Friday, March 12, 2010
i'm not gonna lie. this has been a tough couple of months. everything fell apart at the end of january then got worse in february. i was hoping things would get better in march. so far not happening. i've been trying to figure out what went wrong (stress, money, motivation) and how to fix it.
it's just been so hard! i was doing so well. even typing this is difficult. i just want to quit. i want to quit it all. i even contemplated leaving the community team since it was such a burden to do the weekly requirements. but i want the fear of being kicked out to keep me going. i don't want to be the person i am anymore. i want to take control of my life. i want to fix the problems. i have to stop letting them controlling me. i have got to get this money problem figured out somehow. i can't even remember the last time i had a fruit or vegetable. i even bought top ramen!
i can't get myself to workout. i set my alarm every morning then turn it off as soon as it goes off and go back to sleep. i make up excuses to not workout after work. this sucks and i'm sick of it!
i've been struggling with alcohol issues for the past 5 years or so. it's been a serious problem. i spend too much money on booze, i've gained a lot of weight in the past few years and i know alcohol has a big part in that. i was watching the doctors a week or two ago and jillian michaels was on there. she was talking to this lady about how she couldn't lose weight and what she thought may be a cause for her struggles. the lady admitted being addicted to lattes. jillian told her she needed to hate the lattes. she needed to recognize what they are doing to her, how they are killing her and effecting her life. i realize this is what i need to do with alcohol. i've been working on it. it's tough. for some reason it's my crutch and what i keep coming back to.
i gave up soda for a year, haven't had fast food in 2010, but i can't steer clear of alcohol for more than a week. what is wrong with me?!
the scale is starting to climb and that freaks me out. i was actually losing weight at a good pace. i was down 10 lbs, now i'm watching that success disappear.
i can't quit. i need to do this. for me, for my family, for the kids i haven't had. i have to find the strength in myself to keep going on this journey.
Monday, February 01, 2010
i received this book in january with the intention of doing the 28 day challenge in february. i'm relieve to learn i'm not alone in this journey. it's an official challenge. i will try to support my fellow sparkers. lets get sparking!
my fast break goals are:
1. track everything i eat everyday
2. workout at least 30 minutes a day
3. listen to a get-up-and-go song daily. start a playlist with these songs.
i have decided to make my spark time at 4 am. at that time i intend to workout, journal, reflect on my progress, enjoy a cup of tea, listen to aforementioned music, rejuvinate and embrace the peace of a new day.
my rewards are a book for fast break success and new jeans for challenge success.
i came up with a few other goals to work on for february. i feel they will greatly help me succeed in this challenge. they are:
1. lose 10 lbs
2. track everything i consume
3. no alcohol
4. 3 liters of water a day
5. workout everyday, 30 minutes min
6. in bed by 10 & up at 4
January was a great month for me. i ate very well, consumed almost no alcohol, worked out almost every day. i also lost 6 lbs, 4 of which were the weight i gained over the holidays. i thought that was a great number for who the month was overall. i know i can accomplish way more in february. january was a stepping stone. february will be lifechanging!
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