Friday, March 01, 2013
i'm gonna keep it simple, but still challenging:
1. no soda
2. visit spark daily
i know #2 probably seems easy, but being that i haven't been here regularly since july it will be a challenge.
so far so good on both goals!
Monday, February 25, 2013
i've been bouncing around the 220's for years. i haven't been below 223 in a very, very long time. got on the scale this morning and i was at 223!!!!! i realize now that i thought i'd never actually get below 224. i feel so motivated right now! i know it's too early to say, but i'm gonna say it anyway: i never want to see 224 again!! in a few weeks i hope to be able to say i never want to see the 200s again!
i remember when i first got to 175. as in, gained my way up to 175. i said this is too close to 200, got down to 145 and just let everything go. soon i was up to 225 and felt completely lost and out of control. i've learned over the last few years where that came from, but i still don't really know why. as far as i can tell it was because i was so unhappy with my life. debt, fat, bored, unhappy...i realize now that as unhappy as i was about everything in my life, i just accepted it and lived with it. i don't want to do that anymore. i have a better life now. i have a house, a daughter a wonderful husband. i'm working my way out of debt, it'll be a long journey, but one i'm willing to tackle. the weight loss is the same journey. i know they are connected and i have to work at both with equal determination to make one work as succesful as the other.
as for my list of goals last week. slowly tackling them. haven't talked to dh yet. i have to gather my thoughts better on that. maybe i'll work on that today. yesterday i sorted through a couple piles of paperwork, etc that were being moved around to get them out of the way. now everything is tossed, recycled, filed and GONE! it's a wonderful feeling. i felt very accomplished when i finished.
so here's to a great week!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
i feel so helpless and overwhelmed. i feel like i can't suceed, i have no motivation and i'm never going to lose weight. i feel as though i have no self-control. i want to eat and eat and eat. when i did i lose self-control? i used to have great self-control. i went a year without soda, a year without fast food. i've given up various things for months, weeks, etc. my big issue right now is sugar. i am way too addicted to sugar in all its forms and can't seem to control myself. so i gave up sugar for lent. i made it one day. granted, day two was valentines day. but i couldn't stop eating those dang candy hearts. i am pretty sure i said something to myself like, you can have 2. i had more like 22. or more. *sigh*.
i don't know where this loss of control is coming from. but i need to get past it. i know coming here will help and it's been far too long. i know i need to spend more time here and i know i can find the motivation and support i need here. i just need to come up with a plan and stick to it. first, i'll make a list of goals to work on.
1. cut out sugar
2. stop drinking soda
3. stop drinking alcohol
4. tell dh about goals and concerns
5. plan meals and snacks better
6. figure out a plan to workout
7. spark daily
8. declutter house
9. get out of debt
10. eat whole foods
i thought a list of 10 would be a good place to start. some are pretty easy and straightforward, others will take a lot of work. like #6. that's gonna be a 4am goal, 4:30 is unbearable some days. others are linked together, like 1-3 that's all sugar in one form or another. one is just easier to conquer than another.
i know talking to dh will help. i'll be accountable, but he may not be as willing to help as i'd like. i know he'll be supportive, but when it comes to him having to say, no, don't eat/buy/drink that candy bar, etc. it'll be tough for him. and i certainly don't want to blame him for my lack of willpower if he doesn't say no and i end up eating something.
just writing this has made me feel better. i love this place and have missed you all the last few months. i hope i'm able to commit and get things rolling forward.
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