Thursday, March 31, 2011
i wasn't going to do april goals since i've been slacking so much lately. coming to the realization yesterday that i have, finally, lost 10 lbs made me realize that i need to make goals and be more alert to how i'm acting and what i'm doing. so i have made the same tired goal i make every month, day, week, etc. work out! i obviously need help in this department. it's also really the only thing i have no valid excuses to not do. i use the weather excuse, but i've got tons of in-home exercise stuff at my disposal. i use time, but i've got plenty of time. i could probably easily work out 5 hrs a day. not continuous on all days, but some. yes, i have a sad life. though i could make it less sad.
seriously, here is a work day for me:
4:00-alarm goes off so i can get up to work out. i push snooze til 5:30. shower, breakfast, net time. leave for work at 7:15-ish.
5:30-ish: home from work. clean kitchen, vacuum, laundry, etc. start dinner.
6-ish: eat dinner
6-ish-10ish: eat dinner, clean kitchen, watch tv/movie, read, etc. bed time.
yup, there is easily 2 hrs in there i could squeeze in a workout.
but this is nothing compared to the weekend:
6:30- getting out of bed. i am always up by 6:30 on the weekends. it's a curse from doing it my entire life. doesn't matter what time i go to bed. even if it's 4 am.
now, the remainder of my day depends on what i have planned. if i'm grocery shopping i will be at the store by 8. if i'm meeting people for something it's usually around 10. if i have nothing planned i clean. so my mornings are sometimes active. but most weekends, especially in the winter, i sit on the couch and watch tv all day. in the spring/summer i'll be outside working in the yard or sitting on the back deck.
if i have plans at night i usually don't do anything til around 8. i start dinner around 6.
so why the heck am i not spending a couple hours a day working out on the weekends?! what the heck is wrong with me?! maybe i feel it's cutting into my tv time. i must change things.
there are a lot of 100 day challenges going on right now. i've decided to partake. i'm going to start tomorrow and i will have a full plan at that time. right now i'm leaning towards 100 days of working out. again, it's what i can afford to do and i've got plenty of time to do it. i really want to do a clean eating thing, but money is very tight so food is not the greatest, but it could be worse! i'm basically just not getting enough food. today for instance: breakfast was an egg sandwich on a whole wheat english muffin with a glass of ff milk. lunch will be leftover spaghetti and i have a low-fat string cheese for snack. then dinner is more leftover spaghetti with homemade bread. and milk. see, not a lot of food there. i will be hungry and if i'm lucky i won't eat the ice cream in the work freezer and no one will bring any wonderful snacks in to temp me. like donuts. cause i'm gonna be too hungry to use the amount of willpower it will take to say no. i do wish i worked somewhere where everyone's idea of bringing in a treat was fruit or something else healthy. right now i am out of fruits and veggies and have no other snack foods at home. my fridge is "stocked" with eggs, cheese, half-gallon of milk pickles and lunch meat. can't wait til i get paid on wednesday.
so, i'm guessing a 100 day challenge of working out will be the best bet for me.
i'm really hoping my hours will be given back to me at work in the next week or 2. hopefully today. that would be another $100 on a paycheck and i could really, really use that money. i've been struggling since november. i can't do it anymore.
sorry this got so long winded. i really only came on here to post my goal for the month. thanks for reading! i'm going to review my march goals and see if i accomplished anything. i'll report back tomorrow with my 100 day challenge and a plan to support it.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
this morning before work i was standing out back with a co-worker while she smoked. we were talking and i kept saying what's that noise, do you hear that? it was this weird smacking noise. after a minute or two it got louder and faster. suddenly the other weird noise with it got louder and it was a kid screaming! a kid was being beaten on the other side of the fence! neither of us had a phone, go figure, so i ran back inside, out the front door across the parking lot and down the sidewalk to that block. we had no idea what the street was called so i had to find out to call 911. i called them and was so out of breath i was having trouble talking and trying to slow my breathing at the same time.
i'm not sure if i was of any help for this kid. i don't have the exact address or know which house it was coming from. it's a bad neighborhood. i could only give 911 the street. there's an alley behind our office and a privacy fence seperating it from the backyards of that neighborhood. we hear weird things all the time, but never this upsetting.
anyway, it took forever for my heart rate to slowdown and i still feel shaky. though i think that may be more cause of how upset i was. i tummy still feels icky, i have some major nerves going on.
i have always wondered while watching movies and tv shows, what if? what if i had to run? what if it was life and death, mine or someone else's, and i had to run, but couldn't? now i kind of know and it's not a good feeling. i've let myself become so out of shape and unhealthy it could easily hurt me and someone else. i mean, i ran a good distance, but by the time i got there, i was out of sorts. i was shaky, out of breathe, my eyes were watering, etc. i realize this was part due to being out of shape and being freaked out, but still. i could have reacted better.
i'm going to learn from this.
i feel awful.
Monday, March 21, 2011
i realized yesterday that it was the first day of spring and i was falling seriously behind on my goals for the year. the biggest one being that i'm trying to lose 100 lbs this year. by the end of this month i need to have lost 25 lbs. um yeah, i'm way off track!
i made a list of goals to help refresh where i want to be a year (or less) from now. i thought about the goals i had made last year and what i need to do get them accomplished. i feel better this morning and i feel like their is hope. i can do this! i just need to get out of my winter rut and focus.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Iím beginning to feel unmotivated. Iím not surprised, it is February after all. I have been doing pretty well this year, which I have to remind myself of everyday. Look what youíve accomplished! Still the past week or so Iíve felt unmotivated.
Iíve been doing the 30 day shred all month and Iíve been very proud of myself with that. But my knee has been bothering me. I woke up Saturday morning and it was so swollen and sore I could barely move it. So I decided to work out to see if that would help. It didnít. I was on day 11 of 30ds and day 1 of level 2. I did the workout but I couldnít fully do the lunges, squats, etc. So I decided to postpone the 30 ds and focus on some lower intensity stuff. I did that Sunday and it was much easier. I also iced my knee throughout the weekend. It does feel better now, but still some pain when I move it too much or not enough. Iíve taken today and Monday off from working out just so I donít hurt it further or cause lasting issues.
But let me tell you, giving up on the 30 ds has really gotten to me! I feel like a failure! I know the only reason Iím not doing it is because of my knee, but itís been difficult to accept that.
Iím totally broke and wasnít able to get all the food I needed to have proper snacks on hand so Iíve been eating pretty poorly the last week or so. I feel like Iím losing control of everything.
Combine that with my usual winter blahs that come around every February and you have me feeling pretty darn bummed. I just want to curl up on the couch and go to bed at 7 every night.
I hate feeling like this. I know where it leads. It leads to what 2010 became when I let these feelings get the best of me and they just kept getting worse and I kept gaining weight til I hit my highest weight ever. Iím so scared of failing right now. I had great expectations for this year and right now I feel as though they are completely unattainable.
Tonight Iím going to go through the journal I was keeping at the beginning of last year and through some of the blogs Iíve posted here (reading all your great comments always helps!) to try and get some frame of mind about where I was 2 months ago, last year, even last week. I do not want to fail again! I canít!
I just need to get out of this funk.
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