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Week 1 of "The Spark" & closet therapy

Monday, January 10, 2011

finished week 1 of the spark with a bang! i rocked it and i feel great! i didn't beat myself up, i didn't make sky high goals that i wasn't able to accomplish and i feel totally great about my success. week 2 should be a cake walk. it's full of stuff i do on a daily basis any. i just need to focus on working out regularly and track food. that is a downfall. i love seeing the results of what i ate at the end of the day, but i hate having to input everything. i'm going to come up with a better system for that this week.

i tried doing the spark challenge last february, but i failed sometime in week 2. or before i even made it to week 2. i had high hopes for 2010, but i got lost in the funk of turning 30, the winter blues and whatever else came my way. this year i'm prepared, i feel like my goals are more attainable. i also feel as though i'm in a different mindset. i have given myself a timeline to lose the weight (100 lbs in a year). that makes me feel more in control of my success. i know i'm not going to lose it all by summer, but if i stick to a 2 lb a week goal, i will look a heck of a lot better come summer!
yesterday i tackled my closet. I am one of those people who hang on to clothes cause they may fit again one day. i also buy something in a smaller size cause i'm almost there, but for one reason or anothe, never get there. so i have a lot of clothes in my closet and dresser that don't fit. i know this is bad. you're not supposed to hang on to that sort of thing. it causes bad feelings and mindsets. here's my issue: i'm going to lose this weight and i'll need smaller clothes. i can't get rid of all the clothes that don't fit cause i don't have money to replace them. but i don't want to look at a closet full of clothes i can't wear.
yesterday i pulled out everything that was smaller than an XL. i made a pile of stuff for goodwill then i divided the rest of it. i put everthing that was a L into one pile and all the M and S in another. both piles went into seperate bags and into a different closet (out of site out of mind) until i'm small enough to need them again. this was so theraputic! usually when i walk into my closet to find something to wear i'm thinking sad thoughts on how i wish i could wear such and such and negative thoughts about how fat i am. when i was sorting and bagging i was thinking things like, i can't wait to wear that! i was excited to be able to imagine what i would be wearing in the next year. i wish i had done this closet cleanse before. i felt great yesterday and was in a very positive mood for hours after.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ACLUBB5 1/11/2011 10:46AM


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SHIRLEYX 1/11/2011 10:13AM

    Great ideas, great attitude! This is the year for you to shine!

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MENHALLS 1/11/2011 7:20AM

    Closet purges make me feel good too!

You've got the right mindset, keep up the good work!

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MOMFAN 1/11/2011 12:01AM

    Exactly what you needed to do. I did it earlier when I had gained back and nothing fit. It was also great to pull them out when I needed smaller size clothes. You can do this!

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CHATTYMCPATTI 1/10/2011 10:55PM

    Welcome back! You will do great, and remember it is ok to stumble it is a normal part of life. Keep your current attitude and you will do great!

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FITGRL124 1/10/2011 4:21PM

    Great attitude! Best of luck in 2011!!!!!!!!

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FIERYSPARKED 1/10/2011 1:54PM

    Great idea to purge the closet.
100 lbs in a year is a HUGE goal.
I'm hoping for a 60 lb loss in 1 year.
Best of luck!

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GOAL_WORTHY 1/10/2011 1:08PM

    Great job! I am there with you. Ups and Downs and goals have slipped by but this year will be different! I might do the same to my closet.

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2BEWEIGHTLESS 1/10/2011 1:03PM

    A good attitude will take you a long way! Keep up the good work in 2011, you can do it! emoticon

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WHITTYKID 1/10/2011 12:53PM

    Sounds you like have a great attitude about all of this! When I first started sparking I didn't track as religiously as I do now because it seemed like a pain. I find though that as time goes on, my "favorites" on the food tracker has almost everything I eat on a normal basis, and sometimes when I have a down moment, I'll go ahead and track a few days in advance. The only time I really have to hunt wih the nutrition tracker anymore is if we go out to eat, and I try to do that in advance too (to keep myself in check at the restaurant).

P.S. Everlong is my super-fave FooFighters song =)

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you are what you eat

Friday, January 07, 2011

ugh, i feel like crud. all year i've been eating real well. gave up junk food, have had very little sugar, caffeine, etc. i've been feeling great! well, last night i went to mexican. i tried ordering something that seemed healthy. but it was greasy! and it had onions! i hate raw onions! i'm eating it and just feeling icky. i didn't finish it and gave the leftovers to dh for lunch today. seems kind of mean to give him something so awful, but he liked his, so i figure it was just me not caring for the meal.

anyway, today i feel gross. i woke up and was getting ready for the shower and just felt low on energy and gross. i had to remind myself repeatedly that i didn't drink any alcohol yesterday (yay!) and this feeling was due to the food. i also have a headache. i have been having neck issues for about a week now so i've been getting off-and-on headaches. it felt better wednesday, but i must have slept wrong last night cause i woke up about 1:30 with a headache and just kept pushing snooze and trying to get comfy til i gave up at 5. i'm sure i would feel better right now if i had worked out, but 4 am did not sound fun this morning when i was just miserable!

i know my headache is due to my neck. i can feel the stiffness. but part of me thinks it's also from the food. i need a new bed and i would love to finally find a great pillow. i don't know that i've ever had a pillow that actually works for me. i was suggested a sabakawa, or whatever, so i may look into that.

as for this gawd awful feeling, i think i may just give up restaurant food entirely. this feeling is not worth the overpriced, high calorie and fat count meal.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHAN2SHAGG 1/9/2011 6:17PM

    next time tell the server, and order something different. like a taco salad or something. I know when I feel icky after something I ate, I drink a vegi or fruit drink, it almost cleanses me out and I feel better knowing I got my fruit and vegis in. I had that same experience about a month ago. I got sick afterwards from overeating. yuck. It was not worth it!! it is the mistakes we make that make us stronger and wiser about the future choices we make. emoticonShan

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SHIRLEYX 1/8/2011 8:10PM

    Hope you're feeling better soon. Clean eating just feels so much better.

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MOMFAN 1/8/2011 4:37PM


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2011 so far

Thursday, January 06, 2011

i haven't blogged in awhile, mostly cause i don't have much to blog about. but i thought i should so you all know i'm still alive and kicking.

my goals for 2011 are going pretty well so far. i gave up junk food which includes anything fried, fast food, candy, baked goods that aren't homemade and soda. the list keeps going on a day to day basis. it's quite an adventure that has been pretty easy so far.

my goal is to lose 2 lbs a week.

i gained 1.5 lbs over the holidays.

i'm only drinking on friday and saturday's. i'm going to focus on a 2 drink limit, this is tough for me cause i'm a social drinker. i get to talking and drinking and eating...it's just a roller coaster of a mess. i must focus! the fri and sat limit is due to the fact that if there is alcohol at home i'll drink it. i figure if i can tell myself to hold off til friday and i'll be able to earn a reward. of two drinks! that's probably gonna be the hardest part, until summer. what's better than unwinding on the back deck after a long day with an ice cold beer. ah, summer i so miss you.

i've been feeling pretty good the last few days. i have been having some cravings due to the lack of sugar and soda. i have rewarded myself with one christmas cookie per day for my achievments. they are all homemade and help to ward off the cravings. i do have a large bag of christmas candy waiting to be eaten. the last thing i want to do is start craving sugar or chocolate so badly that i eat a big handful of candy. i'm proud of myself for being so good, even with that bag of sour cream cheddar lays in the pantry. my husband doesn't know it yet, but he's being weened off junkfood. lol!

i have felt pretty positive about myself and life in general all week. it's a great feeling, not sure why or how it came to be, but i'm liking it! i've only worked out once this year, a hour yesterday, but i realized yesterday that i'm not beating myself up over it. usually when i don't workout or sleep through my workout time i beat myself up and say i suck and i'll be fat forever. right now i'm in a "it'll come, don't push it" state of mind. which is awesome! my workout yesterday wasn't painful, as in i didn't force myself to do it therefore it was misery, and i felt really good the whole time. i think things may be clicking!

i'm out of food due to the holidays, eating leftovers forever and lack of money. but i've still eaten 3 healthy meals a day and have actually made myself dig through the freezer and be creative! i'm going shopping for a few things saturday then it'll be payday and i can actually stock up on healthy stuff to get me through.

my birthday is the next hurdle. i still have a couple weeks to plan. last year was a mess! i got so stressed and depressed over turning 30, plus the gloomy weather i just lost my motivation and gave up before valentines day. this year i'm prepared, i'm feeling good and i'll just keep swimming! and i won't drink too much!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIERYSPARKED 1/7/2011 7:18AM

    Great mindset to have for the new year!
I had to keep telling myself that the weight loss will not happen overnight and to take it slowly. I'm always looking for instant results. I too beat myself up for missing workouts and I need to let that go as well.

Have a great weekend!

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MOMFAN 1/7/2011 12:44AM


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CXNLITTLE 1/6/2011 11:51PM

    Glad you blogged! Sounds like you have great goals!

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KIRKPATRICK1314 1/6/2011 12:12PM

  Thank you sharing it helps me realise that everyday day is a new day so I wont beat myself up.

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CONTENTANDFIT 1/6/2011 12:03PM

    Thanks for sharing. See you soon on the Eco-Friendly Sparker boards.


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short term goals

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

thought of a couple short term goals i can focus on. long enough away i won't stress and soon enough that i won't forget about them.

sept 2011: 10th wedding anniversary. i'd like to somewhat resemble the woman my hubby married all those years ago.

jan 2012: driver's license renewal. maybe, for once, i won't lie about my weight!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KIRKPATRICK1314 1/6/2011 12:15PM

  Great Goals....I too have a 10th wedding anniversary coming up on in September. My goal was to lose my weight and show my husband the old me when we go on our anniversary cruise to the Carribean.

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DONNA_VT 12/19/2010 4:50PM

    Great Goals: I may borrow them . . .I have a 15th wedding Anniversary in July.

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CXNLITTLE 12/15/2010 11:43PM

    Good goals!

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MOMFAN 12/15/2010 10:30PM

    I was happy that I got to give them my true weight even though I still had some to go! It was great, loved getting the new pic! emoticon

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MRSMELVIN1 12/15/2010 3:09PM

    I love the goals.. I refuse the change my weight on my license. That way it's a reminder of just how far I have come.


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finding myself part 2: i used to be awesome!

Monday, December 13, 2010

Iíve recently been thinking about who I used to be. Trying to find myself and figure out where I lost myself. Iíve never been confident about my body, I was blessed with wide hips when puberty hit so I thought I was fat. I didnít have the slim hips and thighs of other girls my age, so that meant I was fat. My sudden curves and shapely figure led to stretch marks on my hips. This confirmed that I was fat and led to a life of swimsuit cover ups and insecurity. Yes, I was in the healthy weight range for my size and age, but I was bigger, taller, heavier, etc. than the pretty girls. I wanted to be them, I was never able to shrink my hips down to be as narrow as theirs. Course, if I could have the body I had then right now I would appreciate it! I really wish I could have appreciated it then and not beat myself up everyday about how fat I was, cause I wasnít. I look at pictures from jr. high and high school and realize I saw myself in such a messed up way. I was pretty, I was thin, I was healthy.

Even with all that insecurity and self loathing I had amazing outward confidence. I could talk to boys, flirt and just be friends with them. If I had a crush on a boy, even if I didnít stand a chance, he was going to know I was alive. I asked 3 boys to junior prom, knowing full well 2 of the 3 where going to say no. I didnít want to live with the regret and Ďwhat if?í if I didnít ask. The 3rd did say yes, but ended up grounded that night so a bunch of us hung out at his house and had shaving cream fights. My bff and I were unstoppable. No one dared challenge us with anything cause they knew weíd do it. We were the life of the party and had fun, no matter what. My biggest fear was having a regret.

Where did this person go? I went from being the life of the party to being a wallflower. Unless alcohol is involved, of course. Why canít I have at least outward confidence? When did I let my inner securities take over my life?
I realize I canít have the same life I had 15 years ago. Iím married, I donít flirt and have crushes. But arenít I still that fun, life loving person? Arenít I still fun to hang around with? Who am I?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMFAN 12/15/2010 12:16AM

    emoticonI think you are amazing and you need to start telling yourself that every day. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that starting now.

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CXNLITTLE 12/14/2010 1:32AM

    Hope one day we can figure that out! Good luck!

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STUNNINGBY30 12/13/2010 10:07PM

    I think about that all the time too - I was a lot more brazen and exciting when I was younger (and I'm not even old now - just exhausted by life)... but I think the best thing you said was that you didn't want to live with no regrets. That is really what motivated you - the other stuff was a product of that mind...maybe that is where to start!!

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W8WHITTILER 12/13/2010 9:00PM

    You are still there..you are just hiding due to a bit of a weight increase.
Let her out, and watch how you blossom and how things change for you, don't cover up who you really are.
Let your light shine, be happy with yourself, even now..and the rest will follow.
I know, I am learning to let myself go, and be myself, no more hiding, and I am loving life again! Fully!

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OUTDOORMAMA3 12/13/2010 8:54PM

    there must be a case of missing people then all hiding somewhere cause mine disappeared too--but hopefully i will find her again soon--hope you find your twin too :D Have a wonderful holiday season :)

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FIGHT2SURVIVE 12/13/2010 5:38PM

    If you ever find out the answers to these questions, please let me know; because I think former me is hanging out with former you somewhere and we need to find them and raise hell.

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