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goals and dreaming of finding my willpower again

Thursday, September 17, 2009

it's time to remind myself of my goals.

1st, i want to lose 10 lbs by october 2. This is when i got to oktoberfest. super fun! i have about 6 more lbs to go. ugh. i say about cause i keep going back and forth with two lbs. one week i'm 229, the next i'm 227. i can't get past the 227. though i'd much rather stay at 227 then bumping back up to 229. i left the 230's, i never want to see them again! i need to evaluate my situation and figure out why i keep going back and forth every week. and then figure out how i can lose the rest of the weight in two weeks!

2nd, i want to lose as much weight as possible before my 30th birthday. this takes place in january. i'm thinking if i work real hard and focus, i can lose 40 lbs. that's a high number, it would be a about 10 lbs a month. doable, but very difficult with the holidays coming up. so i'm just gonna really try to be out of the 200's by then.

my 3rd goal is to work out at least 5 days a week. i'm focusing mostly on every other day at this point. that's better than nothing, right? i don't know why i'm having so much trouble getting into working out. i love working out! i love the feeling afterward, i love how my body feels when i'm really into it. but i can't get myself really going! if i could, that would totally help my other two goals!

i need to stay focused. i need to remind myself every day of my goals. i can't let sleeping an extra half hour in the morning get in the way of goals. i don't really know where that is coming from either. it's not like my bed is comfy and i just want to lay in it all day. i'm a huge morning person. i love getting up early. but for some reason i just can't get myself up early enough to work out anymore.

i also think my willpower may be dying. i used to tell myself, don't eat chocolate, and i wouldn't. i could be around a whole buffet of desserts and not eat one. now i can't even go one day of having beer in the fridge and not touching it. i gave up soda for my new year's resolution and haven't had any. easy. i gave up the internet for lent, easy. but not drink alcohol when it's near. nope. don't hit the snooze button one more time so i can workout. not gonna happen. what is wrong with me?

i need some major work!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TARAFANA1 9/18/2009 2:43AM

    Keep it up :)
"though i'd much rather stay at 227 then bumping back up to 229"
that is something I think alot of people forget, they get upset if the scale isn't moving fast enough, then they in turn become overwhelmed and give up, but yes I have agree I'd rather lose say 10 lbs over the spans of a year than not lose anything/gain!

"i'm focusing mostly on every other day at this point. that's better than nothing, right?"
Yes it is better than nothing, much better than nothing, keep it up :)
and as far as the sleep thing goes, well, you know if you have gotten 8-9 hrs sleep then yeah maybe reaching inside for motivation may be in order, but if you are really needing the sleep get it (if you're needing it maybe make that your goal for awhile, you could even alternate days. One day exercise next day focus on rest/sleep lol IDK)
and don't forget your water! No matter what water, expecially if you are exercising or eating anything with a high sodium content lol
Anyways, never forget lasting weightloss is a lifestyle change made up of small deliberate decisions. Think of it as the frog in the pot of hot water...last but not least don't stop encouraging yourself ;)


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THINCERE71 9/17/2009 11:18AM

    Hi! I wrote a similar blog yesterday in terms of my relationship with WINE!! I had to stop fooling myself...It is the number one caloric beverage (empty calories, no less) that gets in the way of our success!!!

In reading the way in which you refer to "willpower" I hope it would be okay to recommend a book that I have found very helpful..."The Four Day Win" by Martha Beck. She speaks to how difficult and self defeating it can be to allow your "restrictor" self to be in charge because the "Wild Child" or the rebel in you always wins! Thus the battle with the beer and chocolate.

Enjoyed your blog!! Keep metabolizing those pounds!

Jess emoticon

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30, flirty and thriving?

Monday, September 07, 2009

I was reading a people magazine earlier today and it was the one that featured melissa joan hart on the cover and the article talked about her losing all the weight from her pregnancies and how it was such a struggle. she realized she was almost 33 and it would be harder to lose as she got older, so she needed to do it now.
this got me to thinking, i'll be 30 in a little over 4 months! omg! i do not want to turn 30 weighing this much and being this unhappy with myself. that's my new goal. i won't be at my goal weight in that time, but i figure if i stay on track i could probably lose about 40 lbs. that's better than where i'm at now.

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MAGA99 9/7/2009 7:13PM

    I wish I would have thought about this 10 yrs ago I m now 41

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i had to suck in, but...

Thursday, September 03, 2009

...my "skinny" jeans fit! woot! as i've mentioned i just moved into a new house and it at the moment there is not a washer and dryer. so i'm trying to go as long as possible before i have to go find a laudramat thingy (about a week so far). today i was rummaging through the closet trying to find some more "fat clothes", mainly jeans. my current jeans are 18's, and they are too big. so i came across this pair of 15's. i tried them on a few months ago and couldn't get them over my hips. today they fit! i had to suck in and bend funny to get them buttoned but i did it! so i'm pretty happy about that. they fit fine on my legs but my tummy is too big and that bugs me, but i'll do extra crunches tonight. i will just try to hold off on using the bathroom today.

question: do you keep your "fat clothes" once they are too big?
i was watching ruby the other night and she was having trouble letting go of some dresses that no longer fit her. she said she kept them for security and i know that's pretty normal. i don't keep mine once i'm a size or two too small for them. like the above mentioned jeans. until i can button these normally i will keep them. i, on the other hand, keep my skinny clothes. i know i shouldn't, most of them are out of style. but i know one day i will fit into them so i hang on to them. most of my shirts are Large, and right now i'm hanging out in the X-L section. so i figure if i can lose a few more lbs and some of my tummy i'll be fine. question is, will i keep the XL's? a bunch of them have been stolen from my husband, so i'll just probably give them back. lol! the rest will probably become workout shirts until they are too big.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

W8WHITTILER 9/3/2009 6:14PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Time to Celebrate!
WooHoo..great job..what a feeling that must have been!
Whatever you are doing just keep right on Meltin' it girl!

As far as the "Fat Clothes"
Do you ever want to wear them again?
I am sure the answer is no..so get rid of them..don't allow yourself to go back..if you have them around they will only allow an excuse to always be there...
"Well, I do have a few pair of my fat pant, and big shirts, so I can splurge a couple of days, or maybe a week" but we all know what happens once we hit that road..it is hard as Heck to make a U turn..so throw them babies out, and don't look back!

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BGMUNCHKIN 9/3/2009 5:08PM

    I get rid of my fat clothes because I don't want to be tempted to go back to them. If I gain a few pounds and my clothes start fitting to snug, that is my cue I am off track again, so i need to focus or buy bigger pants, which I have vowed never to do again. I will only buy smaller clothes.

Congratulations ongetting on your skinny pants, hope your day went well in them!!

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my name is bill and i'm a headcase

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

i seriously have some mental problems. i think i have body issue problems that 15 year-olds have. you know, the whole models are too skinny, etc. and give young girls the wrong idea? i still think like that. i compare myself to the wrong people when i'm reading a magazine. i'm not six foot, i'll never look like many of those models. but i still really want to. and i just want to be thin like most of them. *sigh*
and now i'm constantly thinking everyone is looking at me and seeing how fat i am. for instance, the son of one of my co-workers came in and asked if there was anymore ice cream sandwhiches. she said no, and i told him i ate the last one. then laughed, he laughed too, he's 10. and in my mind i'm thinking: he's probably thinking right now that the last thing i need is an ice cream bar. he's ten! and a very nice kid, i doubt that's what he's thinking. maybe he was just thinking about how fat i was in general. see? serious problems here.
then saturday i went out with some friends and i was the first to leave. and you know the old saying about the first one to leave will get talked about? i never have a problem with this as it generaly doesn't happen with my group of friends. but all i could think about was how they were all probably talking about how fat i am. ugh! why am i doing this?
i'm also constantly thinking about how complete strangers are looking at me. like when i'm walking through a store or down the street. or even just sitting there. i think, are they judging me by what i'm eating, drinking, buying for groceries?
these problems are new and getting worse every day. i need them to stop!
i have skewed mental images of myself too. in my mind i see myself how healthy and proper body weight i was 4-5 years ago. then i look in the mirror and remember! i'm not sure what all these mental problems are doing to damage my success right now, but i can't imagine they are helping.

on a good side note, my jeans are getting huge! yea! i was going to wait til i lost 10 lbs to buy new jeans, but i don't think that's going to work out. they are just too big! plus the afore mentioned co-worker told me yesterday my legs look smaller. i thought they did to, but now that someone else mentioned it i can actually believe it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEXYSTACI8 9/4/2009 10:51AM

    I can relate to your blog very much. I constantly think people are staring at me and thinking "look how fat she is". I am new to SP and am really trying hard to portion my meals and count the calories and hit the gym almost everday. It is hard when your whole life you always feel like the fat girl. I am 5'11 and will always be big boned, but recently over the last two years gained about 75 pounds and it has been so hard for me, as it is for most people. I changed from being a some what confident girl to the girl that no longer loves to go out with her freinds bc I'm the biggest one and I no longer feel cute in my clothes. I feel like when I would go out and get an ice cream sundae that ppl were probably looking at me and thinking "yeah that fattie doesn't need that" but I have come to realize that its my subconscious bc I feel bad eating that ice cream sundae because I know it is not helping my weight. I think that we "overthink" what people are thinking and in actuality they are probably not even looking or thinking about us random strangers or maybe they are too busy thinking the same sort of thing about themselves. So don't worry you are not the only one who feels like this...and now you are working hard to reach your goals and you are already having to buy new pants...GREAT JOB!!! Keep up the hard work and I will continue doing the same...before we know it people will be looking at us thinking "wow that girl looks great!" :) Keep your head up and have a great day emoticon

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TONYA_JO 9/2/2009 8:02PM

    emoticon Wish I had some wise words for you, but I'm really struggling with things like this right now too.

We will get through this! Find the positive in every situation, it sure helps with the outlook on the rest of your life.

Hang in there, we can be headcases together :)

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JEANIE86 9/2/2009 2:02PM

    It sounds to me like all those people who you think are mentally calling you fat, might actually be thinking how good you are looking. I'm sure you're friends have noticed the changes in your body, I know I noticed when my best friend lost 6lbs even before she told me. Harp on the good things people say. And think about this, do you stare at people while grocery shopping? Probably not. Most people are too busy thinking about what they are gonna have for dinner than to worry about what the person in line in front of them is buying. Keep your head up and looking around. I always thought people were staring at me too, then I realized I never really looked at people. I would keep my head down and glance and them from the side. When you actually stop and look around, you'll realize not many people are paying you much attention, let alone BAD attention. So congratulations on the inches you have lost so far!

Treat yourself to a new pair of jeans just so you can flaunt that newer, leaner body. It's a great pick-me-up. emoticon

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high triglycerides

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

went to the doc yesterday for my lovely yearly exam and had to do labwork cause of my age and it's been a few years since they've been done. turns out i have high triglyceride levels. anyone else? i've been reading through what i need to do to lower them. exercise, eat better, limit alcohol...basically the opposite of everything i do now.
this really freaks me out. i feel old, and sick. so i'm hoping it will motivate me to get busy here. they are doing another test in 3 - 4 months and i like to be significantly lower by that time.

any advice?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEETIDLER 7/8/2009 8:31AM

    You know the answers. I also take niacin, but that was with the doctor's orders. Don't know what your numbers were, but I was at 186 and was down to 83 the last time. I had other numbers in my lipid profile that really improved as well. It's just something ya gotta do; and as you can see by my improvements, you CAN. I was totally amazed at how easy and fast it was to improve the numbers. I wrote about the numbers in my blog.



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SALDABA6 7/8/2009 5:14AM

    LMAO you answered your own question/ Exercise, eat better and lower alcohol consumption. I basically try to follow the food guide for proper nutrition encorporating the amounts of meats and alternatives, grains, milk and milk products, fruits and veggies. It is a very simple plan and works well. Good luck on your journey emoticon

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