Saturday, March 03, 2012
..... to let all of you know I'm doing much better today. I seemed to have processed the information a lot better. All of your kind words and support have helped me a lot, too. Every so often we need reminded that our lives do matter to our friends and family. That is such an important feeling for any of us humans. That we matter to another here on earth. Our faith and spiritual beliefs often guide us and we know our supreme entity loves us unconditionally. But to know someone - even one we have never met face-to-face feel something towards us and something we "say" touches them, that really matters greatly. Sometimes we can feel we have no voice ever - with anything! And then we come here and find such a positive, supportive, inspirational group of people, it can be amazing!!
So to all my wonderful buds who I love and appreciate, I humbly thank you for seeing me thru yet one more health issue for me.
Thursday, March 01, 2012
..... me. I found a list of prompts for journaling to do some self discovery. I have decided to try at least a few on my blogs. Some of you who have known me well and for awhile know that "hate" is not a favorite word. I believe it is almost impossible to have such strong emotions about something unless it concerns a subject that gives you passion - and a lot of that! Dislike is a much better word for me. However, I have been known to use hate when commenting on someone who is so unfair, rude, selfcentered, and can't relate to others in a positive way unless they get some gain from it.
So now I'm asking what I hate about myself.
This is so difficult. But I guess if it was easy, it wouldn't be much of a prompt worth using to find out some sort of self discovery. Would it? OK. I think I'm ready for this at last.
OK, one thing I hate about myself is how I dislike controversy and how I react to it in friends and family. I see things and I keep quiet because I don't want an argument. I just don't think with life being so short it is necessary to argue over something I won't remember in five months! The same happens when someone takes from me or tries to tell me I don't need something I have and I should get rid of it and they'll take it since I don't want it!! Whew!! Now that was a run-on sentence if I ever saw one!! Anyway, I know I have been laughed at for being so gullible. I'm not. I know quite well what is happening. Several "friends" have even said they are using me, but I make it so easy. Again, I'm not being used. I know exactly what the intentions were as they were happening. Yes, there are times I can be walked over. But I have to ask again - is it really worth it? I had a friend take $120 from my purse. I had taken her to the ocean for a weekend. I bought all the groceries, motel fees, snacks, gas, meals to and from. I knew she couldn't afford it if I hadn't paid. And during that point in time, I made decent money and could afford the treat. Did I know where the money went? You bet I did. Did it hurt me? Yes, it did. Had she asked me, I would have given it to her without any expectations of getting it back. That's what friends so. They help one another. I never called her on it and never mentioned it again because I though for some reason she didn't feel she could ask. Why she thought theft was easier is beyond me. I really thought she would tell me what she did when she felt she could. She died never having done so. I hate that I couldn't find a way to let her know I knew without an argument. Since she never told me I have to think I wasn't the first and most likely not the last, that she stole from. I have come to forgive her, but I was really disappointed.
But the story doesn't end there. Several years later I heard from two people who knew both of us but not each other that she had told them she used me all the time to get what she wanted. She never said she took money. She didn't have to do that. I was angry then. Very angry!! But after I cooled a little I said I knew she did. Which in fact I really did know, deep down. But I let her continue because I didn't want an argument. Perhaps I was using her, too, because if I paid the way I knew she would go with me wherever I wanted to go, but not alone. And we did have a lot of times laughing and seeing and doing interesting things. But darn it! Had I been able to confront her, things for her may have been a lot different, too. But I didn't and that is what I hate.
It isn't just what happened with L, it is how many other times I have been what I conceive as weak. But you know, L is dead and had an unhappy life when she was here for most of her years. If it made her happy to think she was using me and fooling me, then so be it. I did learn a good lesson from her. I am different myself now because of her, too. If someone uses me or takes things from me, I am a lot more careful around them in the future.
Another example, a "friend" of many years decided since I had two large tupperware bowls, that I only needed one and she'd take the other. The thing was, I was getting ready to take some things to FL to my mother's and getting rid of the rest. Had she asked, she would have found that one of those bowls belonged to my mother. They weren't both mine. But I never said anything. I gave my mama's hers and got a new one we both used. If that bowl was THAT important to her, ok. That was over 20 years ago. We are still "friends", but I haven't seen her since 2001. We talk a lot, but I haven't been to her area and haven't invited her to mine. Over all we have been friends for over 40 years. She now attends church regularly and done other things around in her life, so who knows? It would be nice to see her again now that she has rid herself of some very, very bad habits.
The fact remains, sometimes I really hate myself for not finding out what is really going on. And by doing that, I would be strong enough to let others know I demand respect.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Lately in some of my groups and/or on the blogs of my friends, I have been seeing a lot of "Questions About You" to answer. I have thought of sharing these before, but just wasn't sure. Now I am seeing others and I know how much I have enjoyed finding out about my friends. Soooooooo I've decided to share some. I am starting out with several easy ones. The there are several that really make one think before answering and I'll do those every so often.
So, on with the show!!
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes, two of my mother's cousins - Evelyn and Diane
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
This morning when I was hurting and need a med.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I used to, but now days, not so much
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Ew, I rarely eat that.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
None of my own other than the furbabies. I do have two step sons, a step daughter, and a step grandson
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I would hope so
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM ALOT?
Only if I am kidding. I would not want to hurt anyone otherwise
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Unfortunately for me, yes. (My cancer was on the right one)
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Mini shredded wheat
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No, I don't have ties
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
For the most part I think I am more than before. Physically - not so much
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
When I could eat it peach or vanilla frozen yogurt
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
If their smile reaches their eyes.
15. RED OR PINK?
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I can be stubborn... at least that is what Bob says
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My mama (She passed in 1998) and seeing my brother more
18. WHAT IS THE PAUL MCKENNA TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST?
Who is Paul McKenna?
19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A huge salad
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The World's Dumbest on Tru-TV
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
spices, fresh dried sheets, and baby powder.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
Both - depends on time of the year
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
SEC football, major league baseball, SEC basketball, NFL, Daytona races
27. HAIR COLOR?
28. EYE COLOR?
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
No, but I do wear glasses
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Salad, seafood, Eastern European dishes, and pasta
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Black and white with some blue trim
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
35. HUGS OR KISSES?
36. FAVORITE DESSERT?
37. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
38. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Decade of Fear
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
My sorority Greek letters with a yellow rose
42. FAVORITE SOUND?
Wind chimes and the dog's soft breathing when he's asleep
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
hmmmmmmmmm don't think so
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
in NE OH
47. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
In NE FL
48. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?
Blue and white
49. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
Blue and orange
50. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 50 QUESTIONS?
It would seem so.
A to Z About Me
A. Age: 65
B. Bed size: Queen
C. Chore that you hate: Sweeping
D. Dogs: 3
E. Essential start to your day: Water and exercise
F. Favorite color: Any shade of purple
G. Gold or Silver: Gold
H. Height: 5'5"
I. Instruments you play: Tenor Sax, clarinet, and piano/organ
J. Job title: Ms Retired
K. Kids: None of my own other than the tree furbabies and 3 steps and step grandson
L. Live: A mile from a river
M. Mother's name: Bonnie
N. Nicknames: Ev, Ang, or Ennie. angelwing/evwings
O. Overnight hospital stays: more than
I care to remember
P. Pet peeves: rude, inconsiderate, mean spirited, intolerant people
Q. Quote from a movie: Tomorrow is another day - Scarlett O'Hara in Gone With the Wind; I'll have what she's Having from When Harry met Sally
R. Right- or left-handed: Right
S. Siblings: one older brother
T. Tattoos & Piercings: double piercings in each ear, no tatts
U. Underwear: way too big
V. Vegetable(s) you hate: Okra, allergies to pinenuts, peppers, and green lima beans, and can't leave out asparagus
W. What makes you run late: finding something I have misplaced - usually my glasses
X. X-Rays you've had: I haven't been able to keep track
Y. Yummy food that you make: pasta with a sort of pesto sauce that I have had to alter
Z. Zoo animal: Tiger
And now I think you have more information than you ever hoped to know about me!! I look forward to our next visit.
Friday, February 24, 2012
How would you like to have a friend or a therapist who would always be available to you no matter how you treated them and no matter what mood you were in? This pal would be at your side any time day or night, in any kind of weather, and would always be your confidante. You could also rely on this buddy to keep your secrets and not gossip. The friend I'm describing is a journal you can buy for a couple of dollars. When you write in a journal, you discover truths about yourself that you might not ordinarily be able to see. You begin to explore your fantasies, dreams, beliefs and values. You can face your fears. Writing in a journal and knowing that your confidences will not be betrayed will help you talk to yourself about your fears as you've never been able to with another human.
When we write about our fears, we bring them out of the darkness and into the light where we can see them more clearly and release them more easily.
Your journal is truly your friend and confidante. It never judges, never criticizes. Your journal is always patient. You can ignore it for days at a time and it will never call you up whining, "Why didn't you come see me today?" Your journal never gets bored and never says, "Are you writing about that again? Get over it." You can write the way you feel about someone at work and your journal will never tell on you. What you write will hurt no one. You can ask yourself how you feel about everyone in your life.
Journaling allows the child within to come out and play. We can be creative and draw pictures in our journals. We can write stories and cut out pictures to illustrate our stories.
Deep within us is a wonderful, creative, loving soul who wants to express herself. Journaling can help awaken this part of us. Do you have memories of your childhood that made you laugh or cry? Write about them. This helps us love ourselves and realize how precious we really are. By writing to this dear child self and allowing it to trust us, we can begin to gently and lovingly touch this part of ourselves that we have forgotten.
Writing to the child within can help us heal the past. By feeling the hurts and writing about them, we can help make peace and forgive those who hurt and disappointed us. Writing about these issues helps us to come to grips with and release old hurts that have stopped us from accepting more love and abundance in our lives.
Who else can we trust if we cannot trust ourselves? Think about this. As we continue writing in our journals, and as we change, grow, release our past pains, rewrite our pasts, discover what we really want in life, we become empowered!
There will be times when we seem to be only writing about sadness and sorrow, the stormy, cloudy days. These are important times of releasing, and out of the pain the rainbow will glow, showering us with healing and uplifting colors of awareness. Those will be the "Aha!" times, which we will look back upon as major personal breakthroughs.
There is no magic cure. If you can just let out your pain, anger, etc. and think of yourself the good way you would like to be, it WILL happen. Granted, this is not over night, but with time you can heal and be the person you know you are inside.
What better way to help us on our journey here? We all want to rid ourselves of those things which hold us back from being the me that we are meant to be.
Journaling is one tool. The one available here is a very good starting place. It will also help us be accountable for our goals.
Love to all my friends.
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