Monday, September 12, 2011
broke down yesterday and used the credit card to buy groceries for the next two weeks. it was either that or survive on top ramen and who knows what. i made a menu for two weeks and bought only what was on my list and made good choices.
i'm trying out new breakfasts cause i get too hungry before lunch at work and i don't have enough time to snack. i decided to try out a green monster. if you don't know what this is, it's a smoothie made with tons of spinach and then other stuff that you can add. www.greenmonstermovement.com check out the website to learn more and try different recipes. it may sound gross, but it isn't. tasted mostly like bananas. i'm going to try the blueberry version tomorrow. i had two peaches at 10, cause i was starting to get hungry and the peaches were getting too ripe. i didn't work today, so tomorrow will be the real test, but i'm confident this will work out for me. though i'm going to add a whole wheat english muffin to breakfast tomorrow since i'll be eating earlier and having lunch later.
the frothiness on top kind of bothered me, so i would prefer a straw, but what do you do?
i'm working on following weight watchers again. it's tough when you can't afford the food, but i think i'm going to be okay for now. luckily the new system has 0 point values for most fruits and veggies, that so bothered me on the old version. the green monster really helps since the milk is the only point value.
with that in mind i made a huge salad for lunch with some left over pork ribs i had from last night. it was soooo good! blue cheese and a parmesan dressing made it really tasty!
i don't normally take pics of my food, but since i wanted one of the green monster and the camera was still there at lunch i figured what the heck.
i'm feeling really good right now and i hope this feeling can last so i can keep this motivation going. i'm going to conquer fall and winter and look amazing come spring!
Friday, September 09, 2011
i've been walking all summer. my legs are shrinking. my arms, well, we won't discuss them. but my stomache/belly/gut/tummy, etc won't shrink! it's still this gianormous being of nastiness. ok, i'm sure it's getting smaller, science works that way. this belly fat issue has been an issue for awhile for me, but now it's bothering me. i bought a size 16 pair of pants yesterday. they are just a bit snug in the waist, but loose in the legs. loose enough that i feel i could get away with a 14 if it weren't for my flabby tummy. i tried on an old pair of size 12 pants i have the other day, they went all the way up, but no chance in heck they were gonna come close to zippping or anything.
i'm tired of this. i know belly fat diets don't really work, they are a fad, but some of them have good eating guidelines, or what you should be eating. so i wrote those "superfoods" down and will incorporate more of them into my daily life. i try to eat whole wheat foods, but i do need to add more diary, beans, green veggies, etc into my diet. i'm hoping this will help my belly as well as the rest of me.
i know i drink too much alcohol and since summer is *almost* over i can now reduce that even more. i know that will help. i'm also going to snack betterand cut out sugars and bad snacks.
i'm tired of wearing pants that are too big everywhere but the waist.
anyone have any good advice or tips?
Thursday, September 08, 2011
not my sparkversary, but my wedding anniversary.
one of my new years resolutions was to be closer to my wedding weight. didn't happen. not even close. so that got me to thinking last night about where i am and where i want to be. i hate that i don't have children. i hate how far into debt i am. and i hate the condition of my health. i know i've been saying this for long time now. i just can't seem to get a grip on what i need to do to accomplish the health goal. i've been doing great workingout, but my eating/drinking habits are still out of control. i know with summer ending i'll behave better. but will my workout slide with the upcoming bad weather (meaning cold fall/winter stuff). right now i walk for 30 minutes on my lunch break. i do want to add more cardio, but i'm still dealing with my wanting to get out of bed early enough. this kills me since i'm a morning person. i just can't get myself to get up til the last minute. i fear if i don't conquer this now i'll just not workout once it gets cold.
i'm going to concentrate on my goals this fall. i always say this, but i get sidetracked and lose my ambition. i'm not going to do that this time! i have to get my life the way i want it. i can't stand to be who i am and how i'm living anymore.
i try to talk to dh about this stuff, but it hurts his feelings cause he feels as though he's done something wrong or isn't good enough. i just can't get my point across without making him feel as bad as i do.
i'm going to lean on sparkpeople and my sparkfriends more than i ever have before. maybe that's my problem, i'm scared to ask for help and i don't use the tools that are at my disposal as much as i should be.
for tonight, i'm going to enjoy the company of my husband, eat drink and be merry. tomorrow i'll let jillian michaels kick my ass. that's a promise.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
my problem: i'm depressed. i've been struggling with feelings of depression for years, but since i don't feel like the people on the drug commercials, i just assume it's a slight version that comes and goes. this morning i realize it's not, it's always there, sometimes i just dwell in it more. i'm overweight, poor and unhappy with my life. that's always hanging over my head, but sometimes i feel it more than other times. after i pushed snooze 17 times this morning and had weird dreams in between i realized my depression is causing me to not want to get up in the morning til the very last second. i just figured it was lack of motivation and beat myself up over it for the last few years. now i realize the problem and the cause and i need to figure out how to fix it without drugs. so here are the causes (probably not all):
my weight. i hate how i look and feel. i hide myself behind ill fitting clothes rather than buy plus-size clothes that fit, but make me want to cry when i try them on. i can't stand to see myself in the mirror and figure others feel the same way.
i'm in debt. i'm really trying to fix it without claiming bankruptcy or some other drastic measure. it's very difficult and takes a lot of hard work. losing my job didn't help.
my life. i hate my life. i have great friends and family, i have a decent job and a super dog. but i don't have kids, i want kids, but the above listed issues are keeping me from having kids. i haven't been on vacation since 2003. i don't have money to go out and have fun.
these are the 3 things i can think of right now. i'm sure there are more, but when it gets down to it, they all fit into one of these three categories. i have to fix this. my weight is the easiest thing to fix. so i'll start there and things should fall into place as i go along. won't be an easy journey, but now that i've recognized the problem i should be able to focus and finally break through this wall. maybe the wall is depression and i've been staring at it for so long i couldn't see what was right in front of me. or didn't want to admit the actual problem and admit the weakness.
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