Thursday, February 21, 2013
i feel so helpless and overwhelmed. i feel like i can't suceed, i have no motivation and i'm never going to lose weight. i feel as though i have no self-control. i want to eat and eat and eat. when i did i lose self-control? i used to have great self-control. i went a year without soda, a year without fast food. i've given up various things for months, weeks, etc. my big issue right now is sugar. i am way too addicted to sugar in all its forms and can't seem to control myself. so i gave up sugar for lent. i made it one day. granted, day two was valentines day. but i couldn't stop eating those dang candy hearts. i am pretty sure i said something to myself like, you can have 2. i had more like 22. or more. *sigh*.
i don't know where this loss of control is coming from. but i need to get past it. i know coming here will help and it's been far too long. i know i need to spend more time here and i know i can find the motivation and support i need here. i just need to come up with a plan and stick to it. first, i'll make a list of goals to work on.
1. cut out sugar
2. stop drinking soda
3. stop drinking alcohol
4. tell dh about goals and concerns
5. plan meals and snacks better
6. figure out a plan to workout
7. spark daily
8. declutter house
9. get out of debt
10. eat whole foods
i thought a list of 10 would be a good place to start. some are pretty easy and straightforward, others will take a lot of work. like #6. that's gonna be a 4am goal, 4:30 is unbearable some days. others are linked together, like 1-3 that's all sugar in one form or another. one is just easier to conquer than another.
i know talking to dh will help. i'll be accountable, but he may not be as willing to help as i'd like. i know he'll be supportive, but when it comes to him having to say, no, don't eat/buy/drink that candy bar, etc. it'll be tough for him. and i certainly don't want to blame him for my lack of willpower if he doesn't say no and i end up eating something.
just writing this has made me feel better. i love this place and have missed you all the last few months. i hope i'm able to commit and get things rolling forward.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
while on pintrest yesterday i saw a pin posted by shape magazine about the 4 new body types, or something along that line. there was a picture of 4 different overweight people. i thought it very interesting, saw myself in one and decided to look further into it. this wasn't an article about the usual body types like when magazines showed you what kind of skirt or style of jeans will fit you best. this was real! this was beyond the apple and pear shape. reading more into it i discovered that i'm more like an adrenal body type. each of these body types has ways they should and shouldn't eat to lose weight. i researched a lot cause most of the info led to buy this book or take these supplements. i'm not that much of a believer, goes too far into a crash diet. i'm also not going to visit a doctor to find out if my adrenal gland is functioning ok. maybe at some point, but this is a self-diagnosis and i'm just looking into it for the possibility.
i found lots of characteristics for this body type that i fit into. but i don't have all of them, so once again just a self diagnosis. i fit the other descriptions in some ways too, but the pics don't fit what my body looks like.
so what i'm going to play around with is the eating. it's basically low fat, low sodium, low fat dairy, fruit, veggies, legumes. fish, desserts, eggs, poultry in moderation. avoid red meat, shell fish, alcohol and some other stuff. not too drastic. what's drastic is the eating times. small breakfast, as in cearal and coffee. then wait 4 hours til a light lunch-salad, fruit, whole grain. wait 6 hours and then a larger dinner of protienm, whole grains, vegies, fruit and dairy. no snacks cause an adrenal body type shouldn't snack. wth. i snack! i get hungry every couple hours. i also eat breakfast at 5:30, so lunch would be at 9:30 and dinner at 3:30. totally not going to work! plus i'm nursing so i have to take in enough calories to keep my milk supply up, so for now i'll just focus a bit on what i should and shouldn't eat.
i was not surprised to see alcohol on the foods to avoid. i've always blamed alcohol for me being the way i am. i didn't realize a hormonal reaction was the cause of it though. plus stress. i'm always stressed.
i'm really glad i found this info and i'm curious to find out if there's any truth to it. anyone every tried a body type diet? did it work or not?
Tuesday, October 09, 2012
ok, here goes! wish me luck!
the baby is now 3 months old. our lives have established a bit of a routine. i'm back to work, so a bit more income. i feel ready to change myself for the better and lose all this weight so i can be the mom i want to be for my daughter.
the baby weight is long gone, so now it's time to get in shape and tackle the weight i've been struggling with pre-pregnancy.
here are my goals to accomplish that:
1. work out at 4 am (it's the only time i've found available on a daily basis)
2. eat healthy- less processed foods, more whole foods
3. work out minimum 3 days a week
that doesn't seem like much with only 3 goals on my list, but it's gonna be a big challenge. i'll work on those goals for 3 months and see where i'm at and what i can do to help myself with accomplishing these goals or add more to work on.
Monday, July 09, 2012
the baby is due in a week! omg! i hope she isn't late. this heat and discomfort is starting to get to me. i just want me back! i'm going to breast feed, so i won't get all of me back, but at least i won't be afraid to do something. i've been terrified to work out more than just walking.
reset my spark account today. it felt refreshing to reset stuff, delete things, join groups, leave groups, etc. i've got a new focus so a lot of the stuff i was working on prebaby won't be important after baby. i don't want to be so overwhelmed with taking care of her and me that i give up and don't focus on me. i have to remember i'm important so i can be there for my family.
i've been doing a lot of thinking. my goals are still the same. but now i want my success to be reflected on my daughter. i want her to be healthy and learn to live a healthy life through me. i won't pretend i didn't struggle to get healthy for years, but i don't want her to end up in a lifestyle that makes her unhealthy. i want her to grow up eating delicious, healthy food that she loves rather than asking for mc donald's every night. my neice was raised by a general manager of burger king the first few years of her life. all she would eat was chicken nuggets and fries. there are too many kids like that out there, i don't want mine to be one of them.
i promise to never say something along the lines of "i'm dieting" in front of my daughter. i also promise to never say "i'm fat" or anything that uses fat as an adjective regarding myself. my husband would kill me and i would never want to give her a body image. that will be tough. i've thought i was fat since like 12 years old when puberty hit. i was no where near fat, i was just self conscious. so trying to help her love her body image be easy, but i can set the best example possible.
i'm very excited for the future and can't wait to really get the ball rolling with this weight loss. i've gained about 35 lbs over this pregnancy, way more than i wanted, but i suppose it could have been a lot worse. i'm looking forward to getting back into the spark people routine and get motivated again. and hopefully motivate people along the way! i'm gonna take it slow, but hopefully that will help me stay motivated. it's gonna be tough, but i know the support from all of you will keep me going.
until i'm completely back, all of you keep sparking!
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