Saturday, December 04, 2010
i have no clothes that fit. i have clothes that will fit me when i get smaller, but for now i have a very limited wardrobe. i refuse to buy big clothes and it tears me up when i try on a 3x and it still doesn't fit. this morning i had to buy a pair of jeans. i bought a pair about a month ago and was hoping to get into a smaller size. no such luck, so i just grabbed the size i needed off the shelf. i put them on this evening and omg! they don't fit! they are too small. i mean, i can zip and button, but they are tight. i realize my older pairs and just "adjusted" to fit me. i soooooo do not want to have to buy the next size up next time i need new jeans. this is so motivating to get my butt moving and workout! '
my goal was to work out today, that hasn't happened. and won't. i've been so busy and i slept in later than i intended. i've been running around all day and now have to go to a birthday party. so i'm hoping tomorrow will be a good workout day for me. i'm the dd tonight, so no idea what time i'll be home and in bed tonight. but i do want to be able to get up and workout tomorrow. i obviously need it!
i hate how i look in everything and i just can't keep living the life i'm in and being the person i am. 2011 is all about turning that around and striving to be a better me. i need to start now, today. even though i don't have time to workout today, i can make smart choices at this party. i can stay in control of my decisions. and i will!
and i really need to work on sparking on the weekends. i've been intending to come in here all day and the 15 minutes i have while waiting for friends to show up so we can leave is when i am finally able to sit down and spark.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
wow, 2010 is almost over! i have to say i'm relieved. i had so many high hopes for 2010 and i have been very, very disapointed. i'm hoping 2011 will be better. i have a lot of goals to accomplish and i'm itching to get started. but december is such a crazy month! so i'm gonna try to keep it simple:
1. work out!
2. eat well when i can and really pay attention to what i'm eating when i'm not able to have complete control. make smart choices.
3. i have about 850 points to go to get my next trophy. i'm gonna do that in december! this may seem like a silly goal, but really it's intended to keep me active and paying attention to spark people while i'm busy and trying to be lazy over the month.
so pretty easy month. getting ready for next year while i still can. maybe i can finally get the scale to reverse the direction it's been heading the past couple months.
Friday, November 19, 2010
i know this is early, but i have time to prepare.
*give up junk food. this includes fast food, candy, fried food, soda, convience-type stuff, and i'm sure the list will grow on a daily basis. i will allow myself "days off" on holidays and birthdays. this will just allow me to handle the tempations that may arise.
*lose 80 lbs. now i know this is tough and not advisable. first i'd have to lose 9 lbs by the end of this year. in order to accomplish this i'd have to lose 1.5 lbs every week next year. doable. especially if i'm not eating junk food.
*pay off debt. this is going to be tough. i will be broke. but if i stick with my plan i'll have a huge chunk paid off in a year. the the rest will be cake. then in a year dh and i can start the life we've been wanting for so long. we'll be able to have children, buy the new car we so desperately need. plus if i accomplish a good chunk of the 80 lbs i'll be ready to live out a long, healthy life with the energy i need and the lack of stress i desire. plus i can stop being ashamed of myself and my life.
*get a new job. i work in a toxic work environment. it's not helping me out in any way at all. must get away from here!
* focus on me!
it's gonna be a tough year. i know with a lot of work and i lot of focus i can succees and be proud of myself.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
ugh, WHY am i having so much trouble getting motivated?! i know a million reasons i need to lose this weight, get healthy, find myself, etc. but WHY can't i put my plan into motion? i'm so frustrated! i need to get over this hump, well it's more like a gianormous mountain now, but i can't seem to. and i don't know WHY. i've always liked working out. i love eating healthy. but WHY can't i?
WHY do i:
push the snooze button too many times
lose all motivation to workout after work
eat junk food
sit on my butt and watch tv
continue to be a lazy bum
i know i'm hard on myself, but i just keep disapointing myself day after day and it just gets easier to become more and more disgusted with who i am.
i know i need to listen to nike and "just do it", but for some reason i can't. i'm sure once i start i'll be fine, but i can't seem to start.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
i know i haven't blogged in like a month and i've been a very bad sparker all around. stuff just has not been going well for me. and i'm very busy at work. i'm working on getting things "fixed" so i can focus on spark and make me a better person.
putting aside the crud for now, i'll blog about it one of these days, i've tried a couple times already. anyway, i'm thinking about what i want to do for my new year's resolution for 2011. i always make a major one that i focus on and so far i've been successful. 2004 my goal was to drink at least 64 oz a water a day every day, i did this and it was an eye opening experience. 2009 i gave up soda and was extremely successful. for 2010 i gave up fast food. so far so good. this year i really want to push myself, but do something uber healthy. i've thought about giving up unhealthy processed food. i've been thinking about giving up soda again and i haven't missed fast food at all. so what i'm thinking is giving up junk food. that's a rather broad term though. i need to narrow it down and come up with what is junk and what is not. and any flex time i may be allowed, holidays, b-days, etc. if someone buys me a cake i'm going to have a small piece, that sort of thing.
so what do you consider junk food?
soda, candy, fast food, baked goods,,,i really don't know where to draw the line. if i make a batch of cookies do i consider them junk cause they're cookies or do i assume they are allowed cause they are homemade? is a beverage like sobe lifewater junk food? what kind of frozen food is junk & what isn't? this is all stuff i need to seriously consider in the next couple months.
what i'm asking of all of you is what you consider junk food and what you don't. and how you may decide if something is or isn't.
thanks for any ideas and advice you can offer.
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