EVRLNGFOO   33,252
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Monday, September 13, 2010

what do i do when i'm stressed, annoyed with myself, frustrated with the scale? drink..

got home from work and decided whiskey and coke were a good idea. then i tried to find someone to go out with to dinner or just drinks. no luck. so i started drinking beer. ugh! this is not good!

now i'm lonely and bored watching the young and the restless on soap network. sigh.

i'll finish this beer and then i'm done so i can be in some sort of condition to work out tomorrow. that's my goal for the day, workout in the morning!

i won't let you (the you who are reading this) down, or myself. i'll blog tomorrow whether or not this goal was successful.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIGGERJEAN 9/14/2010 2:13PM

    Sorry you're feeling down! I know how it is when you get home from a long day and just want to grab a beer and become oblivious. But since starting SP, I know that I actually FEEL BETTER if I make myself do something active. I keep a couple of dance workout DVDs on hand...when I do my stretches and belly dance for a while, I get in a much better frame of mind and don't feel the need to drink.

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ANNESTARR 9/14/2010 1:50PM

    Drinking doesn't change anything, and it doesn't even help in the moment. I used to medicate my feelings with alcohol so I speak from experience. After I found SP about a year ago, I stopped using alcohol altogether because it was so clear to me that I made poor food choices after a glass or two of wine... then the downward spiral started, ending in feeling awful about myself. In short, the only way I could accomplish a successful lifestyle change was to eliminate alcohol from the equation. I've lost 42lbs, no doubt some of that due to eliminating the high calories that come along with drinking. I feel great, and I know I can achieve ANY goal I set for myself. You can do this too--you are a strong person, you don't need a crutch (alcohol). You CAN do this!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TONYA_JO 9/14/2010 9:28AM

    Another hug from me. Hang in there, today is a new day!

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FIERYSPARKED 9/14/2010 8:45AM

    It's ok to indulge once in a while...just keep in mind that you need to pick yourself back up and make better choices the next day!

I can feel S.A.D. starting to set in already with me so I know it's more reason to keep on track. It keeps me sane...literally.

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MICHCLEARY 9/14/2010 8:21AM

    Lots of good advice. Drinking doesn't solve anything. Go home next time and go onto the healthy lifestyles tab and do a couple of coach nicole videos. They are great and an easy natural way to boost your mood. Instead of suppressing your feelings through alcohol you will boost your mood through exercise.

Reach out to your teammates. We're all here for each other.


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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 9/14/2010 7:33AM

    Alcohol, food, drugs... they are all coping mechanisms. It takes a lot of courage to ask yourself what you are feeling that you need to sedate yourself. Reach out to others, if you are able. We are here to help.

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MJHAINLINE_1 9/14/2010 1:05AM

    We all have something that keeps us from our "Big" goal. For you it is alcohol, for me and many others it is food. You can battle this thing!!!! One day at a time, you need to think about the big picture. One day may not hurt you, but don't let it turn into 2, 3, 4 or more days. Hang in there, we are here for you! Most importantly, GOD won't let you down either. He loves you more than any of us ever could. I wish you all the luck on your journey. I look forward to hearing how your day goes tomorrow. emoticon emoticon

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MOMFAN 9/14/2010 12:56AM

    You didn't have to finish it! You could have pored it out! Find something to do to keep your hands to busy or exercise!

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TRIGFROST 9/13/2010 10:43PM

    You know what your did tonight does not help you...it will just add the weight...but I love you anywy...My emoticon

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ABRANNEWME2014 9/13/2010 10:33PM

    You will get thru this....you can do it...I look forward to reading your blog


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MARISABELLES 9/13/2010 10:32PM

    I know you won't let yourself down. Your inner self knows exactly what she needs. Be patient with yourself, you're on your way to a healthier you and it takes time.
I'll be back tomorrow to see how you're doing!
... and don't forget, the sun still shine even on rainy days!!!
Take care

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DOLPHINE35384 9/13/2010 10:28PM

    If you would like support just leave me a message. I'm here for you even though we don't know each other. I know first hand what it is like to be lonely and depressed and needing someone to talk to. Spark people is a wonderful place to start. You need a support team not the DRINKS! Good luck to you and God bless you. Dolphine35384

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240?! broke that plateau!

Monday, September 13, 2010

my september goal was to break my 233 plateau. well i did it! i weighed in this morning at 240. not the breaking the plateau goal was thinking of! crud! i was at 233 for weeks! then i weighed in at 235. no biggie, it was a tom weigh in, i always gain 2 lbs when i'm going to start. the next week should have had me down at 233 again, though i was hoping for lower since i've been more focused and goal oriented. but the scale said 236.5. wtf?! so this morning i was all pumped up to be at 233 or lower cause tom is in the past and i've been doing pretty darn well in the taking care of myself area. apparenlty not well enough. the scale read 240 this morning! ugh! *insert clark w griswold freak out moment* that's the highest i've ever weighed. i am soooooooooo frustrated. i didn't even want to eat breakfast this morning. i did! but the thought of taking the i'm-never-going-to-eat-again route seemed pretty darn nice. though i'm too smart to believe that works. *sigh*

i can only hope for better next monday.

my goal for this year was to really get in shape and lose weight. so far i've lost 10 lbs, gained it back and gained 7 more just to really make an impact.

ok, i'm super frustrated, depressed and disapointed in myself right now. i need to get past that or it's only going to get worse. damn stress!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MENHALLS 9/14/2010 8:02AM

    Scales can be evil. Even when you are loosing inches the scale refuses to give up it's hold on you. Big liar.

I am struggling through what is looking to be a 2nd week at the same weight despite making good choices 6 days out of 7. So frustrating!! I've been taking measurements & have noticed that I am firming up & shrinking there, even if the scale is a big liar.

Water? Too much sodium in your diet? Lots of strength training? Those could all be reasons to gain - though the ST is a GREAT reason - you'll be dropping pounds again soon!

Hang in there.

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MOMFAN 9/14/2010 12:51AM


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EVRLNGFOO 9/13/2010 10:27PM

    thanks, all. i'm trying to convince myself that is was just one of those weird things, and next week will be better. but i've been saying that for weeks now. i gotta get over this hump and back into my routine. i know i can do it and i know you will all be here to pick me up when i fall. i couldn't be more thankful for that. lets make the rest of this month awesome! the rest of the year too.

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DONNA_VT 9/13/2010 6:48PM

    Huh? I don't really understand either. Did you have salty items the day before weigh in?
If you want to chat it out off line send me a note . . . .maybe we can figure out what is going on.
Mahogany Team needs you to be successful. . . and your team leaders care.

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DAWNFRNJ 9/13/2010 3:49PM

    I hope you don't give up! Maybe it is time to take an honest look at your diet and exercise and see where you might have gaps at. Then rededicate yourself to your weight loss efforts and I bet you will loose weight! Don't give up!

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TAMTAMLEE 9/13/2010 12:37PM

    Just keep tring! You can do it!!

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MARTHAR3 9/13/2010 11:33AM

    Don't be to freaked. I know it is hard to just go with the flow. But sometimes that is what we need. I feel the disapointment with you. Just carefully look over what you did. Sometimes i miss one or two things..

Just keep trying, just keep trying and it will come

Hugs Martha n tx

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JOYCE561 9/13/2010 11:28AM

  Just hang in there and keep eating healthly and maybe things will turn around soon. emoticon

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GINNY1215 9/13/2010 11:27AM

    I read the title of your blog and was all ready to be excited for you. Instead I will commiserate with you. I know you have to be getting discouraged, but try to use it instead to jump start yourself again. I read through your spark page and you have great goals and rewards set up. Try to let that motivate you if you can. I have had a freakish summer weight loss wise - I weigh now what I did mid June. I am working out pretty much 7 days a week vigorously, following my food plan, etc. However, I have dropped almost 2 pant sizes. So sometimes even when the scale does not reward us the way we want and need it to, there are other changes taking place instead. You know if you are eating right and exercising you have to be getting healthier and that is really the ultimate goal. So don't let this knock you down. Keep working hard. You can do it and you are worth it.

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sparktember is smoldering

Friday, September 03, 2010

3 days in and i'm still going. but i'm not going anywhere. *sigh* i know change isn't going to happen over night. i'm still busy with summer stuff, so it's been difficult to focus on myself. my morning schedule is all screwed up due to dh's overtime work schedule. can't complain about extra money though! i'm hoping to chill out this weekend, regain focus, get a tentative menu made up for the month and get a shopping list ready. that's one of my biggest problems right now, not having the most healthy food in my home.

i'm rereading the spark to get motivated and all sparked up for this month. i know i lack focus, so that's my first challenge. gain focus! i'm going to make a list of goals and what i want out of life tonight. one of my problems is i already feel it's too late in life to make changes, so i just keep watching life pass me by. gotta stop that!

i'm waiting on payday to get food and i have a couple holiday things planned for the weekend, but what i do have complete control over is working out and water intake. those will be my weekend goals: get in 3 good workouts and a min of 64 oz of water daily.

there must be some sort of weird hormone thing in me that triggers this desire to lose weight and get in shape right before my period starts. partt of pms, maybe? i'm always like, this is the week! step on the scale for a 2 lb gain and then try to fight sugar and greasy food cravings for 3 days. anyone else have this problem? at least i know i'll have a 2 lbs loss on monday. doesn't really count though.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITJEANS 9/8/2010 5:19PM

    Thats funny that ya mention that. It happens to me alot but this time around i actually loss weight. It has slowed me down though im not able to work out how I would like too. Which im proud of myself though. I ususually just let it take me over for the whole week. It posessed me to eat pizza and greasies last month emoticon emoticon oh noooo... emoticon emoticon emoticon not this month . We just have to keep emoticon against it every month. come on we can do this!

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AMYCRAFT05 9/4/2010 1:36PM

    I always do that the week before I start---too!

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DONNA_VT 9/3/2010 3:26PM

    When you are feeling down or need some support come visit us on the Front porch at the Mahogany Team. . . .we'd love to help you.

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TONYA_JO 9/3/2010 3:14PM

    It's never too late in life to make changes!

Sounds like you have a good plan for the weekend!

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MICHCLEARY 9/3/2010 12:08PM

    Glad to see that you are working on your focus. It's one day at a time and it's never too late to improve!

I hope you start logging your miles in on the virtual journey thread for the Twilight Challenge team!

Have a great weekend, and best wishes on your goals!


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i need a slap in the face

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

i went on vacation in the middle of august. didn't go anywhere, just did stuff around the house and relaxed. since i've returned from vacation i've been a mess. i haven't worked out, i haven't eaten real well and i've been drinking a lot of beer. not to the point of getting drunk or anything, just consuming a lot of unnecessary calories. i know it's stress from summer winding down, but i feel out of control.

summer is always a whirlwind of stuff to do. i want to say things will improve in sept, and i have very possitive feelings about sept, but i had to be realistic: i don't have a free weekend til oct 16! i have a wedding, a birthday party, two camping trips, oktoberfest, and my wedding anniversary to deal with between now and then.

i need to focus more on spark. i am going to make that my september goal. i need to focus on my eating, working out and water intake again. i got very sloppy over the summer. what can i say, i love summer! i hate winter! so i need to start now and get into a rhythm so i don't let this winter kill me like last winter did.

i wake up every morning with a horrible backache. i know this is caused by my awful bed and an accident when i was like 6, but most importantly, it is easily control with regular exercise. so why am i not exercising?

when i "grew" out of my clothes i refused to by more (aside from jeans, but even that's painful). so i wear my husbands t-shirts. i'm so sick of wearing his freaking clothes! even when i go out with friends that is what i wear. i have very few shirts of my own that fit, maybe 3. every morning i go into my closet and look for something to wear. i don't even go to my side anymore, i head to his. i looked through my side the other day hoping there was something i could use. no. it was so sad! most of what is in there isn't even stylish anymore, but it would be nice to wear something that's mine again.

i need to stop hiding in clothes and get myself to a mental place where i can try on clothes at the department store without crying and just give up on owning something nice to wear. that's my goal by the end of the year.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITJEANS 9/8/2010 5:21PM

    ok i just had to stop by this blog to emoticon slap ya emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DONNA_VT 9/1/2010 6:38PM

    OK so consider your butt kicked . . . and get back into this . . . you now you feel better and look better when you are eating healthy and exercising. Just do it . . . challenge yourself to do it for a week . . . then let one week be two and so on. . . .I'm saying all of this as your friend.


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RAVENSONG37 8/31/2010 4:30PM

    What about checking out a thrift store and buying a couple inexpensive things in your size and one or two things a size smaller to work towards?

YOU CAN DO THIS!!! One foot in front of the other. Put the beer down, grab a glass of water and take a walk or dance a jig or go up and down some stairs. Or, you can do my fav exercise...follow the moves exacly for an awesome workout: http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_p


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SHERRYDANNI1 8/31/2010 3:20PM

    I understand exactly how you feel. I have been struggling. With the weather change my motivation has changed as well. How about you motivate me, and in turn, I will help motivate you? emoticon

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SLBRANTLEY 8/31/2010 2:42PM

    I agree with MamaDwarf that joining a team or a challenge might give you the Spark to get moving. Try it, you'll like it!
emoticon Sorry, but there's no emoticon for a face slap!

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TRIGFROST 8/31/2010 2:21PM

    Tthis was a bad-Summer for me too. Vaction started it all..now I am Up 6-pounds...Oh Me- Oh My....Now I have to work it off again...Ugh.... emoticon

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MAMADWARF 8/31/2010 2:01PM

    By the way:
You're welcome.

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MENHALLS 8/31/2010 12:30PM

    Hey-I've almost been there. I've just about grown out of all my work clothes. This is a very bad thing.....there's several hundred $$s in that closet. I know about the summer thing.

I also know that we are both better than this!! Get up. Get going. Lift some weights, do some crunches. Jump up and down. Anything to get moving.

Then, do it again tomorrow. I did 40 min strength last night & I am so glad today!

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JESKA27 8/31/2010 12:20PM

    I know you don't want to buy new clothes, but I highly suggest getting some sexy workout clothes. Getting new running shoes, a new sports bra, some new running shorts, etc always motivates me to get up, get changed and get working out!

So put down that beer, put on your favourite workout clothes and work out hun!

We have a competition to win :)

If you ever want some one on one support, feel free to msg me.

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OLYGIRL1 8/31/2010 11:52AM

    Get up! Put on some music and get your blood pumping. Then go out and walk in the fresh air. Maybe just to the end of your yard and back. Find something that will put a smile on your face and a laugh in your heart. Small steps!! emoticon emoticon

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MAMADWARF 8/31/2010 11:30AM

    So right now, go put one of your hubbys t shirts on and go for a walk. It doesnt have to be a big deal. But that will kick start you for a good day. One good thing leads to another! Make a reward for yourself, like in 2 weeks of excercising every day, you can buy a new shirt (or something like that). When I started, I had to get my nutrition in order before I could think about excercising. Maybe just get back to getting your nutrition in order? Track it all. Every beer, every bite. Come on, you know you can do this! So just do this thing!! OR join the lose 10 by 10/10/10 team, could be a good kick start. Dont waste another day feeling bad.

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operation: restart aka how shanna got her groove back

Monday, August 02, 2010

had to go to a wedding this saturday. i put on a dress and i hated myself. i loathed myself. i felt disgusting. i looked disgusting. i hated who i had become. i couldn't stand to be around me. i couldn't stand to look at myself.
and then i though, this has got to stop! i am not me! i need to be me again! i've never had the greatest self esteem, but i've never been so disgusted with myself. until the last few years. i can't stand to see myself naked, i can't stand for my husband to see me naked. i hate it! i hate not knowing who i am anymore.
with all that said i am finally going to do something about it. usually i think these things and after awhile i feel better til i have to wear a dress or even just dress nicely. or see a photo of myself. ick! but this time i'm going to fix it!
i lost over 10 lbs with spark people. then i got depressed (damn february and your gloomy skies!) and gained it all back, plus 1.5 lbs! eek! i'm at my heaviest ever right now. i hate myself and that needs to stop!

i haven't adjusted to being 30 very well and i need to get over that. i need to get my life in order and fix it to be the life i want to live. i was going to make 2010 an awesome year, but it's half over and i have accomplished nothing! i did get my out of control drinking habits under control, so that is good. though that was not one of my 2010 goals, that was a hazard of turning 30. so i screwed the year up, but it's not over, i still have time to make a difference!

come 2011 i don't want to look back on what could have been. i want to look back and see what i did succeed with over the year. starting today! i'm going to attempt to blog every day to keep me in line. wish me luck and, as always, i value your support!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEVORA4 9/13/2010 11:45PM

  The journey of a 1000 miles begins with the 1st step. TAKE IT

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KELLEA927 8/3/2010 5:27PM

    I turn 30 in September so I know how you feel. But you are right, this year isn't over and you can and will do this!!!

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DONNA_VT 8/3/2010 4:58PM

    One step at a time. . . . getting the drinking under control was a great accomplishment. DOn't sell yourself short . . . you can do this. Don't try and tackle everything at once. 5 more months this year is still nearly half the year.

Good Luck!!!!! All of your team mates are here for you.

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CHUBBYPEA 8/3/2010 9:33AM

    Acknowledging it is the first step. Good luck!

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ROSEBB 8/3/2010 1:05AM

    You never really fail until you no longer try. You can do this --- just take it one day at a time. Before you go to bed each night, make a short list of the things you plan to do the next day. Then make sure you put the list where you can see it 1st thing in the morning.
Start with a few easy things and build gradually on that.
I always feel better when I can check something off my list. Have a great week!

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AUNTJENNY7 8/2/2010 9:21PM

    Tonya's right, you CAN do it! You can achieve great things in 5 months! You have already done some monumental things this year, so you have proven that you can.

I think a lot of us are with you in starting fresh this month, I know I am. It's never too late to start again :) We're all here for you!


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TONYA_JO 8/2/2010 9:02PM

    emoticon way to go on getting the drinking under control!

You can achieve great things in the 5 months left in the year!!!

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