EVRLNGFOO   31,384
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finally figuring out where the weight came from.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

i need to blog cause it's been a month since my last blog. i'm not doing well accomplishing this simple task. i've come to the computer numerous days to blog and haven't. this is the 3rd time i've restarted this blog in the last 10 minutes. i'll just put it all in a nutshell:

i got laid off last month. i have no job. i'm quickly running out of money. not difficult if you didn't have money to begin with. i'm suze orman's worst nightmare. well, there probably are people she is more frightened of than me, but you get the idea.

in all my stress and depression i've finally figured out why i gained all this weight in the first place, now i just need to fix it. in 2002 (2003?) dh got laid off. i worked out daily at this point, but his lack of motivation with life in general got to me and i quit. i remember the day i quit. i was working out, probably before work, and he was still in bed. i just had this thought of why am i working so hard when he isn't? i quit right then and there. mid-video. never got back into a routine in all the years that have passed. after that summer life just went downhill. i wasn't making enough to support us, so everything went to credit cards. he wasn't bringing in anything and wasn't really looking for a job. granted, i'm looking back on all this and maybe he was trying harder than i remember. anyway, he finally got a job when i broke down at work and my boss got him into contact with a friend of his. my boss reminded me a lot of michael scott, but i'm forever in his debt for getting this job for dh. i was in school at this time and since we made so much money (ironic, i know) we didn't qualify for financial aid. so all tuition was out of pocket. yes, i should have held off going back to school till we were more financially secure since i had to go back to part time once school started and he had barely started his new job. more money on credit cards. basically this awful pattern of credit cards and awful debt carried on for years (it still exsists, it was becoming more manageable with an end in site). we never got ahead. things got worse for us in the money department. it took a toll on our relationship. looking back i really do not know how we got through it and are still together. it was a very, very bad 2-3 years. we were so young, 22 - 24.

things finally blew up and somehow we salvaged what was left of us and moved forward. though in this time of moving forward i became drepressed and started emotional eating, drinking and just not giving a crap about myself. i'd lost friends, was stuck in a job i hated and had no extra money. we were in dire straits moneywise. we had no money for anything aside for bills, food, gas. children were definitely out of the question. how do you raise children when you can barely feed yourself? we got a couple breaks money wise and were able to consolidate things. we worked our asses off to buy a house and start to get things in order.

i've been working a lot on budgeting so we could get all our loans and credit cards paid off in the next two years. now that money is gone and i am just so depressed. right now all i want is children. i'm 31, getting a bit too old to have children and i just feel hopeless. i want to have children before i was 30.

i hate my life and i don't know what to do to fix it. sorry this blog turned into more than a nutshell. i just don't know what to say, think or do. i feel completely hopeless and lost.

the good news is i know where the weight gain started. i just need to figure out how to fix it. and hopefully not fall into this awful trap again now that history is repeating itself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

5POINTED 5/9/2011 4:19PM

    Sometimes life really kicks us when we're down. Keep your chin up, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. We're all more resilitant than we think.

On babies ... I have quite a few friends who didn't even think about having babies until their 30s. You've got plenty o'time :)

Blessings to you. :)

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TONYA_JO 5/6/2011 4:30PM


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MOMFAN 5/6/2011 2:03AM

    Take the time right now to do everything you can to get healthy. Get up everyday with a plan an purpose to make the best choices you can toward that goal. You have all this time to focus on your and your health. So get up and move! You can do this!

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JUICINGJOJO 5/4/2011 5:45PM

    Some days it just seems like the clouds are lower than others, doesn't it? Hard to find the sunshine. Money stress is the worst, with or without kids! I can honestly say that I don't believe that for most people there is ever a perfect time to have children, though I do respect you for wanting to be able to provide well for them. Maybe you can use that as a focus, that you want to get healthy to have a better chance at getting pregnant and having an easier pregnancy? Definitely a positive to this healthy thing! It is hard, also, when you go from having a working routine to not having that same structure to life. I found depression the same way and fully understand. If you need someone to talk to, you can find me on Facebook, email, here, AIM, text, whatever! If you'd like to get together and take a walk, just let me know! I'd love to. emoticon

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BANKER-CHUCK 5/4/2011 1:58PM

    You have painted a fairly bleak picture over the past few years but somehow have kept moving forward. I admire you for that, many people would not. As for children, you still have plenty of time. I have friends who waited until the mid to late 30's.

Keep up the faith and stay the course.

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100 day challenge days 2 & 3

Monday, April 04, 2011

saturday my plan was to walk in the mall for an hour while my car was being worked on. didn't happen. i took my car to a place i used to work at so a couple of my old co-workers were working and i talked with them the entire time i was there.
i left a bit stressed about when i was going to fit in my workout. i am a morning workout person. if i don't do it in the morning the chances of it happening are very slim.when i left the mall it was after 9 and i still had some errands to do. i didn't get home til after 12. all i wanted to do was walk and the weather was wretched on saturday. it was raining and windy and rather chilly. i watched a movie with dh while we ate lunch and i was hoping the weather would clear up. i wanted to go for a hike or long walk with him. he wasn't going for the idea. so i decided i was going to walk around the neighborhood for an hour. it was windy, cold and raning. i made it 40 minutes before the weather got to me. i planned on going out later with the dog for the remaining 20 min. the weather never let up, so that didn't happen.
i'm still proud of my effort even though i didn't get the full hour in.

on sunday i woke up at worked out at 6:30. i was having a tough time getting to an hour when i kept watching the clock thinking of all the things i wanted to get done that day. i just kept telling myself it's only an hour, one less hour you'll waste watching tv or messing around on the computer later. i did make it the whole hour and was very proud of my weekend accomplishments and that i got it out of the way early yesterday so i didn't have to stress like i did saturday.

as for today...the alarm went off at 4 and i turned it off and went back to sleep. i should have mentally prepared myself last night. i have the toughest time getting up to workout on monday mornings. i had annoying dreams after i went back to sleep about how i'm going to get my hour in today. i have some ideas...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHIRLEYX 4/8/2011 11:16AM

    You're doing great - keep up the good work.

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MOMFAN 4/6/2011 9:46PM

    emoticon We have been having to bundle up lately! Good for you!

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FIERYSPARKED 4/5/2011 4:50PM

    Wow! 4 am...I would hit snooze too! lol

Great job this weekend!!

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DONNA_VT 4/4/2011 4:39PM

    You are making an effort and that is what counts . . . .keep building on the positive and let the negatives go. You worked out and that is more than you could say before you started this. Way to Go!

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BESTLIFE79 4/4/2011 2:10PM

    Good for you!! You know you are on the right track when you didn't let the weather and lazies stop you. You are doing awesome!

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BANKER-CHUCK 4/4/2011 12:19PM

    I admire anyone who can get up so early in the morning and workout. I try to workout around 11:00 AM for a hour+ to energize the rest of my day. I know about those "one hour" workouts that seem to drag on forever that seems like two hours. But once my workout is done I do feel better.
Hang in there early person...you are getting the job done.

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day 1 of 100 day challenge

Friday, April 01, 2011

i did it! i woke up at 4 and i worked out!

course, it wasn't as easy as that. i set my alarm on my phone for 4 and left it in the kitchen. i woke up at 4 to 'carry on my wayward son' and was like, who is calling me? then i realized it was my alarm, got up and turned it off. went into the bathroom and told myself, screw this. i'm going back to bed. then i though, nope, it's day 1! you can't fail day 1! so i changed, grabbed a bottle of water and put a pilates video in. my plan was to do this pilates video (25 min) then a spark video i haven't tried out yet. i figured it would be about 30 min. then i would complete the hour with some strength exercises. nope. the lame pilates video was 50 min and it was aerobic til the last 10 or so minutes that were floor exercises. so when i was done with that i played on the wii for the rest of the hour.

though i didn't care for the workout i was still proud of myself for completing my goal. at least my heart rate was up.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COACHKRYSTIE 4/3/2011 8:09AM

    Oh I'm so proud of you

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FITGRL124 4/2/2011 4:19PM

    emoticon job!!!

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CAROL3SAN 4/1/2011 5:41PM

    Congratulations for having a great day #1!!! Wishiong you many blessings in moving forward. emoticon

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ERIN1128 4/1/2011 4:53PM

    Awesome! I thought I got up early to work out - 5:45! - that must be tough to get up that early. I really like getting it out of the way first thing though. What helps me is deciding the night before, what workout I'm going to do. Keep it up!

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JUICINGJOJO 4/1/2011 3:32PM

    Woo! Good job! Every little victory....every step!

I haven't touched the wii lately but I love my Biggest Loser workout on the Kinect now.

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DONNA_VT 4/1/2011 11:53AM

    Good for you . . . .now you have a streak started . . . on to Day 2!

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EVRLNGFOO 4/1/2011 11:09AM

    thanks! that old me, or yesterday's me, would have gone back to bed too!

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ONE-HOT-MAMA1 4/1/2011 11:02AM

    good for you the old me would have gone back to bed keep up the good work

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100 day challenge

Thursday, March 31, 2011

i gave this some thought today and after posting my earlier blog have decided to focus on working out for my 100 day challenge. it's really going to be a challenge.

here are my rules:
1. workout min. 60 minutes daily. minutes don't have to be consecutive..
2. journal about the daily workout. how i felt before, during, after. etc. changes i'm noticing in myself and my performance. if i fail to workout for 60 minutes i will journal my reason for not doing it. i will be honest with myself and try to understand that my lame excuses are only hurting me.
3. at least half of my daily minutes must be done in the morning. that's when i like to workout and when i have less excuses for not working out.
4. blog regularly with my progress.
5. post before and after pics.

sounds pretty simple and easy, but it won't be. at first anyway. this challege starts tomorrow and i can't wait to see what i'll look like come summer!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COACHKRYSTIE 4/3/2011 8:08AM


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MIQUEY73 4/1/2011 10:00AM

    Great plan! emoticon

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CAROL3SAN 3/31/2011 10:22PM

    It does my heart good to see someone with a beautiful and workable plan to benefit from a healthy life-style. I think I will join you with your 100 day challenge, although my approche will be a little different. Thanks for posting. emoticon

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april goals

Thursday, March 31, 2011

i wasn't going to do april goals since i've been slacking so much lately. coming to the realization yesterday that i have, finally, lost 10 lbs made me realize that i need to make goals and be more alert to how i'm acting and what i'm doing. so i have made the same tired goal i make every month, day, week, etc. work out! i obviously need help in this department. it's also really the only thing i have no valid excuses to not do. i use the weather excuse, but i've got tons of in-home exercise stuff at my disposal. i use time, but i've got plenty of time. i could probably easily work out 5 hrs a day. not continuous on all days, but some. yes, i have a sad life. though i could make it less sad.

seriously, here is a work day for me:
4:00-alarm goes off so i can get up to work out. i push snooze til 5:30. shower, breakfast, net time. leave for work at 7:15-ish.
7:45-5:00: work.
5:30-ish: home from work. clean kitchen, vacuum, laundry, etc. start dinner.
6-ish: eat dinner
6-ish-10ish: eat dinner, clean kitchen, watch tv/movie, read, etc. bed time.
yup, there is easily 2 hrs in there i could squeeze in a workout.

but this is nothing compared to the weekend:
6:30- getting out of bed. i am always up by 6:30 on the weekends. it's a curse from doing it my entire life. doesn't matter what time i go to bed. even if it's 4 am.
now, the remainder of my day depends on what i have planned. if i'm grocery shopping i will be at the store by 8. if i'm meeting people for something it's usually around 10. if i have nothing planned i clean. so my mornings are sometimes active. but most weekends, especially in the winter, i sit on the couch and watch tv all day. in the spring/summer i'll be outside working in the yard or sitting on the back deck.
if i have plans at night i usually don't do anything til around 8. i start dinner around 6.
so why the heck am i not spending a couple hours a day working out on the weekends?! what the heck is wrong with me?! maybe i feel it's cutting into my tv time. i must change things.

there are a lot of 100 day challenges going on right now. i've decided to partake. i'm going to start tomorrow and i will have a full plan at that time. right now i'm leaning towards 100 days of working out. again, it's what i can afford to do and i've got plenty of time to do it. i really want to do a clean eating thing, but money is very tight so food is not the greatest, but it could be worse! i'm basically just not getting enough food. today for instance: breakfast was an egg sandwich on a whole wheat english muffin with a glass of ff milk. lunch will be leftover spaghetti and i have a low-fat string cheese for snack. then dinner is more leftover spaghetti with homemade bread. and milk. see, not a lot of food there. i will be hungry and if i'm lucky i won't eat the ice cream in the work freezer and no one will bring any wonderful snacks in to temp me. like donuts. cause i'm gonna be too hungry to use the amount of willpower it will take to say no. i do wish i worked somewhere where everyone's idea of bringing in a treat was fruit or something else healthy. right now i am out of fruits and veggies and have no other snack foods at home. my fridge is "stocked" with eggs, cheese, half-gallon of milk pickles and lunch meat. can't wait til i get paid on wednesday.

so, i'm guessing a 100 day challenge of working out will be the best bet for me.

i'm really hoping my hours will be given back to me at work in the next week or 2. hopefully today. that would be another $100 on a paycheck and i could really, really use that money. i've been struggling since november. i can't do it anymore.

sorry this got so long winded. i really only came on here to post my goal for the month. thanks for reading! i'm going to review my march goals and see if i accomplished anything. i'll report back tomorrow with my 100 day challenge and a plan to support it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NICOLEN1030420 4/6/2011 10:36AM

    i love tv more than anyone i know but i work out in front of it. sit ups, weights, i have a bike for watching tv(i dont use enough!) or even put on leslies walking on in the other room get the tempo and then walk in my room!

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MIQUEY73 4/1/2011 9:20AM

    {{HUGS}} to you! I hope they increase your hours. Glad you're still here and setting goals. That means you haven't given up. emoticon

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FIERYSPARKED 4/1/2011 7:27AM

    At least you see the problem. Do you have a PVR so you can record TV shows you want to watch?

I find it really helps cut down my TV time as you can fast forward through the commercials. I went 2 years without any TV and I still didn't exercise as much as I do now. You just have to make time and make it a committment.

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DONNA_VT 3/31/2011 4:26PM

    Maybe the 100 days challenge will work. I hope so. Glad you haven't totally given up . . . . the fact that you are still here and still making goals says something . . . .you want to be healthy . . . .good for you!

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KIBAISREADY 3/31/2011 1:07PM

    You can do it... emoticon emoticon

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BANKER-CHUCK 3/31/2011 12:10PM

    I wrote a Blog a couple of months ago that was more "self-talk" and realizations about me with my view on exercise and eating healthy. Sounds like you know the reason for yourself but I have found reviewing my own Blog helps keep me on track. I almost use it as an axiom.


Keep up the positive self-talk.

Comment edited on: 3/31/2011 12:13:17 PM

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AMTRISH 3/31/2011 11:33AM

    good luck...i work out most mornings at 4:30am so i know what you speak about when you say you can hit the alarm clock...one thing that really helped when i first started out was to get my gym clothes and my bags (i shower at the gym) ready in the morning so litterly i just had them by the bed to jump into...i left nothing to think about or to prepare in the morning...bags by the door (or in my truck if it wasn't too hot or too cold)... and didn't allow myself to hit the snoooze...its been about 5 years and still wanna hit the snooze bur rarely do...not all work outs are outstanding but more often than not they are great...again...good luck and I know you will do it!! emoticon

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