EVRLNGFOO   34,234
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my name is bill and i'm a headcase

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

i seriously have some mental problems. i think i have body issue problems that 15 year-olds have. you know, the whole models are too skinny, etc. and give young girls the wrong idea? i still think like that. i compare myself to the wrong people when i'm reading a magazine. i'm not six foot, i'll never look like many of those models. but i still really want to. and i just want to be thin like most of them. *sigh*
and now i'm constantly thinking everyone is looking at me and seeing how fat i am. for instance, the son of one of my co-workers came in and asked if there was anymore ice cream sandwhiches. she said no, and i told him i ate the last one. then laughed, he laughed too, he's 10. and in my mind i'm thinking: he's probably thinking right now that the last thing i need is an ice cream bar. he's ten! and a very nice kid, i doubt that's what he's thinking. maybe he was just thinking about how fat i was in general. see? serious problems here.
then saturday i went out with some friends and i was the first to leave. and you know the old saying about the first one to leave will get talked about? i never have a problem with this as it generaly doesn't happen with my group of friends. but all i could think about was how they were all probably talking about how fat i am. ugh! why am i doing this?
i'm also constantly thinking about how complete strangers are looking at me. like when i'm walking through a store or down the street. or even just sitting there. i think, are they judging me by what i'm eating, drinking, buying for groceries?
these problems are new and getting worse every day. i need them to stop!
i have skewed mental images of myself too. in my mind i see myself how healthy and proper body weight i was 4-5 years ago. then i look in the mirror and remember! i'm not sure what all these mental problems are doing to damage my success right now, but i can't imagine they are helping.

on a good side note, my jeans are getting huge! yea! i was going to wait til i lost 10 lbs to buy new jeans, but i don't think that's going to work out. they are just too big! plus the afore mentioned co-worker told me yesterday my legs look smaller. i thought they did to, but now that someone else mentioned it i can actually believe it!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEXYSTACI8 9/4/2009 10:51AM

    I can relate to your blog very much. I constantly think people are staring at me and thinking "look how fat she is". I am new to SP and am really trying hard to portion my meals and count the calories and hit the gym almost everday. It is hard when your whole life you always feel like the fat girl. I am 5'11 and will always be big boned, but recently over the last two years gained about 75 pounds and it has been so hard for me, as it is for most people. I changed from being a some what confident girl to the girl that no longer loves to go out with her freinds bc I'm the biggest one and I no longer feel cute in my clothes. I feel like when I would go out and get an ice cream sundae that ppl were probably looking at me and thinking "yeah that fattie doesn't need that" but I have come to realize that its my subconscious bc I feel bad eating that ice cream sundae because I know it is not helping my weight. I think that we "overthink" what people are thinking and in actuality they are probably not even looking or thinking about us random strangers or maybe they are too busy thinking the same sort of thing about themselves. So don't worry you are not the only one who feels like this...and now you are working hard to reach your goals and you are already having to buy new pants...GREAT JOB!!! Keep up the hard work and I will continue doing the same...before we know it people will be looking at us thinking "wow that girl looks great!" :) Keep your head up and have a great day emoticon

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TONYA_JO 9/2/2009 8:02PM

    emoticon Wish I had some wise words for you, but I'm really struggling with things like this right now too.

We will get through this! Find the positive in every situation, it sure helps with the outlook on the rest of your life.

Hang in there, we can be headcases together :)

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JEANIE86 9/2/2009 2:02PM

    It sounds to me like all those people who you think are mentally calling you fat, might actually be thinking how good you are looking. I'm sure you're friends have noticed the changes in your body, I know I noticed when my best friend lost 6lbs even before she told me. Harp on the good things people say. And think about this, do you stare at people while grocery shopping? Probably not. Most people are too busy thinking about what they are gonna have for dinner than to worry about what the person in line in front of them is buying. Keep your head up and looking around. I always thought people were staring at me too, then I realized I never really looked at people. I would keep my head down and glance and them from the side. When you actually stop and look around, you'll realize not many people are paying you much attention, let alone BAD attention. So congratulations on the inches you have lost so far!

Treat yourself to a new pair of jeans just so you can flaunt that newer, leaner body. It's a great pick-me-up. emoticon

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high triglycerides

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

went to the doc yesterday for my lovely yearly exam and had to do labwork cause of my age and it's been a few years since they've been done. turns out i have high triglyceride levels. anyone else? i've been reading through what i need to do to lower them. exercise, eat better, limit alcohol...basically the opposite of everything i do now.
this really freaks me out. i feel old, and sick. so i'm hoping it will motivate me to get busy here. they are doing another test in 3 - 4 months and i like to be significantly lower by that time.

any advice?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEETIDLER 7/8/2009 8:31AM

    You know the answers. I also take niacin, but that was with the doctor's orders. Don't know what your numbers were, but I was at 186 and was down to 83 the last time. I had other numbers in my lipid profile that really improved as well. It's just something ya gotta do; and as you can see by my improvements, you CAN. I was totally amazed at how easy and fast it was to improve the numbers. I wrote about the numbers in my blog.



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SALDABA6 7/8/2009 5:14AM

    LMAO you answered your own question/ Exercise, eat better and lower alcohol consumption. I basically try to follow the food guide for proper nutrition encorporating the amounts of meats and alternatives, grains, milk and milk products, fruits and veggies. It is a very simple plan and works well. Good luck on your journey emoticon

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totally need to rant!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

wow, i'm kind of angry/annoyed/embarrassed right now. i tend to eat all day. regardless of what i eat for breakfast i'm hungy by ten. sometimes earlier if my breakfast isn't as good. so i have a snack between breakfast and lunch. then i have whatever for lunch. and i have to eat around noon cause i'm hungry. about three i get hungry again so i have another snack. i tend to do more of the 5 small meals than the 3 larger meals. my snacks are generally healthy. today is was a fiber one granola bar in the morning and a carrots and grapes this afternoon. my boss walks by while i'm eating carrots! and asks if i just eat all day?! she asked it in this kind of joking way, but it had 'omg-your-rediculous' undertones cause that's how she is. i had to explain that i get bad headaches if i go too long without food and i get all shaky and nauseous.

anyway, it just pizzed me off so much! it just felt like she was calling me fat. and the tone she used was just implying it, like you wouldn't be so fat if you didn't eat all day. she even picks on me for drinking so much water!

i would love to be one of those people who can go all day with just eating an apple. but i wasn't raised that way so my body doesn't respond to nicely when i don't feed it.

thanks for listening to me rant!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHOPPY20 6/26/2009 1:53PM

    I find myself doing the same thing. I work from 8-5 M-F and eat around 10:00, 12:00, and 3:00 at work. My 10 and 3 meals are normally small snack-like items such as yogurt, fruit, etc.

The first poster is correct, it is recommended that you do eat more times with less items to speed up your metabolism - which is why I eat the way I do. There is nothing to be embarrassed by for breaking your meals up this way.

I also appreciate the fact that people should work while they are at work, but I agree with you. I think that if you are conducting your work in an appropriate way and are not disturbing others with your food selections (we have a girl at work that eats cabbage and onion soup at 9:00 in the morning!), then there is nothing wrong with what you are doing. If you still feel strongly about it a day or so after the incident, perhaps you should make an appointment to talk to your boss about it. Communicating your feelings and hearing your boss' reasons for the comments might make you feel better. Good luck!

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EVRLNGFOO 6/25/2009 12:44PM

    thank you for all the great comments and words of support. and advice! always appreciated.

i guess i should clarify some stuff cause i totally agree with the comments about eating while working and all that. the state i work in allows a 30 min. lunch and 2 ten min. breaks for 8 hrs worked. well, i don't take the ten min. breaks on a regular basis. i would, but it appears i look bad when i do. see, i don't smoke, so i don't go outside to take a break. i do sometimes go outside with the smokers if there are enough people to answer the phone if it happens to ring. if i take a break at my desk and read or play on the internet i get in trouble cause she doesn't know if i'm working or on a break. i can't take a break in the breakroom cause that's her second office and we can't be in there if she's working in there. so i eat a snack and call that my ten min. break.

i totally get the whole when you're at work you should be working. but i have a right to a break and i can't seem to take one without getting some sort of grief.

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HPTEAGUE 6/23/2009 9:24PM

    I think the previous poster could be on to something. It's not that she's implying that you're fat, but implying that you're not working because you're eating. Both are negative, but I suppose I'd rather the latter. However, to make comments about your water drinking habits?! That's just ridiculous!!!

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KEVINSPOKANE 6/23/2009 9:05PM

    I can totally understand your frustration of some one implying that weight loss is ohh so easy as just cut out a "healthy" snack, but I am going to chime in from the opposite side as well. As a "Boss" you tend to get "snapshots" what you see is reality at that moment. It could be "are you being productive?" annoyed comments as well. I know that if I travel pass the break area a couple of times over 20 mins and the same person is hanging out there I try to find a nice way to get them back to work. At the same time any comment should be done in a respectfull way and honestly a number of my side comments over the years have been taken much more seriously than intended.

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SLCGIRL3 6/23/2009 7:36PM

    I'm sorry that you have to deal with such a negative person at work (and your boss, at that!). Something like that would make me mad, too. In fact, I was getting pretty irritated just reading about it...

Good for you for eating the right things and for taking care of your body's needs!

Comment edited on: 6/23/2009 7:36:59 PM

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VIXEN_IVY88 6/23/2009 6:39PM

    From what I heard small meals at least 6 times a day help regulate metabolism. Maybe I am wrong, but either way, I feel ya. My bosses get pissed off when I have to take a break just to have a snack. They just find something to say about everything. My opinion, but dont let her BS get you down. You're doing it right!

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big motivator. finally.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

i've been looking for a big motivator to get me going. well, i found one! i have been approved for a house. so i sign the papers in a month. that gives me about 30 days to get in shape. i really don't want to move into my pretty new house looking frumpy and overweight. plus my back has been killing me and i know it's from lack of exercise. i don't want it to bother me when i'm moving stuff. plus, how awful to be carrying all this extra weight around when i'm trying to lug heaving boxes!

so wish me luck! i better get busy!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHOPPY20 6/26/2009 1:25PM

    Congratulations on the house!! That is very exciting!!


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EVRLNGFOO 6/24/2009 8:58AM

    thanks! and thanks for the advice! a massage would be nice. lol! i know a couple massage therapists, maybe i could talk them into doing me a favor.

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CAROLINAMY 6/23/2009 2:52PM

    Best of luck and congrats on the house!
I had a HUGE issue with my back, it even started hurting during exercise. One of the massage therapist at my work massaged my shoulders for about 5 minutes last week and I still feel so much better. Perhaps try getting a massage during this time to take care of your body a little bit more. Release some tension, you'll feel much, much better and more energized!

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emotional eating

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Never realized i was an emotional eater til yesterday. when i'm stressed, i eat! i know i eat when i'm bored, it's something i'm mindful of and can usually spot before it gets out of control. but i never realized stress caused me to eat. when i'm depressed or feeling down i don't eat, so i figured i was in the clear. i'm glad i figured this out cause life is about to get more stressful and i need to find ways to divert the urge to eat. walks are my biggest diversion. anyone have any other ideas to curb this eating habit?


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