to question, but to believe and have faith. And this is what i'm doing - believing and having faith. I know many of you can understand what i'm saying.

Whenever I have the results on everything, I'll be sure to let all of you know.

I continue to make very wise eating choices. almost have to force myself to eat as I'm often not hungry at all. I do know it isn't good to skip a meal, so I eat my three everyday. Since I am still having a difficult time in chewing and swallowing, not to mention the burning of my mouth, I often repeat things i know work for me. This means i have cereal and lots of salads or add lots of veggies to broth. Every morning it's Ensure for me. There is no way I want to have another feeding tube put in!! it wasn't "fun" the first time, so i'll do what's necessary to keep from having another.

I'm hoping everyone is enjoying their weekend. It got to about 65 degrees F here today. And rainy, I'll bet lots of yard sales were rained out. I'm not complaining, mind you. It is so different than usual. Hopefully you're happy with your weather and weekend activities.

Peace Love Cure
Ev
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Me on Maxine. i have none on Roxie.


Maxine when she was brand new.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SENATOR9 4/25/2013 2:24PM

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LINDA! 4/24/2013 8:54PM

    I hope you are feeling well. emoticon

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SPARKLISE 4/22/2013 9:36AM

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WISLNDR 4/22/2013 8:02AM

    I'm praying for good news for you today.

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DR1939 4/21/2013 8:46PM

    I know what you mean about the valium. I hate having anything where I am closed in. Hope everything comes out ok for you.

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CAMEY13 4/21/2013 7:48PM

    Hi, I was thinking of you when I went for my mamo last week. I am free but have to go back again in 6 months. I felt so bad reading your blog and seeing how much you have to go through. Life throws you punches now and then, but there is nothing you can do. I am working on my eye op in Sept, which is a membrane, a veil which can blind me if I don't have it out.
Meanwhile, the skin doc is keeping eye on 3 more skin cancers on my nose, then I have a plop in my nose and the steroids are causing bloody nose, so he put me on a 380 dollar medicine which he though would not cause the problem, but after 2 weeks it did, so now I wait to talk to him and see what happens now. This is the last resort, operation on plop could be next. If that is the case it will be my 9th operation so far in my lifetime.
I guess there is a reason we have to go through these trials, but I often wonder why some never had an operation or any diseases and others bear the bulk of it all. Good luck and you are in my prayers. I wondered why I hadn't seen you on Tips for Writing, Incredible health and weight loss.

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STLOUISWOMAN 4/21/2013 7:28PM

    It looks like you & Maxine are flying! Don't get a speeding ticket.

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PIMPINELLAN50 4/21/2013 5:29PM

    Best wishes for Monday's tests,and hoping that The Doctors can determine
the cause and help you feel better soon. emoticon

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MOM2ACAT 4/21/2013 5:01PM

    I hope the doctor can determine the problem and that it is something easily treatable. I am claustrophobic too, I always need Xanax for MRIs.

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IDLETYME 4/21/2013 4:32PM

    Thoughts and prayers that your tests will be great! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/21/2013 4:32:49 PM

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SCOTMAMA 4/21/2013 12:17PM

    Your blog was very motivating and uplifting. I hope you know by now what the problem stems from and that the doctors have the knowledge to treat it. Your attitude is awesome!

I know it helps greatly to have faith and to believe that you are in the exact place that God wants you to be -- for whatever reason. And it is nice to have a DH who stands with you and makes jokes. I'm sure he is worried inside, but knows that showing you that would only make you feel worse.

You have many people praying for you. Now it's up to God!

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BESCATS 4/21/2013 11:43AM

    So hoping all comes out well, and they find out what is wrong !! It is so difficult & more stressing not knowing. God is with you, have faith in him.

Take care, keep the faith, all will be well. emoticon

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SANDRALEET 4/21/2013 9:06AM

    God is always with you and I will pray that they will find out all whats wrong and will be able to help you

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KATWELL88 4/21/2013 8:31AM

    Glad to read that you are going much needed checkups to find out what happened on the falls you had and making sure your vital signs are steady. emoticon

Do the mini excersices and roll along with your scooter Maxine?? When you can . emoticon emoticon
Rooling along on your scooter and pray for your tests results .. emoticon emoticon

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GCHUNG 4/21/2013 7:48AM

    Great attitude. Keep it up. Sounds like Bob's a keeper.

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BONNIEMARGAY 4/21/2013 3:50AM

    Wishing you relief.

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NEW-CAZ 4/21/2013 3:00AM

    Hope all your test results come back good Ev, take care hun. And I am so pleased BOB has that wicked and rye sense of humour.....it'll keep you both positive and sane emoticon emoticon

Keeping you both in my prayers emoticon

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1BEACHWALKER 4/21/2013 2:00AM

    Glad you are keeping up with the doctoring and tests. Stay positive and keep the faith. Glad you have Bob there to get you through it! Hang in there!

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FLEMIDG 4/21/2013 12:46AM

    I too am praying that things turn out good for you. You have such a wonderful attitude with all that you have been going through. God bless you.

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CHERIRIDDELL 4/21/2013 12:09AM

    Good luck Ev you are in my prayers

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NASFKAB 4/20/2013 11:44PM

  pray the tests come back good all the best

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1STATEOFDENIAL 4/20/2013 11:15PM

    I'm glad the doctors are willing to thoroughly check you out. Sometime's God's way is for other's to step in and take care of us in a way we can't take care of ourselves; but we have to be willing to let the others take care of us.

Keep moving forward and laughing with Bob. Laughter is great medicine and is free!

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DJ4HEALTH 4/20/2013 10:36PM

    Hope that they tests come back clean and will be praying for you too.

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