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april showers bring may flowers

Sunday, March 28, 2010

cliche, yes, but great metaphor. i'm going to hunker down and kick some butt in april so i'll have a great body, well, improved body, to dress with cute spring/summer clothes come may. i'm not going out, i'm going to save as much money as possible and i'm totally going to focus on myself and my health.

so here are my goals to make this the greatest month possible:

~work out every day. minimum 10 min.

~eat as healthy as possible and track what i eat even if it's not as healthy as i would like.

~drink 8 glasses of water a day

~no soda

~ no alcohol

~in bed by 10 every night. even the weekends.

i'm trying to think of more, but i guess that's a pretty good list to work on. some will be easier than others. i believe i have an excelent chance of succeeding if i just focus and remind myself.

i was given great advice in a comment on the last blog i posted: write you goals on a card & put it in your pocket. everytime you put you hand in your pocket you'll feel the card and remember.

better go find a card!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOAL_WORTHY 3/29/2010 5:46PM

    You can do it!

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MOMFAN 3/29/2010 2:11PM

    Great goals! You can do them and succeed!

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KSW1963 3/28/2010 1:01PM

    This is great! You have inspired me to work on my April goals. emoticon

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ITSABOUTME2407 3/28/2010 12:52PM

    good blog
u have some good goals ...they say by planning ahead ..you succeed wishing u a great and successful april emoticontrish

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one day, one week, one month at a time

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

still struggling, but still in the game.

i've decided i need to regain my focus on my goals. i had a lot of goal for 2010 and some i'm already running out of time to accomplish. not good! so i'm going to work at the ones i can still achieve and do what i can to get myself going in this lovely adventure. i'm so sick of going through the motions of life and not actually living life.

so, here's my plan:

today...i'm going to go over my journaling and blogging from the beginning of the year and find out what happened to cause me to lose my way.

tomorrow i'm going to focus on not sleeping in through my workout time and actually get up and workout!

this week i'm going to focus on not drinking alcohol.

next week i'm going to focus on drinking water. this is NEVER something i struggle with and suddenly i have a problem.

April i'm going to focus on exercising. if i can keep up with tomorrow's goal and turn it into a daily thing by april this shouldn't be too difficult.

and of course whatever weekly and daily goals i can come up with for the foreseeable future to get me going on this course and start succeeding once again.

a co-worker and i have started walking at lunch. about 15 minutes. this is a good thing. i hope the weather keeps up so we can get a walk in regularly.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STRIVING4HEALTH 3/24/2010 3:00PM

    Good luck! Great goals!

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FITMYPANTSO9 3/24/2010 10:34AM

    Regain that focus! and good luck emoticon! A hint about goal reaching that I received is to write your short term goals down on an index card and put it in your pocket. That way when you reach into your pocket you will be reminded of your goals every time you touch that card emoticon
Bless you and have a good day

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TONYA_JO 3/23/2010 5:17PM

    emoticon I have found that small steps/goals work better than huge goals all at once. Making one or two changes at a time seems to work best for me. Sounds like you have a great plan in place! I'm here for you if need help along the way!

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DONNA_VT 3/23/2010 3:41PM

    Sounds like you have a good plan. It seems there are a few of us out there who are struggling with the focus issue. . . me included. Glad to know I'm not alone.

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LEAG0628 3/23/2010 11:20AM

    Good for you on regaining your focus. I find that I am starting to lose my way a little, too, and I have come too far to turn back now. I still have a long way to go to my goal so I need to take a deep breath and regroup.

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CHARDISTER 3/23/2010 11:10AM

    This is where it becomes mind over matter. A battle of the wills....not getting up to exercise is not an option. Tell yourself that over and over again until you actually believe it. Stay encouraged and stay focused on your goals and you will be fine. emoticon

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ready to throw in the towel

Friday, March 12, 2010

i'm not gonna lie. this has been a tough couple of months. everything fell apart at the end of january then got worse in february. i was hoping things would get better in march. so far not happening. i've been trying to figure out what went wrong (stress, money, motivation) and how to fix it.

it's just been so hard! i was doing so well. even typing this is difficult. i just want to quit. i want to quit it all. i even contemplated leaving the community team since it was such a burden to do the weekly requirements. but i want the fear of being kicked out to keep me going. i don't want to be the person i am anymore. i want to take control of my life. i want to fix the problems. i have to stop letting them controlling me. i have got to get this money problem figured out somehow. i can't even remember the last time i had a fruit or vegetable. i even bought top ramen!

i can't get myself to workout. i set my alarm every morning then turn it off as soon as it goes off and go back to sleep. i make up excuses to not workout after work. this sucks and i'm sick of it!

i've been struggling with alcohol issues for the past 5 years or so. it's been a serious problem. i spend too much money on booze, i've gained a lot of weight in the past few years and i know alcohol has a big part in that. i was watching the doctors a week or two ago and jillian michaels was on there. she was talking to this lady about how she couldn't lose weight and what she thought may be a cause for her struggles. the lady admitted being addicted to lattes. jillian told her she needed to hate the lattes. she needed to recognize what they are doing to her, how they are killing her and effecting her life. i realize this is what i need to do with alcohol. i've been working on it. it's tough. for some reason it's my crutch and what i keep coming back to.

i gave up soda for a year, haven't had fast food in 2010, but i can't steer clear of alcohol for more than a week. what is wrong with me?!

the scale is starting to climb and that freaks me out. i was actually losing weight at a good pace. i was down 10 lbs, now i'm watching that success disappear.

i can't quit. i need to do this. for me, for my family, for the kids i haven't had. i have to find the strength in myself to keep going on this journey.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAWNWS1 3/15/2010 9:30PM

    So sorry I missed this when you wrote it, but I do hope things are going better for you and you've been able to find the motivation to get back on the right track. Remember, baby steps...you don't have to get it perfect right away, just take those baby steps in the right direction and things will fall into place. I'm so glad to see how much great support you've already gotten here!!!

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TARAFANA1 3/15/2010 12:56PM

    I'm glad everyone has been so supportive of you. I've been gone for quite awhile now and I thought I'd see how all my Spark friends were doing and I clicked on your profile and saw how much weight you've lost. It made me smile! I hope you remember to vent anytime you feel like giving up, there will always be someone here to give you a shoulder to cry on and a kick in the tush. Also, I second the "AA" etc program too, I've known a few people who have gone through the program and it's really helped them.

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W8WHITTILER 3/15/2010 10:52AM

    Don't ever quit on YOURSELF!

There are things in life that are a struggle, bumps in the road that cause us to fall down and not want to get back up..

But you can do this, it won't be overnight, so just make a plan, for a week, get through that week, then plan another..
Challenge yourself to spend the money on the fruits and veggies for one week..and each DAY that succeed look yourself in the mirror and say "You can do this, You are worth this, it will take alot of work, and alot of sweat and alot of struggles back and forth, but you are strong and you can win at anything"

You have alot of support here, so don't be afraid to reach out to us, we want to help and be right there beside you when you cross that finish line!

Your very own emoticon

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MOMFAN 3/14/2010 12:42AM

    You can do this! I know my addiction when I started my journey over a year ago was food. I couldn't just stop eating so I had to learn to eat healthy and portion control and right choices. I had to take control of my choices and you do too. You can do this we are rooting for you.

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PROUDMOM2BOYS 3/13/2010 5:55PM

    emoticonHang in there! You have lots of support through the Spark Community! emoticon

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KSW1963 3/13/2010 9:48AM

    As long as you keep trying there is hope! Please don't give up. You have already done something good by blogging this and getting it "out there." I have felt the way you have....not with alcohol...but with other addictions to food, diet coke, and just plain laziness and depression. What helps me sometimes is to think about "What makes a good day?" I would write a list....and then no matter how I felt, I would do the things on my list....focusing on just the one day. Your list might include exercising for at least 15 min (doesn't even have to be consecutive...just 15 min of intentional exercise.) You might also put eat a piece of fruit and limit myself to 1 drink. Then if you accomplish the things on your list...you will feel good about it...and you might surprise yourself once you get going and do more that what is on the list...and then you will be really proud of yourself! Also....please do get help if you need it. I just went to get help from a weight loss Doctor because that is my huge issue...and I have renewed hope. Another thing regarding finances...there is a program called "Financial Peace" by Dave Ramsey that has been very helpful to my family. You can check it out on the web if you are interested. He writes books as well where I'm sure you could get the same principles. I know this is long...but I really feel for you, and I hope you keep trying. God Bless!

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MJHAINLINE_1 3/12/2010 11:23PM

    Although I don't struggle with alcohol because I don't drink I do struggle with emotional eating. When I get stressed, bored, tired, happy, etc. I turn to food. So in a sense, food is my addiction. I have felt like you many a time. I weigh myself weekly and don't see the numbers changing. That is frustrating! I can't give advice if you aren't ready, but I would suggest finding an AA meeting near you and see what you learn. The group is very supportive and everyone there understands what you are going through. Take one day at a time and know we are pulling for you. If you need someone to talk to--on the phone or in person-- I would be willing. Let me know and I will give you my contact information. Don't give up!!! Take one day at a time and focus on the positive things in your life--including the food and/or exercising you are doing--no matter how small.

Take care,

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BGMUNCHKIN 3/12/2010 9:07PM

    Life is not an easy journey. At times we are struck with the dumb things we do. I truly understand how alcohol can affect you and drive you. If you need help (and will power won't do it for you) then seek out some of the self help groups like AA or other options. It is OK to say you need help. Alcohol and drugs are one thing you can live without, unforetunately food is not. Getting help to get those kind of addictions out of your life is a good thing. God loves you honey so don't think your not worth it!

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FITWITHIN 3/12/2010 8:50PM

    I know how you feel all so well. I ask myself this many time; if hurdles and obstacles was presented to us will we take the time to face them and find a way to over come them. How much pain and suffering do we have to endure before we are willing to make a change. Patients and positively is the way for me.

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TAZZIE1 3/12/2010 8:48PM

    I am so happy you realize this is what is holding you back. You lost those ten pounds and you can lose another ten. Take it one step at a time, one day at a time and you can do this. Have you thought about going to AA meetings? They really are an eye opener and are really helpful. Don't quit, we are all here to help each other. emoticon

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TONYA_JO 3/12/2010 8:28PM

    emoticon that's all I have right this second, but I'll be back with more ;) I'm only a sparkmail away if you need anything. A shoulder, a kick in the butt, whatever it is you need. Hang in there! You are worth this journey!!!

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FIGHT2SURVIVE 3/12/2010 7:52PM

    Don't you dare think about quitting. I am an old, sick hag and refuse to die just because they tell me I am, so you can't quit until I do which will be the day they pat me on the chest with a shovel.

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KIRCHDS 3/12/2010 7:41PM

    I am so sorry to read of your struggles. I went through some hard times a few years ago. I was afraid that everyone else thought badly of me because of what had happened. She told me "Everyone has junk in their trunk, just people's trunk are closed, yours happens to be open!" Knowing that you are not alone with struggling in day to day life is important. Remember that you are worth the time it takes to improve yourself! Try babysteps. Just start taking the stairs instead of the elevator. Park farther away at the grocery store.

I agree with Jillian. You will have to come to the realization that the alcohol is changing your life. I don't know a lot about alcholism, but you may want to seek professional help.

Make small changes...drink water, promise yourself to eat 1 piece of fruit per day. Every little step is a step towards success.

Take care!!

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GOAL_WORTHY 3/12/2010 7:38PM

    emoticon emoticonWe are all here for you.

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RICHELLE920 3/12/2010 7:37PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LUNADRAGON 3/12/2010 7:35PM

    Praying for you. It takes one step, one baby step at a time. Due to health/medications, mine has climbed, and dropped, and climbed, and dropped. Remember you need to do this for you. You are better than that and you are worth it.

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FRAN641 3/12/2010 7:27PM

    I'm glad you blogged about how your feeling. It isn't easy to stay motivated but spark has kept me in touch with people who are doing this everyday and that helps me have hope. Keep talking about it and hopefully the fire will get lit again to take control over your life.. Maybe joining one of the teams would give you some support. Good luck and I hope you find that seed inside that says "I want to do this for me just for today".......

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DARRYLP67 3/12/2010 7:26PM

    Father God in the name of Jesus i come before you as humble as i know how thanking and praising you were asking that you bind ou that spirit of alcohol keep them covered in the blood of Jesus father we can do all things through you give them the strenth and courage to go on trusting in you i pray in Jesus name amen. hold on yes you can look up motivations on this site. emoticon

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finally, february ends

Thursday, February 25, 2010

february has been a bad month for me as long as i can remember. so now it has a stigma that i thought i could beat this year, but it got the best of me. i planned on doing the spark 28 day challenge to keep me on track and get through the month. i failed twice. february has literally kicked my butt. i'm hoping march will be better. one of the problems i faced in february is lack of money. my husband has to get his wisdom teeth out and insurance isn't going to cover it. so i'm broke. i haven't had a chance to recover from christmas with all the birthdays and such in january. the stress of everything has caused me to go a bit crazy in february.

i believe it all started with turning 30 in january. the stress and depression of being 30, unhappy, overweight, disapointed, etc. just caught up with me. i have been severly drunk every weekend since. without planning to do so. it all started out with just hanging out and visiting with people. i don't drink during the week, but i've been depressed everyday. i think the idea of escape when alcohol was near was just too easy of an escape. i had fun, but i'm still disapointed in myself. right now i'm taking an alcohol hiatus cause my alcoholic genes are starting to show themselves again and that always bothers me.

at this point i don't have the budget to eat as healhy and i need/want to. so my plan is to work out more. i have about 155 minutes of workout time for february. so that plan isn't going well. i need to dig myself out of this hole.

i know working out is my only answer right now.

here's to a better march!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMFAN 2/25/2010 10:56PM

    We need to learn to love ourselves exactly where we are in our lives. You are an amazing person. So stop the negative talk, it only brings you down and makes you feel worse. I know dd buys a lot of our veggies at Grocery Outlet and Winco. You are going to get more exercise in March, practice portion control and start realizing your dreams.

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MARTHAR3 2/25/2010 11:31AM

    At leasy Feb will be gone soon. I have unhappy Feb too. My father passed in Feb. even though it was in 1978. Every year It comes back like new.. So Feb is a fight to get thru without the wanting to eat things to medicate the feelings..

Hugs Martha n tx

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TRIGFROST 2/25/2010 11:06AM

    February---Really has been a bad month for me too...
Looking forward to March---Watch the Winds...move us Forward...

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What is wrong with me?!

Friday, February 12, 2010

I have a fear of success. I know this. I can admit it. But i don't know how to fix it!

Way back in January I decided to do The Spark 28-day Challenge in February. I got to about day 3 and everything fell apart. I made my goals, i was working toward them, i was feeling real good. Then BAM I stopped. I lost focus. I was self-sabatoging myself.


Last weekend was just plain awful. I was hungover for most of it, and monday too. One of my Feb goals was no alcohol. I made it 4 days. Then I drank more in two days than most people drink in a month. I ate horribly. worse than i've eaten since Christmas. I don't know what happened. This weekend I'm going to reflect on the past two weeks and try to figure out what is wrong with me. Maybe i'm still trying to achieve my goals for the wrong reasons. Or not enough right reasons.

Monday I'm going to restart the 28 day challenge. I'll be a couple weeks behind, but I'd rather finish it late than finish it halfway.

Hopefully monday I can write a blog with the reasons I set myself up to lose and a way to succeed. I want to succeed so badly!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SANDIANNE 2/12/2010 9:47PM

    I can identify with your dilemma. I tend to get very unmotivated after being on a good roll myself. For me, I think it is depression that attaches itself to me, and I go into a funk. That means that I don't exercise; I stay indoors, and sometimes I don't even get dressed all day. I just hang out in my pajamas and read books.

I find that when I get this way, I have to make a plan, sort of like you are doing. Regroup and give myself small motivational talks. I know that once I start on the correct road again, I'll be okay. I would also like to restart the challenge with you.

I can even identify with the excessive drinking. As a matter of fact, it got so bad three months ago, that I gave up alcohol completely...difficult to do, but not drinking gives me more energy. I just have to motivate myself to get to the next level - consistent exercise. I plan on starting up again tomorrow. Actually, your blog has motivated me to try to get out of this funk, pick myself up, and start all over again.

Hang in there. I'll be trying along with you.


Time for us to move our butts.


Comment edited on: 2/12/2010 9:51:24 PM

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DONNA_VT 2/12/2010 9:22PM

    We are all here for you and we understand the challenges of the journey. You are doing the right thing to try and understand the problems you are having and make some changes. Good Luck.

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MAGA99 2/12/2010 7:31PM


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TONYA_JO 2/12/2010 4:34PM

    Hugs!! I think that is part of why we call this a journey, because it is indeed a lifelong journey.

I'm stuck myself right now. Take one day at a time, one meal at a time if you need to. Try hard not to beat yourself up. Admit that you slipped, and move on instead of dwelling on it. So much easier said than done I know!

Hang in there. You are worth it and can do it!

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MOMFAN 2/12/2010 3:05PM

    I have been struggling too! I am starting over too! We can do it together!

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SARACSJ 2/12/2010 11:10AM

    Don't be too harsh on yourself. Doing the challenge (or even after the challenge) doesn't mean you won't fail, it just means you commit to starting again when you have a "bad day." It takes time to develop new habits. You are going to have days where you don't do as well as you hoped. That's ok, just make sure you get back on track.

I agree that understanding why you got off track is good, but be carefull because it can easily lead to beating yourself up. Sometimes I skip understanding why and just start over if that happens.

You can do this. Whatever the reason was when you started, make it for you now. You can do this! You can be scared while your succeeding even. You can do this!!!

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BALLOUZOO 2/12/2010 11:03AM

    Forgive yourself, revisit you battle plan. All or Nothing goals are hard on a person, because they don't give you a chance to change over time and you feel so bad. Start with small "easy" goals (I will workout for 10 minutes a day, I will have one drink a week, I will eat one extra veggie a day), and work your way gently along the path to wellness.


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IILAAD65 2/12/2010 10:54AM

    Don't beat yourself up over what has happened. We've ALL made mistakes.. I told my body we were going to war. And I meant it. I dropped 40 lbs and I have stalled out. I need to lose another 40.

Be determined!!!

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SPARK-KELLI 2/12/2010 10:43AM

    Ok - time to get back on the program. You got off track - that's in the past. Now, look forward. Think about where you want to be - visualize it with all your senses. You can get there. YOU WILL GET THERE.

Believe it!

We all stumble. Then we get back up and carry on.

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