Monday, April 12, 2010
last june i went to the doctors for my lovely yearly exam. they did a blood test cause it had been awhile and wanted to see where i was at with all that. the test came back with cholesteral issues. so i focused on fixing that.
over the summer my dad had this weird black out spell and had to go to the er. the doctors diagnosed him with diabetes. so he was taking meds and testing his blood daily. one day he tested mine. it was high but i just figured it was cause we returned from a wine tasting and had been nibbling and drinking wine all afternoon. then he tested it about a month later when i hadn't eaten in over 8 hrs (it was morning, i was there for breakfast). it was still high. i didn't think too much about it because it was below the diabetic range. but still kind of scary.
then yesterday i was reading the new biggest loser book: "6 weeks to a healthier you" (which brought me to tears saturday!) and it discusses diabetes. There's a chart with the different ranges. Going off the number i got on my dad's tester, 118, i'm prediabetic. That's freaky!
granted, this is a self-diagnosis. 126, i think it said, and above is the diabetic range, so it's safe to assume i'm definitely in a danger zone. this can be easily reveresed with proper eating and exercising. but why didn't the doctor bring this up? my mom is in some medical classes and practices heart rate on me all the time, so i know that's normal and the doctor did say that when i was there. she was concerned about the high cholesterol. but why not the blood sugar?
this is a freaky realization and a huge issue to deal with. it could be a case of family history. but my family is generally not on the overweight side. there isn't a history of heart disease. cancer, yes. i don't want to be the person resonsible for starting a new trend! i took a quiz in the aforementioned book and it says i'm at risk for stroke, diabetes, etc. so scary! i wish i had a doctor like dr. h to sit down and give it to me straight.
as for my dad, he is no longer taking the meds. his new doctor says he may have been misdiagnosed and just dehydrated, so they are watching it closely. my dad's not overweight or anything so the doctor is looking into other causes. it just may be my dad's poor snacking choices.
Thursday, April 08, 2010
here's my menu for today:
breakfast (about 6:30)
1 pkg quaker weight control oatmeal
1 hardboiled egg
8 oz fat free milk
snack (about 10)
yoplait fat free yogurt ~ boston creme pie
low fat string cheese
i've already had 4 glasses of water and a cup of green tea during all this time. i still have 30 minutes til lunch and i'm starving! what am i doing wrong? what do i need to fix?
Friday, March 12, 2010
i'm not gonna lie. this has been a tough couple of months. everything fell apart at the end of january then got worse in february. i was hoping things would get better in march. so far not happening. i've been trying to figure out what went wrong (stress, money, motivation) and how to fix it.
it's just been so hard! i was doing so well. even typing this is difficult. i just want to quit. i want to quit it all. i even contemplated leaving the community team since it was such a burden to do the weekly requirements. but i want the fear of being kicked out to keep me going. i don't want to be the person i am anymore. i want to take control of my life. i want to fix the problems. i have to stop letting them controlling me. i have got to get this money problem figured out somehow. i can't even remember the last time i had a fruit or vegetable. i even bought top ramen!
i can't get myself to workout. i set my alarm every morning then turn it off as soon as it goes off and go back to sleep. i make up excuses to not workout after work. this sucks and i'm sick of it!
i've been struggling with alcohol issues for the past 5 years or so. it's been a serious problem. i spend too much money on booze, i've gained a lot of weight in the past few years and i know alcohol has a big part in that. i was watching the doctors a week or two ago and jillian michaels was on there. she was talking to this lady about how she couldn't lose weight and what she thought may be a cause for her struggles. the lady admitted being addicted to lattes. jillian told her she needed to hate the lattes. she needed to recognize what they are doing to her, how they are killing her and effecting her life. i realize this is what i need to do with alcohol. i've been working on it. it's tough. for some reason it's my crutch and what i keep coming back to.
i gave up soda for a year, haven't had fast food in 2010, but i can't steer clear of alcohol for more than a week. what is wrong with me?!
the scale is starting to climb and that freaks me out. i was actually losing weight at a good pace. i was down 10 lbs, now i'm watching that success disappear.
i can't quit. i need to do this. for me, for my family, for the kids i haven't had. i have to find the strength in myself to keep going on this journey.
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