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Women and friendships

Sunday, September 18, 2011

HAve you ever been surrounded, yet felt very lonely? Have you felt desperate to get on-line to share your successes and setbacks with your female friends on-line? What is it that makes women want - almost need - sisters real or of the heart? And why is it that most of us find our on-line friendships so important? Is it because we are all in the same boat on this site? We know each of us understands the struggles and joys of our journeys or do you think it is something more?

I have had these thoughts in the past year plus that I have been truly active on this site. I have often wondered if the anonymity of the computer might have something to do with it. For myself, I live in a very rural community and tend to isolate. Most of it is because of my weight and how I looked. Now that I
have accomplished my first goal and am moving onto my second, I have had these darn health issues and feel even more isolated. When I do my walking it is in the house in-place or outside around the house. I haven't even ventured up or down the street.

Most of you know how great and loving my hubby is. Even with that, I crave female friendship. So many of my friends from here are gone now. Most are way too early in life - 40's and 50's. I would love someone to got out for some iced tea or window shop or even just visit at home. I guess that is what I miss most from having moved from my hometown. There is no one who has know me since I was young and know the triumphs and tribulations I have faced throughout life. And I don't particularly care to explain to newer friends why Bob is my third husband or why I moved to such an area or my school or working past.

These are some of the things that have floated through my mind today. Have any of my SP friends have any thoughts?


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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRAVEONE92 9/23/2011 11:25PM

    Ev, like you, I really enjoy being with my friends
on SP! I have some really special friends here.
When I found out that I had BC, so many,
especially my friends on SP and in my town,
were so kind to me. I have to say, that I have
some very good female friends that I have
been close too, for years. Once in a while,
I can make time to meet out, to enjoy
a meal and good conversation. However,
suffering through cancer 2010, and being
a Caretaker for my mom, cuts down on
me time. I do get on SP every day, to check
on my friends. Hope someday that you find
that special female in your town, to enjoy
a walk or a meal together. Sometimes,
younger women enjoy an older woman's
company and vice versa. Best Wishes!
Oh, and I love the cheek bones!

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PMFISH 9/21/2011 9:03PM

    Ev, I am just so happy you are back being able to think about things other than your next treatment. When I found out I had breast cancer, my second husband could not handle it! I was heart broken and angry! I have always been the caretaker, but when I needed one, I found it to be a girlfriend and my sister. My children were there, but tangled in their own lives. I found people veered away, almost as if cancer was contagious.

I have always enjoyed working and being in real estate you are involved with people! I have also started some home based businesses, with the real estate market been in such sad state. I am never lonely, I use Skype on the computer, the phone, and when I can I am out the door! Some days I can not be out long, still building my stamina back up, but get stronger every day! I know you will be doing the same and the better you feel, the more you will venture out. I realized the other day, I had gotten out of the habit of calling people. Mostly waiting for them to call me. I picked up the phone and found there were some people really glad to hear from me and wanting to make plans.

As you get stronger you will be doing more and get more involved in something you enjoy! Have a great week!

Pat

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COACHPENNY 9/18/2011 9:23PM

    I too, have a Bob-like hubby. We do a lot together. He is my partner. I have friends & neighbors, my daughter & a SIL live close by. We walk and do coffee, chat over the fence and have get togethers. My life is pretty full. I never would have thought that I'd find such a community online. I'm not on facebook or any other online forum.

It started with weight loss but, as I began to venture out onto the teams and threads I found a camaraderie that is hard to duplicate. It could it be that the anonymity affords us to courage to be ourselves, to reveal our inner thoughts.

For me also, it's the writing. I really like to write and I also like to read the thoughts of others. It's a lost art....the writing of letters. I actually blogged about finding friends here recently when one of my favorite people left Spark.

A part of what I wrote......

"Spark is a better place when people share ideas, rants and laughter. In every success, every frustration, every goal realized, every challenge met, we share a basic human need for communication and validation. The genuine camaraderie we have, whether we agree or not is nothing less than wonderful."

Ev, I think you are a writer of letters, too. You have this need to share your feelings...nothing wrong with that. It IS hard to find deep friendship in our every day lives. There are far too many interruptions. Online we can be interrupted and the conversation will still be going when we return. That's pretty cool! And so are YOU!


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CELLOPLAYER1 9/18/2011 6:56PM

    I know how imprtant having girl friends can be.

I play in a string quartet with three of my best friends. I can look forward to seeing them evevy week for pratice. They were every suportive while I was going through my chemo a few years ago.

I have also been getting to know other women in my quilt quild.

I hope you find some one close at hand to enjoy a cup of tea or a walk with, but we will be here for you from a far.

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SUSIEPH1 9/18/2011 5:14PM

    Ohh Yes!! my friend I can so relate, It is a sisterhood of woman that have mostly been through the mill too ..
Colin is my third Husband too ..
and I have had two completely different lives before him and our life now! .

I am lucky in that I have one of my daughters living close by and also one of my Step daughters ... they are both so supportive .

I also think we have learned to trust our on-line friends with thoughts we would never speak about to any one else ..
This, I think is because our on-line friends in the site in particular are all in the same place with their weight, their families , and sometimes the relationship with thier Husbands .

Be assured that we are all here for you ...
Love and Hugs Susie emoticon

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JKURJACK1944 9/18/2011 4:34PM

    Ev, I have had no female friends other than family since I retired two years ago. Even then you would not classify them as lifelong friends. I only made one friend when I was going to school and have not kept in touch with her. It has made me reach out to people on the internet, but I am not really outgoing or gregarious even here. I hope, that as I reach out more, I will start trying to make friends outside of this little box.

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JAYKAYSTRONG 9/18/2011 1:52PM

    I have a Bob-like guy (Andy is his name) who is amazing, but I do miss having frequent girlfriend time. One of my goals this past year was to make new girlfriends and spend more time with my existing friends. Sadly, I haven't done either. I actually reached out to several ladies I don't know very well but would like to get to know better and approached them about taking some walks, etc. There didn't seem to be a mutual interest. So I understand how you feel.

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TULASI-PRIYA 9/18/2011 1:01PM

    This is a lovely post, although a little sad. I have been isolated many times, for a variety of reasons, health not the least of them, but a lot of times it's just been plain old inertia. I'm actually quite social, but need solitude to get any work done! I also have a sweet husband, and that keeps me from going nuts, even if he makes me nuts sometimes, lol.

Sometimes it's better to think less, and move more. Get out of the house, go window shopping. Even if your looks bring "looks," think of it as an opportunity to cultivate a sense of self-sufficiency. For myself, I really believe (but don't always act upon) the truth that it only matters how God sees us. Everything else is ephemeral. emoticon

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TERJEGOLD 9/18/2011 12:56PM

    I don't want to put words into your mouth but here is how living with cancer has affected me.

I now know life is not eternal. I understand every day counts and, even if I am not feeling 100%, there is a lot I can do and many ways to make each day special.

I now value friends more than ever. I used to be so utterly independent that I probably pushed friends away. They no doubt felt unwanted or not needed and probably didn't think they had a role to play in my life.

Having cancer has benefited me. Weird, huh? my priorities are more clear and are now more aligned with my core values.

So, if you are anything like me, you probably now see the value of having women in your life. Your Bob is FANTASTIC, I can't imagine a better partner for one dealing with health issues such as you have been doing. But a partner can fill only that role. Girlfriends fill an other.

I hope you can find someone to walk with. Or someone to drink tea with. Those are important events that keep us alive and alertt.

LOVE you!!!

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Are you ready?

Saturday, September 17, 2011

For some college football, that is. I'm a die hard Gator fan, as is Bob. We love our fall Saturdays, but have never seen a game in "The Swamp". Bob got permission during off-season to go inside and take some photos and they are fantastic!! But I have several small colleges I root for, too.

Mount Union in Ohio is one. When I attended my freshman year it was College, but since has become University. I still think of it as "good ol' MUC" as was in the school song. Always a Purple Raider at heart, I guess. Since I am a Kent State grad, I HAVE to cheer on the Golden Flashes!!! Then there is Ohio U, not to be confused with Ohio State. Ohio U is where my brother has spent his last 40 years teaching. How can I not cheer for the Bobcats? Besides Athens is a beautiful town and I have always enjoyed visiting there.

Now, Bob is from MN so he cheers on all of their teams, especially the Duluth team. But he's a Gopher through and through.

In the end, it isn't who we cheer for, but that we enjoy watching and find it entertaining. I remember my high school band's half time shows and the Purple Raider marching band shows. Those were such fun times - Friday nights and Saturday afternoons. They are great memories that are a deep part of who I am today and why I love the game.

And also why........ I'm ready for some football today and each fall Saturday!

Goooooooooo Gators!!!!!!!!!!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PUFFPASTRY 9/18/2011 11:24PM

    You are so funny, Ev. You know I live in Minneapolis, right? I graduated from the U of MN, and then worked there as an admin assistant for years and years while doing theatre. I will say hi to Goldy the Gopher for Bob! emoticon emoticon emoticon

P.S. AND I went to grad school at Ohio State -- but only for a year, then I dropped out. I have several friends who are now or have been grad students at Ohio U. emoticon

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OUTDOORGIRL69 9/17/2011 8:12PM

    I hope you had a great day

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MOM2ACAT 9/17/2011 7:54PM

    I hope you had a great day!

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CELLOPLAYER1 9/17/2011 7:26PM

    I hope you enjoyed you football Saturday!

I will be watching the Packer tomorrow!

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SUSIEPH1 9/17/2011 6:21PM

    Enjoy my friend enjoy!! emoticon emoticon

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PANSYLADY2 9/17/2011 3:25PM

    Wisconsin resident = Packers and Badgers all the way!! Hope your team do well this weekend, though. Have a great time!


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GATOR12 9/17/2011 2:29PM

    Your voice sounds strong and celebratory!!! Hooray1!

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TERJEGOLD 9/17/2011 11:11AM

    It sounds as if today is a great day for you. I am so glad to hear it.

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It's a brand new day!!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The dawn was beautiful. The sun danced as the birds who have moved south for the winter sang. I am still very weak, but with my dear Bob's help I was able to walk around for two intervales of 5 minutes each. I don't think I could ask for more. The weeks are passing since completing my radiation and chemo and as they do, I can feel changes inside, too. I guess I miss my taste buds the most.

One of the first things I couldn't eat was anything chocolate. I'm still the same. I'll bet my mama in heaven is doing a happy dance saying, "FINALLY!"
It was one thing I had trouble limiting when I started SP. Wonder how long it will last. The funny part is since I haven't had any for 8 weeks, I wonder if I'll even want to try it later on. The one thing I really wish I had back for water.
I have always loved a big glass of cold water. I still drink my full, just not too easy to do so now.

I'm getting tired, so I'll just peek around the teams for awhile.

Thanks once more to everyone who has prayed and lifted me during this time.

Ev

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PMCFARM 9/17/2011 10:44PM

  Ev, so glad your back with some much welcome blogs! emoticon

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SKEETOR 9/15/2011 8:41PM

    emoticon

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SMIDGON 9/15/2011 6:40AM

    It's so good to hear from you!

My daughter has her 4-mo. Mammo. this morning! I thought you'd like to know. We had talked about her in the past.

God Bless You and Bob,
Janet

~+~

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GATORJOY 9/15/2011 6:30AM

    Thinking about you today and praying that this day brings more healing and strength to you. God Bless.

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TERJEGOLD 9/14/2011 10:49PM

    Keep taking it one day at a time. You are doing so well. I think of you every single day.

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HOWDOIHEARTTHEE 9/14/2011 8:32PM

    emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 9/14/2011 5:31PM

    You are so Welcome !!
try just to take each day as it comes .. you need to build up your strength now !!
Loveand Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon

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PMFISH 9/14/2011 5:24PM

    emoticon Soooo great to hear from you!! Sounds like you have rounded the bend and headed straight to healing. It can be slow, but each day will be better. I remember everything tasted like metal, but it will clear. Hope you are getting all your vitamins and minerals to help your body get strong. It is hard when you don't even want to eat and nothing taste good. If you have a strong blender, throw a quarter cup of oatmeal, protein powder, with either a little milk or water and a couple spoons of greek yogurt. That you can even drink through a straw.

So great to hear from you!

Positive energy and healing prayers are being sent to you!!

Pat

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MOM2ACAT 9/14/2011 4:32PM

    Hopefully, your taste buds will come back to normal. I had that problem when I had the "heavy duty" chemo back in 2003; chocolate, red meat, and water tasted metallic to me, but my tastes returned to normal within a few months of my last chemo.

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JKURJACK1944 9/14/2011 3:57PM

    It's marvelous that you have been able to do some walking. You will build your strength up with the help of Bob and your own self determination. Very Happy that you are able to blog. God bless you.

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Not to be nasty or anything, but......

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

These were the first words to greet me when I was taken to my hospital room last week. To continue the sentence .... would you like a large sized gown? I have lost within a pound and a half since I started toward my goals. I know I have a long ways to go before I am considered a "healthy" weight, but I have been feeling good about myself for finally doing this the healthy way and not a fad way. I so didn't need the words she spoke. She could have said, we have several sized gowns, which would you like? Or something like that. I didn't know I was going to be admitted nor just how ill I am and this was like a bucket of cold water in my face.

As I said, I know she was right - I am not at a healthy weight, but come on, enough for these kinds of comments? Thankfully everyone else was really nice to me. Well, ok, there was a male nurse for three shifts who was so negative, I felt like kicking him in the backside and tell him to get over it!! First of all he hated my mug - it's a Hooter's mug. He wouldn't subject his wife to such a place and had never even been there! Then he didn't like what I had on the TV because he said there was not one redeemable character in it, so he didn't watch it!! He kinda reminded me of some who have negative attitudes about changing up lifestyles to become as healthy as possible. No, it won't take away an illness you already have, nor will it always prevent you from having something that is life threatening. What it will do is strengthen you for your battle. It will help you know when it's time to fight the good fight and in 99% of the time WIN!!!!

My fight is far from over, but at least I know the healthy way to eat and try to get in as much of my daily requirements that is possible without my problems of bad stomach reactions. I know from many friends here that I'm not alone. Bob has been reading your comments, prayers, love, and joys. You cannot imagine how much they have meant to me.

When I got home from the hospital last night, I was simply too worn out from the hour's drive to get on the computer. Today may possibly be the same, I'll have to wait and see.

For now I just want to thank everyone for all that they have done to lift me.



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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PUDLECRAZY 9/16/2011 7:21PM

    HOME! Woohooo!!!!! That must feel sooooo good!

I have been grateful to Bob for keeping us posted when you were too ill to post, and I am delighted to hear that you have been able to return home.

Nurses - WHAT are they thinking????? Well, you are done with them for now. Enjoy the comfort of home, Bob's company, and finding your way back to strength and healthy.

Wishing you rapid recovery,

Chris

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KATZEYEZ 9/14/2011 12:25PM

    Oh, Ev!
How unprofessional these nurses are...My husband is a nurse and he was disgusted when I told him about what they had said and done! I am so glad it wasn't me in your place, I would have decked the pair of them! *GRRR* Belive me, sweetie- don't give them a second thought...you are a great and positive lady and you will win!! Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!
Bleassings and prayers to you and Bob!! Keep going- you WILL win!
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COACHPENNY 9/14/2011 9:37AM

    My first question would be.....Why on earth is the male nurse perusing and commenting on your personal items and your choice of TV entertainment? That 's completely inappropriate AND hostile. You don't treat someone in your care in such a manner unless YOU have a PROBLEM.

As for the thoughtless nurse....she's clueless.

It wouldn't hurt either one of these two to attend re-training sessions.

Ev, my dear...it may not help but, hear this....they are not worth another serious thought. WE know what you've accomplished!

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PUFFPASTRY 9/14/2011 4:08AM

    Oh my GOSH, Ev - you're lucky I wasn't there in the hospital room with you when the nurse/orderly/staff person made disparaging remarks about your gown size, because there would have been a THROWDOWN. There is NO excuse for a hospital staff person to be commenting on the weight, shape or body size of ANYone, but ESPECIALLY not someone who's urgently ILL, and ESPECIALLY not someone who's been battling CANCER, and ESPECIALLY not someone whose weight has NOTHING TO DO with all the medical issues that are emergent right then and there. What poor form. Anyway, so glad you're doing okay, and it's always great to see you posting! :)

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SUSIEPH1 9/14/2011 12:27AM

    So Glad you are home!!
Some people can be so hurtful, and definately careless with words especially when we are most vulnerable ..
But now you are home with your Bob he was so wonderful keeping us updated as to how you where .

It is time now for rest and recuperation ...
Just remember: You and Bob are in our Thoughts and Prayers ...
Love and Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon

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GRAMMAP1 9/13/2011 10:37PM

    So glad you can be home again. There is no place like home. And I am sure DH is happy to have you back. Work at getting well, and now you don't have to plug your ears. A Hospital should be a safe environment and you can watch what you want on TV!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GATOR12 9/13/2011 8:05PM

    So glad, although life throws some negative people at ya', you can just "let them flow down your duckie back and be positive yourself. There are those of us in the world who prefer positive thoughts, words and deeds. You are one and so am I. (well and lots others too) We choose to surround ourselves with like people when we can. Glad you are home and up to posting!! Gentle hugs, Brenda

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MOM2ACAT 9/13/2011 7:03PM

    It's good to see you posting! emoticon



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PANSYLADY2 9/13/2011 12:51PM

    Ev, your weight doesn't define who you are. You are a Child of God, and HE defines who you are. He says you are precious, He says that He will never leave you or forsake you. Think on THOSE things. You are much loved by the Father. Praying for you!!


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SKEETOR 9/13/2011 12:28PM

    Don't let what other people think have such an impact on you. You know you're better than that. (I know, easier said than done.) There are a lot of ignorant people out there when it comes to weight. And then there are people who are not happy with themselves and the negativity just oozes out of them. I've looked at your photos and you should be nothing but proud! emoticon

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JKURJACK1944 9/13/2011 12:25PM

    Ev, It's great to read your blog. Don't stress at all about negative people. They have their own cross to bear. Continue to be positive and you will win. God bless you and Bob.

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MIRAGE727 9/13/2011 12:11PM

    Wishing you only Positive Waves!
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BRIMOIRA 9/13/2011 11:36AM

    Many of us know just what you went through, and beleive me it comes fron ignorance. Yes we are all over weigh, and yes we should try to loose some of it, but it isn't as easy as they may think. There is a reason beyond our control and besides our just over eating that cause some of use get so over weight while others don't. But some of these self-rightous people like that male nurse, will someday get their own.

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HAWKTHREE 9/13/2011 11:31AM

    It's one step at a time, isn't it? You should be proud you're taking those steps.

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IDLETYME 9/13/2011 11:26AM

    Glad you feel like posting again - hooray! Keep Progressing!

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JENNSWIMS 9/13/2011 11:24AM

    So glad you are back!

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Ev's not on SP program, but loves hearing from everyone

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Hi all of Ev's friends and her support system. I wish the news was better, but she still is not well. They are so concerned about the depletetion of the potassium and magnesium from her body and the damage it could do to her heart if not fixed. She is so week from vomiting and diarrhea daily. She loves to hear from everyone and wanted me to tell you how much she appreciates all of you and how she looks forward to posting again for herself.

Bob

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PMCFARM 9/17/2011 9:20PM

  Ev & Bob... you both remain in my thoughts & prayers & lots of
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VALERIEMAHA 9/7/2011 9:49PM

    Such a difficult journey for you two, Bob and Ev. I've been in South America all summer so I'm seriously "out of the SP loop." I will be holding you both up that your greatest good will be served. You have an extraordinary spirit and I'm in awe of your courage, Ev.
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Maha

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CELLOPLAYER1 9/7/2011 9:00PM

    Sending Prayers your way!

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PMFISH 9/7/2011 8:42PM

    Ev constant prayers and good energy (with potassium and magnesium) headed your way!

Hang it there girl! Hopefully now the worst is behind you!

Pat

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PUDLECRAZY 9/7/2011 5:31PM

    Hang in there, Ev. I wish you were feeling much better, and hope you get relief very soon. I think about you every day and miss hearing from you. I am so glad that Bob keeps us posted.

Sending you big love,
Chris


Bob, thank you for keeping us all updated. You must be suffering, too. Sending you big love as well. I wish there was ore that I could do to help out. Wishing you and Ev the very best,

Chris

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MOM2ACAT 9/7/2011 3:51PM

    emoticon Sending lots of prayers

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PANSYLADY2 9/7/2011 9:40AM

    Bob (and Ev): I am giving Ev's name to our prayer team at church. The members of the team are all solid Bible-believing Christians who believe God when He says by the stripes of Jesus, we ARE healed. Past tense. God is a Healer, so He is the One we must go to. I will be praying for Ev, as will the rest of of group!

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PUFFPASTRY 9/7/2011 9:27AM

    Aw! Ev, go chase after that potassium and magnesium and say, "HEY, you essential nutrients! I'M in charge here, and YOU WILL NOT BE LEAVING THE HOUSE AGAIN! DAMMIT!" Or, you know, something like that. emoticon
Hugs!!
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TERJEGOLD 9/7/2011 7:43AM

    Thank you for the update, Bob. Please tell Ev how often she is in my thoughts and prayers.

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SUSIEPH1 9/7/2011 7:18AM

    Awww Bob ! You are such a darling for keeping us informed on how Ev is doing ..
Thank you so much ..
Tell her I am praying for her and she is always in my thoughts and she had better get better really quickly because I miss her ..

She is a fighter, and she will beat this. Especially with such a loving husband to support her.
Thank you again for letting us know!
God Bless you both!
Love and Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SMIDGON 9/7/2011 7:17AM

    Tell Ev I think about her daily, and, how right from the start she offered to help my daughter and myself if we ever needed it.

She is much thought of and prayed for.

Blessings,
Janet


~+~

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